31. Toby

Ilet myself back into my flat to find a demon sprawled on my sofa.

"That key's for emergencies," I said by way of greeting.

"Didn't use it," Mori replied, scratching at his beard. "Little things like keys don't tend to keep me out of places."

I grunted, kicking off my wet shoes and hanging my coat on the hook. I'd been soaked through before Blaise had walked away from me, so I'd figured spending another hour wandering in the rain and trying to pull my shit together wouldn't hurt. Not that it had worked. A whole fucking month probably wouldn't have been enough.

If I'd known to expect a welcoming committee, I definitely would've stretched it out a bit longer. The very last thing I wanted right now was company. No, I wanted to lick my wounds in peace and go over Blaise's words.

"I never stood a chance. You were so scared of getting your heart broken again that you never let me close."

That was the moment when the penny had finally dropped. When his words sank through the pig-headed armour I wore. But it was too late.

Blaise had safe-worded. He'd told me to leave him alone. I had to respect that.

"Why are you here?" I didn't have it in me to make polite conversation right now.

"Well you dropped quite the bombshell earlier," Mori mused. "River wanted to talk to you himself, but there was a strong chance he might murder you a few times before getting to the bottom of things."

I dropped into the chair with a sigh. "Has he been over to see Blaise?"

"Why should I tell you that?"

I gritted my teeth before blowing out a defeated breath. "Please, Mori. I just wanna know if he's okay."

Mori inclined his head slightly. "River's still over there. He's not okay, but I think you already knew that."

"Fuck." I dropped my head into my hands, exhaustion washing over me. "Everything is such a mess, Mori."

"Love is always messy, Toby."

My head shot up. "I never said anything about love."

His glare turned steely. "If you try to deny it then I will let River take you on for a few rounds."

I glowered at him but didn't say anything. It wasn't that I wanted to deny Blaise—that was the last thing I wanted. But it felt wrong telling someone else that I was in love with him when I'd managed to fuck it up so horribly.

"Let's put that to one side for a second, when the fuck were you going to tell us you're cursed?"

"Umm…I wasn't?"

The punch was too fast for me to dodge. "Ow!"

Mori paused, his fist still cocked. "That hurt?"

I rubbed my ear as I glared at him. "You punched me. Of course it fucking hurt."

"It shouldn't have though. It never has before."

I froze. Shit, he was right. I felt pain like any other supe, but it usually took far more than a punch to reach my threshold. "Fuck."

"Fuck indeed." Mori sat back on the sofa. "So now we've established you're both an idiot and fucked, what's the plan?"

"I don't know. I've been kind of ignoring it and hoping it'll go away on its own."

Mori barked out a laugh. "I tried doing something similar with River. Didn't work."

"I'm talking about the curse, not Blaise."

"I know, but the advice applies to both."

"I'm not planning on ignoring either," I said heavily, "but I'm pretty sure Blaise doesn't want anything to do with me right now."

"You're right there." My heart sank at Mori's easy agreement. "You hurt him bad, man."

I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to let myself break down until I was alone. "I know."

"Good news is you have all of eternity to make it up to him."

I cracked an eye open. "Assuming this curse doesn't take me out first."

"Which is why we're going to prioritise that." Mori leaned forwards, a gleam in his eyes. "Turns out Dagon has a lead that might help both you and Ferry."

Isurveyed the crumbling castle sceptically. When Mori had suggested this plan yesterday, I'd been all in. Now, after the short flight to the almost uninhabited island of Foula in Scotland, I was feeling less certain. "Sure this is the right place?"

"Yep," Dagon said cheerfully. "Madison's a bit eccentric, but extremely powerful. If anyone knows the answer, it'll be her."

At least it was a distraction from the crippling weight on my shoulders that had appeared the instant Blaise had walked away. Honestly, it was a miracle I was functioning at all. A large part of me just wanted to curl up in a ball and let this curse take me.

It was only the knowledge of what that might do to Blaise that got me moving. I'd been tempted to message him, but he'd told me to leave him alone. I wasn't changing my mind about a relationship with him. Regardless of what he said, I wasn't risking dragging him down with me. If I couldn't find a cure for this, then maybe it was better if he hated me.

I'd rather die with him hating me than loving me. He couldn't mourn the ghost of someone who'd betrayed and denied him.

"And you're sure she'll help us?"

Dagon's grin faded slightly. "Well, hopefully. I mean, it's been a couple of centuries, but I'm sure she hasn't forgotten me."

"Motherfucking demon!" We both ducked as a welly boot soared over our heads. A beautiful blonde woman was leaning out of a window, a second boot clutched in her hand. Even at this distance, the murderous fury on her face was clear. "Who do ye think ye are, Dagon? Waltzing up here like you didn't leave me stranded on a fucking island in the middle of nowhere?"

I winced. "She definitely remembers you."

Dagon successfully ducked the second boot. "Let's hope I'm as charming as Dimitri and Lucky think I am."

An hour later, we were sat in a surprisingly comfortable living room. That was if you ignored the various empty bird cages and jars of unidentifiable specimens lining the walls.

"Never thought I'd see ye again," Madison mused, pouring tea into our cups. At least, I hoped it was tea. "Makes sense though, you being mated to two people. Ye were always too much for one person to handle."

"Thanks?" Dagon framed it as a question.

"You're welcome," she said cheerfully. "And I can't be too mad at ye for abandoning me, it's how I met Dahlia."

Dagon sipped at his tea cautiously—he was a braver man than I was. "Dahlia? Who's that?"

"My future wife," she said dreamily, staring into the fire. "She just doesn't know it yet."

I rubbed at my chest, her optimism a painful reminder of a future I didn't dream of for myself. I fought the urge to check my phone, to call Blaise just so I could hear his voice. "So, can you help us?"

Once he'd persuaded Madison to stop lobbing footwear at us, Dagon had outlined the situations with both Ferry and myself. She hadn't said anything, just insisted we join her for tea.

"I don't have a permanent solution, but I have something that might help." She looked at me over the rim of her cup. "The demon, anyway. You, on the other hand, are a tad more tricky."

"Great." There went my hopes of a quick fix. I mustered up a smile to try and cover up my frustration. I should have been grateful—she was able to help Ferry, which was something.

Her smirk told me she saw right through my bullshit. "Fret not, little vamp. Come back and see me next week and I'll have something for you too. It won't remove the curse, but it should slow it down enough for you to find some answers."

If I'd thought the week I had to wait before returning to Madison for my own vial of potion would drag, I'd thought wrong.

More supernatural drama, this time involving Ferry and Leo, kept us busy for most of it.

What was worse, but also better, was that it meant I got to see Blaise.

I hadn't cracked and called him, and given the arctic front he'd presented me with whenever we were in the same room together, that had been the right decision. He behaved as though I wasn't even present, like I was nothing more than a stranger.

Given the way I'd treated him, it was what I deserved.

Was this to be my life now? Being in the same space as the man I loved and not even able to greet him?

You could tell him you want more, my inner voice would needle at me. Ask him to talk. Apologise. Tell him he's worth the risk.

If it had just been my heart on the line, then I would have done it, but without a cure for the curse, it wasn't worth the risk. Not for me. I didn't want to leave Blaise broken-hearted and grieving.

Besides, he didn't seem to be suffering at all, not in the same way I was. I'd thought I'd been heartbroken before, but I now knew that to be a lie. I'd never experienced anything like this. When things had broken down with my subs in the past, I'd been able to carry on as normal. I might have wallowed in self-pity for a few days, but that was about it.

Now though, I was an undisputed mess. I wore whichever clothes I'd found on the floor that day, and I couldn't even remember the last time I'd shaved. I'd have loved to blame the curse, to say that the exhaustion it was giving me made these once simple tasks impossible, but that would have been a lie.

It was all Blaise. It was as though he'd walked away with my life's purpose. All my motivation, my hopes, my dreams, my plans for the future, he'd taken them all with him. He hadn't meant to, I knew that, but he had.

I'd hoped having the contract in place would stop me falling for Blaise. That when it ended, I'd be able to move on as I had before.

That had been a fool's gambit. There was no getting over Blaise. Not for me.

Any ideas of us transitioning into friends had also died a death. I'd hoped once he was over the initial hurt that we could find a relationship which would mean I could keep him in my life.

If his stonewalling was any indication, that wasn't going to be happening either.

The only good thing to come out of the past ten days was that the potion Madison had given me had worked. I could still feel the nausea and fatigue nipping at the edges, but for the most part, I was back to my old self.

As I eyed the three remaining vials on my dresser, I knew that wouldn't be the case for long. Madison had warned me that, while effective, I could only take four doses. After that, the buildup in my system could end me before the curse did.

And that right there was the main reason why I hadn't reached out to Blaise. I'd been given a reprieve on my death sentence, but it was still looming ominously on the horizon.

I could die knowing that Blaise was angry with me. That he hated me. That he regretted how I'd treated him. But I couldn't die knowing I'd be taking a piece of him with me. That my loss would take him to a place I prayed he'd never return to.

So I was letting the distance between us grow. As much as it fucking killed me to do it, I took comfort in the fact that Blaise seemed unaffected.

My days were spent researching curses and reaching out to anyone who might have an idea. The demons were helping too, with Cal even going as far as returning to Hell to try and find out more about the weapon in question. We were no further along on than we had been.

My nights though? Those were spent behind the bar. Even if I wasn't on shift, I still went down to the club. I could have said it was because I needed the company. Or that I might come across a supe who'd be able to help me.

Those would be lies though. I went down there for one reason and one reason only. So that I'd be there if Blaise needed me. If a nightmare sent him running, I wanted to be there for him to find.

So far, it hadn't happened. Nothing would disrupt my routine though.

There was a supe waiting at the bar when I got down there, but not the one I was hoping to see. "What can I get you?"

"Beer." Danny's gaze swept over me critically. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing," I said shortly, sliding the pint across the bar to him. We didn't bother charging supes—money wasn't that important when you were immortal. Deals and favours were a far more valuable currency.

"Liar. Come on, come chat with me for a bit."

"I'm working."

"He's not," River said from behind me, a note of darkness in his voice that made me wince. "And seeing as he's not opening up to the rest of us, maybe you should take a turn."

I braced myself to face him. Just as it always did, the sight of his grey eyes hit me in the gut. "River, you know it's complicated."

"I know you're a twat. Everything else is up for debate."

I sighed. Relations with River had been strained to say the least. He hadn't outright called me out for hurting Blaise, but it was there in every pointed dig and snide comment. I couldn't even be pissed about it, not when he was protecting his twin.

As far as I was concerned, the whole fucking lot of them could take Blaise's side. I'd happily play the role of the villain if it meant they gave Blaise their love and support.

"Go," River said, jerking his head in Danny's direction. "I love ya, man, but I also want to punch you. Again."

"Fine." I hovered for a second. "How is he?"

River's stare turned ice cold. "Why don't you pick up the phone and find out yourself?"

I winced. "He asked me not to."

Mori approached warily, no doubt feeling River's fury rising in their bond. "Funny that. Mori told me the same thing. You know what I did? I didn't listen. Because sometimes people tell us the shit they think they want, rather than what they actually need."

I repeated my words from earlier. "It's complicated."

River patted my shoulder condescendingly. "Yeah, it's really not. It's only complicated because you're letting it be that way. And if you continue hurting my brother, I will end you."

"Trust me, the last thing I'm trying to do is hurt Blaise."

"That's the only reason you're still standing." River shot me a sinister grin. "Now fuck off and see Danny before I change my mind."

I made it three steps before deciding a drink was called for.

When I slid into the booth opposite Danny, he pouted. "Where's my drink?"

I gestured at his pint with my glass. "There."

"How come you get the good stuff?"

I sipped the Adamanthea, relishing the way it burned my throat. "You're only allowed it in times of great need."

"And that's what you're in?"

"You could say that."

I eyed Danny's outfit—or lack thereof. He was wearing nothing but a pair of skintight trousers and unlaced boots. He was clearly here on the pull. "Why do you want to speak to me?"

Danny gave a half shrug. "You look miserable as fuck. I know Ferry has been your go-to guy recently, but seeing as he's all loved up with Leo, I figured I'd check in."

My forehead crinkled. "How'd you know about me and Ferry being friends?"

"I pay attention." He winked at me before swigging his beer. "Comes in handy when you're trying to avoid the relationshippers."

My lips twitched. "The relationshippers?"

He gave a vague wave. "You know, the ones who insist they aren't looking for forever only to fall in love faster than you can blink. They sneak under your radar before you even realise it, and then you're fucked for the rest of eternity."

"And that's a scary thought for you?"

"Terrifying." He gave a dramatic shiver. "Can't think of anything worse than tying myself down to just one person."

I sat back in my seat. "Have you always felt this way?"

Danny smirked, seeing through my question with ease. "Long enough for it to be the only thing that matters. Anyway, my point is, I had you pegged as a relationshipper the second I saw you. Blaise too, for that matter."

"So?"

"So what gives?" He waggled his brows. "Come on, spill the tea."

I choked on my drink. "Spill the tea?"

"You gotta keep up with the times, Toby. Now stop avoiding the subject and tell me why you look like a knock-off emo boy from the early noughties."

I rolled my eyes. "Wow, you really know how to charm a guy."

Danny laughed. "It's truly my greatest gift. Except my cock. I'd offer to show that to you, but I don't think that'd go down well."

"Definitely not." Even if Blaise wasn't occupying my every thought, Danny wasn't my type. He wasn't the kind of person to kneel for anyone.

"Come on," Danny whined. "I'm bored. Leo is off being fucked senseless, and you look like you need someone to talk to. Someone who won't judge you."

I sighed. Was I really going to do this? Danny was probably the only supe in our circle who wouldn't judge me. He wasn't as closely involved as the rest of them, and to be quite frank, I suspected his list of things he considered unacceptable was almost non-existent.

Before I knew it, the whole story came tumbling out. To his credit, Danny didn't interrupt me once. Only when I ran out of words did he finally speak.

"So you both love each other, and both want more, but you're holding back?"

"Because of the curse," I explained. "If I'm going to die, I don't want Blaise to see that. He's suffered enough. The last thing I want is for him to have me and then lose me."

"I think you're right."

I jerked my head up to look at him. He was looking at the dance floor, but I had a feeling that whatever he was seeing was in his head. "Really?"

He nodded slowly, still staring into the distance. "Yep. The worst thing anyone can go through is losing someone they love. If there's even a chance you can save Blaise from that, I say you take it."

I froze. This didn't sound like the Danny I thought I knew. This was a different person. The bleak rawness he was exuding was so unlike anything I'd seen from him before. Alarm bells began to ring in my head.

Reaching across the table, I lightly touched his hand. The wolf jumped like he'd been electrocuted. "Danny…I'm sorry. Are you okay? Did you lose someone?"

Just like that, the other version of him was gone. He cracked a massive grin, shuffling to the edge of the bench seat. "Nah, man. Never let anyone close enough to lose them. That's the trick, you see."

With that, he was up and vanishing into the crowd. Less than ten seconds later, he was grinding up on a twink, singing and dancing like the life of the party.

Leaving me to wonder which version of Danny was the real one.