Chapter 17

CHAPTER17

Bridget paced up and down her chamber, unable to settle or rest. Repeatedly, she wondered if she had done the right thing in asking Seth to come here tonight, but she ultimately couldn’t regret her decision.

If we cannot be together for good, then let this desire between us be satisfied. Let everything happen so I may know then how I truly feel.

She reached the fireplace and added another log to the fire, wanting her room to be warm, then she turned to the unlit candles. As night fell beyond the windows, she placed three lit candles on the mantelpiece and closed the curtains, blocking out the darkness. Finally, she hurried to the looking glass and stared at her reflection.

She hadn’t bothered to change but wore the same gown she had worn that evening for dinner. The rich sage gown was cinched high on the waist before it fell to the floor in the elegant column style. Her hair was gathered at the back of her head, though she now tweaked it and pulled at the tendrils, uncertain how it looked.

She pressed her lips together and pinched her cheeks, hoping to make herself look fairer, before she scoffed at her endeavors and stepped back. It wasn’t her looks that Seth objected to. He had already confessed his attraction toward her. It was anything deeper from her that he did not want.

She waited so long that, in the end, she sat down at the foot of the bed, wondering if she was wrong and if Seth wasn’t going to come at all. She was just debating giving up and changing, to go to sleep, when the gentlest tap sounded at her door, so soft that she nearly missed it.

Bridget stood and walked across the room, moving toward the door and opening it slowly.

Seth was in the darkness on the other side, with no candle to illuminate his path. He’d shed his frock coat and his cravat, standing there with his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the collar of his shirt open, revealing a sliver of skin.

“One night,” he whispered to her softly. “One night only.”

She nodded. “One night.”

She was tempted to say it could be their final lesson together, the final teaching he had to give her, but her nerves got the better of her, and she couldn’t manage any more words.

Seth stepped into the room, and she closed the door behind him, being mindful to lock it. She didn’t want Emily or Rachel coming to talk to her tonight or question why she had retired so early. She hoped that the inference she’d made to having a headache when she had left their card table would be enough for them to leave her be for the night.

“Did anyone suspect anything?” she asked as she turned to follow Seth across the room.

He reached for the fireplace and rubbed his hands together, warming himself in front of it.

“No.” He shook his head. “No one even noticed when I left the room.” He moved toward her suddenly, his eyes raking over her in such a way, it was as if he was drinking in her image. “Bridget, I need you to know this.”

He softly placed his hands on her cheeks. The gentleness of that touch was not something she had expected. She had thought of passion and sensuality, something akin to what they had shared before, not such softness.

“If you wish to change your mind, you can, at any point. You can tell me to walk out now, and I will.”

“Thank you, but I will not change my mind.” She feared she couldn’t put into her words just how much she wanted this, just how much she longed to know every part of him. “Show me everything,” she pleaded and reached up, her hands finding the buttons on his waistcoat and undoing them, one at a time. “Everything there is to learn.”

Seth bent down, his eyes falling shut before he kissed her.

With the press of their lips together, that gentleness vanished. They clung to one another, her hands creasing up his waistcoat as his palms gripped her waist, his fingers splaying far out. It was intense as he angled his head to the side and urged her to part her lips. The brush of his tongue against her own was like a flame being ignited. She felt a spark of fire erupting deep in her gut and traveling further down to her core.

He backed her up, further and further, until the back of her knees hit the bed. Bridget fell down upon it, reaching up and wrapping her arms around him, never once breaking their kiss. His hands moved fast now, pulling at the sleeves of her gown and trying to tug them down. When it wouldn’t move, he flipped her over, onto her palms, so he could undo the laces at the back.

There were no words between them as he released those laces and then ripped the gown off her. Each fast movement was even more thrilling to Bridget. It was as if he hungered for this as much as she did—starving for it.

She turned back, facing him as she sat there in only her stays and chemise. He gestured to the stays. He wanted them off as well. She reached behind her, pulling at the laces, as he undid the last of his waistcoat buttons and tossed that aside. His shirt went next, landing on the floor, then finally, Bridget moved to her knees and reached for the hem of her chemise, not quite lifting it over her head.

Seth kneeled on the bed in front of her and pulled her chemise over her head. Now, every part of her was bared to him. Goosebumps rose over her skin, though it had nothing to do with the chill outside, for the room was so warm because of the fire. It was nerves.

He placed a hand on her waist, sweeping it around her back, then kissed down her neck and across her breasts. When he took a nipple in his mouth, Bridget gasped at the sensation. The spark of pleasure shot through her. Her body weak with it, it was all too easy to be drawn onto the bed until she was flat on her back.

Seth kneeled over her, continuing to pleasure her and kiss every part of her chest, then he moved down abruptly and hitched one of her legs high, pressing his clothed hips against her own. Bridget moaned and tipped her head back. Just the friction against her core was enough to send her mad.

She needed it. She needed him. She reached down for his trousers, impatient, wanting to see all of him. He let her unfasten them and then raised himself up a little so she could push the material down his hips. He twisted and kicked his trousers off, and then he lined himself up at her entrance.

Bridget barely glimpsed him in the soft candlelight, but lying back on the bed, she didn’t mind. Feeling him nudging her was all that she needed. The excitement coiled in her gut as they stared at one another, both trembling, quite frozen.

He raised his eyebrows, and she nodded.

Don’t stop.

Yet, she couldn’t form the words aloud.

He pushed into her.

That first feeling was one of pain. Her body stretched to accommodate him, and she gripped the covers beneath her, trying to bear with it. To her amazement, Seth leaned down toward her. He didn’t move his hips, but he kissed her softly, gently, as she grew used to the feeling. It was an act of care, an act of such sweetness, she couldn’t help hoping that this meant as much to him as it meant to her.

Is it possible?

When the pain faded, she bucked her hips against his, wanting to know what more it could feel like. The pleasure was so sudden that she moaned, tipping her head back.

Seth planted one of his palms into the bed beside her head and thrust into her, moving back and forth. He set up such a rhythm, she was mesmerized by his body moving above her. She went between marveling at the feeling and marveling at him.

His chest was beading with sweat as his eyes roamed over her. Every now and then, he would kiss her on the lips or lower his lips to her neck, where he found a sweet spot at the base of her throat and playfully nipped.

Bridget parted her legs further and raised them high, not wanting this feeling of being so near him, of knowing every part of him, to stop. Each time he thrust into her, the pleasure seemed to peak, a tightness developing deep within her gut.

She soon gave up twisting her hands in the covers beneath her, wondering why she wasn’t making the most of touching him. She raised her hands, drawing her fingers down his chest and across his stomach. Her touch seemed to affect him.

He raised his body higher, entering her at a new angle, as he let her hands explore him. She found his abdomen, and even his hips, giving him a playful squeeze in such a way that he thrust into her harder. She had to bite her lip to stop herself from moaning at the pleasure of it all.

She hadn’t realized when he had introduced her to other sensations that being with him completely could be this overwhelming—this enthralling.

When her body started to tighten, she recognized the feeling. It was as before, but more intense. She planted her hands on his chest as she closed her eyes, letting the waves wash over her as she reached her peak.

“Seth…” His name rolled off her tongue freely as he continued to buck into her, riding out that wave.

“God, Bridget.”

He made sudden sounds and bent over her, burying his face in her neck and thrusting hard, before his body suddenly left her. She lifted her head in surprise to see his length spill onto the covers beside her.

He isn’t risking me. He does not want to risk a child.

She knew it was the right thing, but she couldn’t help being curious as to what it might have felt like, to feel him stay inside of her.

He bent down over her again and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around him, enfolding his body in her own and embracing him tight. Their kiss ended up heated once more as his tongue delved in her mouth. When he pulled back, he rested his forehead against hers, and they both panted, catching their breaths.

She looked at him, so awed by what they had done, she was desperate to say something. Could she tell him the truth? That her heart was his and she didn’t want Lord Burnington? That she only wanted him?

“It is the perfect way to say goodbye,” Seth whispered.

Bridget blinked. Her eyes pricked with tears. Feeling hurt and rejected, she wrapped her arms tighter around him and pulled his head into the crook of her neck so he couldn’t see her eyes and how close those tears were.

I am such a fool.

She realized in the midst of all their heat and passionate lovemaking that she had hoped he would realize how wonderful it could be if they were together—if they did marry. How wrong she had been, indeed. He had seen the whole thing as a parting, whereas she had wanted it as a beginning.

She trailed her hands across his back, indulging in this feeling for as long as she could. Soon enough, the moment would disappear like smoke through her fingers.

* * *

Bridget woke with a start. She sat upright in her bed, her breathing ragged as she looked around the chamber.

She’d had a bad dream. She was being chased by a man through the wintry forest, and as she repeatedly slipped in the ice, the man was gaining on her, all the time. When she’d reached the icy lake, finding no way across, the man had caught up to her.

It was Lord Burnington.

Just a nightmare. That is all. I have no need to fear him.

Someone else’s breathing drew her attention.

Bridget looked down to see that Seth had spent the night beside her. She raised her hand and covered her lips, shocked to still find him here. After what he had said the night before, about it being the perfect way to say goodbye, she had rather thought he might sneak out in the night, but he hadn’t.

He was fast asleep on his front, his head turned to the side, the blanket slung across his waist and hiding the bottom half of his body. His hair was mussed from his sleep, and his breathing was even. In this position, she could admire the broadness of his shoulders and the litheness of his body so easily. She remembered the heat and excitement of having his body above hers the night before.

It was a goodbye.

Bridget slowly slipped out of the bed on her side, completely bare. She padded across the room to her wardrobe, pulled a clean nightshift and put it on, then reached for a dressing gown and wrapped it around herself. She fastened her hair in a long plait, knowing it was messy from what they had done the night before. Seth had tangled his fingers in those locks partway through their lovemaking as if he had loved it.

It isn’t love.

She had to remind herself starkly.

“I’m an imbecile,” she whispered as she pulled on her slippers and checked her reflection in the looking glass.

She looked no different. It was her same reflection staring back at her, but for some reason, she felt as if everything had now changed for her. She knew how passionate sex could be, what a thrill it was, and also how lonely one could feel afterwards.

She looked toward Seth on the bed and knew something at once—she couldn’t stay any longer at Catarina’s house. She couldn’t bear the thought of having to talk to Lord Burnington about his offer of courtship, just as she wouldn’t be able to look at Seth, knowing that they could not share such an intimacy again.

She crept toward the door and turned the key in the lock as slowly as she could, avoiding making any sound, then she tiptoed out of her room and closed the door behind her. She hastened down the hallway, as quietly as she could, sometimes running on her toes.

There was someone who could help her now. Undoubtedly, she would ask questions later, demand to know why they had to make a sudden exit, but she loved Bridget enough to do as she asked, Bridget knew that.

Bridget reached for a bedchamber door and knocked lightly. At first, there was no answer. She shifted her weight back and forth, looking at the end of the corridor, where she saw a grandfather clock. It read past seven in the morning, so it was no wonder no one opened the door.

She tried again, knocking for a second time.

“Who is it?” Daniel’s voice called sleepily from inside the room.

“It is me,” Bridget called back. “I need to speak to Rachel.”

There was a sudden movement on the other side of the door and then a heavy thud.

“Rachel, don’t break your neck running to the door.” Daniel chuckled. “She’ll be there, waiting for you.”

It was a testament to Rachel’s love that she did, indeed, run so fast and fling the door open. Evidently, she made the conclusion on her own that for Bridget to knock on her door at this time, it couldn’t be good news.

“What is it?” Rachel asked, stepping out into the hallway to join her. She was still in the middle of wrapping a dressing gown around her own shoulders, her long brown hair falling behind her. “What is wrong, Bridget? Are you unwell?”

“I am not unwell, but…” Bridget knew she could have said she was well, but she didn’t wish to lie to Rachel now. “I need to go home.”

“Home? Now? This very moment?”

“Today,” Bridget clarified. “Much has happened, and I cannot bear to face some people that are here. I know it is mad to ask this, as I came in a carriage with you, but, please, help me get home, Rachel? You can stay, but I have to leave.”

“Nonsense. If you are leaving, then I shall come with you.” Rachel pushed the door open again and called to Daniel. “Daniel? Time to get up. We are leaving.”

“What’s happened?” Daniel raised himself up in the bed.

Bridget looked away, not wanting to invade their privacy and inadvertently see Daniel naked.

“I just need to go home,” Bridget pleaded again.

“Then I shall get you home.” Rachel took her shoulder. “Worry not, Bridget. Go to your chamber and dress, and I will be there in a moment.”

Yet, Bridget didn’t move. Out of fear that Seth hadn’t awoken and left, she stood there, staring at her sister. Rachel turned back to face her sharply, her eyes widening as if she could see the very reason Bridget did not want to go back to her chamber.

“Sit here.” Rachel motioned to a chair in the hallway. “I shall dress and order some tea, then you can come in here and drink it. We shall pack your things later, yes?”

“Yes, that is a good idea.”

“Good. Then, I shall have an explanation, Bridget.”