5. Leia

Chapter 5

I was sitting in the chair looking out over the garden when Nic crept into the bedroom behind me. He inhaled sharply, and his quiet footsteps stopped.

"Leia?" My name was a murmur on his lips. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." I answered him straight away, the word popping out of my mouth. And I really was okay. My discussion with Sebastian had clarified a lot of things and allowed me to regain control in a life that had been rapidly spiraling away from me.

Compared to a few hours ago, things were actually pretty good.

Nic walked closer and rested a hesitant hand on my shoulder. I pressed my fingers over his, regret for what I must have put him through since the battle lodging in my chest now that my fog was clearing. He'd been so kind and calm in recent days, just waiting for me.

And now I was back. Or working my way there at least.

Some of my old self was battling to be free.

Nic sank to his knees in front of me, his eyes searching mine. "How are you really feeling?"

I cupped his cheek. "Better than I have in a while."

He smiled slowly, and it was like a sunrise to banish away a dark night. On impulse, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, the desire to connect with him again overriding all else.

He rocked back a little under our sudden contact, but his arms wrapped around my waist as he parted his lips. He made a soft mmph sound, and I pressed closer to him, trying to erase the distance I'd created.

I wanted to apologize but I didn't wat to pull away from our kiss. I needed this moment, this connection. I wanted us back.

Like he could read each of my thoughts, Nic tugged me toward him, spilling me onto the floor but catching me to soften my fall as he leaned over me, deepening our kiss. I pushed at his jacket, trying to dislodge it from his broad shoulders, and he lifted away for a moment to shrug it off completely before he returned to kiss me.

His hand cupped my breast and I sighed with how right it felt to be touched by him again, like I was his to touch. I wanted that. I wanted Nic to acknowledge me as his, to display his right to touch me in ways I wouldn't allow anyone else.

There was something primal about that, and I worked my hand between us to cup the sudden bulge in his pants. I grinned slightly, stretching my lips against his, at the promise it held, and a shiver fluttered through me.

But he drew carefully away. "Not tonight," he whispered. "Let me just kiss you tonight."

I was about to protest but he pressed his lips to the side of my jaw and moved them down my neck in soft teases. I leaned away, offering more of myself to him.

"I want you, Leia," he mumbled. "But I want you properly. When you're ready. Not now. Not on the floor. Not when you might just be back."

I wanted to protest that I was ready. Of course I was ready. But then Nic folded me against him, pressing me to his body, holding me, and I relaxed completely, breathing him in.

We stayed that way, our silence full and rich and comfortable until he finally helped me up and we made our way to the bed.

I woke the next day with fresh purpose. Nic had held me closer all night, his lips seeming to rest against my neck just above my pulse point. His joy had been plain to see when he returned home and I spoke to him, and for a moment guilt skittered through me at the things I hadn't told him about my walk in the garden.

But what did it matter? I'd found a solution to my problem without needing to ask him again. Surely, he'd be glad about that in the long run? Sebastian turning me would benefit Nic as much as it would me—maybe more so because Nic wouldn't have to worry about my safety going forward, wouldn't have to spare any of his men to protect his weak human mate in the middle of an all-out war.

That could only be a good thing, right?

When I stirred in his arms again, Nic kissed my neck, and heat slid through me.

"Good morning." He kissed me again, and I wriggled back against him, smiling sleepily.

"Feels like a very good morning to me, Mr. Dupont."

He groaned a little as I nudged up against his erection then reached behind myself to wrap my fingers around it.

"You're up early today," I whispered, and he groaned again and I stroked up and down his shaft.

It had been too long since felt him move inside me, and I let go of him and turned in his arms so that I faced him.

Now that I'd found my solution, the anger I'd been carrying had started to recede and I had space again, I wanted Nic. I could love him the way he needed again.

My strength of feeling for him almost took me by surprise.

I'd missed him.

Missed us.

He buried his face at the crook of my neck and inhaled. "Fuck, you smell good, Leia."

I grinned. "I do?"

He inhaled again. "You smell like…mine."

For a moment, my heart faltered, but then I reached for him again, taking his arousal into my hand and sending tremors through him. I was his. Nothing would change that.

"Always," I breathed as he began to press a line of kisses along my jaw.

Then his hands were on my breasts, and I arched toward him, offering more of myself to his touch. He bent toward me and sucked my right nipple into his mouth, his tongue toying with the sensitive flesh, and I released a breath as I wove my fingers into his hair and held him close.

I'd missed this. I'd almost forgotten what his love felt like.

I pressed my thighs together to calm the sudden ache between them, and Nic released a ragged breath.

"You smell so good," he whispered as his fingers skimmed my hip. "I want to taste you."

I shook my head, denying his request. "I want you inside me," I countered as I tugged gently on his hair, urging him to look me in the eye so I could kiss him properly.

He rolled me to my back so he leaned over me, kissing me hungrily, and I twined my arms around his neck as I first coaxed him to gentle the kiss then took control from him and deepened it again.

My desire for him consumed me like a hot burning flame, and I parted my legs without even thinking about it as he shifted position. The tip of his cock nudged against me, and I exhaled in relief that he wouldn't delay this part.

I needed him.

I pressed downward a little, inviting him inside me, and his hand fisted in my hair, forcing me to meet his gaze as he slowly filled me. Then he claimed my mouth again, teasing me with his tongue against mine, invading my mouth just as surely as he did my body.

I caught my breath as he began to move, his pace unhurried, and my neck tingled like some sort of automatic response to sex with Nic. As he thrust faster inside me, I broke our kiss and tilted my head away, exposing the curve on my neck for him. His eyes darkened as he looked at it.

"Bite me," I whispered, but pain flared briefly in his gaze.

"I shouldn't."

"It's been a while since the last time. You only need to take a little."

Almost like he couldn't help himself, he dropped his head closer until his warm breath skated over my skin, and his hips lost their rhythm for a moment, until I clutched him to me, my short fingernails pressing into his back.

I bucked against the first slice of his fangs, before the ecstasy his venom induced set in. Then I whispered his name and moved against him, encouraging him faster. I reached between us and gently rolled my clit under my finger, seeking my own release too. My movement seemed to drive his excitement level higher.

My orgasm took me by surprise, crashing over me as Nic pulled gently at my neck and thrust powerfully into me. His speed increased until he just seemed to hang, suspended in time, and his cock jerked.

He slowed the drawing at my neck until his tongue flickered over my skin and his lips merely rested there. I relaxed completely, lifeless and Jell-O-like beneath him. Completely sated and relaxed.

"Good morning," I said again.

He pressed a soft kiss to my lips. "Morning." He hesitated as he looked at me, his gaze turning a little wary as he drew away, like he expected me to say more, but I hid my smile.

I had a plan, and I wouldn't ask Nic to turn me today. I didn't need to. The way his face relaxed as it became apparent that I wouldn't ask my usual question was all the reassurance I needed that I'd chosen the right course of action by taking Nic out of that particular equation.

"What've you got planned for today?" I spoke as he started to disentangle our limbs and ease from the bed.

He grinned at me over his shoulder as he headed to the bathroom. "Sadly, Kyle requires my presence again, so I need to go, unless I receive a more tempting offer…?"

I sighed and stretched, ignoring his question. More time in bed with Nic sounded like bliss, but I was meeting Sebastian at The Pour House. "Who do you have coming to babysit me today?"

He narrowed his eyes slightly. "Aimée isn't babysitting you. She's worried after…" He swallowed and gestured. "After, you know."

Yes, I knew. After I watched Francois kill Dad. "I know. And I'll be glad to see her. Hurry up in the shower; I need to get ready." My stomach grumbled loudly. "Chef's beignets," I murmured. It would probably be the last time I could enjoy them. For a moment, my resolve faltered. "Do you like the beignets?" I asked Nic.

His eyebrows drew down quizzically but then he answered the question. "I suppose I appreciate them more than like them."

I nodded. That would have to do. If I could grow to appreciate Chef's food after I turned, I'd be happy.

"Join me?"

"Hmm?" I focused on him again, realizing he'd asked me a question while I was distracted.

"I'll wash your hair for you…" He dangled the prospect like a treat I couldn't resist.

I climbed out of bed and took his hand, letting him lead me into the bathroom.

"Wash my hair?" I questioned quietly after he turned on the water and the bathroom began to fill with steam.

He glanced at me, his eyes full of heat. "And anywhere else you think might be a little dirty?" He phrased it as a question, and I grinned as I leaned against him and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Oh, I'm often dirty." I kissed him but not softly.

I kissed him like I meant it, like we hadn't just woken up in the best way possible a few minutes earlier, and he responded straight away, weaving his fingers into my hair and holding my head in place as he bit gently on my bottom lip.

He drew away. "Then I might need to clean you very thoroughly indeed."

I nodded and took his hand as he stepped into the oversized shower cubicle. He drew me briefly through the spray then lathered his hands with some sweet-smelling liquid soap before smoothing his palms over my skin, his firm, slow touches both deliberate and sensual.

He rinsed the suds from me and kissed me where my collarbone met the base of my neck before trailing his mouth lower still, over the upper curve of my breast. I inhaled softly and cupped the back of his head.

Sliding from my grasp, he ran his fingers down my waist before taking gently hold of my hips and kneeling in front of me. His gaze met mine. "Quality control," he murmured before probing delicately in the folds between my legs.

I gasped as he nudged against my clit and backed against the cold tiles as my knees threatened to buckle when he did it again.

There was mischief in his gaze when he looked at me this time, leaning forward and lifting one of my legs to prop on his shoulder. I wobbled and pressed against his head for balance.

"What? Nic?" I closed my eyes.

"Shh," he whispered before his lips ghosted over me, and I clenched my jaw against a moan.

His tongue touched me next. Such a clever tongue… able to find something so small with no problem at all. He sucked my clit into his mouth, and I tightened my fingers around his hair, surrendering myself to the sensations rolling through me.

As he continued with his mouth, he pressed a finger inside me, and I clenched around him as I moaned softly.

His sweet assault on me intensified until I couldn't think at all. Couldn't remember his name, didn't know my own. I was lost to everything except how he made me feel. I clenched tighter against him as waves of pleasure crashed over me and my body throbbed in response.

Nic steadied me, taking my weight when I would have lost the ability to stand. He rose, pulling me against him as my breathing steadied. I reached for him again, finding him hard and heavy.

He drew a sharp breath and would have stepped away, but I tightened my hold slightly as I lowered myself in front of him. It was my turn to offer him pleasure.

"You don't need—" he started.

"Shh," I whispered. I knew what I needed and what I wanted, and both of those things were Nic.

I pretended to soap him the way he'd soaped me, but really, I was just running my fingers over his skin, luxuriating in the feel of him. And I had an almost hyper-awareness of his erection, and the way it jutted toward me like it was waiting for my attention.

All in good time.

I kept my touches casual, sweeping his abs, teasing across his upper thighs, and he closed his eyes as his teeth pressed gently on his lower lip.

"Leia." He sounded a little tortured.

"Yes?" I kept my tone light and a little preoccupied, like I didn't know the effect I was having on him. It was the exact effect I wanted, and I almost didn't dare hope I could drive him as crazy as he drove me.

I lowered myself to my knees… an appropriate position to worship him from. Then I pressed a kiss to the center of his thigh, and waited a moment, my lips still in contact with his skin.

He wove his fingers into my hair, and I grinned as I licked a slow trail up his leg, heading in one direction—the only direction I wanted to go. His fingers tightened slightly, but he didn't direct me in any way.

I nuzzled his cock, just feeling the hot hardness against my cheek as I cupped his balls gently in my hand, taking their weight. He drew a soft breath, and I lifted myself higher to press a kiss to the tip, swirling my tongue across the bead of precum that I found there.

He tensed, the muscle of his thigh contracting under my palm, and he hissed an exhale. Opening my mouth wide, I sucked the head of his cock between my lips and just maintained my suction for a moment. Then I ran the flat of my tongue down the underside of his shaft as I lowered my head, taking more of him into my mouth.

I'd expected him to move, but he didn't. He remained perfectly still as I got used to the size and feel of him. Each time I bobbed my head, I took a little more, and I worked my hand up and down anything I couldn't fit, timing the stroking with the movement of my head.

Nic's breathing quickened, and his hips began to pump ever so gently, the movement encouraging rather than off-putting or overwhelming.

"Leia," he mumbled and tried to draw back.

I shook my head and hummed a reply, not letting up. He pressed his fingers tighter and inhaled a gasping breath as his cock jerked in my mouth and I swallowed convulsively as I kept my lips wrapped tightly around him.

He breathed deeply for a few moments, before touching my shoulder. I released his cock from my mouth and he wrapped an arm around me as I stood against him, savoring the peace I found in his arms and his presence.

"So you're feeling better? Like really?" Aimée glanced at me over the rim of her goblet. It contained blood, and my stomach turned at the thought.

I wasn't clear how I'd get past the part of being made to feel nauseated by the idea of drinking blood, but that was something I could figure out later.

"Really," I agreed as I practically inhaled another beignet. Maybe simple appreciation wasn't good enough for these after all.

I checked my watch. I'd need to leave soon if I was going to meet Sebastian as planned. "I should check in on Nic," I said. "Have you talked to Tomas this morning?"

Aimée's face brightened at the mention of her mate. "I should tell him you're doing better. He'll be so happy."

I nearly laughed. Tomas very rarely expressed any sort of emotion. I certainly couldn't imagine actual happiness, but he made Aimée happy, and that was enough. "I'm going to step into the garden to call Nic. Is that okay?"

Aimée nodded. "I just need to run and get my phone from my purse."

"Take your time." I was already partway out of the room. If I could get off the grounds and call an Uber, I'd be home free. I wanted something anonymous, not the taxi company I'd used before.

As Aimée waved at me on her way up the stairs, I hurried from the house, grabbing my purse on the way out. Then I stood out of view outside the gates and made my call. A nondescript, dark blue car picked me up from the nearest cross street minutes later, and I was on my way, not even daring to look back.

The Pour House was silent and empty when I arrived, and I was confident Ben wouldn't just appear. Nic had already told me he'd asked for Ben's help with the rebuild at the casino in the mornings, so the guy was probably spread pretty thin.

Still, I wasn't about to just waltz in through the front door, so I walked around the back. Ben had even worked wonders in the alley, and I paused for a moment, taking in the gleaming new dumpster and distinct lack of discarded cardboard on the ground. The area looked like Chef could set up an outdoor kitchen and still be within hygiene standards.

As I looked around, trying to take in all the changes, from the general tidiness to the new lighting, to the fresh paintwork, Sebastian materialized effortlessly from one of the shadows.

"Good morning," he murmured, and I had a flashback to the way Nic had greeted me this morning.

Guilt teased through me, but I quashed it with an image of Francois dangling my dad by his throat. Approaching Sebastian had a purpose. It was merely expedient and scientific, and it meant I didn't need to add to Nic's stress every day asking for something he couldn't give me. I was back in charge.

"Are you well?" Sebastian seemed suddenly formal as he bowed slightly and took my hand to brush his lips across my knuckles.

A warning shiver ran through me at the unexpected intimacy of his touch, and the same guilt as before returned. I'd come here for a simple business transaction. A mere service he could provide. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Where do you want to go to do this?" He sounded hesitant, maybe even nervous, and I glanced at him, but his face gave away no trace of emotion. His jaw was set and his mouth firm, his gaze focused straight ahead as we waked toward the side entrance to the bar. "We should probably be somewhere comfortable for you."

At the last moment, I veered to the set of steps that led to the tiny upstairs apartment. I'd never used it for anything other than storage, but the rooms were furnished from whoever had last lived there. Probably someone in the sixties or seventies, looking at some of the colors and styles.

The metal steps echoed and shook a little under Sebastian's boots as we climbed them. I didn't look back.

Initial tendrils of guilt were threatening to become waves of doubt.

What the hell was I doing here with Sebastian? I wanted Nic's bite, not his... but I'd tried asking Nic, and he'd refused. He's refused me every single day.

He knew how important it was to me, and why, and his constant rejection of me hurt. Plus, Sebastian was his brother, someone Nic trusted to fight alongside him. I hadn't approached a stranger. Really, I was keeping things in the family.

I fumbled the keys as I tried to get them into the old lock, and Sebastian closed his hand around mine, helping to steady my grip and aim. I drew in a breath.

The door opened with a creak, and dust had created a thick layer on the surfaces. I threw some of the thin curtains open to try to let some light in, but it didn't improve the atmosphere or assuage my now gaping chasm of doubt. I made a few more nervous movements—unnecessarily shifting mostly forgotten boxes from one pile to another before I turned to Sebastian, my fingers tangled together in front of me.

He stepped a little closer before reaching for my hands and lifting them to hold in his. "Has anyone explained how this works?"

I thought for a moment then shook my head. I didn't recall a detailed explanation, but I'd skimmed snippets about being turned in the Book of Gray. I hadn't focused on the process, though. I'd only wanted to know if being turned would get me what I wanted—being able to match and beat Francois. He wouldn't be expecting any sort of strength or speed from me, so I'd definitely have the element of surprise.

"I know a blood transfer is involved," I offered.

He nodded. "Yes, and it isn't pain-free, I'm afraid. I'll do what I can, but you need to be as comfortable as possible first." He looked around. "Is there a bedroom up here?"

I swallowed my sigh. I'd hoped to just do it out here. "Isn't this okay?" I gestured around us.

He wrinkled his nose. "You should be lying down, I think. In case the pain overwhelms you."

I froze, fear and uncertainty starting a slow creep over the wet surfaces of my bones. "That much pain?"

It never hurt when Nic bit me. Not really. Pleasure made the initial sensation worth it, and the pleasure always came fast and intense.

Sebastian stroked my hair. "I'll try to limit it, and I'll try to take you the other way, but I…I can't guarantee it. Not during a turning."

"Okay." I drew a deep breath, filling my chest with whatever courage I could draw from the stagnant air. "The bedroom's this way."

I opened a door half-hidden behind a stack of boxes. I'd forgotten what was even in these boxes. Something we no longer needed in the bar. One day, I'd sort through them but it wouldn't be today. I was on a different mission.

"Come on then." I left these curtains closed. The less I saw of the process, probably the better. I didn't need to see Sebastian vamp out on me. A huge protective sheet lay over the bed, gray with grime and age, and I whipped it away, coughing as I disturbed the years of dust.

"Lie down." Sebastian gestured toward the bed, like I didn't know where he meant, and I narrowed my eyes at him before complying in silence. I needed to get this over with, not start petty arguments.

Sebastian and I would never be best friends, but we could be amicable for this at least. And we'd need to stay amicable going forward for it to work properly—I guessed a sire needed to be on good terms with their sireling.

"So after you drink my blood, then what?" I lay awkwardly on the bed, unsure how to position myself when all I really wanted to do was curl up and close my eyes until it was all over.

"Well then, you drink mine." Sebastian kept his face matter-of-fact, but his eyes gleamed with an excitement I couldn't name.

My stomach roiled, rebelling against the idea of his blood. "Do I have to do that part?" My mouth filled with warm saliva, spurred by my nausea, and I swallowed carefully.

"That's the magic. But it usually needs to be done more than once." Sebastian spread his hands. "Would you like me to lie down next to you?"

I flinched away at his words. "No." I bit out the word. "No. I mean thank you, but this is just business." Sharing the bed with him would be too intimate. "Nic is my mate. No one else. The only reason we're here now is because Nic keeps saying no, and I need to take control over my own life again. I know what I need to achieve and accomplish, I know how to do it, and Nic wants no part of it, so I'm not going to keep laying that burden on him. That's all this is."

For a moment, Sebastian's eyes clouded and his mouth parted like I'd gut-punched him, but he immediately replaced any hurt with his usual royal expression—slightly snooty, jaw tense.

He nodded. "Of course. This exercise is simply about avenging your father. I understand that." He bowed slightly again. "My queen," he murmured.

I nodded as well, flinching away again as he loomed toward me. "Shit," I ground out, as I placed my hands against his chest. "Just give me a moment."

Sebastian dropped to his knees alongside the bed. "It might be easier if you wriggle closer to the edge. You won't have to see anything. Just offer me your neck."

Without meaning to, I pressed my fingers to the skin over my pulse, the place Nic usually bit me.

"That's right," Sebastian said. "That's where I need to drink from."

But he didn't know what I was thinking. He didn't know this suddenly felt like a betrayal.

But I couldn't afford to make this emotional. I had to go through with it for Dad. For Mom. For me.

I moved my fingers away and gathered my hair, sweeping it under my head so it didn't get in the way. I closed my eyes and turned my head to face away from Nic's brother, conjuring Nic in my head instead. I reached out my hand as if I'd be able to feel him next to me, but I met empty air. A tear crept from beneath my eyelid and ran down the side of my nose.

Then excruciating pain stiffened every muscle in my body, and I inhaled a gasping breath as Sebastian's fangs pierced my skin. It felt like fire and fury, and like I might not survive it.

The pain slammed into me like an out-of-control semi. It was never like this with Nic. It didn't make any sense—it was the exact same action, there wasn't any reason for it to feel so different.

Except there was no love.

"Sebastian." I croaked out his name, and pushed my hand into his hair, trying to force his head away. "It hurts."

My whole body throbbed, amplifying the pain, until even my blood seemed to burn me, like molten lava running through my veins.

The sound of Sebastian sucking didn't change, but as I focused on that noise in the quiet room, I almost began to float. Euphoria began to blur the edges of the pain, but it was different than when Nic fed from me. There was no arousal, no desire…no impending orgasm.

Nothing else existed. Only happiness, only warmth. I didn't even remember why I was doing this. What was I doing again?

Just as I began to relax into the rolling sensation, it was gone, ripped away, replaced by a cold that seeped through every part of me. I shivered as I started to sit up, but my head spun, and I gagged as my stomach twisted and tried to empty. I closed my eyes against the kaleidoscope room and the objects coming in and out of focus, and the sound of snarling permeated my head instead.

The noises continued, returning me to reality with the abruptness of a lightning strike. I gasped as I opened my eyes to see Sebastian fighting with someone equally as quick as him, equally as aggressive, equally as monstrous.

The snarling continued, as Sebastian and his assailant slammed each other into walls before twisting and moving away, each raining blows on the other as they moved in a blur.

"Stop!" The cry ripped from my throat. "Sebastian!"

I touched my neck where two thin streams of blood trickled toward my collarbone.

Sebastian. Someone was attacking him. I stood from the bed, caught between moving away and trying to save Nic's brother. He was my last chance to become a vampire. He couldn't turn me if he died.

A howl of pain erupted from the two fighting men, both obviously vampires, and the rip of flesh sent blood spray spattering over me. I sprang into action, trying to grab one of the rapidly moving limbs and tug, trying to separate them.

"Sebastian," I yelled again, fear making my voice shrill. I turned my attention to the other vampire. "Stop. You're killing him. Stop it! I need him!"

I tugged on the unknown vampire again, but he shifted, and I lost my grip, leaving me spinning into the bed.

I cried out.

Immediately, the snarling and growling stopped.

"Leia?" Nic's voice was thick and gruff, and I glanced up at him, my breathing full of effort as I clutched an arm across my waist.

I shrank away. Nic looked…foreign. Alien. Monstrous.

Attacking Sebastian. Why the hell was he attacking his brother?

Nic's eyes glowed red, his cheekbones were sharp and cast shadows in the hollows of his cheeks. His fangs usually excited me, but right now they were huge and sharp and tinted pink.

I shuddered and shrank away, glancing at Sebastian. His cheek hung in tatters, and he clutched a hand to his face, trying to stem the flow of blood even as it pooled on the apartment floor.

I flicked my gaze back at Nic, and his face creased as he reached for me, but his nails had extended into fangs, and I shrieked as I scrambled away.

This wasn't my Nic.

This monster wasn't my mate.