Chapter 28

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

H utton

It took over an hour to get Henry down for the night. He ate his weight in sugar at Havenkirk, thanks to Dagny and the girls baking treats all day and night. I read him 'Twas the Night Before Christmas three times before his eyelids started to flutter closed. Then I had to lie there for twenty more minutes before I was sure he was out. I actually didn't mind the late-night snuggles though. We'd had one of the best days ever, spending Christmas Eve with good friends and especially Rae. I had to take him back to Holly the day after Christmas, something I wasn't looking forward to. She and I were going to have to have a serious talk about our schedules. Hell, I was going to have to make quite a few serious decisions in the next week.

I close Henry's door and creep down the hallway to the living room, wrestling with my feelings. Rae's on my mind constantly, a bright light in an otherwise hectic life. I watched the way Aksel and Morgana moved around each other like it was the most natural thing in the world for a superstar to live in Snowhaven. If Morgana could do it, why couldn't I? Aksel isn't exactly a demonstrative guy, but anyone can see he's blissfully happy. I want a piece of that happiness.

Rae sits on the couch, a glass of wine in her lap, her gaze fixed on the crackling fire. She wore my sweater vest to Havenkirk, proudly displaying my gift, even when Aksel gave me shit for the rows of knitting being a bit wobbly. Morgana shut him up when she said it was sweet and Aksel had never knitted her a sweater. Now Aksel's mad at me and says I owe him a knitting lesson. As for me, I couldn't wipe the smile from my face, pride puffing my chest at seeing her wearing my gift.

"Hey, sugar," I say quietly, sitting down next to her and putting my arm around her shoulders. "Today was a good day."

She nestles in closer to me, laying her head on my chest. "Yeah, it was."

There's silence between us, and while it's not tense, there's a few things I have to get off my mind. I kiss the top of her head. "I'm sorry. Again. For earlier in the shower." My stomach clenches, remembering what a dumbass I'd been for forgetting a condom. "If anything happens…"

Rae shifts away from me, taking a sip of her wine. She's back to looking at the fire. "It's fine, Hutton. I should be getting my period any day now."

I scrub my hand over my face, feeling my age suddenly. "I've never actually done that before. Well, except with Holly, of course. I've been tested since, I swear."

She turns a smile on me that I can't read. "I trust you."

I look deep into her eyes, wanting to memorize these last moments together. In just over twenty-four hours, Henry and I will be on our way to Los Angeles, Snowhaven nothing but a beautiful memory.

"I love that you do. I trust you too, you know."

Rae puts her glass on the end table and pulls her leg under her so she can face me on the couch. "I know you don't have a lot of people you trust. Your parents, Knox, maybe Dom to some extent." She counts them off on her fingers, having a few left over. "I'd like to be on that short list. You and I don't have to be strangers once you leave here."

I can feel the thin ice we're walking on with this conversation. I've never promised her anything but this brief time together. But how can I look at her trusting, beautiful face, knowing how I feel about her, and tell her I won't ever see her again? I'm not sure how things are going to look in the future. I have too many things to figure out first, but I can agree to stay in touch.

Reaching over to grab her hand, I make a promise I intend to keep, one way or another. "I'll stay in touch."

Her smile makes the late-night phone calls in our future worth it. I don't know if I can ever promise her more than that, but I have too many feelings about us to cut off our communication. My heart knows she deserves a man who will stay in this town and have a whole house of babies with her like she wants. Maybe it makes me an asshole to keep that line of communication open when she should move on, but I just can't cut her out of my life.

"Let's go to bed, sugar."

I stand and tug her up with me. She leans into me, wrapping her arms around me and laying her head on my chest. We sway there for a bit, lost in the feeling of being together in front of the fire with our stockings hanging next to each other and the Christmas tree sparkling with lights and homemade ornaments. It's one of those nights when you feel like you're living in the middle of a Hallmark Christmas show.

I remember Christmas Eves just like this at my parents' home growing up. I think about Henry now, getting to experience the same thing. But for how long? He goes back to Holly's day after tomorrow and I go back on tour like usual? These moments are so fleeting it makes my throat clench in something that feels a lot like fear and remorse.

Rae pulls her head up and gives me a lazy eyebrow waggle, looking half asleep already. "Come on, cowboy. I have a fantasy of getting some action while I'm wearing this Christmas sweater."

Just like that, she can make me smile again. I bend down to pick her up and walk toward her bedroom like a princess. I lay her down on the bed and strip off her socks and jeans. I take off the sweater and remove the shirt and bra she put on under it. Then I put the sweater back on her, though I open it up so I can see those gorgeous breasts.

"If I'm naked, you're naked." She points at me, looking ridiculous in that sweater and so damn adorable. "New rule."

"You giving me rules now, woman?" Contrary to my words, I strip my shirt over my head and toss it to the ground. I kind of like this new rule. I grab a condom this time and make sure I roll it on once I've stripped off all my clothes.

I crawl up her body, stopping between her thighs and indulging in the best dessert I've eaten all day. Rae's fingers slide into my hair and pull, but I refuse to climb higher. Not until I've gotten at least one orgasm out of her. I've barely gotten my finger inside of her before her legs close around my head. My tongue knows her body like we've been together for years instead of weeks. I go right at her, giving her exactly what she needs to start thrashing on the bed and moaning my name. When her muscles lock, I know I've got her right where I want her. Easing up with my tongue, I stroke her soft and slow, letting her come down nice and easy. As soon as her knees fall open again, I climb up her body and kiss her, letting her taste why I've become addicted to her.

Her eyelids flutter open as I ease back on the kiss. She lifts her legs to close them around my waist, my dick aching to feel her heat wrapped around me. With just a slight shift, I'm lined up with her opening. She lifts her hips, and I slide home. We both groan, my forehead coming to rest on hers. She urges me on with her heels in my back. I give her what she wants, sliding in and out in a lazy pace that feels so good a shiver wracks my body.

Rae's hands leave my hair to trace across my shoulders, my back, even my ass, urging me faster. I don't want to go faster. I want this moment to last forever and then some. But soon I don't have a choice. My body betrays me and surges back inside of her harder, faster, chasing that feeling only she can give me.

"Hutton," she moans, her back arching off the bed as she gasps. "Please."

I trail my mouth along her neck and get a hand on her breast, my hard thrusts making her bedposts hit the wall. My fingers close around her tight nipple and her eyes fly open to stare up at me. God, she's beautiful like this. My sweater around her, her hair a wild mess on the pillow, and her cheeks pink from what I'm doing to her.

I feel the flutter before I hear her. Her breath stutters and her back arches again. "Hutton!" Her hands scramble to hold on to me, nails digging into my skin. "Oh my God, I love you."

She breaks, her eyes squeezing shut as she shatters around me. My muscles lock and sound rushes by my ears. Everything quakes inside of me and I'm spilling into her, ignoring her words and focusing on the feeling blocking out everything else. Our breaths are coming in harsh pants and my arms give out. I collapse on top of her and we lie there like that until we catch our breath.

As the sweat cools on my back, my brain is spinning with what the hell I'm supposed to say to that. She said she loved me, didn't she? Or did I hear wrong? Was that some sort of mid-sex thing that shouldn't hold weight? Should I say something? Or wait for her to say something? Shit. Maybe she doesn't even know she said it.

Rae squeezes her legs around my waist. "Hey."

I lift my head and stare down at her. She's biting her bottom lip. Shit. She knows she said it. She rolls her eyes and drills her finger into my side. I yelp and pull out of her, rolling to the side.

"What was that for?"

"You look like you might hyperventilate." She rolls to her side also. "Yes, I said I love you, and I do. Love you, that is." She laughs, looking like this isn't the most monumental thing someone has said to me in years, right up there with Holly's "yes, I'm cheating on you and I want a divorce."

"Rae," I start, not sure where I'm going.

She puts her hand over my mouth. "Please don't say whatever you were going to say. I know you can't or won't say it back and I wasn't looking for that. I simply love you and I'm not going to hide that. You not saying it back has no bearing on how I feel. So don't make this weird, okay?"

I blink, afraid to move. I can't say it back, even if I'd had enough time to evaluate my own feelings, which I haven't. I would never say those three words to a woman unless I had a plan for forever with her and I certainly don't have that figured out. I have…feelings…for Rae, but I don't know exactly the extent of those feelings yet.

"When I say I love you to someone, I want it to be forever," I say against her hand. "Like, book-the-church-and-fill-the-house-with-babies forever."

Rae takes back her hand and tucks it under her head. "I get it and I admire that. But I also know I've spent a lot of years hiding myself for fear of what everyone will think of me. After last night, I've decided to quit doing that."

I reach my arm out and pull her into my chest, laying a kiss on her forehead. "I'm so proud of you," I whisper instead. It's not enough and I know it, but it's all I can offer right now.

"Santa came!" Henry's excited screech wakes us up before light's even begun to streak through the blinds. Rae's face instantly transforms into a grin. She rolls out of the bed and slides herself into a pair of sweatpants, wrapping my sweater vest around her so she's covered up on top.

"Come on!" She runs out the door before I've blinked the sleep out of my eyes.

I groan, rolling out of bed and finding a shirt from the drawer Rae gave me for my things when we first got here. Henry and Rae are sitting on the floor in front of the tree, looking through all the presents like two little kids. Looks like she saved my ass, having put out the presents from Santa last night while I put Henry to bed. I sink to the floor and shake my head, trying to clear it.

"Okay, I'm here. Open the gifts!"

Henry cheers and rips into the first one from Santa. It's a hover board for little kids. It lights up in a variety of colors and only goes half the speed of the bigger versions. He giggles with excitement and starts tearing through the other gifts from Santa. Rae crawls across the wood floor and hands me a square gift wrapped in red paper and tied with a silver ribbon.

"For you," she says sweetly, sitting back to watch me open it.

I grin, feeling the familiar shape of it. "Is this my homemade gift?"

She nods and I rip the paper off to reveal a canvas painting. The picture she painted comes into view as I tilt it toward the tree in order to have enough light to see it. My breath catches in my lungs. Henry's excited cheer as he gets another present open dims into the background. My fist goes to my mouth and I stare at the painting, stunned silent.

It's a cowboy depicted from behind, dressed in Wranglers that match the little boy next to him. The two have identical T-shirts on and the same shaggy golden-brown hair. And they're holding hands, looking out at a field of wildflowers. I know it's me and Henry instantly. Rae's signature is painted neatly in the corner. I run my finger over the realistic arms and hands, more touched by this gift than any I've ever received.

"I had to rush it a bit, but I hope you like it," Rae says.

My gaze snaps to hers. I find her biting her lip again. I carefully put the painting next to me and wrap her in a tight hug. "I fucking love it," I whisper in her ear, voice wobbling.

She squeezes me back, a giggle behind her words. "Oh, I made the choir boy curse again?"

I grin like a madman over her head, heart in my throat. Henry sees us and dogpiles on top until we crumple into a heap on the floor, the tree looming above us.

"I wove Chwistmas!" he shouts. Rae untangles herself from my arms and swoops him into her lap, happy and carefree as can be.

"Let me see what Santa brought you!"

I watch as Henry shows her every single thing while Rae patiently listens, oohing and aahing where appropriate. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I can't seem to suck in a full breath. I've received insane gifts over the years, all the way from custom cowboy boots to trips with all expenses paid, but that painting might just be the nicest thing I've ever been given.

When he exhausts himself, my son loops his arms around Rae's neck and stares her right in the face, saying the words I can't seem to get past my lips.

"I wove you, Rae-Rae."

My eyes burn and now I can't seem to see properly either, but I do manage to see her kiss Henry's forehead. "I love you too, buddy."