Chapter 18

CHAPTER18

“Do not think ill of me, Rachel. Please.”

Bridget sat perfectly still in Emily’s front room. She had just revealed everything to her sisters—how the courtship was fake, all designed to capture Lord Burnington’s attention, and how it had worked, for the Earl had declared his love for her two days ago.

Now returned home, Bridget felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. Having seen her father return from business and talk happily of work the night before, she’d needed her escape. She’d come to Emily’s house this morning to tell her everything, only to find Rachel there too.

“I knew there was more to this.” Rachel was strangely calm as she stood by the window, her arms folded. “Did I not say, Em?”

“You did.” Emily sighed deeply. She walked away from Rachel and moved to sit down beside Bridget, laying a hand over hers. “Where did you go the last night at Catarina’s?”

Bridget’s eyes widened as she stared at Emily, shocked her sister would ask such a question. It meant only one thing—Emily did not believe Bridget had retired early that night. She believed something else had been afoot.

“Em, please…” Bridget whispered and glanced at Rachel, who was currently rubbing her eyes, her body still facing the window.

“Rachel is mischievous herself on occasion, though she may deny it.” Emily waved a hand in the air in dismissal.

“I am not,” Rachel insisted.

“You are. Besides, no matter what Bridget did that night, it cannot have been as bad as the things I did before I married Jacob.”

“Oh, God!” Rachel flung her hands in the air. “You should not admit so openly to scandal.”

“It is not so much scandal as mischief.” Emily shrugged. “Calm your blood, Rachel, and let me talk to Bridget now.” She took Bridget’s hand once more. “Seth retired early that night too,” she said simply. “Did you think it went unnoticed by Jacob and me?”

“Oh…” Bridget said nothing more. She just stared at Emily, knowing she could draw the conclusion.

“Ah, I see.” Emily nodded and sat back. “I hope you are not going to be with child after this.”

“God’s wounds, this is getting worse.” Bridget leaned forward suddenly and dropped her head in her hands. She knew such a thing was unlikely, knowing that Seth had not spilled inside her, but the fact she had risked it baffled her.

“You of all people, Bridget.” Rachel marched across the room. “I would have expected it of Emily, but of you?”

“Rachel,” Emily asked, her voice calm and level in comparison, “might I suggest we think of something else now?”

“Like what? Like scandal? Like what if this news ever got out?”

“It will not get out if you stop shouting so loudly about it.” Emily waved her hand once more. “So, Bridget.” She turned to face Bridget as if they were the only two people in the room. “I am guessing why you did this.”

“Why?” Bridget whispered.

“Put it like this. For you of all people to do this, it lends credence to your feelings.” Emily leaned forward, her head cocked to the side, her eyes curious. “Are you in love with him?”

The question made Rachel suddenly halt in the middle of the room, her head flicking toward the pair of them.

Bridget didn’t respond. She stared at Emily, struggling for words, swallowing around a lump in her throat. She remembered all too strongly the feelings of rushing excitement, of being with Seth, then of the pain as he had said nothing when they had lain down beside one another.

He is a rake. I knew that from the start. I could never have his heart.

She gasped, and she could no longer hold it in. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Emily wrapped an arm around her as Rachel collected a handkerchief from her reticule.

Sitting down beside Bridget, Rachel pushed the handkerchief into her hand. “I am so sorry, Bridget,” she whispered. “I had no idea… the strength of your feelings…”

Bridget cried more.

“We cannot let her marry the Earl of Burnington in this state,” Emily said over Bridget’s head to Rachel.

“What am I to do about it,” Rachel asked, “if Seth has not asked to marry her?”

“Did he say anything to you? Anything at all of ever giving you his heart too?” Emily asked in some desperation, urging Bridget to raise her head again.

“No. He made it quite plain—” Bridget’s words were jerky and hitched because of her tears. She tried to breathe evenly, in order to speak. “He could never offer marriage. What happened between us was it.” She wiped the tears running down her cheeks. “I… I don’t think I was ever going to be enough to persuade him otherwise.”

The thought had crept in the morning she had crawled out of the bed to dress. She knew it to be the case, absolutely. If she had said something more, then maybe Seth could have persuaded himself that something could last between them.

Yes, he was a rake, but he had courted once before. He knew how to care for one woman only. Plainly, Bridget was not that woman.

“I need to speak to Jacob.” Emily was suddenly on her feet.

“Jacob? Why?” Rachel asked, taking her place and wrapping her arm around Bridget.

“He knows Seth’s mind better than any other.” Emily walked with purpose toward the living room door and flung it open. “If there is anyone who can get through to Seth, then it is him.” She marched out the door hurriedly, her footsteps echoing through the house.

Bridget dabbed her cheeks again as she waited beside her sister. She was certain that Rachel would reprimand her again, to remind her how ill-behaved and scandalous she had been. But, to her shock, Rachel said nothing. She just pulled her into a firmer embrace and held her tight.

* * *

Seth walked toward the carriage on the driveway. His was one of the many now gathered in Catarina’s drive, ready to depart after their long stay.

He paused, adjusting the gloves at his wrists as he looked up and down. It was strange for Bridget and her sisters to have left the day before, and for Jacob, in particular, to have left so soon as well when his mother was hosting the events. When Seth had asked Catarina the reason for his departure, she had simply shrugged.

“If you can understand my son’s mind, I’d be most grateful if you tell me.” She had laughed off the idea and walked away.

Now, in the early hours of the morning, Seth was taking his leave along with the others. Strangely, his body wouldn’t move as quickly as he wished it would. He kept glancing around, looking at the empty spaces, thinking of how different it could have been if Bridget was still here.

He closed his eyes and thought of Bridget. He saw the way she had moaned beneath him the night they had been together. He saw her moan, saw her body writhe, and could practically feel her hands on him. Each touch hadn’t just been heated, but soft too. He didn’t think he’d ever forget how she had reached up and gently placed her hand on his cheek when they had both found their peak, looking into his eyes and smiling.

Never could he remember a woman looking at him with such love before.

“My Lord!” a voice broke through the memory.

Seth opened his eyes and looked around, his grasp on the trunk under his arm stiffening when he saw Lord Burnington approaching. The Earl had a spring in his step, clearly happy about something.

“I just wanted to say goodbye.” Lord Burnington bowed before him. “And no hard feelings, eh?” He lowered his voice and stepped closer to him. “When it comes to the heart of a good woman, all’s fair, eh? As they say, all’s fair in love and war.”

Was it war?

Suddenly, it felt like war. Seth had never been a violent man, but when he looked at Lord Burnington, the jealousy that tore through him was so strong that he wanted nothing more than to rip that ridiculously ornate cravat and the lacy cuffs off the Earl and toss them into the frosty puddles nearby.

“All’s fair,” Seth said through gritted teeth, holding himself back from doing such a thing. “I wish you well, Lord Burnington. May you endeavor to deserve her one day.”

He stepped up into the carriage, glancing back when he saw the smile fade from Lord Burnington’s face as if the man realized exactly what Seth had said.

“I beg your pardon?” The Earl looked into the carriage.

Seth had a hand on the door, moments away from shutting it tight. “One thing I did learn in my courtship with Lady Bridget,” he said hurriedly, holding the Earl’s gaze, “she is far too good for either of us. Good day to you, My Lord.”

He shut the carriage door firmly and pulled the curtain over the window, blocking out the shocked expression on the Earl’s face.

As the carriage rolled away, Seth sidled along the bench and looked out the window on the other side of the carriage. He saw the estate parkland turn to woodland as they left Catarina’s house and started to head back in the direction of London.

The carriage veered to the right suddenly, plainly making room for another carriage coming from the other direction. Seth peered out of the window. The other carriage was moving so fast that he was offered just the barest glimpse of it before it was gone.

He thought he recognized it. Wasn’t that Jacob’s carriage? He thrust his head out of the window and looked at the back of the vehicle, but it was too far gone. It rolled into Catarina’s estate, out of view.

Even if it was Jacob, Seth could talk to him another time. He could imagine well enough what would happen when he saw Jacob again.

If Jacob found out that Seth had spent the night with Bridget, he or Daniel would challenge him to a duel. Seth didn’t doubt it.

“I probably deserve it,” Seth muttered to himself, sitting back on the bench and rubbing his chest, imagining what a bullet might feel like.

* * *

“Well?” Emily prompted, standing from her seat as Jacob walked into the parlor.

Bridget didn’t dare move. She’d been trying to distract herself with the game of cards but to no avail. She was lamenting the late hour and the darkness, for at least when Maya was awake, she could distract herself by caring for her. Yet, in the darkness, with just the candlelight and Emily to keep her company, her mind dwelled too much on what had passed.

She had not yet returned to her father’s house, and oddly, she had no wish to. She feared her father noticing her sad expression and asking what was wrong.

“Did you find him?” Emily quite forgot their card game and walked across the room toward Jacob.

He sighed heavily and rubbed his brow, then took off his frock coat.

“A drink?” she offered.

Jacob nodded and brushed an affectionate hand down her arm. It was a kind touch, indeed.

Bridget bit her bottom lip as she looked at that touch. These days, she was incredibly relieved that Jacob and Emily had met when they had. They were right together—a good, strong match, indeed.

Emily hurried to the drinks cabinet in the corner of the room and poured some brandy as Jacob moved to the card table where Bridget sat. He took a chair beside her and leaned back, sighing heavily, a tired expression on his face. As Emily returned to his side, he thanked her kindly and took a sip.

“You look exhausted,” Bridget observed.

“It is a long journey there and back again. I also came back to London and searched for him. He was not at home.”

“Not at home?” Emily repeated, returning to her seat and leaning forward.

“I have searched all his common haunts. The club where he likes to bet, even the theatre, but I couldn’t find him.” Jacob’s eyes flitted to Bridget. “I am sorry, Bridget. If I could find him—”

“What would you even say if you could find him?” Bridget asked suddenly. She had been thinking how mad an idea it was to send Jacob off on this errand to talk to Seth. “Other than discovering what he thinks, it would achieve nothing. Seth already made it plain to me how he feels. He wants nothing to do with me.”

Her words were tight as she stood from her chair and crossed the room, suddenly desirous for a drink. She moved to the drinks cabinet, very aware of both Emily’s and Jacob’s gazes on her back.

“He cannot feel that way,” Emily said with sudden passion. “He was trying to help you. That’s what you said. He did it as a friend, to begin with.”

“Perhaps.” Bridget’s voice was quiet as she lifted the decanter of port and poured some into a small glass, or rather she filled the small glass to the brim. “That makes no difference. Jacob, do not bother going to see him again. It would do no good.”

“No good?” Jacob spluttered in surprise. “It would do the world of good! My friend has dishonored you, Bridget. Believe me, there are many things I wish to say to him.”

“Dishonor? What a phrase.” Bridget laughed to herself. Suddenly, she thought she sounded rather like Emily. Perhaps there were more similarities between them than she had thought. “I’ll ask you this, Jacob.”

She turned and faced her sister and brother-in-law. “With you and Emily, did you ever think of anything that happened between the two of you in such ugly terms? As dishonor?”

“Of course not!” Emily declared fervently.

“No, I didn’t,” Jacob seconded her opinion.

“Exactly.” Bridget raised the glass of port in their direction. “Which is why I do not see what I did in that light either. What I did, I did with open eyes and willingly. You cannot demand satisfaction for something I wanted as much as Seth did.”

Jacob did not look pleased by the idea. He looked down at his brandy glass, his expression grave, indeed.

“I like nothing about this,” Emily said with sudden passion. “Bridget, maybe you have a broken heart now, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Take some time to recover. Perhaps, in time, Seth will realize what he has lost by turning away from you.”

“And what if he doesn’t? That’s a gamble to take.” Bridget shook her head, her mind made up. “My whole life, there has only been one man who has declared any serious interest in courting me, and that is Lord Burnington. If he is my one chance to get married, my one chance to have a family of my own…”

She lifted the glass to her lips, aware that they were both still watching her. “Then I cannot lose that opportunity on the wild chance that a star would fall from the sky and Seth would suddenly realize that he wants me too. No, I have had enough, Em. I have made up my mind.”

She finished the last of her port and put the glass heavily down on a table nearby, the sound ringing out.