15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Silas

All of the fresh air and exercise the day before led to a great night's sleep, but when I rise Ella is still asleep. I peek in to make sure she's okay, then head downstairs to make breakfast. There isn't much to choose from since the guys cleaned out the fridge before heading to Mom and Dad's, but there are enough ingredients to make pancakes. While prepping everything, I get a phone call from our pastor. He'd mentioned he wanted to meet with me over break, but things have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to sit with him.

"Hi, Pastor Scott," I say, wiping my hands on a towel.

"Silas, it's good to hear your voice. I was hoping we could meet today if you're not too busy? Your father said you were helping Officer Baker at the farm a lot."

"I am but I have some time." I check my watch. "I can probably meet now for a little while if you're free."

"Perfect. Come on over."

"Give me half an hour," I say. "Making pancakes, but then I can head that way."

"See you soon," he says and hangs up.

With Ella still sleeping, I figure I have time to run across town and meet with him, giving her time to wake up, eat, and get ready for the day. When I return, I can take her home so she can do whatever women do in the morning. Once the pancakes are done, I stuff one down and put the rest in the fridge. I jot a quick note for Ella and head back upstairs. In my room, she's still sprawled across the bed but she's kicked the covers all over. I cover her back up, leave the note beside her phone, and head out.

Coldstone Creek is still decked out with Christmas decorations that will stay up until a few days after New Year's. I didn't realize until I got back home how much I missed the slow, sleepy little town. There's something to be said about everyone knowing and caring about their neighbors, but I also remember how frustrating it can be when you want some alone time. My parents always learned about everything I'd done wrong before I even got home at night, thanks to the old lady gossip train that was faster than any bullet train.

I smile and wonder if Ella would want to keep living in this little town forever. Since she's moving back to help Abbie, I assume so. The thought of it doesn't make my skin crawl like it used to. In fact, it soothes my nerves a little.

I pull into the church, park, and check my phone. Ella hasn't called, so I head inside and knock on Pastor Scott's door.

"Come in!" he shouts.

I push it open and find him up to his elbows in textbooks. "What on earth?"

"Don't mind me. I'm studying some history." He shuts the books and slides them aside. Pastor Scott is about my father's age, but he never had children. His wife wasn't able to have them, and rather than adopt, they spent their time babysitting and running a daycare for other people's children. The whole town loves him, but when he looks up at me from his desk, I'm sure he's about to make my life infinitely more difficult. "Have a seat, Silas. I want to discuss an opportunity with you."

I clear my throat and sit, ready for anything. This meeting is already beginning the same way the last one did, which means this opportunity he's about to present will involve travel and a lengthy time away from home.

"Silas, one of our sister churches in Alaska is in dire need of a remodel. Their elders reached out to the network and asked if we knew any men willing to travel and put in some solid work hours. Of course, after your hard work in Romania, I thought of you. I realize you're in college, but I wanted to float the offer in case it was something you might enjoy."

Every bone in my body wants to say yes. Alaska. Hard work. No college. Everything about it sounds fantastic, but…I can't. I made promises to my family and to Ella, and there is no chance I'm backing out on that. Still, the hopeful look in his eyes tells me no one else wants to do it.

"Uh, how many people have already signed on?"

He groans and leans back in his leather chair. It's worn and faded, but looks comfortable. I glance around the room, distracting myself from the tension that's building as the silence drags.

"Unfortunately, only one person. They really need the help. They can't afford to bring in professional crews. It's too remote." He leans forward and rests his hands on the desk. "I don't want you to be pressured, Silas. I only offer because the work seems to suit you. If your answer is no, I understand."

I run my hands over my hair, stalling. "How long is the job?"

"Six months depending on the weather. It could take longer if it plays against you."

I do the calculations. If Beck and Vivien get married in the spring, I'll miss it. Mom will kill me if she hears I'm considering disappearing again. And Ella? I don't even want to consider what she'll do if I go back to my townhouse with this news.

"Can I think about it? Beck and Vivien are getting married during that time. You know how my mother feels about these trips, and to be honest, I just reconnected with Ella."

"Ella Marshall?" he asks, eyebrows arched.

"Yes, sir."

"Ah, I see. The young lady you walked away from to go to Romania." He taps his fingers on the desk.

"There's a lot going on, and I've made promises I need to keep. It isn't that I don't want to do it. Honestly, it really does seem like something I'd love, but the people I love here need to come first this time."

He scratches his hand over his chin. "You know what, Silas, I actually have an idea. Let me make a few calls and get back with you, okay?"

"Uh, okay. Um, I guess in the meantime, I can run it by Lev and see what he thinks." I'm not sure what Pastor Scott has in mind, but I should probably be prepared for anything.

"Hold off on that. If this other idea works out, you won't need to go anywhere. Give me until later this afternoon, and I'll call you." He scoots back in a motion to dismiss me, but says, "I'm really proud of you for going to Romania. I wasn't sure you'd do it, but when the opportunity came up, I thought it was a good idea. The folks you worked with have only great things to say about you and what you did for them."

"Thank you, sir. It was a rewarding experience. I still appreciate the opportunity." Leaning forward to stand, I offer my hand to him. He takes it in a firm shake. "As much as I messed some things up by going, I did learn a lot. I needed it, so thanks for sending me. I'll think about the Alaska thing while you're looking into whatever you're thinking about."

He chuckles and releases my hand. "Don't worry. It'll all work out. As for Ella Marshall, please tell her and Abbie that I've been praying for them and their father. Would like to see them in the pews this Sunday."

"Will do. Their father's dementia keeps Abbie busy, but I'll see if I can help them get there this week," I say, pulling my ball cap over my head. "I'll wait for your call."

"You're a good kid, Silas. A good man. Thanks for meeting with me, and don't worry. My new idea seems like a better one, and I'm sure after one or two phone calls to organize things, you'll be hearing from me."

He escorts me out with a few pleasantries and a request for a tray of my mother's cinnamon rolls, but the second my rear end hits the seat in my truck, worry sets in. He said he'd work it out, but something in my gut says I need to talk to Ella about this. I want our relationship to be settled on a solid foundation, and keeping this from her even if it might not happen is lying by omission, especially given our past. The whole drive back to the townhouse, I worry about how to explain it without sounding like I'm planning to pack up and walk away again.

Once I get home, I prepare myself before I open the front door. Ella is sitting on the sofa watching a documentary on sharks while nibbling a pancake. Once I shut the door and earn her attention, she pauses the show and stands.

"Hey, I missed you. I'm so sorry I fell asleep on the sofa last night," she says, her cheeks bright red. I can't help reaching out and pinching one.

"It's okay. You were sick and needed rest. You overdid it yesterday, that's all." I glance down at what she's wearing and realize she's got on my hoodie. Her gaze follows mine and she tugs at it. "I hope it's okay. I got cold and didn't have a sweater with me."

I get a fistful of the fabric in one hand and pull her closer while burying the other hand in her wild and crazy hair. "Of course, it's okay. You're my girl," I say before going in for a kiss. Her arms slink around my neck and she giggles, which is still the most adorable sound I've ever heard. I pick her up and carry her to the sofa where I spend a little time enjoying the moment with her, kissing her before I finally pull back because Alaska pops into my mind.

Ella plants a few kisses on my cheek before sitting straight and crossing her legs. "So, where did you go this morning?"

I settle deeper in the sofa and prepare myself. It's now or never, and never is not an option. "I met with Pastor Scott. He asked me to tell you he's praying for your family and he'd love to have you in church soon."

She frowns. "I know. I plan to go this Sunday, but I might have to help Abbie with Dad. I could stay with him so she can go."

"Bring him along. I can help you," I say, brushing her blonde waves from her face. I can't help burying my hands deep in her hair again, loving how silky and soft it feels between my fingers. She leans into my touch and sighs.

"I'll ask Abbie. That's a sweet offer."

"I want to help you both as much as I can."

"Mmm, what else did you meet with him about? Surely, it wasn't to talk about me." She leans against my chest, patiently waiting while I organize my thoughts.

"Don't be mad, okay? Please listen to me and believe that I'm not doing anything without talking it out completely with you first, okay?"

She stiffens but nods. "Okay, go on." Her tone is cautious, but she's not running. Not yet.

"He said there is a church in Alaska in dire need of remodeling. It's a short mission trip, only six months, possibly a little longer depending on weather impact, but he asked me to do it."

"Oh," she whispers. "Do…do you want to?"

She lets me play with her hair while we talk, which I take as a good sign. "I'm not sure. I would probably love the work, but I explained to him that I made promises to you and my mother that I can't break. Also the wedding is in the spring, so it would be hard to work around that."

"So, you told him…what?"

"Well, I asked him if I could think about it because I wanted to discuss it with you first, then he did the strangest thing. He said he got another idea and would call me later this afternoon. If that idea pans out, I guess he won't need me to go. Honestly, I have no idea what is going on, but I do know that I never want to make these big decisions in my life without your input ever again, Ella."

Ella turns in my arms and faces me. "You don't need my approval to do anything, Silas. I'm not your wife or even your girlfriend anymore."

Her tone is edgy but I try not to become defensive. "I know that, but I guess I thought we were headed to the girlfriend part after yesterday. Am I wrong?"

She tucks her hair behind her ears and clasps her hands in front of her as if we're about to negotiate the terms of a contract rather than discuss our current relationship status. I worry everything is about to blow up in my face despite my best efforts to keep it all under control.

"I thought so, yes, but listening to you talk about Alaska as if you might want to go made me realize that I don't want to be the person who always holds you back from realizing your potential. I was waiting for the right time to say this, but watching you on the farm made me realize that kind of work was made for you Silas. It's outdoors, working at your own pace, doing hard work that you seem to love. Alaska would be amazing for you, and…I guess…like I said, I don't want to hold you back." Her gaze lowers to the sofa and I don't miss how her voice cracks on those last few words.

I slip a finger under her chin and tip her face up. "Ella, it doesn't matter to me whether the work is here or there or anywhere else, you're my dream. If I don't have you, there's no amount of work that will ever feel good to me in the long run."

"But Silas, I can't go traipsing around the world on mission trips. I'm moving back here to help Abbie. I don't see how this can work if you're always leaving and I'm staying behind. And if you stay here to be with me, then I'll always wonder if I'm the reason you're unhappy."

I shift and scoot forward, closer to her. "Wait a minute, do you think I'm unhappy here in Coldstone Creek?"

She shrugs. "I mean, yeah. You always said it was too small. It holds you back, which was proven by all of the trouble you got into."

I chuckle. "I got into trouble because I was a brat, not because there's anything wrong with this town. And did you miss the part where I said that you are my dream, Ella?"

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah, I heard that part but—"

"No," I say, clutching her shoulders to force her to look at me. "You don't understand what I'm saying, Ella. What I want is you. I wanted you back then and I still do. I needed that mission trip to Romania to help me grow up, but that is not what's happening now. There are plenty of jobs I can take that will give me the same satisfaction. It might take some time to figure out what they are, but I'll find one."

"Right but—"

"Ella," I say, nearly exasperated because she can't seem to understand what I'm trying to say. I lick my lips to buy myself some time to put the words in the right order so she does understand. "There are thousands of jobs out there, and one of them is bound to fit me, but there is only one Ella Marshall and I love her too much to let her go again."

"Silas," she whispers. "I don't…I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll stop second guessing me and trust me. I love you. I'm completely ready for us to be a team. I'm waiting for you to decide if that's what you want, too."

Precious moments pass while she stares at my chest, but I wait. I'm not sure what part of my speech she is processing, or if that's even what she's thinking about. Whatever it is requires patience, and I do my best to accommodate her. She sniffles and wipes her cheeks before her pretty eyes connect with mine again.

"Really?"

My heart swells, knowing there can never be another person who can love me like she does. She's patient, kind, funny, and she understands my personality even better than I do. It's only been a few days since we've reconnected, and she already has me figured out all over again, like she did back then.

"Yes, really. I'm never going anywhere without you ever again. If I go to Alaska, it will be with you." It hit me pretty hard. I realized it was true about ten seconds after telling her about the opportunity. I never want to do those big things in my life without her, and if she can't go, then it'll have to be a missed opportunity because the precious moments I have with her are worth it. Besides, can they really be missed opportunities if they pull me away from the person I am certain God chose for me?

"And that's what you truly want? You're not only saying it because you're worried about losing me? I'm not sure I could live with myself if I thought I was keeping you from doing the things you love most."

I scoff and pull her onto my lap. "See, that's where you need to listen closely to me. I love you the most, Ella. After God, it's you and my family, and I'm really hoping that one day, you'll be a permanent part of that family."

Ella wraps her arms around my neck and raises her face to kiss me. In a million years, I never could have guessed that my winter break would have gone like this. One minute, I'm worried I'm about to flunk out of college and have no future to speak of, and the next I'm kissing the woman I thought would hate me forever. And the way she kisses me has me thinking we might be on the same page about the future.

She pulls away quickly and gasps. "Oh, my gosh! I'm going to get you sick!"

Oh. Oops. I pull her back in for another kiss. "Too bad. I guess you'll have take care of me then."

She puts on the brakes and won't let me near those sweet lips again.

"No, sir. No more kissing."

I groan and drop my head. "Fine. At least let me take you to Sweet and Salty for some more of Rose's soup. We need to get you completely well, because not kissing you is some form of torture."

She rolls her eyes and stands. "Oh, stop whining. We've got our whole lives left for kissing."

I stand and pull her into a hug, which she allows but makes sure to keep her lips out of kissing reach. "Does that mean we're on the same page about…you know…the future?"

She glances up and smirks. "I guess you'll have to ask me officially one day and find out."