4. Dani

4

Dani

" I f you ask me one more time, I'm going to dump this salad over your head." Conner holds up the mixed garden salad and threatens me with it. I know he won't do it, but I get it…stop asking him if dinner with my sister is keeping him from something or someone.

I hold my hands up, palms out. "Okay, sorry. I won't ask again." I eye him, my gaze searching his face because maybe I do need to hear it one more time, or even a million times, before I believe it. For the life of me, I can't understand why he prefers hanging out with me when he could be out with any other woman in the world. Just look at the man. Tall. Dark. Handsome. Everything any woman could want, and believe me, they do want.

"Dani—"

"Grab the raspberry vinaigrette from the fridge. Rylee never has my favorite kind." He hands me the salad—more like shoves it at me in warning—and bends to get my dressing out of the fridge. Holy, those jeans look good on him, and the last thing I should be doing is staring at his perfect backside. I'm sure I'm only admiring his physique because my body is on hyperdrive from all the hormones the doctor had me taking. With that excuse, I continue to stare…and compare. While Conner and Alec were brothers, they couldn't have been more different, really.

Alec was athletic in his own way—heck, he became a hockey scout for Harvard—but he never excelled at anything in particular. He was also the valedictorian, graduating at the top of his class, whereas Conner barely scraped by and acted up to get out of class. I used to try to tutor him, but he hated it, and sometimes I think I might have made him feel stupid. Not on purpose, of course.

He sets the dressing on the counter and I put it in my canvas bag. "Do you need to stop at your place for anything?" I ask.

Last night he slept in my spare room, which isn't unusual. He even keeps clothes here. When he gets tired, he crashes, and he could barely keep his eyes open after we talked last night—after he told me he'd think about it. A little bubble of excitement wells up inside me. I can't believe he's actually considering the colossal favor I'm asking. But then, that excitement is replaced by nervousness and maybe even a bout of nausea.

I have to sleep with Conner.

The old-fashioned way…like Grandpa and Grandma did.

Oh, God, what have I gotten myself into?

"Are you okay?"

"What, yeah, why?" I ask and blink rapidly. Did I say any of that out loud?

He puts his big palm on my cheek, which feels rough and warm. "You kind of went a bit pale there."

"It's the run," I explain. "I shouldn't have been trying to keep up with you earlier." After we woke up this morning, we ate, lounged, spent some time on our devices scrolling and reading, and after lunch, when he was getting ready for his run, I decided to go with him. I have no idea what I was thinking.

Sympathy moves over his face. "I told you I could slow down."

"I run after dogs all day. I'm fine." Talk about backtracking, and yeah, that doesn't explain why I'm suddenly pale. He looks like he's about to press. "I have to stop at the Airbnb after dinner. We have a couple of overnighters, and I always just like to check in on their well-being." Airbnb meaning Air Bark and Breakfast, of course. I remember when Conner told me I was a clever girl when I came up with it.

"I thought you did that with your app."

"I do, but Marley is new and I want to bring her a coffee and some snacks, just to make sure she feels comfortable."

He closes one eye in thought. "Marley being…"

"Animal care attendant. Not one of the dogs. Although I'm sure they'd love some snacks too."

He grins. "That's nice of you. I'll come with you."

I give a fast shake of my head. "You don't have to do that."

"It's Saturday night, and we just won the cup, so my schedule is pretty free." I open my mouth and his eyes go wide, stopping me before I tell him what he should be doing with his schedule. That's when another thought hits. If he does decide to help a girl out, I really don't want him sleeping with other women. It has nothing to do with jealousy. Hell no. I just need his sperm strong and abundant.

"Okay, we should get going." Conner takes the salad and we head outside. The warm sun beats down on us and I lift my face to the sky as Conner locks up behind us. Neighbors wave as we walk to the car and I grin. Conner is a superstar even in his own backyard. "What are you grinning about?" he asks.

I laugh. "Nothing." Honestly, I like how he takes it all in stride. He always has and while I admire that, I think Alec might have been a bit jealous of his kid-brother's successes. I'd never tell Conner that. He adored his big brother.

He puts the salad on the back seat and I slide into the passenger seat. As we back out, he glances at my bus parked beside the house. "I still can't believe you drive a bus." He laughs. "Actually, I think it's kind of cute."

He grins at me, and it does weird things to my insides. I take a fast breath and remind myself that he's not flirting or hitting on me. He never has and never will. We don't have that kind of relationship.

He goes quiet, too quiet, and I glance at him, noting the way his grip is tight on the steering wheel. I sink into my seat to leave him with his thoughts, because I know exactly what he's thinking about and I don't want to sway him. If he wants to do this, it has to be his decision.

He flicks the signal, turns right and his gaze slides my way, worry in his eyes. "Dani."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry in-vitro didn't work. I know you were really excited about being a mom."

"Yeah, I spent a small fortune only for it to fail."

"If it's money?—"

"Honestly, Conner. I want my baby to know its father. Someday down the road, I want to be able to tell him or her about their father, and how awesome he is."

"Wait, if I do this, you make it sound like I'm not going to be in the picture." The lines around his eyes deepen as fear moves over his face and my heart jumps. "Are we not going to be friends anymore? If that's the case?—"

I put my hand on his arm. "No, Conner. That's not what I'm saying." I swallow. How do I say this? "It's just…you don't have to be involved. The child never even needs to know." He clenches and the muscles along his jaw ripple. Oh, great. That didn't come out right, and now he's upset.

"You think I'm going to have a baby and then have nothing to do with it?"

From the look on his face, it's clear he's more hurt than angry. "Conner, what I'm saying is how much involvement you have is up to you. I know you always talked about a family of your own when we were younger. I'm not certain you want that anymore…" I pause when the muscles along his jaw clench. What happened to change his mind? I don't ask, but instead I continue with, "I don't want you to feel pressured into taking any kind of responsibility if you don't want it."

"What if I want to feel responsibility? What if I want to be in the child's life?"

"Then we figure it out."

Something dark, and worrisome crosses his face. "You know…my DNA is not Alec's DNA. I don't…I'm not smart like he was and I'm always losing things. You know that."

Oh God, he can't think he's stupid, can he? "You just weren't book smart in school, Conner. That doesn't mean you're not smart. You're one of the smartest guys I know and everyone loses things." I wink at him. "Some just more than others." I do remember him losing all the things he loved most. He was always active and on the go, but I have to admit, he did misplace things a lot.

He rubs the back of his neck and there's something there in the depths of his eyes, something he's not telling me as he forces a laugh. "You're just saying that because you're trying to get into my pants."

I laugh at that. "I would never lie to you and you are smart." A beat of silence, and in a soft voice I begin again. "Conner, just know I don't ever want you to do something you're not comfortable doing. It's okay to say no. I promise I'll understand and I promise nothing is ever going to come between us."

He nods, and his brow is furrowed when he asks, "You don't want to date again?"

"Have you seen what's out there?" I huff out. I haven't really been looking, to be honest. At least not on the apps, and the guys I do encounter at the grocery store—the only place I really go anymore—are shopping for their families.

He laughs. "I guess once you've had the love of your life, everything else pales, huh?" He glances at me, and I turn to look out my passenger window. I mumble my agreement under my breath, and push down the unease creeping up my neck.

It's not like I can tell him that I started dating Alec simply because he paid attention to me. He was popular and smart and every girl wanted him, yet he wanted me. For the first time in my life, I felt special and this all happened shortly after Conner ignored the heartfelt letter I left on his bed. I might have been a bit broken at the time and Alec's attention helped put the pieces back together.

"Dani?"

A little embarrassed and a whole lot flustered, because I can feel his eyes drilling into the back of my head at my non-answer, and evasiveness, I blurt out, "Maybe my body only liked Alec's sperm." Oh, my God, what the hell am I saying?

"Ah, okay."

"I mean all that in-vitro. It didn't work. I'm just saying that Alec and I didn't have a lot of sex. So, I was surprised that I got pregnant when it was so infrequent, and I have an ovulation app and have been taking hormones to help me get pregnant, and yet it's not happening." Okay, now I'm rambling, and Conner knows me well enough to know I ramble when I'm uncomfortable.

A long moment of silence and then. "You didn't have a lot of sex."

"I shouldn't have said that." He nods in understanding, and because I feel the need to explain, I continue. "When we met in high school, he was busy keeping his grades high and then college and then his busy job, and there was never much time. Anyway, that's why I said my body must have liked Alec's sperm, because although we didn't have much sex, I got pregnant when we did." He nods, and now it's his turn to avert his gaze. Does he know something I don't? A burst of unease worms its way through my blood.

"So, I guess the good news is we probably won't have to have sex too many times."

His gaze jerks my way. "What?"

"DNA. Sperm. With any luck we'll be one and done."

"One and done," he mutters absently.

"I mean, if you decide to do this." I grip my purse and twist the strap around my hand, working to shut down my brain and zip my mouth. "No pressure, Conner. It's a big decision, for sure."

"I'm actually surprised Alec wanted kids," he says quietly. "He always just seemed so focused on his career." He gives me a smile. "I guess marrying an amazing woman has a way of making people change their minds."

"I was actually surprised that he wanted kids so fast. We never really talked about it a whole lot and then I brought it up after we were married…" I pause and think about that. "Actually, it came up because of you."

"Me?"

I laugh. "Yeah. I remember when you were dating Summer, and she said she never wanted kids."

"I don't ever remember her saying that."

"It was girl talk. Anyway, I had mentioned to Alec that maybe you two weren't right for each other, because I knew you liked kids." He frowns and goes quiet. I fall silent too, as I take a painful trip down memory lane. We round the corner and I point. "My sister's place is right there."

"Not my first time here, Dani."

Of course it's not. What the heck am I even saying? Conner's been here numerous times with me and my sister's kids call him Uncle Conner. I guess I just needed a change in conversation. He eases the car into her driveway, and I reach for the door handle, needing to make an exit before I say anything else stupid. I tug open the back door and grab the salad. Laughter comes from around the back of their two-story home in suburbia, and I double my steps to get there. Conner is tight on my heels and I plaster on a smile when I circle the house and find Jared at the grill, five-year-old Ava and three-year-old Jack playing on the swing set, and little baby Brynn nursing in my sister's arms.

I stop instantly, my maternal instincts flaring at the perfect scene playing out before my eyes. This, right here. This is all I've ever wanted, and I almost had it with the only man who ever showed romantic interest in me—a man I loved, of course. But was I ever really in love with him?

"Aunt Dani, Uncle Conner." Ava jumps from the swing and comes running over. She wraps her arms around my legs and then throws herself at Conner, who picks her up.

"Congratulations," she yells, cupping his cheeks and squeezing before she kisses him on the nose. "Did you bring the cup?"

He laughs. "No, I don't have it with me."

"Did you kiss it?" she asks and makes a face like that's the weirdest thing in the world. "Daddy says you kiss the cup."

"I kissed the cup," he admits and stretches out an arm. "It's this big and some people even drink out of it."

"Silly, that's what cups are for."

"Do you know one guy once made a big cheesy dip and filled the cup with it at a party." He laughs like he's remembering. "Phil Prichard, the keeper of the cup loves to tell all the stories. "Lots of guys even put their babies in it for pictures."

"That's weird." She wiggles out of his arms, runs over to the table, grabs her plastic cup and takes a big drink. "See. Cups are for drinking."

We all laugh and Rylee says, "Leave your uncle alone. He just got here."

I eye him. "Is that true?"

"It's true."

"People are weird," I agree with Ava. Conner nods in agreement as he walks over to Jared. Ava runs back to Jack, who's far too interested in whatever it is crawling in the grass to greet us. God, boys are so different from girls. That makes me smile. I want one of each. I quickly look at Conner, who's clinking bottles with Jared. Look at me getting greedy when he hasn't even agreed to the first one yet.

"Drink?" Rylee asks me. "Please say yes, so I can live vicariously through you."

"Then yes." She pours me a glass of chilled white wine and I take a big sip. "Mmm, delicious." I lick my bottom lip and when I do, I notice Conner watching me. When my gaze meets his, he quickly looks away. Okay, that was odd.

"What's going on?" Rylee asks, leaning in conspiratorially.

"Nothing, what are you talking about? I should put this salad in the fridge." Her hand closes over mine, stopping me, and she has a mischievous grin on her face.

"Did you give him a hug and kiss?"

"No," I snap far too loud, considering both guys are now looking at us.

"Shame." She leans back and adjusts Brynn on her breast as she gulps milk and my body aches a little.

I work to change the subject. "Someone is hungry."

"You know, I always thought you two would make a good couple."

Relentless, that's what my sister is. "Yeah, well, he's my brother-in-law, so no that's not going to happen." I don't dare tell her that I asked him to help me make a baby. Her head would no doubt spin all the way around, and that would just freak everyone out. I guess if he does agree, and I end up with a big belly, she's going to figure it out. Until then…silence. Brynn finishes and Rylee puts her over her shoulder to burp her.

Conner comes over, bends and gives Rylee a kiss on the cheek. "How's the little one doing?" he asks.

"She's great and we're so proud of you, Conner."

He arches a brow when she yawns. "How are you doing?"

"I'll sleep when they're teenagers. Hey, when are you going to settle down and make one of these yourself?"

I am going to freaking kill my sister.

He laughs, but his gaze quickly slides to mine, like we share a secret, and my sister is so goddamn astute I'm sure I'm going to get grilled about this later. Jack comes running onto the deck, jumping from one foot to the other and I'm happy for the distraction. "Mommy, I dropped my fart," he yells as he holds the back of his soiled pants, and Rylee stands. "Would you mind holding her for a second? She needs to burp."

Conner's eyes go wide. "I don't know?—"

"It'll be good experience for when you have your own." Rylee puts Brynn in Conner's arms. "Just do what I was doing." Looking a bit like a deer in the headlights, he puts Brynn over his shoulder and starts lightly tapping her back—and boom, just like that, I'm pregnant. Honestly, if it were only that easy.

Rylee takes Jack's hand. "Let's go, little man."

Ava hurries to me and tugs on my hand. "Aunt Dani, come swing with me."

"Are you okay?" I ask Conner.

He shrugs like he's not sure. "I…don't know." Brynn lets loose a loud wet burp, which drips down Conner's back. He winces.

"Oh no," I reach for Brynn. "Let me help you." I take little Brynn from him, holding her tiny little body to mine. I breathe in her freshly washed skin, and briefly close my eyes as my heart beats a little faster. Tears press against my eyes, and emotions flood me. When I open my eyes again, Conner is watching me, warmth, wonderment and a great deal of tenderness on his face. What is going on with him?

I'm about to ask, but he asks first. "Are you okay?"

"Hormones," I admit, although that's not the only thing contributing to my tears. "From in-vitro. They're still messing with me. In so many ways," I add with a laugh. His brows raise, when he realizes I'm so much as admitting that my libido is on hyperdrive.

Brynn decides it's a good time to projectile vomit all over me. I hold her out. "Oh, God." Acting quickly, Conner grabs the blanket from the bassinette and begins dabbing my shirt, soaking up the wet milk.

"Now you're worse than me." All he's managing to do is rub the milk in. He gestures with a nod. "Why don't you go clean up first?"

"Check with Rylee," Jared says. "She'll have clothes you can borrow." I hand Brynn to Conner and he begins to rock with her, like it's instinct for him. "She can go in her bassinette now," Jared informs us.

"I'll see if Rylee has clothes you can borrow." I hurry into the house, and find the bathroom on the main level. It's empty so I step in, peel off my shirt and begin to soak it in the sink. "Rylee, can you bring me a T-shirt," I call out. "Brynn soaked mine. Conner needs a shirt too."

"Hey."

I turn at the sound of Conner's soft voice and find him standing in the doorway, shoulders tight, face grim. I'm pretty sure I've never seen such seriousness about him. He opens his mouth and everything inside me tightens, because I already know what he's about to say to me. Honestly, what was I thinking, bringing him here today of all days? After seeing exactly how messy and hard and exhausting raising a child really is, there is no way he's going to agree to be my baby daddy now, right?