48

I woke up early the next morning. I'd had a fitful night of sleep and kept having dreams about Tyler. My phone was dead. I reached for my charger to plug it in and saw a full water bottle on my table.

"You were supposed to drink that before I got back," Everly said, moving from the pile of blankets on the floor to sit on the bed next to me.

"I know," I said, opening the bottle and taking a long drink. "Happy?"

She didn't say anything, and we sat in silence for a long time.

"There's no chance this is all just a bad dream, is it?" I asked.

Everly shook her head. I took her hair in my hand, drawing attention to the now-red ends.

"For Christmas," she said quietly, standing. "Ready to go downstairs? Your dad is making breakfast soon."

"Let me shower first."

I stood, and she pulled me into a long hug. "It wasn't your fault. You know that right?"

I shrugged. "Maybe I could have done more for him."

"Maybe you could have. Maybe not. I know I could have," she said quietly. "I could have asked about him more. I've been so focused on falling in love with Sabrina…"

She pulled away. "This isn't how I thought sophomore year was going to go."

"I know."

"Go shower," she said, hands on my shoulders. "Then, come downstairs, and, after breakfast, I have a surprise for you."

"What do you…?" Everly shook her head at me as she walked across my floor to the door. "Shower first. After you plug in your phone."

After my shower, I went downstairs for breakfast. The tree was lit, and I could smell coffee and French toast. Sierra was on the couch watching A Charlie Brown Christmas with Pebbles sleeping next to her. Everly stood up from her seat at the dining room table next to my dad.

"You could use a little color today," she said, gesturing to my black long sleeve shirt and pants.

"Ev, leave it," Dad said under his breath.

I walked past her, sitting in the seat she had just vacated. "Am I ever going to run out of tears?" I asked, putting my head down on my arms. My head was pounding, my eyes were dry, and my throat was raw.

"You will," Dad said, standing next to me and rubbing my back. "You'll feel better after you eat something. And, get some caffeine."

I shook my head, but I knew he was right. His phone started ringing, and he went into the living room to answer it. I felt Everly pull out the chair next to me and sit down.

Sighing, I lifted my head to look at her. "Fine. Do we have any bagels?"

"I got it," Sierra said, standing from her seat on the couch to walk to the kitchen and start rifling through the cupboards.

I wiped away tears from my eyes. I didn't know if they were new or if they had just never stopped falling. "Eternal tears of grief and sorrow," I mumbled, getting up from the table and looking for a pen and a piece of paper.

Taking a pen from the "November Falls Police Department" mug on the counter, I wrote on the notepad next to it:

Eternal tears of grief and sorrow

When I think of you

I feel so hollow

Maybe I'll be better tomorrow

Right now all I have are

Eternal tears of grief and sorrow

"Your coffee will be ready in a minute," Sierra said, sliding a plate with two bagel halves smeared with cream cheese toward me and turning the notepad toward her.

"Feel better?" She asked softly after reading it.

"A little," I said, taking the notepad back from her and tearing off the sheet with my poem. I half-laughed. "He did tell me to start writing poetry again."

I took my bagel and poem back to the dining room table. Everly got to the table as I did, draping a green cardigan from my closet over my chair. She took the poem from my hand and skimmed it as I sat down and started eating my bagel. Sierra set my coffee mug down in front of me and squeezed my arm as she went back into the living room.

"This is good," Everly sat down. "You really should start writing again."

"Yeah, maybe I will."

***

I was staring at my snow boots when Dad came back into the room.

"I don't want to go anywhere." I gave him a pleading look.

"Everly had a good idea. You're going."

"I want to go back to bed," I grumbled, putting my boots on.

"Be careful," he told Everly, ignoring my comment. "The roads might be a little icy."

"We will," she nodded, taking my hand and hauling me off the couch. Sierra gave a little wave as she headed upstairs to shower, Pebbles following close behind.