16. Nicholas

16

I love you.

The one little word had expanded into the whole phrase, radiating through my every thought, always at the back of my mind no matter how much I tried to push it away. It'd gotten so much worse since last night, something impossible to ignore each time I looked over at Parker, each time he spoke a single word. It was one of the reasons I'd suggested we go on a hike this morning, hoping that the fresh air would've been enough to clear my head…

But I was having no such luck.

I'd barely remembered packing the rope, blindfold, and blanket, something I must've done in some sort of haze, my waking thoughts fuzzy with wanting Parker. That was beginning to feel like my whole existence, just different shades of wanting Parker, yearning for him to be closer to me, yearning for him to understand how much I wanted him without needing to ever voice the thoughts running through my head.

I reached for his jacket, slowly pulling it away from his body. I pulled off his shirt next, before repeating the motion with his shirt, his jeans, his boxers, his shoes, his socks. I didn't stop until Parker was fully naked in front of me, his bare skin pressed up against the tree's bark.

Fuck.

It was a bewitching sight.

It felt like something out of an art history museum, the contrast between Parker and nature, the age of the tree and the youth of his face, anyone seeming young in comparison to such impossibly old branches and roots. I gently reached out toward his face, my palm resting against his cheek as I took in the sight of him, my beautiful Parker as beautiful as ever, the sun shining down on his skin, the fresh air mingling with his perfect scent.

Even now, as I gingerly tied him to the tree in front of us, my hands working around one of its roots and his back, I wanted him to become a mind reader. I wanted him to look into my eyes and suddenly get it, suddenly understand that I'd never wanted anyone more than him, that he was mine in a way I'd never thought was possible.

"That feels like a really good knot," Parker said, breaking me out of my momentary trance. There was a smirk on his face, as always, amusement lighting up his expression. "You're not thinking about leaving me here for dead, are you?"

"Very funny, Parker."

"I'm just saying that you could. I wouldn't be suspecting it. And this knot is pretty tight so it's really the perfect crime?—"

"I would never hurt you, Parker. Ever."

"I know," Parker murmured, his tone turning serious. "I'd never hurt you, either, for the record. At least, not on purpose."

"But by accident?"

"Accidents happen all the time," Parker murmured again, his mind seeming to drift somewhere else. "People make mistakes, even when they're trying their best."

"Hmm," I hummed, as I finished securing him against the tree.

I love you.

The phrase ran through my head again and I winced away from it.

"Nicholas?" Parker's voice was low. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," I said, breathily. "I just… love seeing you like this. You're so… vulnerable against such a powerful backdrop. I was just taking in the contrast of it all. Like staring too long at a painting."

"You should… take a picture."

"What?"

"So, you can always look back at it?" he suggested. "Besides, it'd be nice for me to have one, too. You can send it to me after you take it."

"I don't know if that's?—"

"Please, Nicholas? For me?" Parker pleaded. "And for you, too. We don't know how much time we really—we don't know if we'll ever see each other again?—"

"I'm not going to make it that easy to get rid of me, Parker."

"I don't really know if that's up to either of us, Nicholas." Parker sadly shrugged. "It's just a matter of timing. It's just a matter of being practical?—"

"Your camera or mine?" I cut him off, not wanting him to explain to me how things could never work out between us, not wanting him to remind me of my own advice.

"Yours." He flashed me a small smile. "I want to see how I look from your point of view."

I nodded before I pulled out my phone, taking a few steps away from him. I then snapped a picture of him against the tree, the painting-like quality not fading even as it shifted from real life to digital. Afterwards, I shot him a text with the photo attached to it, before putting my phone right back in my pocket.

"How did I look?" Parker asked, looking over at me.

"Parker, I…" I wanted to start my confession, wanted to tell him that I didn't want anything to do with being practical, wanted to tell him that I'd belong to him if he'd belong to me.

Instead, I retreated somewhere safe, somewhere familiar. "Parker, I want you to open your mouth."

Parker did as he was told, opening his mouth in anticipation of me. I reached for the blindfold that was beside him, expertly tying it around his eyes. For some reason, it was easier this way, when I knew he couldn't see my face, when I knew he couldn't guess at my expression. I was terrified that how I felt about him was becoming way too obvious, that if he realized that I was already in love territory, he might've backed away from this whole thing.

I kissed him once he was blindfolded, my tongue slipping between his lips. The kiss was deep and filled with need, every part of me calling out for every part of him. It went on like that for what felt like forever, Parker returning my kiss with just as much fervor. I couldn't tell if the warmth blooming between us was just the result of two overheated bodies that'd been hiking in the sun or if it was just our connection, an invisible string encircling the both of us, drawing us closer, reaching out from each of our chests.

I love you?—

No.

I pressed the phrase back into the depths of me as I rose from the ground. Parker, still on his knees, turned his head up toward me, blindfolded. I moved as quietly as I could possibly move, as I started to undo my belt, and pulled down my pants and boxers. A few seconds later and I was pressed against him, my cock at his lips, gently sliding its way into his mouth.

Parker easily took each inch of me, his lips moving alongside my shaft as soon as my tip reached the back of his throat. It was as natural as always between us, the kind of perfect fit that seemed uncomplicated and all too simple. I groaned as I began to buck my hips against his mouth, moving my shaft in and out of him as he chased after it, his tongue never too far away from my sensitive slit.

"Fuck… Parker…" I moaned his name as I steadily fucked his mouth, my head resting against the tree above him. "Parker…"

Parker didn't make a sound in response, instead increasing his pace against me, bobbing his head even faster than before. I kept up with his change of pace, my hips matching his rhythm, neither of us slowing down. I groaned as I felt myself starting to come for him, my cock throbbing as I spilled my come down his throat. I stayed in place against him as I caught my breath, not wanting to move away from him, not wanting to sever our connection for anything in the world.

I love you.

I love you, Parker.

Eventually, I sunk down beside him on the forest floor.

"Nicholas? You're still there, right?"

I smiled to myself as I reached down between us, my hand gripping onto his already hardened shaft. I quietly began to pump him, my fist moving up and down the length of him. I kissed him again as I worked his cock, capturing every groan that came out of his lips, all of them landing right on my tongue. I moved my hand even faster against him, then, wanting to feel him come right in my palm, wanting to hear him cry out for me and have it reverberate in my own mouth.

"Nicholas… Nicholas…" Parker whimpered as he came for me, falling apart in my grip. I pressed my head against his as he finished, his frame shivering, his breath coming quick in his chest. I could barely stand the sight of it, how beautiful he looked, how much I wanted to keep him for myself, how much I needed to?—

"Stay with me," I said, the words tumbling out of my mouth before I had a chance to catch them.

"What?" Parker sounded surprised by the suggestion.

"Stay with me," I repeated, as I pulled down his blindfold. "Stay with me, Parker."

"Nicholas, I don't—" Parker shook his head, his confusion now spreading to his features. "You were the one who said you wanted to keep things practical?—"

"I was wrong."

"But I still don't…" Parker's words trailed off as he looked away from me. "How would that really work, Nicholas? There's no way I can stay with you. Not here. I have a whole life waiting for me back at Wild Woods HQ?—"

"Then, I'll have to come with you."

"You would do that… for me?" Parker murmured. "You would give up your whole life here just to be closer to me?"

"You'd be surprised at what I'd be willing to do for you, Parker Evans."

Parker paused for a moment, before he shook his head again. "I can't let you do that, Nicholas."

"Why not?"

"Are you serious?" He let out a tired laugh. "Because you just got the promotion of a lifetime. Because it's so obvious that you planned on building a life here and I'm just a blip on your radar?—"

"You're so much more than that, Parker?—"

"I can't be the reason you make a decision you're not happy with, Nicholas," he pressed. "What's going to happen if you realize you gave up something you really wanted for a relationship that flames out in months? In weeks?"

"You really think that would happen with us?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "But that's the problem. I don't know. And I can't let you do that to yourself."

"You don't get to decide that for me, Parker." I scoffed. "You don't get to make choices for the both of us just because?—"

"I just want you to be happy," he cut me off with a pleading tone. "That's all I want, Nicholas. And I never want you to look at me and think that I'm the reason that you're not."

"That would never happen, Parker," I assured him. "Even if this whole thing blew up in our faces, how could I blame you for that? You're not the only one in this relationship."

"I just… fuck," Parker whispered, and I watched as tears sprang to his face, rolling down his cheeks. "Sorry. I don't know why I'm… I think I'm just really scared. I don't want to mess this up. I've never had something like this with anyone before and I… I don't know if I can really maintain it or if you won't get sick of me in another week or two?—"

"You don't have to be scared," I whispered back, my fingers gently brushing away each and every one of his tears. "Like I said, you're not the only one in this relationship, Parker. We'll figure this out together. I promise."

"Fuck. This is so embarrassing." He chuckled through his tears. "Can you untie me, please? It's bad enough that I'm crying in front of you but doing it while naked and tied up? If anyone passes by, they're definitely going to think you're holding me hostage."

"I don't think we'll have to worry about anyone passing by up here." I smirked before giving him a quick kiss. "But I will untie you, just because you asked nicely. And because this is a pretty awful position to fuck you in."

"You're completely unhinged. You know that?" Parker chuckled again. I grinned as I began to untie him from the tree, my heart feeling so full that I briefly wondered if there was enough room in my chest to support it, if I was going to pass out from utter excitement.

If Parker was really going to give me exactly what I wanted.