17. Chapter 17

"Doing okay?" I ask, lips twitching.

Kipp attempts to shoot me a glare. "Fine," he says, squirming a little.

"Mhm. Need more lotion?"

"You're mean," he says. "A very mean man who does very nice things to my body."

I chuckle, heading his way.

"What are you doing?" he asks warily, eyeing my hands like he's looking for the lotion I insisted on rubbing over his ass last night and again this morning.

"Let me see," I say.

"What? Teddy, nooo," he gripes, not actually objecting when I flip him onto his stomach. "This is humiliating, I'll have you know. I'm a grown man, and you're checking my ass."

"It's a very nice ass," I assure him, drawing his pants down carefully. My blood heats as I see the evidence of last night on his skin, even though the inflammation is minimal. He'll be good as new tomorrow.

Kipp cranes his neck, looking back at me. "Like the new color, do you?"

"Pink suits you."

He stifles a laugh, shoving his face against the couch and muttering, "I'll suit your face."

I give his ass cheek a gentle kiss before pulling his pants back up. "Feeling okay?" I ask seriously, running my fingers up into his hair.

He lets out a sigh, turning his face. "Yeah, Teddy. Honestly? I feel really good. Relaxed. Like, I know I should be worried about what happened with my family, but I just can't find it in me to care. I guess I have you to thank for that."

I rub along the shell of his ear. "I'm sorry you've had to deal with their judgment, Kipp. I wish I could erase every mean word they've ever said to you."

He huffs a small laugh, his eyes slipping shut as I toy with his ear and neck. "Pretty sure a few more instances like last night and you'll have smacked every thought of them from my head by way of my ass. Which, you know, sounds weird. But my point stands."

"That can be arranged," I murmur as memoriesof last night assault me. Kipp laid out over my lap, squirming and flushed. His moans as the sensation shifted from pain to pleasure. How utterly perfect he was in his submission—in his trust—and the way he fell into subspace like he was meant to be there.

Kipp swallows, shifting slightly so he can see me. "Can you explain why I liked that? Because it hurt. But then…"

"Then it felt good," I fill in for him.

"Well, yeah," he says quietly.

I nod, running my hand over him. His leg, his side, anywhere I can reach. "Have you ever had a runner's high?"

He cocks his head slightly. "Um, yeah, I have."

"It's kind of like that," I explain. "When you experience prolonged physical or mental stress, your body releases endorphins to counteract the pain. It's a natural defense mechanism that helps you cope. In the case of impact play—like spanking—there's also adrenaline mixed in that heightens your body's stress reaction. You get a dump of those endorphins to balance that, and with enough repetition, it can give you a sort of natural high. Some people find it very therapeutic."

"Um, yeah," he says. "I can understand why."

I give his shoulder a rub. "My goal was never to hurt you," I tell him, wanting to make sure he understands that. "It was to help you past that threshold. You told me you have a low pain tolerance, so I kept the impact light."

"Seriously?" he says, an adorable pout on his lips. "That was light?"

"It was."

"Jesus," he mutters. "So basically, you're telling me I'm a wimp."

"No," I assure him, sliding over his body until he's lying flat underneath me, chest to chest. "You're perfect. That was perfect. And it won't be as bad next time because your body will know what to expect."

Kipp blinks up at me, slowly sliding his arms around my shoulders. "I'm not a dainty guy, Teddy. I've never been tossed around, never been handled the way you handle me. I didn't think it would be something I'd like. But you make me feel…"

He closes his eyes for a moment until I nudge his nose gently with my own.

"What?" I ask softly, my heart pounding like a drum.

He lets out the smallest of breaths. "You make me feel fragile in a way I've never allowed before. And I like it. A lot. Please don't break me."

Kipp's phone rings before I have a chance to answer him. It's like a gunshot piercing the air, and we both flinch. I sit up as Kipp reaches for the device on the coffee table, his expression falling.

"I'm going to answer this," he mutters, bringing his phone to his ear. "Hello?"

I give Kipp's leg a squeeze as I stand up, offering him some privacy. He sighs into the phone as I make my way toward the kitchen.

"I know, Mom," he says quietly. "I know. But you have to understand, I can't help how I feel. And asking me to hide who I am and be miserable all my life isn't fair."

He's quiet for a minute, and I keep half an eye on him while I collect ingredients to make smoothies. He sits upright, wincing as he settles on his ass. When he runs his fingers through his hair, he stills and brings his hand out in front of his face. His expression—the way his eyes soften when he catches sight of his ring—has my heart pumping wildly.

I turn away, not knowing what my own face might be giving away should Kipp look at me.

"Yeah, I get it," he says, sounding defeated. "If that's how you feel, I can't change that. But I'm a grown man, Mom. I'm not under your roof anymore, and you and Dad don't get to decide how I live my life." There's a hum, and then, "Yeah. Okay. Bye."

Kipp lets out a sigh, the thunk of his phone on the coffee table following.

"All right?" I ask.

He nods slowly. "I guess?"

"What'd she say?"

Kipp leans back against the couch cushions, idly twisting his wedding band on his finger. "She implied it was very rude of me to talk back and then leave yesterday after they came all this way to see me. She said she's extremely disappointed by the choices I'm making. And she reiterated that they only want what's best for me, and couldn't I try to see that?" He makes a frustrated sound. "It's…fine. It is what it is. I think this whole thing was a long time coming. I just… I wasn't really expecting to tell them off last night. I don't know where that came from, to be honest."

I hum, dumping some yogurt into the blender. "I think, maybe, you were ready."

"Ready to lose my family?" he asks wryly.

"Ready to put yourself first," I counter.

And, just maybe, having me by his side gave him the bravery to do so. The thought warms me.

"I should call Niko," he says, sounding lost in thought.

"Sure. Want to do that now or after a walk?"

"Is that a thing now?" he asks, standing up and coming into the kitchen. "You taking me on walks? I'm pretty sure that's not my kink."

"No?" I ask, suppressing a smile. "You don't want to be a good pup for me?"

His brow furrows, like he's actually considering it. "I… No, definitely not."

I chuckle, popping the lid on the blender. "I'm glad. I'd much rather play with dolls."

Kipp's face reddens as the blender runs, two spots of rosy color rising on his cheeks. When it's quiet again, Kipp says, "Dolls? Plural?"

Oh, did I strike a nerve? I leave our smoothies in the blender as I head his way. He tracks me, bright blue eyes on my person as I come around the counter to stand directly in front of him. I thread my fingers through his hair, tipping his head up half an inch.

"You know what my job is," I say.

He nods. "Yes."

"It's not this."

He shakes his head slowly, and I know he understands what I mean. What I do at the studio is worlds apart from my personal life. I don't have an attachment to my scene partners, emotionally or romantically, and if Kipp held any jealousy over my position at Elite 8 or the fact that I have sex with the men there, I would know. He wouldn't be able to hide it from me.

The same way he can't hide what it is he's feeling now.

"But you," I tell him slowly, "are the only one I want. Singular."

He swallows.

"Okay?"

He nods in my grip, tension dropping. "Okay. You, uh…you're really good at this husband thing, you know. Ten out of ten, highly recommend."

"Anyone ever tell you that you use humor as a deflection?" I ask.

He huffs a laugh, his hands coming up to hold my wrists. "Yes. Niko does. All the time. It's a chronic condition, I'm sorry to tell you. You're stuck with it."

"That's okay. I happen to like your humor," I say seriously. "But you don't have to hide in front of me, okay?"

His eyes never shift away. "I know that, Teddy. I really do." His voice drops to a mumble as he adds, "Now are you going to kiss me? 'Cause you're just really fucking close, and you smell like vanilla. Why do you always smell like vanilla? No, wait. You told me. Tom Ford. Good choice, by the way, smells great. As do you. And fuck, why aren't you kissing me yet?"

Kipp's rambling cuts off when I bring my mouth to his. The sound he makes is one I'm quickly becoming addicted to, soft and pleased as it is, like my lips against his are a surprise every time. His tongue greets mine, his hips press close, and he tugs on my wrists like he's considering using my arms as leverage to climb up my body.

I'm so in trouble when it comes to this man.

When I break away, he mutters, "Fuck."

My thoughts exactly.

"Ready for that walk?" I ask, letting my hands drop.

"Bark," he deadpans.

With a chuckle, I grab two tumblers from the cabinet. Drinks loaded, we head out.

"How long have you lived here?" Kipp asks, his hair flopping over his forehead as we walk. He's dressed casually today, in jeans and a tee, no product in his hair. He looks good. Comfortable.

Relaxed.

"Here as in Nevada or my apartment?" I ask.

He shoots me a smile. "Either?"

"I've been in my apartment for five years and in Nevada since I was eighteen. So… Jesus, eighteen years now."

"Did you come here for college?" he asks.

I nod, taking a sip of my smoothie before answering. "I followed my brother from Canada. Vegas was his dream. Something about the lights and the energy of it. Ever since he was young, he wanted to move here. Got his wish."

"And you?" he asks softly.

I shrug. "I wanted to practice law. And since we were going to do that together, it made sense for me to come here, too."

Kipp is silent for a moment. Not long, but long enough to tell me he's thinking through what I said. "You haven't talked about him much."

"Cam? No, we're not close anymore."

"Why not?"

This time, it's me who's silent for an extended beat. "He and my boyfriend got together in an attempt to take control of the business."

Kipp stops walking. When I turn around, he's staring at me with wide eyes. "What?"

I huff a humorless laugh. "Yeah, that about sums it up."

Kipp catches up to me quickly. "Holy hell, Teddy. Are you okay?"

"It was a long time ago," I say, which doesn't really answer the question.

"Damn," he says slowly. "I think that might put my family drama to shame."

"Not a competition," I assure him, snagging his hand and giving it a squeeze. "You have every right to be upset over what happened."

He shoots me the tiniest smile. "Yeah, well, so do you. Why would he do that?"

I assume he means Cameron. I've asked myself that a million times in the past five years. Why? Was he really that different from me that he cared more about his own success than his brother?

Deep down, I know the answer to that is yes. He's always been determined. A little ruthless. I thought it'd served our firm well, and it did. We had several high-profile clients in our first couple years as newbie lawyers that catapulted Lavoie Lavoie into the multimillion-dollar company it is now.

I just never thought Cameron would turn his aspirations against me.

"I don't have a good answer to that," I tell Kipp. "The way my brother thinks isn't something I want to understand."

He hums. "I get that. For what it's worth, I'm really sorry they did that to you."

"Thanks, sweetheart."

Not for the first time, I get a strong wash of warmth inside my chest as Kipp's gaze catches mine. He's so unlike those from my previous world. It's a very good thing.

The best.

"Did, um…" Kipp looks sheepish. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but did they succeed? In taking over?"

I blow out a breath as we round the curve back onto our street. "They got rid of me. But no. They didn't get the business."