Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Hawk

TODAY'S GONNA BE a hard fucking day. It's been four days since we found the girls and brought them home. Kendell has been quiet, withdrawn, and only talks to Gideon. The two of them have been inseparable and I can't blame either one of them. I'm lucky I get to be in the same room as them when I'm not busy doing other shit for the club. That's how it feels to me at least because there's such a bond between the two of them and no one can come between it. They've only been strengthening it over the last few days because they only have one another in their eyes. Kendell and Gideon aren't alone. They have me and a club full of men and women who are going to prove to them just how much support and love they have to give. Eventually, we'll all break down the walls surrounding their hearts. It's just a matter of time before we get them to let us in completely.

Reagan, Zoey, and Alex have been busting their asses when it comes to getting everything together for the funeral service. Kendell has only talked to them enough to answer questions. She won't let anyone else get close enough to talk to them. Everything has been done for them though. Cash has been at their sides when I can't be. He follows them around when they're not locked away in my room. He'll spend hours sitting in silence with them if they're in the common room or outside. My best friend has truly stepped up when it comes to my family. Because no matter what, Kendell and Gideon are mine. I need to claim her as my ol' lady, but I've been waiting because of everything she has going on. Soon, she'll know she's mine and that I don't let go of things I feel are mine. No, she's not my property and I sure as fuck don't own her. But, in the eyes of the club, she's mine and I'm hers.

We're having the service for Kelsey here at the clubhouse. Kendell and Gideon are her only family and we want to make this day all about them. So, there was no other choice but to have everything at the clubhouse. We can keep it private so no one else can show up. Martin might be dead and buried where no one will ever find him, but it doesn't mean that his parents won't try to show up and cause a scene. It's the last thing that Kendell needs to deal with, so we're not going to do anything to put her through it. There's no way in hell Martin's parents or anyone else will get onto the compound to disrupt the day for Kendell and Gideon. It's the only way we can give her a true sense of peace as she finally buries her sister and puts her to rest.

We still have Greg in one of the cells in the basement. None of us are ready to deal with him. If it were up to me, I'd go down there and put a bullet in his skull. However, he betrayed the club and it's going to be up to all of us about how he's dealt with. We'll all get our shots in before someone makes the final kill shot. It will more than likely be Reaper since he's the President and that's okay. It's how we've always dealt with a stupid fuck who thinks they can betray us and get away with it. Once the funeral and shit is done, we'll have church to put it up for a vote about what to do with the asshole.

Walking through the clubhouse on my way back to my room, I take in everyone as they work together to put the final touches on today. The ol' ladies are in the kitchen cooking and baking. All the guys are setting up tables outside, making sure there's wood in the burn pits for bonfires tonight, and the Prospects are doing everything that's asked of them. I've been helping out all morning, but now it's time for me to go make sure my family is getting ready. I even went out and bought Gideon a little suit for him to wear in honor of his mom. The girls went out and got a black dress and shoes for Kendell. She refuses to go back to the house and I really can't blame her at all.

I have to make a decision about the house soon. There's still two empty houses on the compound. They're not with the rest of the officer's houses, but I don't mind. The houses are still close enough to the others and it won't take much to furnish and move everything from my house to our new one. It's just a matter of getting things around and moved. Plus, it might be good if the three of us have a completely fresh start. I can go buy all new furniture and everything to fill the house so there's truly no reminders of what happened at the house for any of us.

"Sparky, we gotta get ready to go," I say, walking in the room to find her and Gideon still lying in bed where I left them this morning.

"Is it that time already?" she asks, not looking away from the ceiling as she pulls Gideon closer to her.

"Yeah, baby, it is. Why don't you take a shower here and I'll take Gideon to Cash's room to give him a bath and get him ready. Before I go, I'll lay out your dress and shit. Zoey and the girls can help with your hair if you want them to," I tell her, walking around the side of the bed so I can sit down next to her.

Reaching out, I rest my palm against her cheek and she nuzzles into my touch while closing her eyes. I know she doesn't want to do this today, but it's time.

"Okay. I'm getting up," she says, tossing the blankets off Gideon and her before slowly getting out of bed and standing in front of me for a second.

Kendell reaches down and runs her fingers through my hair before leaning down to press her lips against mine. I can taste the salt of her tears as they slowly slide down her face. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I hold her close and let her soak up the strength and comfort she needs from me. When she finally pulls back, Kendell walks around me and heads for the bathroom. I reach out for Gideon and he immediately comes to me. Lifting him up in my arms, I hold him close and leave the room after laying out the dress, panties, and bra on the end of the bed. Grabbing the bag with Gideon's suit, I take him out of my room and next door to Cash's.

"What's goin' on?" Cash asks from his seat at the desk in his room.

"Kendell's just gettin' in the shower in our room. Gonna borrow your bathroom to get Gideon cleaned up and ready for today," I answer him as he watches us walk through his space.

"You know my space is your space and vice versa," he states, remaining in his seat as I close the door of the bathroom behind us.

Reaper led us through the services for Kelsey. He read a few passages Kelsey loved in the bible and talked about her. As much as he knew about her anyway. Zoey got up to speak after Reaper from the time she worked with her at the warehouses. She didn't divulge any secrets or anything like that, but she did have some very beautiful things to say about Kelsey that made my girl cry. From the second I walked Kendell out of our room, I've had her in my arms. Gideon stands directly in front of us and I rest a hand on his shoulder so he knows we're comforting him and giving him the support he needs.

Gideon's counselor has been here every day and spent time with him until today. She's giving him a break for the day so he can be surrounded by us. Tomorrow she'll start their sessions again.

Finally, the time has come for Kendell to get up and talk about her sister. I don't know that it's a good idea, but this is something she said she needed to do. So, when Kendell walks up to stand in front of the crowd, I'm right at her side while Zoey and Cash surround Gideon and make sure they're there for him while we're up here.

"I'd like to thank you all for being here to help celebrate my sister's life today. You've all stepped up more than you ever had to," Kendell begins, her voice breaking and cracking as she talks without reading a single word from the paper in her trembling hands. "Kelsey was my baby sister. For as long as I can remember I've looked out for her, protected her, loved her, and promised I'd always be there for her."

Kendell stops speaking and I know she's done. Her entire body is shaking as she tries to hold in her sobs. My girl is fucking breaking and all I can do is try to hold the pieces together before she completely shatters. Nothing is ever gonna be able to put the pieces back together again because they're completely broken and in a million pieces floating around in her chest. So, I take the paper from her hands and turn her so her face is buried in my chest while wrapping my arms around her the best I can.

"Kelsey was the adventurous one out of the two of us. She loved goin' out and seein' exactly how much trouble she could cause without actually gettin' into trouble. My baby sister was never caught. And the times she managed to convince me to go out with her, we always had the best times. She made me laugh, break out of my comfort zone, and live my life to the fullest. Kelsey was the sunshine when my days were filled with nothin' but complete darkness. We didn't have the best upbringin' and I tried to shield her from everythin' that would break her down and hurt her. It didn't matter if I was hurtin' or couldn't get through the day on my own, I always struggled through the pain and made sure my sister lived her best life possible until the very second I couldn't protect her.

"The day my sister told me she was pregnant with Gideon, I remember how full of love, life, and excitement she was. No matter what was goin' on in her relationship with the monster, she always protected Gideon from the pain the best she could. He was never physically hurt even though he saw things he should've been shielded from. Kelsey would pick up the broken pieces of herself and push forward for her son. He was her entire world and would give anything for him. At the end of the day, she made the ultimate sacrifice by giving her life so her son could live his life. She gave her life for me as well. I'll never be able to repay her for what she's given me. But, I'll live every single day of my life makin' sure her son grows up to be the man she wants him to be. That he makes as many memories as possible and I won't ever let him forget what an amazin' person she was.

"Today we lay my baby sister to rest and I hope she can finally find the peace she spent the last several years searchin' for. I will make sure Gideon won't ever forget her and will know the happiness she wanted him to have in his life. And I won't do it alone. Gideon will be lucky enough to have all of you in his life. None of us will ever be able to thank you enough for what you've given us. I can't even find the words to show what you all mean to us. Kelsey looked up to each one of you and wanted to live her life the way you all do. Free, happy, and exactly as you want. That was her ultimate dream. It was stolen from her and now it's time we honor her memory and ensure our family becomes better as a way to make sure she didn't give the ultimate sacrifice for nothin'," I say, reading my girl's words as she sobs uncontrollably in my chest.

When I go to step back so the guys can lift the coffin, Kendell all but collapses to the ground. I'm the only thing holding her up as I lift her in my arms and step back so the guys can lift Kelsey's coffin in the air and head for her final resting place. Zoey brings Gideon up to our side and he holds on to the leg of my jeans as we slowly follow behind the coffin toward the back of the compound's property. Kendell's anguished sobs break my heart as she can't stop herself from breaking. She's finally hit her breaking point and no one can prevent it from happening. This is what she's needed for days and she's held herself together for Gideon. She can't do that any longer. Kendell has needed to break and I'm going to be here to help her put the pieces back together no matter how they fit or don't fit together again. Kendell will never be the same person she was, and that's okay.

It doesn't take us very long to get to Kelsey's final resting place. She sits among the men and women of the club who didn't have anyone to visit them. I wanted Gideon and Kendell to have a place to come visit with Kelsey as a continued way to pay our respects. The same the club has done for others without a family other than those members who stop by to see the friends and loved ones they've lost over the years. It's close enough for Kendell and Gideon to come see Kelsey on a daily basis if that's what they want. Reaper went all out and got her a beautiful headstone and the girls ordered a ton of flowers to place around the grave once we bury the casket.

"If no one has anythin' else to say, I'd like to lay Kelsey to rest. She deserves nothin' less than the best and we're gonna make sure she has a beautiful restin' place," Reaper says, as the guys all set down the coffin and it's gently lowered into the ground.

Kendell turns her head and watches as it disappears from view. She doesn't once stop sobbing and letting herself break. Gideon has a death grip on my pants letting me know he understands what's going on to a certain extent. Looking down at him, I see tears falling from his eyes and my heart breaks the rest of the way. Before I can bend down and try to pick him up in my arms with Kendell, Cash steps up and lifts him in his arms. He holds Gideon close and whispers to him as they watch the guys start to toss dirt over the coffin. I watch on as the little boy I've come to love as my own wraps his arms around my best friend's neck and buries his face so he's not looking at the hole in the ground any longer.

"I'm gonna take him back to the clubhouse. He's seen enough," Cash whispers as I remain where I am with Kendell in my arms.

"Thank you. We'll be there soon," I tell him as Kendell remains still in my arms.

I don't think she heard a single word of what's going on around her. Kendell's entire focus is on the ground where the guys continue covering up the coffin. When she finally moves to get down, I carefully set her on her feet, but don't take my arms off of her. Kendell leans back into my body and I hold her close. She doesn't move a muscle as we continue watching until the dirt is smoothed over and all of the flowers are placed around the grave. Alex walks by when she finishes setting up the flowers and rests her hand on Kendell's shoulder. No words are exchanged and that's okay. I know Kendell appreciates everything that's been done for them today. The club made sure Kelsey had a sendoff she could be proud of and Kendell will realize it when she can finally start to process everything that's happened.

Slowly everyone starts to walk away from us. When it's just Kendell and I left, we remain standing as we have been. I'm not going to rush her or make her leave before she's ready. We can stay up here all day long if that's what she needs. Kendell walks over to the grave after a long time. I watch as she bends down and grabs a handful of dirt. Letting it sift through her fingers, she covers the grave with it before placing a hand down as if she were comforting Kelsey even in her final resting place.

"I hope you find the peace you've been searching for, baby sister. Hawk will help me take care of Gideon and eventually you'll be proud of the man your son becomes. I'm sorry. So, so very sorry for not being able to protect you one last time. I'd give anything to go back to that very second and change places with you," she says, barely loud enough for me to hear her words. "I love you, Kels so very much and I'll never forget you. We'll both love you for the rest of our lives and everyone who becomes important to us will know who you are and what you mean to us."

Bending down behind my girl, I wrap her in my arms again. "I love you, Kendell. Never said those words to another girl before in my life. From the second I heard your voice on the other end of the phone, I knew there was somethin' different about you. Now, you have wormed your way into my heart and soul. You're not gettin' rid of me, Sparky. For the rest of our lives, I'm gonna be there to support you, love you, and give you anythin' you need."

Kendell doesn't say anything for a few minutes, she simply keeps her hand resting on the dirt of her sister's grave. Finally, she lifts her hand and turns to face me. There's a small smile on her face and I don't know where her head is if I'm being honest. This could go either way because I sure as fuck didn't pick the best time to tell her I love her.

"I love you, Trent. I'm sorry I've been so withdrawn and focused on my own grief and pain that I haven't let anyone but Gideon in. I'll get through this. I just need some time. Thank you for all the support and help you've given me. I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for you," she finally says, leaning forward and pressing her lips against mine in a soft, chaste kiss.

Kendell holds out her hand for me to grab. Standing up, I help her to her feet before wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into my body. We slowly make our way down to the clubhouse. Everyone is in the common room with food, drinks, and they sit around talking quietly between one another. Cash, Savage, and Zoey are sitting with Gideon at a table and they're trying to coax him into eating something. I lead my girl over there and pull out the seat next to her nephew. She sits down and I leave to get us our own plates of food. I don't take my eyes off them as she finally manages to get our boy to take a few bites of food. It's going to be a very long road as they both mourn the loss of Kelsey. And I'll be there every step of the way.