49

"Why did you think bringing me to Walmart on Christmas Eve was a good idea?" I asked Everly, following her through the crowds to the back of the store.

"Trust me."

"I do, but I still want you to answer my question."

She ignored me, grabbing my hand and pulling me to sit next to her at the kiosk in the photo section.

"This is actually yours, I just forgot to give it to you," she said, inserting a flash drive and waiting for the photos to load.

Tears filled my eyes as pictures showed up on the screen. Pictures of me dancing with Tyler in the meadow in Promise. Pictures of me kissing him. Pictures of him holding me leaning against the tree.

"This was the best day of my life," I said, reaching out and selecting pictures.

"It's the day he fell in love with you."

I turned to look at her. "How do you know?"

"The way he looked at you."

I stood up and looked away from the kiosk, wiping tears away from my eyes. I took a deep breath, fighting a sob. "I can't do this, Ev. I can't look at these pictures. I just miss him so much."

"You can," she took my hand and guided me back down to the stool. "Give me five minutes. Then, we can go home."

Taking a deep breath, I looked through the pictures and picked my favorites. "I want a big print of this one," I pointed to a picture of Tyler twirling me. We were both laughing, and I agreed with Everly. I could see the love in his eyes.

As she finished ordering, I wandered to electronics. I'd always been captivated by the TV displays and let myself get lost in the colors and lights and sounds of the store.

"Ready?" I jumped as Everly came up behind me, photo envelope in hand.

In response, I started walking. She hurried to follow me.

***

"These are great, Everly," Dad said, leafing through the pictures when we got back to the house.

She blushed. "It's not my best work." She looked at the time on her phone and said, "I should probably get going. I have to help Emerson set up for the party. Are you coming tonight?"

The last question was directed at me.

"No," I said, sitting on the couch and pulling a pillow to my chest. "I can't."

Everly tried to hide the hurt in her eyes, but I saw it anyway. Her family had a Christmas Eve party every year, and this would be the first one in fifteen years that I'd miss.

"I want to, I just can't."

"I know. Let me know if you change your mind." She gave me a hug, and she was gone.

"Have you called your mom yet?"

I was on the couch leaning on Dad's shoulder, watching the snow fall outside through the open curtains. The Christmas tree cast multi-colored sparkles on the walls and ceiling, providing the only light in the room.

I shook my head.

"Call her. Stay right here with me and talk to her. She's worried about you, honey."

I leaned forward, grabbed my phone, and rested my head back on Dad's shoulder.

"Hi, Mom," I said softly when she answered.

"Hey, sweetie. Is your dad there, too?"

"Yeah, hold on," I put my phone on speaker and set it on my dad's knee, curling up closer to him on the couch.

"Hey, Nora."

"Hi, Mason. How is she doing?"

Dad kissed me on the forehead, and I looked up at him. "She's doing okay."

"I'm fine, Mom. Just really sad. And tired."

"I'll make this quick. Your dad and I talked about me flying back in January for a visit. A long visit. One that should have happened a long time ago."

I pulled my head away from Dad's shoulder, confused.

"Just listen," he said softly. "We had a long conversation last night after you went to bed."

After a brief hesitation, my mom continued. "I've made a lot of mistakes the last few years. Especially with you and Sierra. I know I pushed too hard with trying to get you girls to join Alpha, and I let it blind me to what you actually wanted to do. I'm sorry. I love you both so much."

"I love you, too, Mom. We'll be okay."

I looked up at my dad again, and he nodded.

"We will," Mom agreed. "We'll talk more about me coming for a visit after the new year, okay?"

"Yeah," I said quietly.

My parents said their goodbyes, but I wasn't paying attention.

The new year seemed so far away. Eight days, and the year would be over. Eight days, and I'd enter a year that left Tyler behind. I started to toy with the idea of not going back to school in January. The last four months had been a whirlwind, and all I could think about was taking a break. A break from school, from falling in love, from everything changing.

"Dad," I stretched and stood. "I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Me too."

He stood and pulled me into a long hug. "You're going to be okay, Lex."

"I loved him so much, Dad."

"I know you did. I know you still do. You may never stop, and that's okay. Tyler will always be a part of you."

I stepped out of his hug and started walking back toward the stairs.

"I love you, Dad," I said, turning around to face him.

"I love you too, honey. So, so much. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

I nodded and headed up the stairs.

Sierra was sitting on my bed, petting Pebbles, when I made it to my room.

"Everything okay with Mom and Dad?" she asked.

"Yeah, she's going to come visit next month." I sat down next to her, reaching over to scratch Pebbles' ears. "Can I run something by you?"

"Of course. Anything."

"What if –?" I started.

What if she thinks it's a dumb idea?

"What if –" I tried again anyway. "I take the semester off?"

Sierra thought for a minute. "I think that's a really good idea, actually. I think you should. Take the time to grieve and figure out what you want to do."

She stood and looked down at me. "You don't have to decide right now. Just take a few days to think about it. You know Dad, Tyeshia, and I will support you, no matter what you decide."

Sierra left, and I was left with an important question.

Where do I go from here?