14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Silas

Ella settles into my arms without hesitation. In fact, she seems more comfortable now than she ever has. When I messaged Abbie, I didn't expect her to show the slightest interest in what I had to say. I certainly didn't anticipate it being the turning point that catapulted Ella right back into my arms.

"I never thanked you for what you did for me that summer," she says. Before I can interject that I almost broke her, she clarifies her stance. "Sometimes I don't remember what happened, like I wake up and think Mom is still here and my friend will be waiting for me at school. Years have passed, and there are times it still hits me all over again. But if not for you helping me process what happened, I probably would have kept burying it and never dealt with the grief."

I rub her arm and let her speak. There wasn't much I could do for her back then but I prayed for her. Every night, I prayed that God would heal her heart and her wounds. One minute, she was having a slumber party with her best friend, but when her friend got sick, Ella's mother offered to take her home. No one knew how much wine her mother had consumed that night, but she ended up driving right off of a bridge outside of town. Mrs. Marshall and Ella's best friend both drowned.

Inhaling a deep breath, I close my eyes and sink deeper into the sofa with Ella.

"What are you thinking about?" Ella asks.

I hum, organizing my thoughts and shooing away the haze of sleepiness. "That you probably don't know how much you helped me because I didn't tell you before I left." I kiss the top of her head and think back on all of the times I felt seen and worthy and loved by her. "I love my big family, but it's hard to get one on one time with either parent. I always seemed to be the one causing all the trouble. People saw me a certain way, but not you."

Ella giggles and leans back to kiss my cheek. "Oh, you are a boatload of trouble, but you're worth it. You've been worth it to me since prom. It almost doesn't seem real that we're here together, both moving back to each other."

My heart races at the thought that this could be the one time I don't mess up. This, right now, might be what my future can look like if only I can keep my wandering mind focused on the goal. I need to explain what I told her friend, Simmy, in the truck, but I'm not sure how to bring it up. Beck and Lev make it look so easy, like admitting their love for the woman who is most perfect for them is like any other sentence uttered on any given day. But it isn't. It's hard. One misstep, one ill placed word, and this whole thing can blow up in my face.

"You're thinking awfully hard," she says. "I see steam coming from that brain."

I groan and go for it. "I'm trying to figure out how to discuss what I said on the ride here."

She sits up to focus her attention on me. "Thank goodness. I've been waiting for you to bring it up."

"Did I put my foot in my mouth with your friend?" I ask.

She palms my cheek and smiles. "No, of course not. If I'm happy, so is Simmy. I'm confused."

"You're confused?" I chuckle and run a hand through my hair. "I was confused earlier, too. But the truth is, I've been in love with you since that summer and I can't think of anything I'd want more than for us to grow close again. And yeah, I'd love to end up married to you one day." Warmth attacks my cheeks as I lay it all on the line.

Ella bites her lip and focuses on my chest while she thinks. I hope she doesn't see how fast my heart beats, but that hope is dashed when she snuggles up to me again, running her hand up my chest to hold fast to me. "You sure you're not jealous of your brothers and their epic romances?"

Am I? Did my feelings for Ella only amplify because I'm jealous of Beck and Lev? One look at the angel in my arms and it's clear that's not true. I fell for Ella long before Beck caught feelings for Vivien, and before Lev ever acted on his interest in Emma. I've been in this longer than either of them despite three years of me royally messing it up.

"I might be a little jealous of how well it's going for them, but that ain't why I love you, Ella Marshall."

She chuckles and snuggles her face deeper into the crook of my neck. "You've been hanging around Judson Baker for too long. You sound more southern than a North Carolina boy should."

I shrug, which bounces her a little but she doesn't miss a beat. She strains upward and pulls my face towards hers. We're kissing without any resolution to the questions in my mind. Does she feel the same way about our future, or will it take her longer to come to the realization that I mean it when I say I'll love her for the rest of my life?

Her kisses trail from my lips to my jaw, stalling my heartbeat. If the woman doesn't want what I want, she's got a funny way of showing it. She presses tiny, feather light kisses all the way to my ear, then whispers, "You stole my heart at prom and never gave it back, Silas." It's still not a definitive answer, but I'll take it.

I shift and grab her around the waist. Ella squeals, but before any more kissing can be had, she starts coughing. It's obvious she's still not fully well, so I settle her back on the sofa and stand. "You, my lady, are still sick. Chasing after a calf all afternoon probably didn't help. Let me clean up, then I'll take you home for some rest."

"No," she whines. "Snuggle me and I'll be fine."

I'm going to need all the strength the Lord can give me with her, because it's so hard not to crack and snatch her up, run to the church, and sign on the dotted line if only so I can snuggle her all night long. "Listen, I'd love to. I definitely want to snuggle up to you all night, but we both know that can't happen."

I kiss her forehead and she groans but relents. "Fine, fine. Go clean up, and I'll sit here and admire you while you do it."

I definitely have to talk to my father or one of my older brothers tonight. This thing took a complete one hundred eighty degree turn towards forever faster than I anticipated, and my brain hasn't caught up with it yet. There is zero chance I don't say or do something completely stupid. I'm going to need advice.

Once I clean up and put everything away, I grab our coats and find Ella sound asleep on the sofa. I had a feeling this would happen. The day probably tuckered her out. Looking down at her, I can't imagine ever walking away again. The thought of it gives me knots in my stomach. It did back then, too, but now there's nothing standing between her and me, nothing so big as a mission trip that I'd promised our pastor I'd go on. I can't bring myself to regret going, but I'll regret how I left every day for the rest of my life.

I snap a picture of her sleeping and message her sister. This is new territory for me, and I don't want to make a mistake. I can wake her and take her home, or let her rest and recover. Either way, I just got back on her sister's good side, so I don't want her to worry that I'm taking advantage of Ella in any way. I need to tell Abbie where Ella is anyway, so I shoot her a text message with the photo attached.

Abbie's reply comes quickly, complete with an eye roll emoji.

Abbie

I'm fine here with Dad. Let her rest. I told her not to overdo it today but she never listens to me.

I breathe a sigh of relief before sending Lev a message. Mom probably won't be happy that I'm not there tonight, but she got her Christmas wish and tomorrow is New Year's Eve. One night away after a whole week in their house won't kill her. Lev responds with a promise to break it to Mom easy, then teases me about setting up the whole thing.

Did I? Had I subconsciously invited Ella to the townhouse for this arrangement to happen? I shake my head. No, not a chance. I need to stop second guessing myself and trust my instincts. Granted, they haven't always been so great, but where Ella is concerned I can't help thinking I have grown. Not only grown, but realized things I should have known all along. She loves me, and all I ever had to do was tell her the truth.

I shove my phone in my pocket and jog upstairs to check the bedroom I share with Lev when we're in town. It's clean, but the sheets probably need changing, so I strip the bed and remake it for her. I'll sleep in one of my brothers' rooms and set an alarm so I can get up early enough to make her breakfast. Once I'm sure everything is perfect, I head back downstairs. Ella has rolled over but she's still out cold. I lift her from the sofa and carry her upstairs, pausing once to adjust her sleeping form. I got a workout digging that cow out of the mud, and I'm not ashamed to admit I'm exhausted from it.

Once upstairs, I lay her on the bed and pull the covers up to her chin. She sighs and snuggles deep into the bed. What I wouldn't give to be able to slip in beside her and keep her close to me all night long. Eliminating that thought from my mind, I add another quilt in case she gets cold, kiss her cheek, and shut the door behind me.

As expected, Rafe's room is a disaster with video games and equipment sprawled all over. Beck's has too much hockey equipment on the bed and I'm too tired to clear it off. Ezra's room is clean as usual, so I fall backward on the bed, stare at the ceiling, and wonder how on earth I got so lucky. Divine intervention, that's how, because there is simply no way I could have ended up here on my own.

I pray and thank God for my circumstances, then roll over and try not to think about how much I want the woman sleeping in the room beside me to be my wife.