Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

N oel

Silence.

I'd been rewarded for our third round of intense passion with another blanket of silence. This time was more oppressive because of our surroundings, the seemingly desolate wilderness that was our home for an unknown period of time.

I wasn't certain I could handle the feeling of loneliness, even though Max was curled up by my legs, which were hiding under a blanket in front of the roaring fire.

I didn't expect the man to be the kind of guy who engaged in pillow talk, but in our bantering session earlier, we'd touched on some very dark, secretive issues from our respective pasts. Maybe I was just being a girl in thinking one or both should be discussed.

It was late. The dinner I'd made was edible, but for some reason, I'd lost my appetite. So had he. After rekindling the fire, he'd walked away, leaving me feeling alone and… well, lonely. There was no internet, no way for the single television to capture a signal since rabbit ears wouldn't work this far up in the mountains.

I'd yet to find anything that could produce music. I could work on my book to pass the time but honestly, I didn't have the energy. By now, somebody had to know I was missing. Zoe? Vicky? How long would it be until they called the police? Would they find my house destroyed? Would the bastards intent on using me against Kage continue to hunt us and even worse, figure out where his grandfather's cabin was?

The questions would never be answered. I just knew it in the back of my mind.

All because the man was a brooding guy who refused to allow me to know anything more than his hunger and amazing sexual prowess. That made me angry. I deserved to know what the hell was going on detail by detail.

I was a detail girl after all.

When he walked into the room with a glass and a bottle in his hand, I snapped my head up so fast I was surprised I didn't get a pinched nerve. "Talk to me, Kage. Tell me what's really going on."

"Why do you care?"

"Why do you act like that after what we just shared?"

"I never said this was…" Kage sighed, glancing at the fireplace before placing the bottle on the coffee table in front of me. It seemed we were both drinking whiskey. Maybe we thought it would help soothe our nerves. I watched as he moved closer to the fire, planting one forearm on the mantel and staring into the flames.

If they'd given me any answers, I wouldn't be bothering him at this point.

The silence continued, time holding no real meaning in this place. Finally, I'd had enough, tossing back the blanket.

"Some shit happened when I was in my twenties. Bad shit. You know better than most the kind I mean. I lost almost everything, including part of my mind on one dark and rainy night."

There was so much sadness in his voice and while I could only see one side of his face, it was enough to tell how much of a shell whatever he'd endured has caused him to become.

Much like me.

I eased back down, curling up as I'd done before.

He huffed and took a sip of his drink. His hand was shaking but it had nothing to do with anxiety. The same anger I'd seen flash in him more than once was right there at the surface. "I changed, no longer a decent human being. I wasn't entirely certain there was anything human left inside of me. Some would say I'd succumbed to my demons, but I knew better. I just wanted revenge and I was willing to do anything to gain the power and the backing to succeed."

While I wasn't certain what he was talking about, I knew better than to interrupt.

"I was drinking in a bar one night, doing my best to pick a fight." Now he stopped to laugh at himself. "Some guy told me if I was looking for a way to vent my rage and frustrations, I could also earn some money."

I was intrigued. I couldn't tell a lie.

"I said what the hell? I couldn't feel anything any longer. I didn't care about anything or anyone at that point and honestly, I had nothing to lose, so I agreed. Turns out it was some illegal MMA fight."

"Mixed martial arts?"

"Yeah. Before you ask, I'd never engaged in a boxing match let alone something so dangerous and rough. However, the guys in charge had a lot of money on the line. Even though I couldn't care less about money, things, whatever, it lured me in. I think it was more about the rage. I need to spill blood more than almost anything else in my life."

"Wow. That's terrifying."

"The experience was a complete rush and I found myself enjoying every fight. Six weeks later I was some underground champion with a reputation as a badass. That led the owner of the club to call me into his office one night. I was a damn fool to go but I was too far gone by then, nothing like the man I used to be. Saldono Rinaldi I knew by reputation, larger than life. He was considered one of the most dangerous crime syndicate Dons west of the Mississippi. The funny thing was that meeting him was a disappointment. He stood maybe five foot four, a bald head and a fat belly. I learned quickly not to judge a man by his exterior though. Anyway, he asked me point blank if the fighting had released my rage. I told him no, only one thing would."

"Killing people."

"Well, not just anyone, at least that's what I thought at first. I had specific assholes in mind, although I couldn't prove their responsibility. He offered me a job. I didn't care about anything, including my grandfather's company any longer. I accepted, shoving aside my entire life to become a fucking hired hitman. I worked up the ranks becoming his second in command, which his two fucking sons didn't appreciate, although we were friendly, even drinking buddies at times. Saldono had and still has many enemies. I'd taken a vow to protect his family. For a while, everything was good. Until it wasn't."

"What happened?" I was now sitting on the edge of the couch, studying his face. The sadness had disappeared, his features hardened. I wasn't certain what to think although I wasn't as appalled or disgusted as I thought. I'd guessed what kind of life he led from what little I'd been able to piece together. Did that make it right? Hell, no, but whatever the reasons his life had been shattered, the way he'd decided to live afterwards had crushed him further and still was.

Even if he'd worked hard to deny it from everyone including himself.

"I was working alongside his two sons, Antonio and Gio and another soldier, a guy I thought was a true friend, doing what we thought was a simple hit. The information had been wrong and everything got botched, bodies strewn everywhere. Saldono's oldest son Antonio was killed by a stray bullet. Or at least I thought that's what it was at the time. I took the fall. Because the shit was messy, all Saldono's connections with the police were useless. I was railroaded into prison so fast even I was shocked."

"Who did you take the fall for?" I wasn't certain he would answer me.

He shook his head, gulping down half his drink.

"For Saldono's other son." As soon as I connected the dots, he turned toward me. Everything about the expression he wore terrified me and I wasn't certain why.

"Yeah, and I thought I was doing the right thing because Saldono needed an heir. Gio duped all of us, acting as if he didn't want the throne. He is a world class manipulator, and I misjudged the shit that happened. I could be wrong, but I think the soldier and Gio plotted together, knowing I had honor. But somehow, they convinced Saldono I'd intended to kill Antonio that night."

"Why would he think that way?"

"Because there'd been talk about me taking over the helm given Antonio's age. Then Saldono changed his mind. He was that way. If he was pissed at you, you were scum and he and Antonio fought a lot. I never wanted the Don's position. It's a shit show at best and the easiest way to slide into the grave at an early age. I had a death wish, but not like that."

"So, they're coming after you because you were released from prison?"

Once again, he turned toward me, nodding a few times. "They tried to have me killed in prison more than once, although I didn't know at the time Saldono was sanctioning it. I learned that after my release. I was an enraged inmate with a death wish of my own. I was so angry I was assigned a prison shrink. I was in the most maximum security prison in the entire fucking country, a place where they shoved the worst offenders in the world in to serve out the rest of their lives behind bars yet they allowed a woman to enter the repulsive space. She knew my background. She took pity on me. I hated her."

"So why were you allowed into the program training dogs? I read about it. You have to be a model prisoner."

His snorts were exaggerated. He turned and grabbed the bottle, refilling his drink. Once he placed it back onto the coffee table, I did the same. Cleansing one's soul couldn't be done completely sober. At least not in our cases.

"I kept asking the same question. She saw something in me including my innocence, which I'd never admitted to anyone. Sure, she and I both knew I was guilty of a hell of a lot of bad deeds but I would never kill one of Saldono's sons on purpose. I didn't care about becoming involved. In fact, I think I told her to go to hell, but she kept pushing. She kept picking. She knew my weaker points."

"You really did have a dog before. He was very special to you."

"As I said, I wasn't trying to lie to you. Sure, I didn't come clean right away, but it was more about protecting you, my fucked-up mind believing that's what I was doing. Jake was a special boy. He looked like Max. When he was shot, it was like I'd lost a child. Anyway, fast forward to a few months ago. The shrink pulled out all the stops to get me to consider the program, forcing me to meet the dog. You know what they say. The rest was history. Somehow, my mental and emotional improvement along with taking a severely abused animal and turning him into a qualified support dog got me parole. But that was a double-edged sword too."

"Because you had a feeling Saldono would hunt you."

When he turned his head this time, his eyes were so piercing that my breath was taken away. "No, sunshine. Because you managed to break the rules and write me a letter including sending a picture. Something else broke inside of me and I wanted to see you. I had no intention of talking to you but the moment I laid eyes on you, all bets were off. Your car broke down and that was it. Here we are. I never intended on dragging you further into my nightmare. You have your own shit to deal with."

"What I do know is that holding in your emotions and your anger doesn't help. I learned that the hard way. You need a release, and burning down the world to exact revenge isn't going to fix anything."

"Maybe not, but I can't go back to who and what I was. There's too much baggage. That's why I made a mistake with you. I coerced you, which placed your life into danger. Fucking asshole. That's what I am."

"That's not fair, Kage, nor it is correct. You already know what happened to me. I was taken on a bright sunny day just outside of a coffee shop. I trusted in the area and that it was bright daylight. Little did I know the man now called the Claw had been watching me for a long time. That's what he did with his victims. He blended in because he had a normal day job. The fucker was an attorney of all things, so he knew the ins and outs of the law. That kept him from getting caught. And he read my books. The bastard used my books to hone his craft."

He moved closer, squatting down in front of me. "Sick son of a bitch. He's behind bars now. He can't hurt you ever again. Even if he escaped, I'd fucking kill him if he came near you."

"There you go again trying to be my hero." I needed the gulp of liquor now. I wasn't certain the Claw didn't have magical powers from behind bars.

"Nah. I'm too far gone for that."

"No, you aren't. The love you've shown Max, the tenderness in the way you trained him could only be done by a man with a gentle spirit and a good heart. Look at this boy. He was tortured like I was yet he's flourishing, a happy pup in every way. Will he ever forget what happened? Experts really aren't certain how long a dog's memory last. I like to hope not. But you did this. You made him feel alive again."

"I'm not going to lie that I feel close to Max or that he probably saved my life, but we weren't talking about him. You're still afraid."

"Only because the last thing he said to me was he'd find me and when he did, I would be sorry."

"If there is any chance that he escapes, the fucker will die. And he will suffer before I kill him. An eye for an eye."

He took my hand into his, pulling my knuckles to his lips. I sensed another wave of anger growing within him. I wasn't certain how I could break the cycle.

For either one of us.

I'd never considered myself a broken person but at this moment, I knew we both were. Max had been put with the two of us for a reason. I'd never been one to believe in fate as far as relationships, but I did have faith in karma.

What goes around comes around.

"He won't get away. I was told as much. He's not who we have to fear."

"Yeah, well, I plan on calling in reinforcements. There are some men I know I can trust. I will fucking finish what I wanted to do all those years ago or I will die trying. No one is going to stop me."

I removed my hand, touching the side of his face. "Why are you filled with so much rage? What happened to change you?"

"It doesn't matter. What does is that I'm not any good for you. That should be obvious to you by now. I will do everything I can to ensure your safety but you're going to need to trust me. Hate me. Fucking hate me. You should and I don't blame you but I'm all you got right now. And I am sorry for everything."

"Don't clam up, Kage. Please. Tell me the rest. I can help you. I care. I really do."

"It's best you get me out of your head as much as possible."

His jaw clenched, his breathing heavier than before, and I knew he wasn't going to tell me a damn thing. I also knew the burden would eventually bury him.

As he pulled away, I didn't try to stop him. Yet I could feel the aura of just how haunted his life was covering him like a blanket.

With his glass in his hand, he rubbed Max's ears, his chest heaving. Then he walked away. My gut told me he'd just shut down for good.

I squeezed my fists together, pressing them against my eyes. "Goddamn you for being so stubborn. I'm right here. I care. I…"

Oh, what did it matter?

"I had everything, Noel. An amazing job, a pretty little house with an acre of land. I had a new truck and an amazing future with my grandfather. But best of all, I had a wife who loved me, a little girl I adored, and a dog who thumped his tail every time I came home. I was king of the hill in every way, loving life for the first time."

I slapped my hand across my mouth, tears already forming in my eyes. I did what I could not to make a sound, but it was so hard, so very hard.

"I, um… I knew my grandpops had enemies, but I didn't expect anyone to care who I was. I didn't know the extent of the shit he was into. I came home one day and…" He dropped his head, his entire body so tense I could see the ripples in his back. "And they were gone. Slaughtered. All three of them, with a note for me. It said that weaknesses were our greatest enemy. So you see, my little sunshine, I am the worst thing that came into your life."

"No, you're not. You're a wonderful man. You must keep that in mind. What happened is horrible, tragic but don't let it shape you for the rest of your life."

"Too late, darlin'. All I've concentrated on is finding the people responsible for killing my family. When I do, they will die. I ain't the man you want me to be and I never will. Get that through your pretty little head. No shrink, no gorgeous woman, and no dog can ever bring back what I lost."

As he walked away, I burst into sobs, reaching for Max. As I sobbed against the pup's fur, I could barely breathe. He was a bitter, broken man, yet all I wanted to do was to wrap my arms around him, to try to show him the power of love and decency. What kind of fool did that make me? If I'd learned anything by being tortured by the monster, it was that some people were far too evil for salvation.

What were the two of us going to do to erase the demons?

Was it even possible?

All I knew is that when I looked into his eyes, I sensed our connection continuing to grow. God help us if it did.