Chapter 29

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

R ae

Hutton refuses to let me help in the kitchen, so pancakes are made while Henry and I sit in the living room and play with his new toys. Hutton has been unusually quiet after I gave him the painting. I'm not sure if he doesn't like it, or if something was wrong about what I painted. Pretty sure he would have said he loved it even if I just splattered random paint all over the canvas.

After we eat, Henry runs to his room to get dressed, holding as many toys in his little hands that he can hold. Hutton promised him we could take a walk outside while Henry tries out his new hoverboard. Hutton sits on the couch with me, taking my empty coffee mug out of my hand and laying a flat gift on my lap.

"Hey, I thought we were done exchanging gifts!"

Hutton's dimple comes out to play. "Oh, I'm not done, sugar. I've got something for you tonight too." He wags his eyebrows and I laugh.

"I bet you do."

He nudges my knee. "Open it."

I carefully peel off the wrapping paper, making Hutton groan with how long I take. I'm not a ripper, as we discovered opening presents today. Hutton and Henry are definitely rippers, attacking presents like they're afraid if they take too long, someone will take back the gift. After I have the paper all folded and the bow saved on the coffee table, I open the box. On a bed of velvet lies a silver necklace with a chunky turquoise pendant and matching ring. They're bold pieces and exactly what I'd pick out if money was no object.

"Hutton," I breathe, staring at them.

"Go on, put 'em on." Hutton helps me take them out of the box and slides the ring on my middle finger. "As soon as I saw them, I knew you had to have them. They're so you."

I pull my hair to the side and he helps with the necklace clasp. The turquoise lies between my breasts, warm and heavy. My heart beats out a rhythm that can only be love. This man who doesn't want to stay knows me better than my ex-husband did. Gavin got me a boring diamond solitaire in gold when we got engaged. I've never worn gold in my life, sticking to silver or white gold. I never said anything because it seemed like poor manners to criticize the ring your fiancé proposes with, but I never liked the ring.

"Do you like it?" Hutton asks, eyeing me like he's concerned.

"I love it." I force a smile, even though my heart is breaking. Hutton is perfect for me in so many ways. Except for one. Which happens to be the most important way.

He doesn't love me in return.

Henry comes barreling back into the living room, his fancy new shoes untied and his jacket hanging off one arm. Hutton leaps off the couch to help him get dressed and I head to my bedroom to take deep breaths when I should be getting ready for the day. When I come back out, dressed for our walk, I've gotten my emotions back under control. But this ring-and-necklace set is never coming off.

We spend the day together, eating, drinking, and enjoying each other's company. We take leftover sugar cookies to my neighbors. Janna comes by with a gift for me and I give her hers. She and John leave quickly though, saying they have plans at Havenkirk with Morgana and Aksel. It's the best Christmas I've had since Mom died.

All the while, I refuse to acknowledge that Hutton and Henry leave tomorrow. If I don't think about it, it's not really happening, is what I tell myself. It's delusional, but right about now, that's what I need to get through the pending goodbye.

Henry goes to bed early, tired from all the activity and sugar. While Hutton puts him down, I slip into one of Hutton's T-shirts. It comes down to mid-thigh. His scent surrounds me and I'm not ashamed to admit I pull the neckline to my nose and inhale as deeply as I can. My eyes fill with tears, but I straighten my spine and refuse to cry. I'm sure there'll be plenty of that later, but I won't spoil my last hours with him blubbering.

I slide into bed and pull up social media on my phone. I'm shocked to find a long list of notifications. I scroll down and realize it's because Mayor Nancy tagged me in her post with my backdrops, leading to a ton of new followers and private messages. I open the first one, finding a request for information about my art installations.

"Oh my God," I whisper out loud.

"I haven't even touched you yet," Hutton teases, entering my bedroom with that swagger of his he usually reserves for the stage.

I click the side button of my phone and let the screen go black. I'll deal with that mess later. He points to his shirt, the one I'm shamelessly wearing. "Is that my shirt?"

I give him a saucy smile. "It is. Sadly, I have nothing on under it."

He groans, falling onto the bed and climbing up my body, the covers between us. "You can't say things like that, sugar, not when I have a gift to give you first."

"Another gift? Hutton!" I only gave him my painting. Now I feel like I should have tried to buy more for him.

He kisses me, his lips lingering for a deeper kiss. He breaks away with a shake of his head and rolls off me. "Dammit, Rae. You're distracting."

I sit up straighter. "Seriously. You don't need to give me anything else. You've given me too much already."

He pulls a large square, wrapped in plain brown paper, from inside the closet. "I like spoiling you." He places it on my lap and sits back down on the bed. "Go ahead. Open it."

My fingers feel around the border, knowing exactly what this is. "Did you paint me something too?"

"Rip the paper and find out. I dare you." He smirks at me and I wonder if this will be the last time I see that smirk up close and personal.

I stick my tongue out and surprise him by doing exactly that. And then I gasp. "A Georgia O'Keefe?"

My hands shake as I stare at the painting in my hands. This can't be…real, right? Hutton reaches over and helps rip off the rest of the paper so I can see the whole thing. It's a painting all right. And unless it's an exquisite knockoff, it's the real deal.

"You deserve a labia flower, sugar," Hutton drawls.

I gasp out a laugh, looking between him and the painting. "This…oh my God…it's…" I can't seem to form a sentence. I have an authentic Georgia O'Keefe painting in my hands.

Hutton takes it from my trembling hands and props it up on the dresser. It's a light pink flower, surrounded by greenery, and highlighted by the tight bud of petals in the center. My very own labia flower.

"Come here, sugar." He pulls back the covers and yanks on my ankles, sliding me down the bed and spreading my legs. "Let me see if she got the shade of pink right."

He lifts the hem of my T-shirt and drops down to study me. I squirm, but he's not letting me up. "Settle down and let me see this pretty pussy, baby."

Well, if he keeps talking like that, maybe I should let him. He turns his head to kiss my thigh and then nuzzles between my legs. "Umhm," he says on a groan, tongue flicking out to taste me. I gasp and wiggle, but his body holds my thighs in place. "She almost got it right. That painting doesn't tell you how amazing it tastes though."

He grins up at me and then kisses my flesh, using his teeth and tongue to have me quivering beneath him. He finds my own tight bud of petals and pays particular attention there, flicking and sucking until my fingers slide into his hair. The harder I pull, the more he dives in like a starving man at a buffet. Wetness coats his chin and lips, from him or me, I'm not sure. Stars dance across my vision and I slam my eyelids closed as the first wave hits me. I call out his name with the next and then I'm lost in a sea of sensation. He doesn't let up until the last quiver rocks my body and leaves my thighs weak and helpless.

He sits up and swipes his forearm across his mouth, that dimple I love so much making me want him all over again. His T-shirt slides up and over my head, joining his on the floor. He stares down at my naked body, his eyelids lowering. He's thick and long behind those uncomfortable-looking jeans. Hutton strokes himself over the denim as he looks at me, and that might be the hottest thing I've seen all week.

"Lose the jeans, cowboy."

"Yes, ma'am," he replies, immediately shucking them off and leaving his entire body for my viewing pleasure.

The man is stacked with muscles, but it's the thick erection that has my attention. It bobs as he moves back over me. He settles between my thighs and takes the time to stare deep into my eyes before he kisses me. His tongue explores my mouth like we have all the time in the world. He palms my breast and thrums across my nipple like he knows how to play me as well as he does his guitar. We don't say a word, just kiss and touch each other. I refuse to say the words out loud, but my body knows this is goodbye.

I wrap my legs around his hips and he slips inside of me. Just an inch of him. Just enough to have us both groaning. He kisses down my throat, not making a move to enter me further. He takes his time, dragging his tongue across my collarbone and kissing down my chest. He swirls his tongue around one nipple and then the other before he pulls his head up and looks me in the eye. I stare up at him, emotions all over the place. There's one that's front and center, but I don't say it again. I've already told him and he knows. I love him, and him leaving won't change that for me.

He cocks his hips and thrusts all the way inside in one achingly perfect stroke. My back arches and every nerve in my body sings. He stills there, letting me adjust. When I reach up and slide my hands into his hair, pulling him down to kiss me again, he begins a slow rhythm that just might kill me. He feels so good, his weight fully on top of me. All those warm muscles pressed against my soft flesh. Those hips that keep pistoning into me, the sound of our connection the only noise in the room. Sweat builds between us as I spiral closer and closer to the edge of the cliff I don't want to go over and yet desperately need.

I release his hair with one hand to grab his ass. I love the way the powerful muscle there flexes and releases. Millions of women have screamed over this ass and now I have my fingernails digging into it. He nips my bottom lip and then plunges his tongue inside my mouth in rhythm with his cock and I'm lost. I spill over that edge with a violent push, all those ribbons of pleasure coalescing into an almost painful orgasm. I cry out, my words swallowed as he continues to kiss me. He thrusts harder and faster, the waves continuing to crash over me.

And then he's gone, his weight lifted off me as he pulls out of my body all at once and grunts. Warmth splashes across my belly and I fling my eyes open to see him gripping the base of his erection as he comes. I shudder out a breath, wishing he stayed inside me. Even if that's wrong. Even if it leads to something a single woman shouldn't wish for. Because at least then I'd have a piece of him when he's gone.

He rolls away from me and staggers to the bathroom, returning with a damp towel to clean me up. I feel cold already. Tears threaten to spill out of my eyes. I have to blink rapidly to keep them back. Hutton climbs into bed behind me, still without uttering a single word, and spoons me. His arms hold me tight and soon his breathing evens out. I know he's asleep when his grip on me relaxes, but I don't fall asleep for hours. I'm too busy memorizing the feel of him surrounding me. I'm also too busy crying silently into my pillow.

"I love you," I finally whisper into the night.

My eyes look puffy when I wake the next morning, but if Hutton notices, he doesn't say anything about it. We get up before Henry wakes, which is rare. Then again, everything about today is different. Hutton takes all his clothes from the dresser and repacks his suitcase. He's silent the whole time he gets ready and packs. I can't think of a damn thing to say that isn't screaming the words "Stay!" and "I love you, don't go!" So I keep quiet too.

He stops me as I'm walking out of the bedroom with a hand on my hip. Our eyes meet and hold. "There aren't words…" His voice is barely a croak.

He doesn't finish what he was going to say. So I nod. I love this man, so I won't make this harder for him.

"I know."

He nods and I pull away to head for the kitchen. I have to grip the counter with both hands and force air in and out of my lungs. I will not cry. The coffee pot gurgles to life and I get down two mugs from the cabinet. I hear Hutton wake up Henry. I would rather hurt myself ten times over than cause that little boy any pain, so I'll keep my shit together no matter what.

Henry's bare feet patter over the wood floor and then he's hugging my legs, his little voice wobbly as he wails. "I don't wanna go, Rae-Rae!"

I turn and scoop him up into my arms, biting my tongue so hard I taste blood. I rock him side to side as I rub circles into his back. He cries on my shoulder, and I literally feel my heart rip in two. Hutton comes out of the hallway and into the living room with Henry's backpack and little suitcase all packed. He avoids my eyes, but I take heart in the redness marring his gorgeous whiskey-colored eyes.

"I'll talk with your Daddy and see if I can come visit you, okay, buddy?" I whisper to him loudly enough Hutton can hear. He doesn't correct me, so maybe I will see these two boys again. Or more likely, Hutton's willing for us to lie to Henry now to protect his precious heart.

Henry still has his arms wrapped around my neck, but he lifts his tearstained face to nod at me. "Otay. I miss you."

I try for a smile but mostly just manage to keep the tears in my eyes and not flowing down my cheeks. "I miss you already too, Henry."

Hutton comes over and takes Henry from my arms, holding him while they both stare back at me. Hutton opens his mouth and shuts it again. I lift my nose in the air and do what I told myself last night I'd do. I'll love him even if he can't love me back.

"Let's get those bags in the truck, huh?" I roll Henry's suitcase, while Hutton gets his own.

It's freezing outside and suddenly the snow left on the ground looks downright cold and miserable instead of festive. Hutton gets Henry in his car seat, even while the little boy still sniffles. I reach in and hold his hand, giving him a reassuring smile I don't feel. Then I have to let go and Hutton closes the door, turning to me.

"Thank you for everything, Rae."

I hate that he doesn't call me sugar.

I don't trust my voice, so I reach up on my tiptoes and throw my arms around his neck for the last time. His arms close around my waist and I feel him breathe me in as he holds me close. My heart stops, suspended in this moment, maybe forever. He lets go all too soon and pulls back. I drop my arms and watch through a fog as he climbs into his truck and starts the engine. I step back on wooden legs and watch as he reverses out of the driveway. Through the window, he lifts a hand in goodbye. I can't even return the gesture. His hand drops, his head turns to the front, and he zooms out of my life.

Mayor Nancy Haney: Umm…did I just see Hutton Calder's truck headed out of Snowhaven??

Janna: Oh no! Are you sure he's not just taking Henry somewhere?

Dagny: I just ran to ask Morgana. Apparently, he's due in LA for a recording session… I'd tell you more, but I'm doubled over trying to breathe.

Doc: I heard he bought monogrammed stockings for him, Henry, and Rae. That's not the actions of a man abandoning his girl. He'll be back, mark my words.

Mayor Nancy Haney: Too many baked goods and not enough skiing on those mountains of yours, Dagny?

Dagny: I don't see your fat ass running around Snowhaven either, princess.

Chief Blade: Name-calling crosses the line, ladies.

Dagny: You must have missed where she called me old yesterday.

Janna: Has anyone seen Rae since he supposedly left?

Doc: I look like a goddamn perp snooping around her front window. Her Christmas tree is lit up and I hear music coming from the house.

John Ross: Like, Christmas carols?

Doc: No, like Adele.

Janna: Oh shit, that's not good.

Mayor Nancy Haney: I'm heading over. I've got something that'll brighten her day.

Chief Blade: I'll have my patrols keep an eye out for his truck. I'm with Doc on this one. That boy will be back. Also, stop creeping around her house, Doc. That's trespassing.

Janna: For his own longevity, Calder better be back soon…

Chief Blade: Jesus. What did I tell y'all about threatening people on our group chat?