9. Dani

9

Dani

A bang inside the house wakes me and as I stretch out my tired limbs, I turn to find the other side of my bed empty. I reach across and the sheets are cold. How long has Conner been up? I glance at the clock and note that it's nearing noon. I jackknife up and take in the bright sunshine seeping in through the cracks in the curtains.

How did I sleep in so long? I guess it's been a busy week at work, with Marley, my nighttime animal care attendant, off sick. I had to pull off a few night shifts, and while I have a whole very nice bedroom set up at the Airbnb, I don't usually sleep all that well—especially with a two-hundred-pound man in a twin-size bed beside me. Yes, he insisted on staying with me. I make a mental note to switch it to a double bed. Then again, it's been two weeks since our sex fest, and if I am pregnant, this whole thing between us will be over.

Or maybe it won't be. We've been having so much fun, spending all our time together, and we get along so well. Don't even get me started on how amazing the sex is, or how attentive he is to my needs inside the bedroom and out. A girl could get used to that. I briefly close my eyes and imagine what it would be like if one of us sold our house, and we lived together, like a real family. My heart misses a beat, as I envision it. The thing is, it's something I thought about back in high school, before he ignored the letter I gave him.

But now, things are different. Maybe we do have a chance at a future. We agreed on a pretend relationship. Not that we had to play that card. We've been holed up in my place baby-making. Soon enough we'll have to go outside and people will start asking questions. Maybe the relationship doesn't have to be fake, though. Is that something he might want? I know I'm sure as hell not going to leave a note asking, and truth be told, I'm afraid to bring anything of the kind up. I don't want to ruin what we have, what is budding between us. Or maybe it's all my imagination.

I hear a bang again, and I kick the covers off as my stomach cramps. That could either be a good thing or a bad thing. Last time I got pregnant, I had a lot of cramps early on. I do have that pregnancy test in the bathroom, and was planning on using it today. I push to my feet and pull on my pink fluffy robe. Here goes nothing.

In the bathroom, I find Conner sitting on the floor, a list in his hands. His eyes are narrowed, like he's having a hell of a time figuring something out.

"What are you doing?"

His head lifts, and the lines in his forehead smooth out as his soft gaze settles on mine. "I got this baby proofing list from the store."

I look at the list in his hand, although I'm thinking about his frown. Was he frowning because this is all real to him now, and he's having second thoughts? Because he really looks upset about something. He holds a sheet out to me and I take it, giving it a quick read.

"You were out already?"

"Some of us don't sleep until noon," he teases. "I even got a run in and I picked up some of your favorite bagels and that…" He pauses to make a face like he'd just eaten something vile. "…vegetable cream cheese that tastes like dirty feet."

"It's delicious and how do you know what dirty feet taste like?" He arches a brow and I shake my head. "Never mind." I fold my arms and lean against the wall. "Seriously though, you did a lot this morning and now I feel like a lazy oaf."

He winks at me. "Your body is busy making a baby. You need to be lazy."

A measure of unease grips me as I get another cramp, because I suddenly think I'm going to disappoint the man who was reluctant to get involved in my crazy hairbrained scheme. Maybe I should have left him out of this because dammit, he's really committing to the job.

I glance at the baby proofing list again. "It's a bit early for this."

He shrugs. "Maybe, but once the season starts again in the fall, I'll be on the road a lot and I just want to make sure this is all done."

He almost looks a little sad that I'm not all that happy about this. I squat down, cup his face and kiss him. "This was really sweet." He shrugs like it's nothing, but I know it's not. I'm just a bit worried that I'll never be able to get pregnant, and now that I've involved him, this isn't just about me anymore. Why didn't I consider that? Dammit, how could I have been so selfish?

"Conner, it might not happen."

"Yeah, I know but I like to be prepared just in case." He jumps to his feet, opens the cabinet and produces the pregnancy test, and I'm a little surprised—although I shouldn't be—that he remembered today was testing day. "And there is only one way to find out if it did happen."

I take it from him, and that's when I notice the plastic pieces on the floor. "What were you doing down there anyway?"

"Trying to put the safety lock on the cabinet."

I bend and pick up the plastic lock and instructions, giving them a quick read. "This doesn't seem too hard." He goes quiet, something troubling on his mind, judging by his frown. "Conner?"

He puts one hand on the counter, and glances at the cabinet doors. "What if…my DNA isn't up to snuff with my brother's?"

"Conner," I begin quickly. "You are an NHL superstar. Any child would be so lucky to have your DNA." He glances at the instructions as I set them on the counter, and that's when I realize he was having trouble with them. "I know how to do this because I helped my sister baby-proof her house years ago."

He nods. "I just don't want our child to have a hard time, or get picked on."

"A hard time with school, you mean?" What is it he's not telling me?

"Yeah." He forces a smile.

"I had a hard time in school too, you know."

His brow bunches. "You did?"

I nod, and continue. "One of the reasons I started learning a new language was because it came easy to me, and I wanted something to make me feel more educated. All the people we hang out with, they're all so educated and I just take care of dogs."

He touches my face. "It's a very important job."

"Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. I just knew college wasn't for me, and no one has ever made me feel inferior, but sometimes I just feel less than when I'm around highly educated people who seem like they're good at everything. So instead of letting those feelings overtake me, I embraced them and try to conquer them by learning a new language. It gives me confidence. Does that sound silly?"

"Not at all, and I didn't know that, Dani." I wait for him to tell me what's going on inside his brain. He finally opens his mouth and asks, "Do you want me to leave while you pee on that stick?"

Clearly, he doesn't want to talk about what's really upsetting him. "Why don't you go put a bagel in the toaster for me, and I'm sure we'll have the results when it pops."

"Okay." He bends and gives me a soft kiss. Even though it seemed like he wanted to stay, I'm going to need a minute with the results, no matter what they are.

"Wait, can I have your phone? I need the time."

"Sure." He unlocks his phone and hands it to me. "Meet me downstairs." He leaves and that's when I see that the messages on his phone are open. I'm about to slide my finger across the screen to close them, only to stop when I see Alec's name. My heart lurches. Was Conner re-reading old messages from Alec. For the briefest of seconds, I think about reading the exchange, but stop. That's an invasion of privacy. What was said between brothers should stay between brothers. It does make me wonder if whatever was bothering him had something to do with Alec.

I pull up his clock app, and take the stick out of the package. I've done enough tests to know how they work, so I don't bother with the instructions. I pee on the stick, and set the timer. Honest to God, these are always the longest minutes of my life. I wash my hands and brush my teeth, and try not to stare at the timer. When it finally goes off, I take a big breath and pick up the stick. My chest deflates when I see that it's negative. I wasn't sure I expected it to happen this fast, and while I'm disappointed, I can't deny that I'm looking forward to spending more intimate time with Conner.

I drop the stick into the trash can, and without bothering to dress, I tighten the belt on my robe and make my way downstairs. Conner is leaning against the counter, a cup of coffee in his hand when I enter. His body is tight and I'm not even sure he's breathing. I slowly shake my head no, and he sets the cup down, quickly closes the distance between us and pulls me into his arms.

"I'm sorry, babe."

He hugs me tight and I melt into his warmth and comfort. I always loved the way this man held me. "Are you okay?"

"I am." A beat and then, "Are you?"

He inches back, cups my face. "I am, and hey, on the bright side, we get to have more sex."

"I was thinking the same thing."

He guides me to a chair. "Sit, let me get your bagel ready and then I want you to tell me what I can do today to make you happy."

I laugh as he grabs the cup of coffee he was holding earlier and hands it to me. I take a much-needed sip and moan my appreciation. He grabs the cream cheese from the fridge and I say, "This isn't all about me."

"Of course, it's all about you, Dani." He drops the tub of cheese onto the counter, and turns back to me, his eyes narrowed in deep concern. "This is all you've ever wanted."

I gulp and try to hide my disappointment. He's right. This is all about me. How could I ever have thought it wasn't? That I let all this playing house go to my head, like something real was happening between us. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"We don't need to do anything special. Not for me."

He takes the bagel from the toaster, drops it onto a plate and coats it with cream cheese. "Fine, if you're leaving it with me, then we're going to the park, having ice cream and doing some bird watching. I know you like that."

Okay, so he's not going to let it go. Why is he so incredibly good to me? He places a bagel with a generous amount of cream cheese in front of me.

He crinkles up his nose. "After you enjoy eating your stinky feet, we'll go."

I laugh, my chest loosening. "What is it about this cream cheese that you don't like?" I swipe my finger through it, put it into my mouth and moan out loud. "Delicious."

He backs up a bit, and adjusts his jeans. That's when I realize what I've done. I dip my finger back in, and put it back in my mouth. "Oh my God, so good, Conner. You have no idea what you're missing."

"Actually, I do."

"Oh?"

"Change of plans for the afternoon."

Taking me by surprise, he lifts me clear from my chair, and carries me to the island in the middle of the kitchen. He sets me on it, grips my thighs and widens them. My bare sex warms in sweet anticipation. "If you're going to put something in your mouth and moan like that, I am too." With that, he lowers his head, plants his mouth on my pussy and moans as he eats me like a man starved. His head lifts, his eyes on mine. "Now this." He lightly rubs his finger over my throbbing clit. "Delicious." I moan, putting my hand on the back of his head and his chuckle fills the air as I guide his mouth back to where it belongs. I let loose a moan of pleasure.

Yeah, a girl could really get used to this.