13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

Ella

We're both covered with mud and it's already late afternoon. "I'd invite you over to my house for a while but Dad and Abbie are there. Your house is full of brothers." I can't help hoping he realizes I want to be with him, alone, where we can talk about how one simple act of commitment on his part caused my suppressed feelings for him to blossom into something entirely uncontrollable.

Silas frowns at first but it seems a light bulb flickers. "I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but Beck, Ezra, and Rafe have a townhouse that Lev and I basically live at when we're in town. I'd normally be there for winter break, but since Mom wanted us all together, it's empty right now."

I grin. "Are you inviting me to a completely empty, quiet townhouse for a date?"

Despite the mud splattering his entire face, I don't miss how his cheeks redden and he takes a deep breath. "Yes?"

"Yes?"

Brushing a hand through his dark hair he licks his lips and leans against his truck. "I'm confused right now. We need to talk about what happened before Baker and Baker showed up—" My laughter interrupts his statement. I don't mean to laugh but the way he said Baker and Baker makes them sound like either a team of lawyers or a superhero group.

"I'm sorry. Please continue." I'm a giggly, smitten girl and it's no wonder Silas is confused. To him, this must seem like a complete turn around from the cautious yet optimistic woman from a few days ago. But the last few days have shown me something in Silas I never saw before. Staying power. He's able to commit to multiple things now, not like back then when he thought he could only have it one way. Romania or me, but not both.

"Ella, what is going on? A few days ago you were frustrated with me, possibly beginning to open up to the idea of us trying again, and today you kissed me. And what is up with all of the giggling and flirting?" He raises his hands in mock defense and stands straighter. "Not that I'm complaining, but if it weren't for a calf getting stuck in the mud, I'd think this whole day was a dream."

Fair enough. Pure joy bubbles up from my chest, spewing forth in another bright smile complete with laughing and fawning. I can't help it. He's handsome, sweet, helpful, and between offering to do things at the house for Abbie and me, and the way he rescued that calf, I'm finding it difficult to compose myself.

I push off the truck and face him, covered from mud thanks to one adorable baby cow. He takes me in head to toe and offers both hands. I take them and swing them between us, hoping it relaxes him to see that I'm relaxed.

"Silas, Abbie showed me the conversation you had with her through text message."

He stiffens. "Before you dive into that, I want to say that I meant it. I wasn't saying it in hopes she would tell you and it would fix everything between us. I messed up her life by leaving, too, and she deserved an apology." He releases one of my hands to scrub it over his face. "Oh, man, she's not madder is she? She didn't seem like she was."

I snatch his hand back because I want to touch him. Silas' orbit is intoxicating in ways I can't explain. I'm lighter, giddier, happier when I'm near him. Everything seems easier when he's here beside me, ready to tackle a problem together. Even knowing there are big changes coming my way when I transfer schools and return to Coldstone Creek, I'm not stressed. Somehow, I know Silas is with me this time. Fully and irrevocably. And whether he realizes it or not, he's found what makes him happy, work that he can do his whole life and never get bored.

"She's not mad. She's ready and willing to give you a second chance, too. We really could use the help."

He runs his hands up my arms and settles them on my shoulders. He tugs as if to pull me into a hug, but pauses because he's covered in more mud than I am. I wrap my arms around his neck and lift on my toes to kiss him. There's no amount of mud that can stop me from showing affection to this man. That's what he is now, too. Gone is the confused teenage boy from three years ago. In his place is a man who might still be figuring out his place in the world, but he's working hard to do it.

"Ella," Silas whispers.

"I want to give us another chance, Silas. You don't know how much those simple acts of kindness showed me how much I can count on you and trust you." Toying with his muddy hair, I pull him closer. His lips are gentle and hesitant at first, but soon shift toward claiming, possessive, even confident. My heart warms with the love I'd thought was different or hidden beneath layers of pain and betrayal. The need I had at the café to explore this between us has only grown after his tender affection while I was sick and his genuine desire to earn Abbie's forgiveness.

I shiver, not from cold, but Silas pulls away anyway. "Let me get you home so you can clean up, then we'll go to the townhouse. I have some clothes and things there from summer break." He runs his hands up and down my arms, but his gaze never leaves mine.

"Okay, fine. But let's hurry because I want to spend as much time reconnecting as possible before you have to go back to school." I don't mention that I see how this simple comment sours his face. He doesn't want to go back to a school that keeps him tied down for a degree he's going to hate forever. It's more proof that it's time for me to bring this up and offer a few career suggestions that might be more his speed.

Abbie and Dad aren't home when I arrive, so I shower and change quickly, dry my hair, and give myself a pep talk before heading to the townhouse with Silas. He waits in his truck so he won't have to face Abbie's wrath for getting mud all over, despite my assurances that it's not that big of a deal. Once I am all set, I refocus and plan what I'll say to Silas about his future, and head back outside to the truck.

Silas is on the phone, but when I fall into his line of sight, he scrambles and hangs up. I'm already too close to the door for him to jump out to open it, so he slides across the seat and opens it from the inside. He offers his hand and hoists me in. He's put a clean blanket over the muddy seat, so I take advantage of the position and kiss him. I can't help myself. It's like a new, fresh start and all I want to do is show him three years' worth of lost affection and love.

Love. What a crazy thing. Deep inside, I know it can't be this easy. We have things to work through, but the love I have for Silas isn't impacted by it. It's strong and as faithful as it was when we were kids, but now it also holds so much promise.

His lips say the same thing. He's holding on to this moment, blazing it into his memory because it's too surreal to process right now. But he pulls away again.

"I'm going to get you all muddy again, but don't think we won't pick this up at the townhouse," he says, arching an eyebrow before laying that troublemaking grin on me. My stomach flutters like it used to but my phone rings, distracting me.

I check it see that it's Simmy. "It's my dormmate. I should take it."

"Go ahead. I'll drive, you chat, then I'll order a pizza and we can have a mini date night. Sound good?" The hesitation in his tone can't be missed, but I don't want him to worry. I'm in this now, all the way, and I can't see anything that can change my mind.

"Yep." I buckle up and answer my phone. "Hey, Sim. What's up?"

"I was calling to see how things are going. Your text messages while you were sick made no sense." She laughs, reminding me that I was practically delirious for two days. Even so, one glance at Silas as he checks both ways before pulling onto the main road, and I know the feelings that grew deeper for him over that time are completely real.

"I'm actually headed for a date night with Silas." I brace myself for the squeal while giving Silas another glance. Simmy lets loose and it rings in my ear. Silas fights to hold in his smile but can't. It spreads wide, reminding me how illegally handsome he is when he's happy. The brooding frown is one thing, but Silas Thomas in full fledged happiness is something that would make any woman fawn.

"Are you with him right now?"

"I am," I admit and try to control the warmth in my cheeks that is undoubtedly creeping down my neck.

"He heard me squeal, didn't he?"

"Yep."

"Lovely. Put me on speaker," she demands.

"Simmy, I—"

"Do it or I'll scream in your ear."

I relent because I have no doubt she will scream everything she wants to say to Silas in my ear if I don't do as she instructed. At this point, all I can do is hope she doesn't say anything too harsh or embarrassing. I tap the speaker button and offer Silas a meek smile.

"Uh oh," he says. "Am I in trouble?" He glances at the phone long enough to grimace and puts his eyes back on the road.

"Depends, love. What are your intentions with my bestie?"

I groan, cover my face with my hands, and try to sink deep enough into the seat that I disappear.

"My intentions or my desires?" Silas asks.

"Hmm, good question. How about both?"

Silas glances back down at the phone but doesn't look at me. "My intentions are to prove that I still love Ella, that she can trust me, and that I'm not dumb enough to make the same mistake twice."

"And your desires?" Simmy asks.

"I desire to keep proving that to her until she agrees that we're meant to be together forever, marries me, has ten kids with me, and we live happily ever after."

The truck goes entirely silent as his joke falls flat. Simmy says nothing while I try to find a laugh somewhere inside of my complete and total embarrassment. I'm unable to muster one, but when Silas stops at a red light and turns his head to face me, I realize it's no joke. It also occurs to me that I'm not sure exactly what I want from my own life. I've been living in survival mode for so long, I don't know what it's like to relax and let someone else direct things.

Panic sets in, but not the kind that makes me want to run or tell Silas to slow down. It's the kind that makes me worry it might not work out that way. The kind that tells me everything he said is exactly what my heart has been needing to hear from him all along, and now that I have, the rest of me has to process it and let go of my need to control things.

Silas needed Romania to grow up, to become the man sitting beside me, confident in what he wants. Enough so he is willing to tell my best friend the truth right in front of me without a flinch or hesitation in sight.

"Um, Simmy, I'm going to need to call you back."

"Right," Simmy says and hangs up.

Silas looks away and shrinks like he knows he messed up and wants to take it all back. But he didn't mess up, and I need to explain that to him. I need to explain everything . But he's covered with mud and uncomfortable, so I'm torn. Rather than force him to sit in drying, caked-on mud, I reach across the seat and squeeze his shoulder.

"We'll talk at the townhouse, but you need to know you didn't say anything wrong. Not even a little."

He nods, but the remainder of the drive to his place is silent as the grave.

With two empty pizza boxes on the coffee table—most of which the contents had been inhaled by Silas—and only small talk between us, it's time to focus on what I need to tell him. I lean back on the sofa and groan.

"My stomach is going to explode," I admit. "I was so hungry, though. Farm work is exhausting." If he gives me a good opening, I plan to tell him he should seek actual work on a farm. Paid work that will give him an income but also a job he very clearly loves doing.

"Yeah, it is," he says, leaning haphazardly against the back of the sofa. He's inclined towards me, but doesn't get close enough to snuggle with me. He's leaving it open, letting me lead and decide how much is okay.

I pull a pillow out from behind me and put it on my lap. "Here, lie down." I pat it and think I'll have to argue with him a bit, but I don't. He lays back and settles his head on my lap, staring up at the ceiling. He makes eye contact for a second, then relaxes and closes his eyes. Brushing my hand through his hair, I take a moment to look around.

There is no doubt that a brood of men owns the apartment. What limited décor there is, is sports related. And by décor, I mean the various things propped here and there in the corners like hockey sticks, golf clubs, and the odd baseball bat. Aside from that, there's one picture of Beck and Ezra that was taken on a fishing trip. Beck holds up a trout and smiles for the camera. I'm not sure who took the picture, probably another of the brothers. On the opposite wall, a Denver Dragons hockey jersey signed by one of the players hangs beside the window, and beneath it is a bean bag chair with the same logo. The boys love hockey, that is for sure.

Silas played baseball for fun. Lev was always better at it than he was, but it was clear Silas only did it out of pure enjoyment for the game. It was one time he was allowed to be destructive and hit things without punishment. He could run and have fun without judgement. I didn't know that back in high school, but I learned a lot about him the summer after senior year, and things made a lot more sense then.

"I'm going to fall asleep," Silas says, blinking his eyes open. "We need to talk, so you gotta stop playing with my hair."

I chuckle and settle my hand on the pillow, palming the side of his face.

"I'm moving back home," I admit. "Abbie really needs help, and I want to be closer to my family."

Silas rolls his head to look up at me. "I kind of expected that after breakfast the other morning. I wanted to ask but I also didn't want to push or anything." He reaches up and brushes hair from my face before pinching my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into his touch. He'd done this small action dozens of times in the past, and even now it seems so normal for us.

I hum my agreement, a bit tired myself. Still, we need to have these talks, figure out what our future holds, and how this can work between us. "What are you going to do? We haven't been studying like we should, so if you really want to do the accounting thing, we should try to fit that in soon."

He looks away and clenches his jaw. "I can't do it. I talked to Wilder about it, and he had some good points. I have to figure out what to say to my father, but yeah, I need to drop out of college and figure out what options I do have."

It feels like a good time to mention the farm, but Silas continues.

"I've been writing down all the things I like doing and trying to figure out ways to make a living doing them. It's going well, but I still haven't figured out anything concrete yet."

He's putting in the work, and while I am pretty sure working on the farm or something like it would be his dream job, I decide to wait. I don't want my opinion to sway him from finding what will truly make him happy. Work is a big part of life, and it needs to be something he can do with joy, and more importantly, it needs to be work he does for God. His trip to Romania proves he needs work that not only fulfills him, but is something he can point toward God and strengthen his faith.

I love it about him, so I keep quiet and let him work through it on his own. "I'm proud of you for that. I'm sure it wasn't easy, and telling your father might be hard, but you should know that you have my support. Whatever you choose, I'd like…" My courage fades.

Silas turns his head and looks up at me again with questioning eyes. My fear must show in my expression, because he is quick to pull himself up while pulling me down to meet him. He gives me a soft kiss, something tender and sweet and full of promise before sitting up fully. He drags me across the sofa and into his arms to snuggle me close.

"Whatever I choose will include you, Ella. I'm not running away again."