19. Dani

19

Dani

" M issed a spot," I point out when I step into the living room. I take a moment to admire Conner's body as he stretches the paint roller above his head.

"Where," he asks, and I dip the brush I'd been using to edge the trim in the dining room to the pan, and tap his nose with it when he looks my way.

"Hey." He swipes at his nose. "You're going to pay for that."

I just laugh at that, because Conner never really gets mad at anything when it comes to me. There were so many times Alec was short with me, or annoyed about the littlest things. I chalked it up to his busy job, and just tried to be careful around him. It's nice not to have to walk on eggshells all the time.

We haven't talked much more about the box he found in my closet. There were times I could tell he was thinking about it, but unless he brings it up, I'm going to let him work it out himself. Besides, I don't know what to say. I can't understand his brother's actions, and have no explanation for them.

"I did a thing." I set the paint brush down, and blow my hair from my forehead.

"Oh, did you?"

"I painted your portrait." I lift my chin an inch, everything about me full of mischief. "It's not half bad."

"When did you do that?"

I gesture with a nod to the dining room. "On the wall. I had no idea I was such a talented painter." He cocks his head, his eyes full of doubt.

"We were in art class together in high school, Dani, so I know it's not half bad, it's all bad."

"Hey." I feign hurt, but can't stifle the chuckle bubbling up inside me. "That's just rude."

"Okay, show me this masterpiece."

I skip away, my heart full and happy as he follows me into the dining room.

"Jesus," he mumbles when he sees the horrible picture on the wall—a life-size painting of his naked body.

"Fantastic, right?"

"You're a regular Van Gogh."

I arch a brow, biting back a grin at the horrified look on his face. "You think?" He's wrong, I'm no Van Gogh.

"Yeah. If only you'd done this on a canvas we could put it away somewhere. My parents will be here later, we can't have them seeing this." At the mention of his parents, I consider the way mine reacted to the news. It was a surprise to say the least. "Sorry, but I have to do this." Conner lifts his roller and paints over my masterpiece.

I gasp. "Do you have any idea how much time I spent on that?"

"Five seconds."

"At least ten. Hmph." I begin to walk away, only to come to a fast stop as he captures me and drags me to him.

"The anatomy was all wrong."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I'll have to see you naked again and do a better study."

"That can be arranged."

"I'll hold you to that. Right now, however, we need to get cleaned up before your parents arrive." All happiness from earlier dissipates. Telling my parents we were dating was one thing. Telling his, that's another thing altogether. Will they think we're disrespecting them, the memory of my late husband—their son? The last thing I want is to hurt anyone.

I start breathing a bit faster, and Conner puts his hands on my shoulders. "Hey, it'll be okay."

I swallow around the lump punching into my throat. "Maybe this is a bad idea."

"Dani, we don't have to tell them if we're not ready." I take in the dark shadows under his eyes. Has he been worried about this too, or is it what we discovered in the box that's preventing him from sleeping properly. "If you want to wait until you're pregnant, we can."

I consider it. "That might just be a double whammy if I get pregnant." I let loose an uncomfortable laugh. "Maybe I won't even get pregnant, and this is all for nothing."

He frowns, and says, "I think we should tell them then." He places a soft kiss on my forehead. "They both want what's best for us too, and with any luck, they'll react like your family did."

"They must be wondering what today is really about? They haven't been to my place in a long time. I just don't want to upset them, you know."

"I know." He gives me a soft, comforting smile. Why don't you run up and shower and get dressed. I'll clean up down here."

I stare up at the man I love as he gives me a tap on the backside to set me into motion. I go up on my toes and give him a kiss full of love.

A moment later, I'm making my way upstairs and I go to my closet and pull out a sundress. My gaze strays to the boxes on the floor. Some sealed with tape. My insides tighten, and I drop to my knees, tugging one to the front of the closet to examine it. I stare at it for a moment, my body tight, and when I pick it up, it's pretty light.

I shake it like it's a present under the tree on Christmas morning. I somehow think the contents inside won't bring a smile to my face. I debate on opening it for one whole second and then push it back like it might contain spiders, and just like our friend Noah, Conner's teammate, I hate spiders. Not that I could ever bring that up. Brighton told us gals Noah's ‘spider incident' in private. To think a grown-ass man, a hockey player at that, lost his cool when he came face to face with a spider.

What if it's the letter you wrote Conner, Dani?

I gulp. Is it possible that Alec took the letter out of Conner's room and he'd never known it was there? It's awful to think I want to believe that. Maybe that's easier than to think Conner never wanted to be anything more than friends with me. If I dug into those boxes, maybe I could find the proof. If I don't find proof, however, it might just hurt all over again, and I'm not sure I want to go back to that hurtful place, when we're here now, in a better place.

The sound of tapping from downstairs, no doubt Conner putting the paint lids back on the cans reaches my ears and prompts me into action. With a knot still in my stomach, I hurry to the bathroom and have a quick shower. Once I'm done, I dress, head downstairs and find Conner in the backyard, on his phone.

I step outside and he quickly ends the call and turns to me. "Everything okay?" I ask.

His gaze rakes the length of me. "Yup. The guys are talking about a meet-up for a game of pool Tuesday night. We want to bond with the new guys." His gaze rakes the length of me. "You look gorgeous." He pulls me to him again and kisses me deeply. "I'd better grab a shower too. Mom and Dad will be here soon."

"Steaks are marinating, and salads are ready. Your mom said she was bringing dessert."

"The only dessert I want tonight is you, my sweet thing."

I laugh and shove him. "Go." I shake my phone. "I want to check on the dogs." As he walks off, I think back to our visit to the nursing home on Wednesday. It was weird and I can't quite put my finger on it, but he was totally distracted, looking around and listening. The first time we were there, a woman's laughter seemed to throw him off. Was he searching for the person behind that laughter? Could that be what's keeping him up at night?

God, maybe all my surging hormones are making me paranoid.

His footsteps pounding on the stairs reach my ears as he hurries to the shower, and I open the app and smile as I check on my dogs. Once done, I head to the kitchen and make some iced tea. It's such a gorgeous, hot day and I'm super thirsty from painting my portrait. By the time I'm done, Conner comes downstairs and after giving me a kiss, he heads back outside. I pour him a glass of iced tea. Before I meet him on the deck, my phone pings and I receive a message from Brighton that there's a girls dinner Tuesday night, when the guys are off to play pool. Smiling, I step onto the deck and Conner ends a call.

"Brighton just messaged. The girls are meeting up for dinner Tuesday night."

He takes the iced tea. "That'll be fun."

"I think so." She didn't say who was going, and this might sound awful, because everyone was so accepting of me, but I sort of hope Summer doesn't come. She rubbed me the wrong way at the pool.

We sit and enjoy the sun as we have our drinks, and I jump up, my stomach coiling when the doorbell chimes. Conner pushes to his feet, and takes my hand. "It's going to be fine. Come on."

I follow behind him as we head to the door, and of course his parents won't think anything about the two of us hanging out. We've been friends for years. Conner opens the door and gives his parents a hug.

"Cherry pie," his mom tells him as she hands it over. "Not as good as Beverly's, but I tried." As we laugh, Darcy turns to me and opens her arms. "Dani." Darcy pulls me into a hug. "I think the last time we saw you was the night the Bucks won the cup."

"Sorry, I've been busy."

"Yes, life is busy. I do know that." As Conner says a few words to his father, I weave my arm through Darcy's and lead her into the house. She stops and glances into the living room. "You're painting." Before I can answer, she continues with, "Are you freshening up the place to sell?"

"No." I briefly consider that foolish thought I had of Conner and I sharing one house. "I just thought it was time for a bit of redecorating." She glances down and nods, because she gets it. It's a way for me to move forward, but it doesn't mean I'm forgetting Alec. I hope she realizes that.

She smiles at me. "I love the soft gray."

"I like it too. I made iced tea, but let's go find something stronger." She laughs and we head to the kitchen. I find wine, and when Conner and Bill come in, Conner grabs a couple of beers, checking in with me as he twists the caps off.

For the next hour we sit outside, choosing our topics carefully as we chat. Eventually Conner grills the steaks and we make our way inside for a nice dinner. I note the way Conner has gone a bit quiet, thoughtful toward the end of the meal, so I work to carry the conversation.

Darcy takes her last bite of steak and sets the fork down. "Dinner was lovely. It's so nice for us to all be together." She reaches out and squeezes my hand.

"Mom, Dad," Conner says, his voice deep and sure. "Dani and I have been dating."

The room goes silent for a moment, and then smiles spread across Darcy and Bill's face.

"Is that right?" Bill asks, and reaches over and puts his hand on Conner's shoulder.

"I know this is awkward," I begin. "It doesn't mean I don't cherish the memory of Alec or what we had."

Darcy gives me a wobbly smile. "We all loved Alec," she begins. "But you're young, Dani. You need to move on and build a life for yourself. We understand that."

"I just…Conner…me."

"I always thought you two made a lovely couple."

Her words take me by surprise. They must shock Conner too. "If you'll excuse me for a second." Conner gets up so fast, he nearly knocks his chair backward. He disappears quickly.

"Let me clear these dishes." I pick up my plate, and reach for Bill's. I'm not sure where Conner went, and I'm not sure why I have a knot in my gut. A few minutes later he comes back and drops a box down in the middle of the table, and my blood drains to my toes. My gaze darts to his. I honestly had no idea he was going to do this today. I'm not sure he knew either, judging by the uncertainty on his face.

"I…I found these things in a box in Alec's closet."

"What things?" Darcy asks, as she leans forward to look into the box. Conner pulls out some old trading cards and his mother's eyes go wide.

"Conner, you lost those years ago. I remember helping you search for hours."

"I know." He reaches in and pulls out a couple of medals he won in high school hockey and his father pushes back in his chair, his face paling.

"You found these in Alec's closet?"

Conner nods and his mom and dad quickly face each other, sharing a look I don't quite understand. Conner scratches his head as his gaze goes back and forth between the two of them.

"What?"

With a shaky hand, his mom wipes her mouth with a napkin, but I don't miss the tears in her eyes. "Should we get dessert?" She makes a move to stand.

"Conner." I reach for his arm, before this goes any further, and Darcy becomes more upset.

"No, Darcy. Stay put." Bill's touches Darcy's hand as his shoulders sag. In that brief second, he looks twenty years older. Alec's death was hard on them, but something here, something right now, is killing them just as much.

Darcy sits, and puts her hand in her lap. Bill reaches for one and brings it close.

"Dad?"

"Things haven't always been easy for you, son."

"I know," Conner responds and crinkles his brow.

"But you were always a very special boy. A very special son, and brother."

He swallows and goes still, like he's waiting for the ball to drop. "We know how much you loved and adored Alec." Bill casts a quick glance my way. "We all loved Alec."

I glance down quickly, sensing he knows the truth about me, and my love for his eldest son. "Alec was a special boy, too."

"But he wasn't you," the words burst from my mouth, and I gasp, instantly wanting to take them back as all eyes turn to me.

"That's right, Dani," Bill agrees with a heavy sigh.

Conner shakes his head. "I have no idea what's going on here. What are you talking about?"

"Your brother was jealous of you, Conner."

Darcy dabs her eyes. "We always suspected it."

"No." He gives a hard, unyielding shake of his head. "He protected me. He was always there for me. He stood up for me."

"He wanted what you had," Bill states quietly, like his low words will soften the blow of Alec's betrayal.

"I had a goddamn learning disorder that led to me getting bullied when I was a kid. No one wants that, Dad."

"You were and always have been just a little bit golden, Conner. It just took time for that light to shine, but it's always been inside of you. Your brother knew it every bit as much as the world did."

Conner drops into his chair, his shoulders falling as he tosses his high school hockey medals back into the box. "I…I don't understand. Why would he want my things?"

"He didn't want your things, son. He just didn't want you to have them."

As I glance around the room, take in three sets of tortured eyes, all cast down in pain, my heart jumps into my throat, that's when I have an epiphany.

Did Alec love me, or did he just not want his brother to have me? But wait, Conner never wanted me, right? Isn't that why he ignored the letter? Unless…