How Could You? （18）

It was just past 8 p.m. when Jake pulled into the driveway after picking Ryan and Hayes up from the airport. Aside from greetings, the ride had been mostly quiet. Hayes, having taken way more oxys than he should've in an attempt to numb his rib pain, slept for almost the entire flight and was just starting to come to as they reached the house.

Jake parked, turned the car off, and looked at Ryan, who was seated next to him. "I need a word with Hayes."

"Of course," Ryan said. "I'll get the bags." He exited the car as Jake popped the trunk.

"Hey?" Jake turned to face Hayes in the backseat. "Look at me. She is very pregnant, very emotional, and very angry with you. She's also the love of my life and I'm not gonna let her get hurt. So, you? You let her say what needs to be said, OK? You did this and it's important for you to understand how it's affecting other people. I know you guys have some shit to work through. Have at it, but I don't wanna see her too upset. You understand me?"

Hayes nodded, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. "Relax, Prince Charming. I'd fuckin' cut my own throat before I hurt her. Don't act like you don't know that."

"I'm just making it clear."

They both got out of the car, Jake moving to help Ryan with the bags as Baylor came running down the driveway and right to Hayes. He barked a couple times, nuzzling the side of Hayes's leg.

"Hey, buddy," he said sadly. "Wow, you got big, eh?" He patted his head, pushed him away gently, and began walking toward the house, where Amara stood in the doorway.

She leaned against the door frame with her arms crossed and resting on top of her huge belly. Jake kissed her on the cheek, whispered something into her ear, and walked past her into the house, with Ryan following. She pulled the door closed, leaving just the two of them outside. Hayes approached, then stopped about five feet from her, their eyes locked in gaze.

Neither of them said a word.

For a while.

Finally, she broke the silence. "You fucked up, Tyler."

He kept his eyes on hers. "I know that."

"Do you know what Ry's been going through? Do you understand the pain that man is feeling? Do you…"

"Yes, Mar. I know…"

"Don't you dare interrupt me!" she yelled, cutting him off and waddling toward him, the sight of which caused him to smirk, something he quickly regretted. "And what the hell is funny right now?"

"You're just…fuckin' huge, babe. That's all. You're beautiful though, really. You've…Mar, you've never looked more beautiful."

"Don't kiss my ass!" she spat, reaching out, grabbing him by his sweatshirt collar, and pulling him close to her. He immediately dropped his head onto her shoulder and she felt him begin to shake as he wept freely onto it. "Good," she cried. "You deserve to cry. You need to…feel like shit and remember this…so it never happens again."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I never meant to hurt him. Or you."

They broke away from each other and she motioned that she wanted to sit down on the front steps. He held her hand as she lowered herself, sitting down carefully next to her, their legs touching slightly. "You know what he's most worried about?" she said quietly, keeping hold of his hand.

"What's that?"

"You and TK. He thinks you're cheating with him."

Hayes nodded slowly.

"Are you cheating with him?" she asked bluntly.

Hayes didn't answer.

"Tyler. Are you cheating with him?"

"Actively cheating? No. But…somethin' kinda…happened."

She yanked her hand away, disgusted. "Oh. My God."

"It was just one time, and I was…"

"I don't wanna hear it."

"Mar, I was fucked up on heroin and I hallucinated. I thought…I thought I was…I thought I was in bed with Rook…"

She scoffed, shaking her head. "There are so many problems with what you just said, Tyler. And heroin? You're doing heroin now?"

"I'm not doin' heroin. I did it once. The night he got traded, I couldn't…Mar, I wanted to fuckin' die."

"Jesus Christ, Ty. You cheated on him the night he got traded? The body wasn't even cold yet."

"I didn't cheat. I mean, technically, yes, but I didn't…I wasn't…" He paused, dropping his head and smacking himself in the forehead a few times. "Fuck. It was an…accident."

"An accident? Tripped, fell, and landed on it, did you? Accident. That's the story you're gonna go with?" She shook her head. "How could you, Ty? You're his entire fucking world. Do you even…" she teared up, trying to hold it back. "Do you even understand what he went through, what we went through, just to get him to a place where he could be in a committed relationship? He's worked so damn hard on himself, and he loves you so damn much. You're gonna destroy him. You know that, right?"

"I know that. Of course I know that. Which is why I wasn't gonna…I mean, I wasn't gonna…tell him."

"Who the fuck are you?" she yelled, attempting, unsuccessfully, to stand up. Hayes got up and grabbed her hands, pulling her to her feet. He winced slightly, but thankfully the oxys were keeping him from feeling too much pain. She slapped his hands away. "Who even are you anymore?"

"Who the fuck am I?" he snapped. "You've got some nerve there, babe. You ever tell your man about that?" He pointed at her bump.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "About what?"

"Interesting timin', eh? You gonna pretend you don't remember what happened after I left the hospital? Before you moved, when I came over to ‘talk'?"

"That was…no." She dismissed him.

"You ever tell him? Because if you recall, I got permission. Did you? Get Jake's permission before you fucked me one last time?"

She turned away from him, crossing her arms. "Ty…"

"Is it? Because neither of us had a condom, Mar. And we did it anyway."

She shook her head, still facing away from him. "I…took a Plan B."

"Did you?"

She flipped around. "Yes, Ty! I did. The math wouldn't even work anyway. Physically impossible. It's…Jake's. OK? It's Jake's." She looked away. "It has to be Jake's."

"Right. You keep fuckin' tellin' yourself that. I'll just make sure I come around on holidays."

Before she'd moved to Florida, she'd spent a little time with each of them alone so she could say goodbye. Her time with Ryan had mostly been spent with him gushing about how in love with Hayes he was, but her time with Hayes had ultimately led to them having sex.

Before they'd done the deed, he'd called Ryan. And Ryan, cognizant of what a complicated situation the three of them had, gave him the green light.

"Look," Ryan had said. "Whateveryou have to do, you do. So long as we agree to never, ever talk about this again. Ever."

She'd always been a bit of a gray area with both of them anyway.

Amara had done the math; the timeline didn't work.

That was, until she'd gone to the doctor last week and they moved her due date up two weeks based on the fetal measurements, admitting that they'd gotten the original date wrong.

That? Made the timeline at least plausible, combined with the fact that she had meant to take a Plan B, but with all the chaos of the move, she couldn't remember if she actually had.

"It's Jake's, not yours. And I'm sorry, but you're gonna tell Ryan what happened or I will."

Hayes wiped his eyes and started back toward the house.

"Hey!" she called desperately, his back turned toward her. "Tyler, I…you know I wouldn't fuck up your career. You're too young. It…I would never."

He stopped walking. "Yeah. And you know I wouldn't fuck up your perfect little life with Jake. So…forget it. The math, right? Just like you said." He turned back to face her and pointed at her. "But if that kid grows up to be an NHL all-star with a giant fuckin' cock, we both know why."

He opened the door to the house and went inside, not waiting for her. He made his way through the foyer and turned into the living room, where Ryan and Jake were seated on opposite couches, both messing around on their phones.

Ryan noticed Hayes standing there. "Hey. Are you…"

"Rook, we need to talk," he interrupted solemnly. "Now."

Ryan stood up, nervously putting his phone in his pocket and walking toward his boyfriend. "Hayes? Is everything OK?"

"We need to talk. Now."

???

"What's the…what's wrong?" Ryan asked, as they entered Amara"s office, Hayes pulling the door shut behind them. "Hayes? Talk to me."

"I, uh, I…," Hayes fumbled, pacing back and forth while running a hand through his hair. "Shit. So, this is a big step for me, for us, and I feel like everything's about to change."

"Yeah, it is. That's kind of the point. You can't keep going like this."

"But like, I think we need to be honest with each other. About everything…"

"Hayes?" Ryan asked cautiously. "What's going on?"

"Sit."

"OK," Ryan agreed, immediately having a seat on the bed and patting it. "Come sit, too."

Hayes shook his head. "Nah. Listen, I'm just gonna say it. The night you left, I couldn't take it. I asked for somethin' strong, to take all the pain away, so TK shot me up with heroin…"

"You did heroin?"

"Yes, and…"

Ryan nodded, biting his bottom lip. "You let that motherfucker shoot you up? With heroin?"

"Yes. And apparently, heroin causes this like, insanely vivid dream-like state, especially the first high. He stayed the night to make sure I was OK. Long story short, I ended up thinkin' he was you and I hooked up with him. We didn't have sex, though. We didn't even kiss…"

Ryan's face dropped. "Then what did you do, Tyler?"

"Um…" He paused, taking a deep breath and blowing it out. "Jerked each other off a little and then we…docked. I swear to God, in my head it was you."

"Well, considering neither of us has foreskin, Hayes? That sounds like bullshit."

"I know. But I absolutely believed it was you up until the moment I opened my eyes and realized it wasn't. I know that sounds like bullshit, but it's the truth, Rook. God"s honest truth."

Ryan leaned back, lying flat on the bed and covering his eyes with his hands. "It doesn't sound…like bullshit. It is…bullshit." Ryan took a few deep breaths. He could feel it coming on, but he fought it hard. "Tyler…"

"I'm not done," Hayes continued. "Thanksgiving night, I started havin' all these crazy thoughts outta nowhere. I Ubered to the East Washington Avenue Bridge and thought about jumpin'. I wanted to end it all, Rook. But I thought about you and I couldn't do it. Teek came and got me and we decided to get clean together, but clean ended up being a schedule of round the clock hits of oxy and coke just to keep us functional.

"We went out the night before my birthday. He rented the Lambo and took me to a strip club. We did molly and he paid two of the girls to blow us, but I didn't. I smacked off watching him get head from both of them, though. Sometime after that, we wrecked. I don't…even know how it happened."

Ryan didn't move. Hayes sat down on the edge of the bed, clutching his side as his ribs started to hurt since the oxys were beginning to wear off.

"Tyler. I don't know what to say or think right now."

"Me neither. But I wanted to be honest with you. You deserve that much."

"Gee, thanks!" Ryan scoffed. "You know docking is like, one of the most intimate things two guys can do with each other, right? Christ, Hayes. I'd rather you'd just fucked him."

"Ryan, I'm sorry. It wasn't…it wasn't me."

"Did it feel good?"

"Rook, don't…"

"Did it?" Ryan asked desperately, tears pooling in his eyes and overflowing onto his cheeks. "Did it feel good, Tyler?"

"I mean, yeah. But…"

"Did you cum? Did he make you cum?"

"No. He came. I puked my fuckin' guts up."

"Good!" Ryan spat. "I hope it burned."

Neither of them had any clue what to say next. Hayes listened as Ryan's breathing labored, knowing he was in the throes of a panic attack. He thought about asking if he needed some help grounding himself, but Ryan was able to self-regulate it after a few minutes.

"Do you hate me?" Hayes finally asked.

Ryan sat up. "No, I don't hate you, Ty."

He was oddly calm.

"Good." Hayes reached for Ryan's hand, but he pulled away. "Rook?"

"And listen, I'm gonna have to…learn how to navigate this, but I promise I won't let this take precedence over your recovery. You're…you clearly need help, Tyler. I'm still gonna support you while you get clean, OK? I'll still be your point of contact and I'll see this through with you. Just because we're not together doesn't mean I won't…"

"What the fuck do you mean ‘not together'?" He reached again for Ryan's hand, and again, he pulled it away. "Rook, I love you."

"And I love you. So much. But Hayes? You know I can't stay with you now. You know that, right?"

"Rook? I don't understand. What are you sayin'?" he asked, his voice quivering.

"I'm saying…I can't be your boyfriend anymore."