8. Chapter Eight

My staff and I had been so busy at the bar I hadn’t had a chance to go to anymore of Josh’s shows and they were leaving for Rocktoberfest in a few days. Between hiring and training a part-time chef along with another server, I was all over the place. Holly and Della didn’t mind the extra hours, but Holly had a three-year-old son and being away from him a lot was hard on them both. She was originally hired for three nights a week, which had turned into five and occasionally six. To me, family came first and making sure that those I employed had that balance was a must. Now Della, that girl was a workhorse and wanted all the hours she could get so because of that and her strong work ethic, I promoted her to lead server and trainer.

Growth was thy name.

Both personally and professionally.

Josh and I only saw each other a couple of times this week when he came into the bar. By the end of my shift, fighting the yawns was fruitless and we went our separate ways after a few stolen kisses. Sunday came with a promise to spend the day together but what he didn’t know was that I brought a change of clothes with me. The less Josh pushed us having sex, the more I wanted it. Not only was I learning about him, but about myself as well it would seem. And for me, tonight was the night to take that next step.

It was around noon when I got to his place. We both slept in after working late last night. Mom teased me as I left and tossed me a box of condoms. Nothing that woman did surprised me, she was a one of a kind. I’d texted Josh that I was on the way and when I pulled up to his building, there he sat on the stairs waiting. His bright smile lit me up from the inside out. So much better than the scowl he once wore, though I did understand why. Josh seriously had no clue how adorable he was. “You trimmed your beard.”

“Ha, yeah.” Josh shyly stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Debated on a haircut, too.”

“Looks great.” I gave it a tug and leaned in for a kiss. “Waiting for someone?”

“Nah, no one important.”

“Smartass.” Josh opened his mouth and just as quickly shut it. “What were you going to say?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard and drew in the strength he needed. “But I’m your smartass.” He peeked up at me through those long lashes, hiding beneath them. Love. Ownership. To belong to someone. The desire to be all those things was clear in this reaction.

“Yes, sweetheart, you are.” The pet names freely flowed with Josh, though I still paused to gauge his reaction each time. Pinkened cheeks and a shy smile, yeah, this worked for us.

Caregiver? A new role for me, but it felt right. Josh felt right. And while I’d ignored him for as long as I had, coming together now, when we’d both matured, was the right move for us. Josh was calmer, not as reckless with his words or actions, and I hoped that his bandmates saw the same change and gave him a fair chance. There was so much more to him than met the eye.

“So, what’s in the bag?” Curiously, he eyed it as I sat it down.

“Well, I hoped to be here for breakfast in the morning.” I waited for that to sink in, and when the corner of his lips curled, I held up my hand. “Please don’t ruin it with one of your usual sexual innuendos.”

“Duly noted. So,” he reverted to unsure Josh, hands crammed into his pockets as he rocked on his heels. “Plans for today?”

“Do we need any? Can we just relax and enjoy each other’s company? See where the day takes us?” Idle Josh didn’t know what to do with himself. “Any new series you’ve wanted to binge?”

“Oh, I, um…I only have the free channels my TV comes with. If home improvement or cooking shows are your jam, I can hook ya up.” Josh was embarrassed he couldn’t afford cable or any streaming services.

“Both are actually my jam,” I winked. “I’m good with that. Pick whatever’s your favorite. Did you eat?”

“Nah, wanted to wait for you. Just so you know, asking me to do more than use a microwave is detrimental to your health.”

“Well, mind if I sift through your fridge and cupboards?” I was lucky in many respects, and I had my hard-working mother to thank for that. She instilled the values with which my life was led by. Honestly, integrity, and trust. Trust in yourself first and foremost. Cooking was another lesson and was a task we did together when we had the same nights off. We took turns one-upping the other to create The Next Best Meal as she named our homemade dinner show for two.

“Go for it, though you’ll only find shit that can be nuked.” Josh wasn’t kidding. A couple boxes in the freezer, milk, beer, and water in the fridge, and mac and cheese and cereal in a cupboard.

“All right, next time I come bearing groceries. For today is delivery day.” I struck a ridiculous Spartan pose, having used an equally as terrible voice to match. Thankfully, Josh got the joke and laughed. “What’s around that’s good?”

“For a price, you can get anything. I’ve got beer so I vote for pizza and wings. You bought last time so this one’s on me.” The protest was on my lips though it fell silent. Josh had never shared his financial situation with me, yet. I’d overheard the conversation at the bar the night they played. And while he didn’t live in the best area either, I refused to make him feel less by denying him this. It would only further serve to draw on his insecurities.

“Okay, next time the food is on me.” Josh gave a brief head nod and turned away as he slid his phone from his pocket. Likely ordering our food off an app. At some point the talk of finances would come, but we were far too new to each other to dig into that. Finances were personal, and sometimes the reason why many relationships failed. If he kept that to himself, that was fine but as he opened more and more of himself to me, Im sure it would come out. Glancing around his apartment, he owned very little which said enough. Patience and time was what he needed and I’d give him that and more.

Remote in hand, he chose a home improvement show for us to watch. “For now, this will do.”

“I have a couple streaming services. If you dont mind, I could log in and we could pick a show from there. Sometimes when I get home from work my mind wont shut down, so I put on a long movie or series to watch until I fall asleep.”

“Makes sense. Instead of the TV I turn to my guitar and play for a while. It settles my soul.” Having an outlet was important and music was perfect for Josh. He was by no means lazy and not working all this time clearly wasn’t by choice. The depth of his need for Chaotic to succeed I now understood, and it wasn’t all about money.

By the time the first episode finished our food had arrived. I logged into my account and selected a series I had watched before and loved but fell asleep during parts of it. Josh and I kicked off our shoes and settled in, side by side on the couch. Before long, plates were shoved aside, and we’d morphed into a comfy ball. If we stayed on this path, it wouldnt be long before I was head over heels for this neurotic human, who ached to be loved.

Josh glanced up as though he’d read my thoughts, and my eyes immediately went to his lips. Today wouldnt end with just one kiss and having already come with that thought in mind I was ready to move things along. Would there be a battle for dominance in the bedroom? I sure as hell hoped not. And while Josh had been dominant in his past, with me thus far he’d been submissive. I had no problem with who topped whom but taking this next step wasn’t one of his usual hit it and bail scenarios. The use of the word aftercare didn’t sound right yet that’s almost how I foresaw this night ending—with Josh in my arms. Sated and safe.

Our lips touched once, twice, before our tongues met in that familiar way and my length hardened. Kissing for me was the ultimate foreplay. The denim tightened uncomfortably as Josh cupped my groin and slid his palm up the outside. Skin on skin, mouth on skin, at this point I wasnt choosy as long as we got naked.

“I think were both a bit too large for this to go any further on the couch.” The heat reflected in Josh’s eyes nearly had me retracting my words and stripping down right here.

He sighed. “Agreed.”

I rose first and held out a hand to help him up and didn’t let go once he stood as I led him down the hall. I wasn’t sure which door went to the bedroom but given there were only two and the bathroom was open, it wasn’t hard to figure out. When we reached the foot of the bed, I wrapped my arms around him. “Tell me what you’re thinking?”

“I waited so long for this, and now…”

“Now?”

“I find it hard to believe you’re giving me a chance.”

“I’m giving us a chance. Josh, this isn’t a one and done for me. If it is for you, tell me now and I’ll walk away. I want more than that with you.” Had I miscalculated this? Was sex still all he was after?

“No. I want more, too. I’m just…” Josh shook his head. “Nervous if you can believe it.”

“Well, I can but remember it’s just us. This is between you and me, there’s no contest to win. No five minutes, say goodbye and onto the next. This is us adding another block to building our relationship.”

“That’s where I usually fuck up. I know, baby steps and all that. But if I do something wrong, will you tell me?” Fear of failure radiated through his words.

“I will, though I don’t foresee that happening. Do you want to stop now?” Having either of us feel uncomfortable during such a big step wasn’t worth the price that could be paid in the end. Losing us. We both absolutely had to be ready and on the same page with this.

“No. I want this. I want you. You’re,” he drew in a deep breath and released it. “You’re important to me.”

His honesty struck me right in the core. “Hey,” I tilted his chin up. “You’re important to me, too, and as with anything between us, saying no is always okay. If I found out later something we did made you uncomfortable and you didn’t speak up, then we’d have a problem. I care a great deal about you, and I’m in this one hundred percent.”

This time, instead of me making the first move, Josh did it, which was a nice change. A true sign that his comfort level with me strengthened. He pressed his lips to mine, the kiss quickly heating given our previous state of arousal. Unspoken words of not so much a confession Id say, but a statement that we both felt how important this was. Far more than just getting off, a reality that only served to heighten our need. Being with someone you really cared about made a difference. Sure, Id cared about others in the past but for Josh this was all new and I could only imagine his internal struggle to not only understand, but to accept.

But I ached with a need only Josh’s body could tame. “Lets get undressed.” His eyes were anywhere but on me as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. For me, having no tattoos myself, I studied every inch of his skin as it appeared. I was enthralled by the art another chose to put on their body, a statement, a means to display the things they loved enough to carry with them permanently. While Joshs tattoos were eclectic, each symbolized a different event in his life from the lone wolf on his chest to the, yeah, he didn’t lie. As soon as his pants dropped, the tattoo across his pelvic area came into view and wound down and around his dick. Fucking hell, that had to hurt.

“Well, no bullshit about that tattoo.”

Josh laughed and finally glanced up at me. “Theres not much Ill lie about which is how I spent most of my life in trouble. I do shit and admit to it and that’s that. Although I do have to say over the last couple of years, Ive grown and while I still refuse to lie, I cant promise I won’t get into shit.”

“Sweetheart, Id expect nothing less from you, but please try to keep the fuck ups on the right side of the law.” Too many stories have been written about the bullshit bands got into, some even resulted in death, and I couldn’t imagine this world without the beautiful man who stood before me.

“I’ll do my best. This next step in my career is far too important. You,” Josh paused, “you’re too important.”

Most firsts are usually hurry and get it done, but not with Josh. As we lay back, I wanted to savor every moment, outline each tattoo, and commit them to memory. He was of the same mindset as he too took his time touching me, exploring. Dotting each freckle and tracing old childhood scars. Memorizing the planes of each other’s body was erotic as hell. Memories I’d reflect upon while we’re apart. The rough feel of his calloused fingers from years of playing guitar as he stroked me only added to the moment.

“Josh, have you ever bottomed?” He paled, the terror on his face had me retracting the request. “Please, don’t answer that.”

When he found his words, the response had me seeing red. “Once, and not by choice.”

“Fucking hell, babe,” I tugged him against me, not to baby him but because I had to hold him. “If time travel were real, I’d go back and make sure karma fucked up all the assholes you’ve had in your life.”

“You’d have one long ass list to work through.”

“I’ll be right back.” I’d left my bag by the front door, which had the lube and condoms in it. I set it beside Josh’s dresser, snagged both items and tossed them on the bed before I crawled up and hovered over Josh as I prepped myself.

“Next time, I wanna do that.”

I leaned over and kissed him. “You got it.” Although it had been a while for me, it didn’t take much to prep me. Josh’s eyes rolled back, and he hissed as I rolled the condom down his cock. Clearly in the same state of arousal and near slipping over the edge point that I was. As I slid down his length, the familiar burn of the stretch reminded me of just how long it had been. Possibly longer than I’d remembered, so I slowed down. Josh’s grip on my hips held me in place as he waited for me to catch my breath.

“You all right?”

“Yeah-yeah, just give me a minute.” How much lube was too much? I wasn’t sure there could ever be enough, but it was too late to back down now. Well, not really, but I knew the good part was coming and the stretch would be more than worth it.

“Fuck, you feel even better than I imagined,” Josh ground out through gritted teeth as my ass met his groin. “I hope I don’t embarrass myself.”

“I’ll be right there with you.” That was an understatement. With Josh stroking me as I angled my hips just right, he hit my prostate, and I nearly came. “Right. Fucking. There.” Josh firmly held my hips and repeatedly thrust up, nailing it each time. Dominoes was the best way to describe it as the walls came tumbling down. With a final press, over the edge I went and the muscle contractions triggered Josh as we both came.