Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

K age

Whoever had said exposing your deepest secrets cleansed the soul was an idiot.

I hadn't intended on ever telling anyone my wife and child had been murdered ever again. I'd been asked the question a thousand times once I'd been arrested. I'd done my best to try to forget about the horrible night, the sight that had remained a permanent image in my mind. But in seeking revenge, I'd found the fuel needed to keep the adrenaline and hatred flowing.

As it was right now.

I knew I was a shit, but it was best to keep my distance from her, especially when it felt as if we were getting too close. I'd meant what I said. I was bad news for her but the fear she had remained.

I'd seen it in her eyes, the need to redeem me with her goodness. Fuck. It was almost like what Dr. Daniels had attempted. Sure, she'd made headway with forcing me to deal with Max, but it was too little too late.

The ugliness of what I'd just said hit me hard. I adored the dog and he cared about me. Our bond was strong and one I honestly didn't want to lose but it didn't make me a better man on any level.

Neither could Noel.

Not with her beguiling smile.

Or her twinkling eyes.

Or her laugh.

Or her fucking incredible mouth.

Or her amazing, voluptuous body.

Not a fucking chance in hell.

Then why was it that all I could do was think about her?

Want her?

Need her?

Fuck me, I had it bad. Now I had to figure out how to deal with it. I was a shit of a man, but I would never purposely destroy someone's life.

Especially not an angel.

As soon as the internet was restored, I'd do some additional checking on the man named James Jones. I hadn't heard shit about him in prison but from what Kyle had shared, he was pure evil. I sat back in the chair in the office. All the other equipment was working. It had to be the direction of the satellite, which is why I wasn't connecting with anything. I glanced at my watch, realizing I'd been in the office working on developing a list of possible men I could trust and getting everything else up and running for hours.

Noel hadn't come to check on me.

We hadn't slept in the same bed since we'd been here, nor had I heard a peep from her. When finding her in the kitchen earlier that morning, she'd grabbed her mug and left without so much as looking at me. I guessed my story had been too shocking for her psyche to deal with. At the time, I'd been glad, hoping she could put our passion into a locked box. Now the weight had returned, the need for her just as strong.

I hadn't even finished my cup of coffee, maybe because I'd felt guilty. Once I managed to get the satellite working, the internet up, I would try to bring this to some sense of a conclusion. If I was right about my assumptions, telling Saldono would do nothing but ensure my death and hers. I'd need to find a way of proving it.

My legs were stiff as I stood and I realized I hadn't heard a sound or had a visit from Max in some time. As soon as I walked into the corridor, I listened for any sounds. Hearing nothing, I took long strides into the living room then the kitchen. Where the fuck were the keys to the truck? I barely grabbed a coat before rushing outside, stopping short on the porch. She'd pulled the vehicle back to its original position. But where was she? A moment of panic rushed in. Would she dare try the same thing she had before?

I ensured my gun was still safely secured against the small of my back as I rushed off the porch, scanning the perimeter. Where the fuck had she gone? I would tan her ass once I found her.

So help me God.

I took off running in one direction then another, seeing nothing. There were some boot prints, but the morning had dawned above freezing and with the bright sun, some of the accumulation had already melted away, taking the prints with it.

Two minutes into my search and I was crazed with fear and anger. Had I been so stupid as to not realize assholes had found our location? The cameras were working, including on the perimeter and I thought the trip wires were, but anything was a possibility until I ran the final tests.

I spun in a complete circle before hearing a slight sound. As soon as I turned around, I was hit with something in my face. It had just enough force and the perfect trajectory to toss me to the ground.

"Oh, shit."

At that moment all the anger faded, a hint of amusement replacing the darkness upon hearing her voice. I heard her trudging through the snow toward me but Max was there first, licking my face with such aggressive verve that I almost burst into laughter.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked while she was still a couple of feet away.

Maybe I still had a playful side left in me after all. Without a second thought, I fisted a handful of snow, sitting up and allowing it to fly like a baseball toward her. It hit the target, breaking apart against her chest.

She frowned and made an even funnier face when she glanced at Max, who remained right by my side, his tail swooshing back and forth in the snow.

When she backed up, I could tell she was going to retaliate. I waited as she hunkered down, collecting and patting a huge wad of snow. "You do realize this means war. Don't you?"

I was on my feet in two seconds, grabbing a snowball of my own. "Bring it, babe." I even beckoned her with my other hand.

The little smile on her face was the one I'd seen inside the grocery store when she'd thought I was a nice guy. I took a deep breath of the cold air, wishing it could be just like that.

I had to give the woman some serious cred. The way she reared back, stretching her arm behind her, lifting her leg into position told me she'd once been a softball player. And the moment she let it loose, the direction was spot on.

This time, it caught me right under the chin, almost taking my breath away. I didn't wait for her to grab another handful of snow, letting my shot go wild. She managed to slip away, laughing as she hunkered over to gather more, this time double fisted.

As she started pitching one after another in my direction, Max finally got in on the action, barking and jumping, catching several of the wonky snowballs in his mouth.

She refused to give up even when I started chasing her, slipping behind one tree then the other, able to fire off more shots than I was. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a snowball fight with anyone. Not only did it feel exhilarating, I felt alive, able to breathe and laugh. What an amazing feeling.

Her laughter was the best medicine though, the sweet lilting sound floating into the air as she rushed from behind one tree, bolting toward the house.

"Oh, no, you don't," I growled, lunging forward until I was able to grab her arm, jerking her around but I hadn't noticed she had another ball of ammo prepared, this time smashing it into my face.

She managed to jerk her arm free, laughing as I tried to wipe it from my eyes. As I licked some from my lips, I gave her a savage look. The moment I leapt off my feet, knocking her to the ground, I could tell she hadn't been expecting that calculated maneuver.

We pitched and rolled, both of us laughing as Max jumped from one side to the other, still barking, even frothing at the mouth. I rolled her over finally until she was pinned to the ground, both of us gasping for air. I threw her arms over her head and she gave me a look of her own.

As if retaliation was already in the back of her mind.

"You really are one bad man," she managed, her breathing as labored as mine.

"Yeah? What makes you think so?"

"You were supposed to let me win. Gentlemen would do that."

"You got it wrong then, baby. I ain't no gentleman."

Her smile was far too salacious. "Then what exactly are you?"

"The big, bad wolf." I issued a howl toward the heavens that stopped Max in his tracks before dropping my head and biting her on the neck.

She was still laughing, playfully trying to push me off. I was amazed at this woman, her resolve and her ability to forgive something I would never have expected. If I wasn't extremely careful, I wouldn't ever be able to let her go.

I rolled over onto my back just far enough away I wouldn't be tempted to fuck her in the goddamn snow. I'd gathered the scent of cinnamon. Maybe she'd found some candy somewhere and it only made me want to kiss her. I turned my head toward Max, who was staring at us like we were two crazy people.

The rustling sound she was making drew my attention and when I looked, she was fanning out both her arms and legs in a constant motion.

I rolled over onto my elbow and side, doing nothing more than observing. "What are you doing?"

"Making a snow angel. I used to do this when I was a kid."

"A what?"

"Oh, come on. You mom or dad had to teach you how to make a snow angel."

"You don't know my dad. He didn't have time for such things and my mom wasn't an outdoorsy kind of woman in the least."

She laughed and continued what she was doing. I moved to a standing position, staring down at her. When it seemed like she was finished, I held out my arm to help her stand.

"If you have a hidden snowball, I will get you back."

"Not a chance," I told her.

As soon as she slapped her hand into mine, I pulled her to a standing position, maybe using just a little too much force, which caused her to smack one hand against my chest, our lips coming dangerously close to touching. She took a scattered breath, licking her lips.

"I, um…" she whispered, remaining where she was for a few seconds longer before pulling away. "Look. See, it looks like a perfect angel. Maybe she can guard me against nightmares."

I peered down and sighed. If only that were true.

"Come on. Let's see if we can get the satellite working."

She glanced into my eyes, still searching. Maybe still hoping. She nodded once and it was just another breakdown of what we shared.

But the heat was still intensifying.

And damn if I didn't begin to fully realize that she'd been brought into my life for a reason. Saving me. How ironic that a girl who wrote about monsters and demons in real life, a woman considered fragile on the outside but truly the strongest woman I'd ever met on the inside would be the one.

The. One.

As we stood together, staring down at the fallen angel, I could also see a warm glow shimmering across the surface. Maybe it was from the sun but in my mind, it was more about the spirit inside the woman who stood so close I couldn't breathe. She held a light transcending everything else. It was as if no darkness, no evil, no horrible men determined to end lives and wreak havoc could destroy her special qualities.

Only a man like me could.

That made whatever decision was necessary to make that much harder.

I already cared about the girl. Far too much.

And there was no doubt my feelings meant one thing.

Total damnation.

Angel.

That's what Noel had turned out to be.

She wanted me to be her knight in some shining armor, slaying dragons at every turn.

I simply needed her goodness and light.

Geez. I was losing track of what was important, including finding the assholes who slaughtered my family. Handling Saldono like I should have once and for all.

It seemed that every thought had Noel laced somewhere in the middle, every breath I took able to grab a tiny hint of her fresh scent.

Concentrate, you asshole.

I snorted from my inner mind chastising me. It hadn't been enough so far.

The internet was working but I'd scrambled the signal so the IP address was routed through a dozen countries. Although Saldono and his clowns weren't that sophisticated when it came to complicated equipment, in the years I'd been out of the picture, he could have gotten smart and hired some geeky kid to handle it.

I refused to take any additional chances.

While another two days of relative peace had passed, we'd had yet another snowfall in the middle of the night. At least during the sequestered time, I'd managed to handle some research of Saldono and his organization. The man was a true pig, even more than I'd realized, but he was also a hound for the cameras. There had rarely been a week he wasn't flashing his smile in front of some reporter while leaving a restaurant or casino with yet another woman on his arm.

I'd never understood why any female would find the man attractive, but I'd determined it was all about money. He was lavish with his spending but on the flipside, I had no idea how many women I'd taken to the doctor he had on staff to be helped.

He was an abusive son of a bitch.

Rubbing my eyes, I sat back in the chair, staring out at the waning light.

In the two days since our snowball fight, tensions had been eased to some degree, although at times it was still like we were walking on eggshells around each other.

I'd given her a wide berth because I'd still believed it was in her best interest. As of this afternoon, her attitude had gotten surly, asking me more than once when the hell we could get out of here. What I couldn't tell her was that I had connected with a couple of informants I'd been damn good to over the years. While they'd moved out of the business of being a snitch for anyone, both had done me a favor, returning to the streets where they used to work to learn the scuttlebutt regarding the shit going down.

I also had a call into the one man I believed would never betray me. He'd been the captain of the guard, a fancy title for someone taking Saldono's wrath more often than any other man in his employ.

With his military background, and his foster care upbringing where he'd spent most of his life in an adoption facility, Dan Rollins was perfect for the job. No family. No real ties. No love lost with authority, even though he'd been an Army Ranger.

But I'd heard through the great grapevine that things had gone south in his relationship with the Don, becoming worse than the brutality I'd seen him put through. What I had admired about Dan more than anyone I'd ever worked with was that he was fair and honest, treating his men with respect. In turn, at least a few of them were loyal to him and not to Saldono or his second son.

If he was still in the business, it could mean he'd gathered enough men to finally handle the situation with Saldono. Granted, it was still taking another significant chance, but it was one I had to take or I'd spend the rest of my life running and that wasn't me.

Hearing my phone had a couple of different effects, including every muscle in my body tensing. When I noticed the number, at least I could smile before answering the call.

"Big Eddy. What's shakin'?" The man stood at least six foot eight inches tall, a former NFL player who'd lost his entire fortune gambling, before becoming a well-paid, well-dressed, well-spoken informant also used as an occasional enforcer.

And Saldono had burned that bridge like he had so many others.

"Hey, man. I didn't think you'd see the light of day again," Eddy said in his deep, gruff voice.

"Yeah, me neither. Did you learn anything?"

He laughed. "I can't believe you talked me into walking the damn streets again, going into the old bars. They stink after all these years."

At least the man still had a sense of humor. "I bet they do. What did you find?"

"Look, first of all, I got a new family. A little baby boy born last year. I have a nice house, a damn good job with my wife's uncle, and money in the bank. I can't go back to that life."

"Yeah, I hear you, dude. Unfortunately, Saldono was led to believe I killed Antonio. He's none too happy I'm out of prison."

"So I heard and it's fucking shit. From what I know, Gio is a worse tyrant, acting as if he's king of the world."

"He was the one who made the kill shot."

His exhale was filled with a growl. "That figures. I'm surprised Saldono hasn't reined him in but he's letting the asshole take over more and more every month. The dude isn't what you or I thought at all. He's a fucking blood artist."

"I should have known."

"The day he wanted to cut my arm off was the day I left that shit, never to return. What I also learned from the sources left is that he does have a hit on you. I think he's willing to go the distance if necessary to cut you to ribbons. Don't go anywhere near Denver. I'm just warning you."

"Yeah, that I figured. Let me ask you a question. Are you still buds with the old crew, the guys who didn't treat you like shit?"

His hesitation meant he wanted no part of anything to do with the family. "I just told you, man. I have a family."

"And I lost mine. I need to find the person responsible."

"You think Saldono had something to do with it?"

"Maybe."

He allowed another hesitation. "Yeah, I ain't no fool, Kage. I keep track of what's going on. We all gotta watch our backs. You know?"

"What's the word on the street about Dan?"

Now he laughed. "He's a good guy. But he's out. Way out."

"Yeah, so I thought. I appreciate the info. I got a situation with a woman."

"Interesting. I thought you were done with the domestic life."

"I did too. They think she's my weakness."

"Fuckers," he hissed. "I'll make one offer but that's it. I'll help you take down Gio if you can find a way to make that happen. Otherwise, I am out."

"I understand."

"I hope you do cause shit is different than when you went into the joint. Gio is a fucking pig."

"That much I know, my friend. But if either Domingo or Gio had anything to do with my family's murder, I will go to the ends of the earth to ensure they know what it's like to face my wrath."

"I don't blame you, bud, but be careful. If this girl is anyone important to you then you need to watch your back. Gio ain't kidding. He'll stop at nothing to ensure you don't spill the beans. Saldono is planning on retiring in months, not years. He has everything to lose at this point."

"I do care about her, but I already figured that with Gio. Thanks for the information."

"You got it. Least I can do."

The truth was I'd suspected Gio's trepidation about being involved with his father's business had been nothing more than a ruse, a way of keeping track of the men his father employed. I'd been right. Sometimes, I hated it when I was.

"You'll know if my appearance is important. Otherwise, don't fuckin' call me."

"You have my word, my friend. Family is sacred." I ended the call, holding the phone in my hand for a few seconds until I felt a shock of electricity from behind me.

Turning my head slowly, the sight of Noel with her arms crossed, staring at me as if I'd just killed her beloved pup pushed a strange ache into my heart. Her face was pinched, her lovely lips pursed. It was obvious she'd heard at least a part of my conversation.

There was no taking it out of context, no way to sugarcoat the situation for her any longer.

Max as usual had no issue bounding into the room, jumping onto my lap on the chair. Even though the sweet dog licked my face, I kept my gaze locked on her face.

"You really aren't going to change. Are you?" she asked after what seemed like a lengthy period of time had passed.

"I have business to finish, Noel. Just because I was given a second chance at life doesn't mean I can let what happened go."

Her jaw clenched and she looked away briefly, staring at nothing. "When I escaped from the monster, I had visions of driving a stake through his heart. It was all I could think about for a long time, my dreams filled with ways of hunting and trapping him, but I realized after some reflective time and speaking with my therapist that getting revenge wasn't good for me. Or my mental stability. As he told me, all it would do was drive me into being the same kind of person as the one who'd hurt me. It did take me a little while dealing with the horror and the vengeful feelings, but I finally realized that while I'd get a few minutes or a couple days of satisfaction after killing the man, it wouldn't take away the horror of what I'd been forced to deal with. Maybe you should try and remember that."

Her stare was pointed, her eyes imploring, and I'll be damned if I didn't want to be a much better man at that very moment.

However, as usual, I couldn't determine what I could say that would change anything.

"Fine. I'm getting a hot bath and drinking an entire bottle of wine myself. Any chance you'll figure out a way to play some music for a change? Don't worry. I'm not looking for anything romantic. I realized you don't have that bone in your body. Maybe a little heavy metal music, screamers. That might ease both our demons or feed them with what they need for now. Who knows."

She'd turned bitter and I hated that for her. It was something else I had to blame myself for. Fantastic, the list was growing. "I'll see what I can do."

"Don't stress yourself out. My wishes mean nothing and I get that. By the way, if you plan on keeping me and Max here as your prisoners much longer, both of us will need food. Just something for you to keep in the back of your mind."

"Yeah, I will." Why argue with her that she wasn't my prisoner all over again? She wouldn't believe anything I said. Why should she?

"Sure you will." Her face suddenly softened briefly, her eyes even twinkling for just a couple of precious seconds. "So, um… You can come with me if you want. The bathtub is big enough for two." The look on her face was slightly hopeful but since I didn't respond right away, she shut completely down as I'd done before. "Right. I get it. Have a groovy night."

Groovy.

Just seeing her face was enough to remind me of everything I wanted.

And everything I was forcing myself to miss out on.

I was a fucking asshole. More so than I'd admitted to before.

As she spun around, Max immediately following, I slunk back in my chair, suddenly hating not only myself but my life as well.

The man I'd turned into wasn't anything like what I'd imagined.

I'd become the hunter, the killer.

And the monster.