Chapter 16

CHAPTER16

Seth laid a hand on his gut. He felt sick as he watched Bridget and Lord Burnington together.

Well, she has what she wants, at last.

Yet, Bridget wasn’t looking at Lord Burnington. She was looking through the trees instead. All at once, she saw Seth watching the pair of them. He’d come to find her, not truly explaining to himself why he had wanted to see her so badly, yet he had not thought for one minute that he would find her in Lord Burnington’s company, with the Earl declaring he was in love with her.

He doesn’t deserve her.

Seth backed up. He hoped Bridget took the hint, that he had no intention of disturbing this perfect moment for her—everything she had dreamed of—even if he couldn’t bring himself to run away fast, as he should have done.

“Oh, My Lord.” Bridget cleared her throat. Her gaze snapped away from Seth, and she looked Lord Burnington in the eye. “You have taken me so much by surprise, I do not know what to say, nor what to think.”

Lord Burnington stepped closer to her, grasping her hand.

“Say you’ll court me instead of that odious marquess.”

Seth stepped forward involuntarily, in danger of snapping the twigs beneath his boots and making himself heard by the Earl.

She is not mine.

“I… I need to think.” Bridget kept her voice level. “Please, My Lord, give me some time.”

Seth couldn’t stay here anymore. He turned on his heel and left through the trees, being careful to avoid using the main path. When he was far enough away, he grew angrier with each step. The nerve of a man like Lord Burnington, to approach a lady and ask to court when she was courting another. It didn’t matter this had been the plan, the ruse all along. It infuriated Seth.

He swiped away tree branches, not caring when one branch fought back and recoiled back against his cheek, cutting his skin.

Seth stepped out of the trees and marched across the lawn, heading toward the house. He got a few steps away when he stumbled, his eyes darting to the nearest window.

He saw Jacob inside holding baby Maya in his arms. He was having fun with his daughter, the little girl smiling with delight.

I cannot go in there. Not now.

Seth took off in a different direction once more. Rather than heading to the house or back into the trees, he headed to the summer house instead, taking cover from the cold. The door was stiff, and he had to force it open, tumbling into the yellow-brick building.

It was strangely austere for a summer house. Great yellow-stone alcoves housed white Grecian statues of great gods and goddesses. In the middle of the circular building was an ornate white bench, flanked by two bay trees pruned into orbs.

Seth couldn’t sit. He marched up and down, pacing around the bench. He dropped his top hat onto the bench and turned away from it, shrugging off his frock coat too when he felt it was damp with the cold air from beyond those walls.

“How could I let this happen?” he muttered to himself.

The thought struck him like a lightning bolt. He didn’t want to lose Bridget. For all that he had claimed, for all that he had wished to believe, he did care for her. He was even in danger of being in love with her, yet he knew the truth.

He was not good enough for her.

How many times had Jacob and Daniel warned him off, reminding him of this fact? He was nothing more than a rake, not good enough for a woman as pure of heart as Bridget.

He gripped the back of the white bench, feeling his body turn cold as he remembered the conversation he’d had years ago with his first love. It was as if she stood before him, that dismissive, amused smile on her lips.

“Come off it, Seth. Did you truly think you and I would ever get married? I mean, look at you. Look who you are.”

He remembered telling her he was a marquess, somehow stupidly clinging to the idea that perhaps his position would stand for something. He could provide a comfortable life for her, one where she would want for nothing.

“A woman wants more than that in her life. Oh, dear, you poor fool.” The memory of her walking toward him now, laying a hand on his chest. “You want something more than me?” he remembered asking her. “You’re not the man women marry, Seth. You’re the man women pass their time with. That is all. I’d embrace it if I were you. You could have a happy life, indeed.”

He didn’t feel happy. His chest hurt, and there was a knot in the middle of his stomach.

A door opened, and Seth looked up. For one awful minute, he thought his first love truly was walking through the door of the summer house and coming toward him, but that was his imagination only. The woman walking toward him wasn’t Marianne, but Bridget.

“Seth?” Her voice was soft. She reached for her bonnet, pulling the ribbons loose and tugging it free. She let it drop to the bench between them. “You heard what Lord Burnington said?”

“I did.” Seth nodded slowly. “Well, I should be happy, shouldn’t I?” He forced a smile that simply made his cheeks ache. “You got what you wanted. My plan worked. You are most welcome, Bridget. Even I didn’t expect him to actually go and declare his love for you.”

Bridget didn’t smile. She chewed on her bottom lip and looked even more out of sorts than before.

“Bridget?” Seth said a little more firmly now. “Are you not happy?” He released the bench and walked around it, toward her. “Should you not be dancing? Shall we celebrate and go drink ourselves into a stupor? You have what you’ve wanted.”

“Stop it, please, Seth.”

“Why?” he asked, his voice sharp, though he prayed she did not ask him why he was speaking so harshly. “Everything is as it should be now, is it not? You have what you’ve needed, what you’ve wanted, even if it means you are going to be married to an appalling man such as him.”

“Seth, can you not see I am not smiling?”

“I have noticed. Why? Why are you not smiling?” Seth demanded to know. “You should be with him. Why didn’t you drop to his feet and worship him the moment he told you he loved you?”

“Is that what you thought I would do?” Bridget looked horrified, taking a step back. “I never said I was in love with him, Seth.”

“Then what was he? What is he to you?” Seth stepped forward, his whole manner still sharp and restless. “Why did we do all this if that declaration did not make your day?”

“Because…” she trailed off and appeared to swallow rather loudly, her hands fidgeting in front of her. “Seth, do I truly need to put it into words?” She looked at him with such acute pain in her face that Seth turned away.

He couldn’t make sense of this moment. All he knew was that he was torn in two different directions. One half of him wished to run to Bridget, to swoop her up in his arms, to kiss her and embrace her, whilst the other half wished to run from the summer house, knowing she would be better off without him.

“All that has happened between you and me,” Bridget said slowly, her voice so quiet that he struggled to hear it above the loud clicking of his boots against the stone floor. “It meant everything to me.”

“No, don’t say that.” Seth turned around sharply.

Bridget gasped. She pressed her lips together, her eyes wide.

“You cannot say that,” he pleaded. “You and I both know what this was.”

“Attraction? Was that purely it?” she asked, her voice strained. “I thought you wished to help me to be happy. I thought you were my friend too.”

Seth broke off from his pacing. He gave in to one temptation and marched toward her. She backed up in alarm, but he was faster. He caught her around the waist and pulled her toward him, latching their lips together. The kiss was almost one of panic at first, but then suddenly, she kissed him back. Such heat ripped through them that Seth backed her up completely until they collided with the wall.

He kissed her passionately, desperately, his hands roaming over her body in every way. They trailed over her hips, her waist, even her hands, toying with one of them until their fingers were entwined at their sides. He licked and sucked her tongue, kissing her so deeply that she moaned into his mouth.

God, I have never known it to be like this with any other.

He pulled back suddenly, their noses practically brushing as they stared at one another, both catching their breaths.

“Of course, I want you to be happy,” he whispered in a rush. “It is why I know this is for the best. Our false courtship must come to an end.”

Her lips parted. She looked ready to say something more, but Seth knew he had to speak first.

“I am not good enough for you, Bridget. Let us leave it at that.”

“You surely did not just say that.” Bridget shook her head. “Courtship is not about if one is good enough for the other. It is about the connection two people have.” She placed her hands on his chest, moving toward him.

Oh, how he wanted to kiss her again, to indulge in this moment, to be free of all thoughts of the world beyond the summer house door, and most particularly, to be free of all thoughts of Lord Burnington.

“You cannot pretend there is nothing here,” she said, reaching up toward him. “There is something here, and it is more than just attraction.”

“I…” His lips hovered over hers. With her so close, he was about to kiss her again. “I cannot deny that.”

He pressed his lips to hers, giving in to that temptation.

When her arms wrapped around his neck, he backed her against the wall again, pressing his body to hers. He could feel every curve of her body against his. The mounds of her breasts against his chest, and the curve of her hips too, as he ran his hands over her.

It was almost painful to pull back from her, but it had to end at some point.

“I know there is something here,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers. “But this cannot last.”

Bridget said nothing, but her hands curled tighter around the edges of his tailcoat. His grasp on her hips softened. Sooner or later, he’d have to release her and let her go, to let her return to Lord Burnington, even if it was painful.

“You and I must part ways, Bridget,” Seth murmured. “Your sisters have warned you against me, have they not? Everyone, time and time again, has told you I am not right for you, and they are ultimately right.”

“Why?” Bridget released him. Suddenly, she laid her hands on the wall behind her. “Tell me why it is not right.”

“Because if I have no intention to marry.”

Seth’s simple words seemed to affect her more than any other. She brushed past him, escaping her place against the wall and walking across the room. Seth took her place, leaning his back against the wall.

“As much as I wish something more could happen between us, it cannot.” He kept his voice level. “When we started, we knew it was a ruse, so let us leave it at that.”

“Nothing more?” Bridget turned abruptly to look at him. For a brief second, he thought there were tears in her eyes, but it could have been a trick of the sunlight through the window of the summerhouse. “Not for a single second did you think it was more?”

Seth pushed off the wall and walked toward her. He did as he had done before, cradling her cheeks in his hands and kissing her. Somehow, it was easier to kiss her now, as easy as breathing, and she clung to the lapels of his tailcoat once more, her grasp intense.

I love that touch.

Seth lifted his chin and kissed her forehead next.

“Whatever is here does not matter, Bridget. It cannot become anything. You and I know that.”

“If that is true, why do you keep kissing me? And why have you not let go of me yet?”

Her pertinent question meant everything to him. She had seen what he was doing his best to deny, that there was something great here, indeed—something so physical he could not easily let go of her.

“I cannot deny the desire,” he whispered, moving his lips to her ear, before he placed a single kiss on the curve of her neck. “I am not the only one in that. Am I?”

“No.” Her voice seemed to tremble slightly, and he felt one of her hands flatten against his chest. “It cannot end like this,” she said suddenly, pushing at his chest enough so that she could lean back and look him in the eye. “Come to see me tonight.”

“Tonight?” he repeated in alarm. “What do you mean?”

“You can guess well enough what I mean, Seth,” Bridget said. “Come to see me tonight, please?”

When she pleaded, he didn’t think he could refuse her anything.

“One more night in each other’s company. One more night to see how far this desire can take us. That is all I ask of you. After that, if there’s nothing more you want to give, then there is no more I will ask of you.”

Seth swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat, hearing exactly what she meant. If he had wanted more from their association, she would have given it.

“When?” he asked, his voice deepening.

“After dinner and cards, I shall retire for the night. Come to my chamber?” she requested, releasing him and stepping back. “Please, Seth. Do me this one thing. In the morning, we can break off the courtship in front of our friends as you wish, but give me this one last thing before that has to happen.”

Seth thought of saying no. It would be difficult, being with her only to draw back again, but he had always known he was not the strongest of men. The temptation to be with Bridget completely was too much.

“As you wish.”