18. Chapter 18

"Did you know Teddy is a lawyer?" I ask Niko.

He's chopping dill for the tzatziki as I dice onions for a stuffed pepper dish. He looks at me in surprise. "Is he?"

"Yeah," I say around a huff that's mostly awe. "Is that not the hottest thing you've ever heard?"

Niko's mother clucks her tongue at me. "Watch your fingers, paidí mou," she scolds lightly, her use of my child taking all the heat out of the warning.

"Sorry, Mamá Adamos."

She gives my arm a squeeze, a dish towel over her shoulder as she grinds the lamb for the peppers.

"Who's Teddy?" Elina asks from the other side of the room.

"One of Niko's coworkers," Cassandra answers, helping her young toddler, Calliope, add blocks to her tower on the floor of the kitchen.

"And Kipp's husband," Niko mutters under his breath, giving me a smirk when I shoot a glare his way.

The room falls deathly silent for all of two seconds before Niko's sisters erupt, all four of them talking over one another.

"Oh good, we're allowed to talk about it now?" Ioanna says, abandoning the peppers she'd been hollowing out.

"I never said you couldn't," Niko replies. "I just said to be nice."

Ioanna pouts. "I'm always nice."

"You married Niko's costar?" Elina asks. She's the middle of the bunch and by far the scariest.

"I thought you said he's a lawyer," Sofia puts in, Ioanna's twin. They're the youngest.

"People can be more than one thing," Cassandra, the oldest, replies.

"Why the hell didn't we hear about it ahead of time, huh?" Elina asks, hands on her hips.

"He didn't know ahead of time," Niko explains, which isn't as helpful as he thinks.

"And now?" Elina presses. "What do you have to say for yourself, Kipp? Because we've been waiting weeks for some sort of explanation as to why one of our favorite people didn't tell us he was married of all things, and you've been here over an hour and still haven't said a word!"

My mouth opens and closes uselessly.

"Well?" Elina says.

"Paidiá," Niko's mom cuts in, the Greek word meaning children. "Let Kipp breathe."

I shoot her a grateful smile.

"I'm sure there's a very good reason he's been keeping secrets from us," Mamá Adamos adds, which makes my stomach fall somewhere in the vicinity of my feet.

"I was drunk," I blurt inside this blue-tiled kitchen that has held some of my favorite memories over the years. My favorite memories amongst my favorite people.

It's funny how the Adamoses have been more of a family to me than my own blood. From the first time Niko brought me home for a big, traditional Greek meal with his big, Greek family, I felt accepted. And although I knew my own family would disapprove of what happened between me and Teddy, I think I dreaded telling these people how badly I fucked up even more. Would I disappoint them, too? I couldn't bear the thought.

But I can't avoid it any longer. Frankly, I'm surprised they didn't pounce the moment I walked through the door.

Sucking in a breath, I prepare myself to air the truth. And accept the consequences. "I was drunk and got married on a whim," I explain to my silent audience. "I don't even remember it. Our relationship isn't real, and Teddy and I are planning on getting a divorce. Soon, I think. I'm sorry."

Cassandra gets up off the floor. "Why are you sorry, Kipp?"

"For disappointing you?" I say, unable to stop the wobble in my voice. "For not telling you the truth? I just… I didn't know what to say."

Cassandra's deep brown eyes, so like Niko's, soften, and she steps forward, wrapping her arms around me without a word. The next second, another pair of arms join. And then another. And pretty soon, I'm enveloped in crushing warmth and the most perfect hug. Everything around me blurs as my eyes fill with tears.

"You could never be a disappointment to us," Mamá Adamos says, her heavily accented voice washing over me like cinnamon and cloves. It reminds me, briefly, of Teddy. Of comfort.

"I'm sorry I yelled," Elina adds.

"We love you, Kipp," Sofia says, her voice softer than the rest. She's always been the quietest of the bunch, which makes her words feel even more profound. "We just want you to be happy."

"Shit," I mutter, immediately wincing as I remember young Calliope. "I mean shoot. I, uh, don't even know what to say. Thank you, all."

A hand lands on the back of my head, and I catch Niko's eye. He doesn't speak a word, but his smile says volumes.

"We're always here for you," Ioanna says as the group hug starts to break up. "But I have a question."

I huff a laugh, wiping my eyes and trying my best not to sniffle. "What's that?"

"You said your relationship isn't real, but…that picture," she says. "The one where you two are smiling. You can't fake a smile like that."

"That's not a question," I point out, although I know where she's going.

Ioanna rolls her eyes. "Do you have feelings for him?"

Fuck. "Yeah. I do," I admit.

Six pairs of eyes soften.

"But I don't know if he could feel the same," I'm quick to add.

Mamá Adamos pats my cheek. "Maybe don't get divorced just yet, hmm?"

I groan as heads nod and knowing looks are passed around.

"You guys. Don't encourage me. I don't want to get too attached," I mumble. I'm already too attached.

"Hate to break it to you," Elina says, a wicked gleam in her eye. "But you two are married."

"And living together," Niko adds.

Elina's eyes widen. "And living together. I don't think it gets much more attached than that."

"Argh," I complain. "What am I going to do?"

Cassandra picks up young Calliope, who unintentionally smacks her in the face. "Be yourself. No holds barred. If this guy is worthy of what you have to offer, he won't possibly want to let you go."

My heart thumps painfully in my chest. "And what is it I have to offer?"

Cassandra, my honorary big sister, looks at me with fond exasperation. "Your love, Kipp. If he's worth it, he'll have your love."

Shit.

"I think I need to sit down," I realize.

Ioanna huffs a laugh, pulling out a chair that I unceremoniously plop into. There's still onion residue on my hands, and my heart is running like it's on a racetrack, but all I can think about is the man at home who I maybe, quite possibly have very strong feelings for. Could I love Teddy?

Could he love me?

Sofia sits down next to me. "You said he's a lawyer in addition to working at the studio?" she asks. The whole Adamos clan is well aware Niko works in porn. None of them even batted an eye that Teddy does the same.

"Yeah," I say, a smile creeping onto my face as I imagine Teddy dressed in a suit and tie. With spandex on underneath because, hey, it's my fantasy. I pointedly do not think about Teddy's brother. "He does pro bono work for LGBTQ+ youth."

There's a chorus of awws.

Yeah, I know exactly how they feel.

"He sounds nice," Sofia says.

"Yeah," I say. "I think it's his superpower."

"Paidiá," Mamá Adamos says, calling her children back to action. She dumps the onions I diced into a pan, and a sizzle cuts through the air. "Someone still needs to roll out that pita."

The kitchen returns to a flurry of activity, and Mamá Adamos gives me a wink. For a few minutes, I let myself breathe, surrounded by the familiar swell of a family I can call my own.

When our midday dinner is done and the kitchen has been cleaned and set back to rights, Niko motions for me to follow him. We head outside and take seats on the back deck, letting the sun warm us.

"Calliope will probably be down for another hour," Niko says. "Do you mind waiting?"

We drove here with Cassandra since it takes about an hour to get to Niko's mom's from Vegas. I don't mind waiting for Calliope to finish her nap before we head out.

"Nah, that's fine," I tell him. "Why didn't Dixon come today?"

Niko kicks his feet up onto the table in front of us. "I thought it would be best for it to be just us. That way, you'd have a little less of an audience."

"For my dressing down?" I mutter.

He huffs. "No, for talking about your feelings."

I pick at the hem of my pants. "You didn't have to do that."

"Kipp." Niko's serious tone has me looking his way. "There will always be room for the both of you here, you know that. But Dixon didn't mind staying home today so you could have our undivided attention. He understands what you're going through."

I nod, throat tight. Dixon isn't close to his family, either. They kicked him out when he was a teen because of his bisexuality. But once he and Niko started dating, the Adamoses swooped Dixon up like he was one of theirs. The same as they did with me.

"Have you heard from any of them since your mom called?" Niko asks. My family.

I shake my head. "I think we're probably done."

Niko is quiet for a moment. "That might be a good thing."

"In my head, I know that. But here?" I tap over my heart. "Hurts."

"Yeah," he says quietly. "I get it. How has Teddy been during this whole thing?"

A bark of laughter escapes my mouth, and Niko looks at me curiously.

"What?" he asks, chuckling.

"Dude. Teddy is kinky as fuck."

Niko laughs for real, nodding. "Yeah, that's kind of one of those poorly held secrets at the studio. You know, like how Dixon is actually a softie inside, how Jerome and Nathaniel have been in a relationship for years, Teddy is a Daddy Dom, and Emil is an exhibitionist."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Jerome and Nathaniel?"

Niko shrugs. "I'm like 98 percent sure. Half the time, they're wearing each other's mismatched socks."

"What? What does that have to do with—"

"How do you mix up socks, Kipp?"

I think that over for all of two seconds, the lone hamper in Teddy's room coming to mind. "Oh."

Niko huffs a laugh.

"How'd you even figure that out?" I ask.

"I pay attention," he says with another shrug. "Never heard about Teddy being a lawyer, though."

"Yeah, remember when you said you thought there was a reason he didn't date?"

Niko cocks his head. "Yeah."

"I think it has to do with that."

And the asshole ex who cheated on him with his brother.

Niko hums, but he doesn't pry, and I appreciate it. It's not my story to tell. I don't even know the whole thing. But then he opens his mouth and just has to ask, "So what kind of kinky shit have you been getting up to, my friend?"

I cough. "Well…" In for a penny, as they say. "The other day, Teddy made me pick a safeword, and then he spanked me until I cried and came."

Niko chokes on absolutely nothing. "Shit," he says, voice strangled. But then he laughs—loudly—until I'm laughing right along with him. "Your life, Kipp."

"I know," I sigh out. "Isn't it great?"

As our chuckles die down, Cassandra sticks her head out the door. "Calli is up," she says. "We're ready to leave whenever."

"Thanks, we'll be right in," Niko tells her.

She nods and closes the door, leaving us alone once more.

"Can I tell you something?" I ask Niko.

He nods. "Always."

"I really like it. Being his…" I don't say boy because it doesn't feel right. I'm well aware our dynamic is similar to a Daddy-boy relationship. Teddy is dominant. He calls the shots. And he's teaching me, carefully and thoughtfully, how to enjoy submission—something I never even knew I could enjoy. Or crave.

But our specific relationship is our own. It's unique in a way any relationship is. And I'm not Teddy's boy. I'm his doll. For us—for me—that's right.

"I like being the one he takes care of," I settle on. "It feels really good to just…trust that what he tells me to do is what he wants. It's no more complicated than that. I trust him, and he takes care of me. And somehow, that makes him happy. It makes me happy, too."

Niko nods slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. "You know, I never thought about it before, but it makes sense."

"What does?" I ask.

"You," he says gently. "You go out of your way to please people. You know you do."

"Maybe," I mumble.

But who doesn't want everyone around them to be happy? If they're happy, they don't have a reason to dislike your actions or you as a person…aaand I think I see what Niko is getting at.

"But I assume being submissive means letting go of all that worry, at least for a little while," he goes on. "And with Teddy, you know you're safe to do so. You don't have to try with him. Like you said, he tells you how to please him, and you know he won't abuse that trust."

"Yeah," I say a little hoarsely.

"So I can see it," Niko says. "And I'm glad you found someone to help you let go of all that pressure."

"He's not mine, Nik," I nearly whisper.

"Maybe not fully. Not yet. But he could be."

I nod, not speaking for a moment. My throat is burning, and I'm scared to hope. Scared he could be the one.

Because what if I'm not his one?

"He makes it quiet," I tell Niko.

"What do you mean?"

"It's so loud sometimes. Up here," I say, pointing to my head. "There are opinions and deadlines and second-guessing and… Just a lot of noise, all the time. But Teddy… He makes it quiet."

Niko squeezes my arm. "Sounds nice."

"Yeah," I rasp. "It is."

Niko and I stay outside for a few minutes longer, but eventually, we get up and head home with Cassandra and Calliope. Niko drops me off last, giving me a quick hug from the driver's seat and reminding me it's okay if I like him. That Teddy is one of the good ones.

I tell him I know.

When I get inside after a long afternoon and evening of being gone, I almost expect all of my feelings for Teddy to have been blown out of proportion inside my own head. Like maybe I was remembering him wrong or adding a rosy glow to our kinda-kinky friends-with-benefits pseudo-marriage.

But the moment I see him on the couch, I know that's not the case. He smiles, big and broadly, and my insides light like a supernova.

"Hey," he says warmly.

I head toward him on autopilot, falling onto his lap. He chuckles, his hand going to my hair, and I damn near purr like a cat.

"Have a good time?" he asks.

"Yeah," I answer.

"Glad to be back?"

"Yeah."

His fingers slip under my waistband, just barely touching the top of my ass. "How're the cheeks doing?"

I snort. "You were right. All better."

"See?" he says. "I bet the lotion helped."

"I already said you were right. You don't have to gloat."

He chuckles, fingers drifting along my skin. "I'm glad you're back, too."

My heart beats fast as Teddy's fingers sift through my hair. As his other hand rests above my ass like a gentle claim. As his heat and spicy warm scent envelops me.

Maybe I do have feelings for my husband.

I just don't know how to tell him that.