We Made It （31）

February 10

Day 25 of sober living

Day 60: treatment complete

"Listen, Hayes. I really like you, so don't take this the wrong way, OK? But I don't ever wanna see you again. Ever. You understand me?"

Hayes laughed, hugging Annelle as he waited at the entrance where Amara and Jake would be picking him shortly. "I don't ever wanna see you again either, Annelle. But hey: thank you. For everything. You made this…bearable."

She pulled away from him. "And you made this interesting, Hayes. Good God, kid. The mouth on you. How do you not get your ass beat on that ice every single night running your mouth like you do?"

He shrugged. "My boyish good looks make up for it, I guess."

"Well, listen. Remember what I told you the first day you got here? This wasn't the hard part. The rest of your life is the hard part. You're going to have cravings, you're going to feel triggered to use, you're even going to forget that you're sober at times. Stay on your toes, kid. Especially in your line of work. You're gonna be around a lot of temptation. You've gotta actively fight it, OK? Promise me you'll fight it?"

"I promise," he said, staring at his right hand. "Oh, I'll fuckin' fight it alright."

"And remember: a lapse can happen. I'm not saying it will, but if it does, it's not the end of the world. You just get back up and you continue fighting. You understand?"

"Yes, Grandma," he said with a wink, followed by her smacking him in the chest.

"I'll give you Grandma. Smart ass."

"Looks like my ride"s here," he said, peering out the front windows as the Wagoneer pulled up. He grabbed two of his bags and Annelle grabbed the other two.

"Oh, I almost forgot," she said, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a piece of paper. "These are the names Dr. Ozbeck put together of some recovery therapists in the Bridgeport area. Not sure why he couldn't email or text them to you…"

"Because he's a thousand years old," Hayes interrupted, taking the paper and stuffing it into one of the bags. "Thank you. "Come on," he signaled toward the door as they headed out to meet Jake and Amara. Hayes took the bags from Annelle, loaded them into the back of the Jeep, and hit the button to drop the liftgate. He hugged her one last time before she turned and went back inside.

When he flipped around, Amara had gotten out of the car and immediately stuck herself to him like a leech. "I'm so fucking proud of you, Tyler. You made it!" she cried into his shoulder. "You made it."

"I know. Crazy, right? Figured I was a lost cause, did you?"

She removed her arms from him and shook her head vigorously. "No way. You're a lot of things, Ty, but a lost cause definitely isn't one of them. Hey, let me see it!" She grabbed his right hand and examined it. "Oh, Tyler. It's really happening with him. Ryler is really happening!"

"Sure is. Here, look." He twisted it off his finger and handed it to her. "He had it inscribed with the date we met and our initials. I don't know how the fuck I got lucky enough for that man to fall in love with me."

"Because Tyler? You're hard not to fall in love with." Amara blushed, then examined the ring. "Tyler Alexander Hayes, and Ryan…R Baylor? What's the R stand for?"

He smiled. "Ronald!" he squeaked out with a laugh.

"Shut the fuck up! Ry's middle name is Ronald? Oh, he's officially the hottest guy to ever have the name Ronald in any capacity."

"So, are we blowin' this popsicle stand or what?" Jake rolled down the passenger side window and yelled from the inside of the SUV.

"Yes, please!" Hayes pulled open the door and climbed into the captain's chair, smirking as he flashed back to the night he left rehab and Ryan bent over the center console while Hayes rimmed him senseless. He immediately pushed that thought from his memory as he looked over at JT in the opposite captain's chair. "What's up, little man?" He reached over and flicked the blue and orange whales that Amara had hung from the handle of his car carrier. "These are pretty cool. Someone really amazing must've made those for you, eh?"

Amara turned around and smiled at him. "Someone super amazing," she said, reaching her hand back to grab his. He leaned forward and kissed it before she pulled away. "So, what's the plan? You stay with us tonight and then what?"

As the SUV pulled away, Hayes took one last look at Regency before exhaling loudly and doing his best to stifle the unexpected wave of anxiety that hit him.

The "plan" wasn't exactly what he wanted, but he understood that, unfortunately, he was going to have to learn to crawl before he could walk again, let alone even think about running.

Hayes was staying with Amara and Jake for the night because the Lightning were currently on the road. He and TK needed to catch early flights, as they were scheduled to report to Total Mortgage Arena tomorrow at noon for a meeting with the Bridgeport coaching staff and the General Manager Tom Sellars. Both boys had been assigned to Bridgeport instead of returning to New York on the advice of Coach Belanger and Coach Campbell. They'd made decent progress, but neither were ready to return to the big club just yet and were recommended to continue their conditioning in the AHL.

Hayes would be moving back in with Osi, who was about as ecstatic as humanly possible about this, and TK would be staying in an extended-stay hotel suite for which the organization would be paying. TK was grateful; between the fact that his AHL salary was a mere fraction of his NHL salary and the fact that he'd blown most of his NHL money from this year on drugs, he wasn't sure how he'd afford anything decent otherwise.

Osi had offered to take him in with Hayes, but the organization put their foot down. There were rules that these two needed to follow if they had any chance of getting themselves back to the show, one of which was that their interactions were limited to hockey. Outside of the rink, there was to be no contact between them.

"We can still talk at night and stuff, right, baby?" a panic-stricken Teek had asked him when they'd disconnected from the Zoom call during which this information had been laid out for them.

"Yeah, of course," Hayes had reassured him. "They're just…bein' cautious, you know? It won't be forever. Just for a bit, until we get back into the swing of things."

The truth was, Hayes had gotten so accustomed to talking to TK every night while they were in rehab that the thought of not doing it gave him agita. In ditching one set of vices, he'd replaced them with a few more, his friendship with TK being one of them.

Hayes had come to love this young man.

But that's all it was and that's all it could ever be: friendship, especially now that Hayes and Ryan were engaged. They were determined to make this work and though both of them were attracted to other people, they'd decided, as Dr. Rosa had suggested, to limit their bedroom activities to just the two of them. Hayes had informed TK of this, Ryan having done the same with Koski.

Interestingly enough, neither seemed to mind, seeing as those two had both had major bi-awakenings, having taken to fucking each other like a couple of horned up ducks to water. The few other weekends Hayes had spent with Ryan when the Lightning was home, TK had spent in Joss's apartment. Hayes had FaceTimed him the day after he'd first stayed the night with Joss to see how it had gone.

"Baby, I can't even put it into words. The way that man sucked on my dick? I've never gotten head like that before. And you know I've gotten a fuck ton of head. Like, there should be a requirement that everyone should have to get sucked off by Joss Koskinen at least once before they die. It should be a rite of passage or some shit. I came so fucking hard I saw stars."

Hayes had rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the jealousy he felt knowing that Joss had blown his fiancé on several occasions and wondering if he'd gotten Ryan off harder. "Guessin' it was a good night," he'd mumbled.

"Aww, don't be like that. Truth time? Your cock is way prettier than his, baby."

"Yeah? You mean it?"

"Absolutely. There isn't a cock on Earth prettier than yours. You know I'm obsessed with it. Ryan's very lucky."

"I think he may have finally figured that out."

"What do you mean?"

Hayes had stuck his right hand in front of the camera.

TK gasped. "Ty fucking Hayes. Is that what I think it is?"

He'd nodded. "He asked me to marry him while I was tacklin' my crow's feet in his bathroom mirror. Who said romance is dead, eh?"

"You're still using that hyaluronic acid shit I gave you, right, baby?"

"Yes, Teek."

Hayes noticed TK's eyes welling up. "Good. And Ty? I'm really happy for you. I know how much you love him and I'm glad he's jumping on that shit because you're a catch. A real one. You deserve all of this. You know that, right? That you deserve this?"

"I think for once…I do, Teek. I think I do."

"Ty Hayes: we made it. We didn't think we would, but we did. We made it, baby."

???

"So, if you get too cold, there are extra blankets in the hall closet. You know what? Let me just go get one…"

"Woman, stop!" Hayes grabbed Amara by the arm to prevent her from leaving the room. "I can get a fuckin' blanket if I need one."

"I know," she said, sitting down on the bed next to him. "I just want you to be comfortable."

"I am. Everything is perfect, really. Tonight was awesome."

And it was.

They'd ordered way too much junk food, then played a few rounds of Clue, the directions for which had really thrown Hayes for a loop.

"Alright, so I have the pipe. Now what?"

"Dammit!" Jake and Amara yelled at the same time. Then Amara added, "You aren't supposed to say what you have."

"OK. This is fuckin' impossible," he bitched, as they collected the cards back, shuffled them, and restarted the game for the third time in a row, with Hayes somehow managing to pull off the W at the end of that one.

"Alright. It's the red bitch in the library with the candlestick." He checked the envelope and threw his hands up. "Oh, shit. I won! Third time's a charm, eh?"

He'd spent the last hour or so holding JT before he decided he had to get some sleep, as his flight was at 6:20 a.m.

Amara watched him carefully as he sat on the bed, noticing the change in his body language as he stared off into space. "Ty?" she asked cautiously.

"Hmm?" he replied, lips pressed together and his eyes not moving.

"What's wrong?"

Almost immediately, he reverted back to that 20-year-old kid whose girlfriend had just cheated on him and broken up with him last year. He collapsed onto her and sobbed, triggering her own tears to fall as she held him in her arms, rocking him gently.

After a few minutes, he pulled away and wiped his face. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Tyler. You know you can be as vulnerable as you want with me. Always. Talk to me. Please."

He clasped his hands in his lap and leaned forward. "I am scared to death that I'm gonna fuck this up, Mar."

"Fuck what up?"

"Everything. I've…been having thoughts. Cravings, they call ‘em. But like, I wanna get fucked up again. Slam shots, rip lines, pop a few oxys. And I'm scared that I…won't be strong enough to say no, like, if somethin' presents itself. You know?"

"That's a totally normal part of recovery, Ty. You know that. The cravings are always gonna be there. But you? You're strong enough. If anyone is strong enough, it's you."

"I'm so scared for TK. Because I don't know if he's strong enough to do this either. We're both, like, ridin' this high of finally bein' sober, of gettin' back to the ice. And I just…when that's over, and things return to normal? Or, like, what if I hurt my shoulder again? And Rook. I don't wanna…" He burst into tears again. "I don't wanna…let him down and have him…leave me again."

"Hey? Look at me," she said, reaching a hand to his face and turning it toward her. "Ryan isn't going anywhere. There is no one who loves you more than he does, Tyler. He asked you to marry him, for God's sake. He's yours. Whether you want him or not, you're stuck with that pain-in-the-ass man."

Hayes nodded, wiping his eyes again. "I hope so. Because I'll fuckin' die without him. That much I know. Anyway, listen. I meant to ask you how you've been feelin'. I know Rook said you were strugglin' for a bit. Has it, like…gotten better?"

"Yeah. It has. I mean, I fought it for a long time, but I needed to get on something to get my hormones under control. After you give birth, they call it a ‘hormone dump' and it leads to all kinds of weird thoughts. Postpartum depression. So, I take a small dose each day to just kinda…regulate things." She shrugged. "Thought I was strong enough to do it on my own. Turns out, I needed help."

"I feel that."

"Yeah. But it's…I'm feeling better now. Thanks for asking." She leaned over and kissed his head. "You need to get some sleep, OK? You gotta get up early."

"I'm gonna miss you guys so much. And JT. And Rook. I wish…" He shook his head. "I wish I could just stay here."

"I do, too. But your life awaits you up there, baby. You're gonna be a star. Shit, you already are. But you're gonna go on to do so many other amazing things. And you're gonna do it on your own, make a name for yourself."

"I, uh…I've already made a name for myself. So has Teek. Have you seen some of the shit they're sayin' about us? Mar, it's…brutal. There's no other word. We're scumbags, we're junkies, we're fags, Rook can do so much better, they should trade us, kick us outta the league. One dude literally said that Teek should just put a bullet in his head. And he had over 1000 likes. I mean, there's been a lot of support for us, too. But you know how it goes. For some reason, a few negative words are always louder than a million positive ones. It's…it sucks."

"It does. So why don't you set the record straight?"

"What do you mean?"

"Tell your story, Tyler. Ryan's telling his."

"I ain't writin' a book, babe."

"Who said anything about a book? Can't you like, address the issue to the public, on social media or something?"

"Yeah, my agent said to keep quiet, to let him handle it. That it'd be better for my brand, whatever the fuck that means."

"Who pays your agent?"

"I do."

"And who does your agent work for?"

"Me."

"There you go. You're in charge of your own life, Ty. You've been through something traumatic, you came out on top, and you wanna set the record straight. I don't see any reason why you can't do that. You and TK. At the end of the day, this is your life." She got up from the bed and headed toward the door, before turning back to face him. "You get to tell the story. Make it one you're proud of, OK? I love you, Ty."

"Love you too, babe."

As she closed the door, Hayes sighed, reached for his phone, and shot a quick text to TK.

H: Hey. After the meeting with brass tomorrow, we need to talk. I got something I wanna run by you. I think we need to come clean.

TK: Anything you want, baby.