16. Conner

16

Conner

" D id you have to buy the biggest, heaviest sofa in the store?" I ask as I lift the end to put it in position.

"It's not that bad."

"Says the girl who's not lifting it."

"Here let me help."

I shoo her away. "No, you could be pregnant, and I'm not going to risk you straining yourself and hurting the baby."

She rolls her eyes. "You're going to have me on bedrest for nine months, aren't you?"

"If that's what it takes."

She puts her hands on her curvy hips, looking so damn adorable I want to rip her clothes off and christen this sofa. We did, after all, talk about all the fun places to have sex, and I think new furniture might be the best.

"I have a job, you know. I can't just lay in bed for nine months. I'd go insane."

"You can if I tie you there, and you won't go insane because I'd entertain you." A little gasp catches in her throat and her cheeks flush. "Oh, you like the idea of that, do you?" I put the sofa down, pull her to me and kiss her lush mouth.

"I never said that."

"Not in words, no." I break the kiss and she crinkles her nose. "What, you didn't like the kiss?"

"No, I liked it." She points to the sofa. "I'm just not convinced that's the right spot for the sofa. Maybe over by the window."

I throw myself down on it. "Come here. Try it out."

She walks over and sits beside me. Catching her by surprise, I flip her until she's beneath me, and I kiss her with heat and fervor as I dry hump her like two teenagers indulging in a make-out session before their parents get home.

"How's it working for you now?" I sit up, and she takes a couple of deep breaths as she looks up.

She crinkles her nose. "I think I need to paint the ceiling."

I laugh at that. "Does the sofa stay here or not?"

She sits up and glances around. "I'll try it here for a few days, and see if I like it."

"Fine, even though you'll be staying with me at my place for the next few days, or months, or for however long it takes to get you pregnant, and until this place is painted, and put back together." I glance around. "What's next?"

"Table and chairs, then the bed." I nod and head toward the kitchen. She sold the old table and sofa set online, but we do need to tear down her bed and move it to the garage until heavy garbage pickup day.

In the kitchen, we go to work on taking the plastic and foam off the chair and table legs, and once we're done, I position the table in the corner where her old table was, and admire the oak surface. "This is really nice." I drop into a chair. "Comfy too."

"Should we try it out?"

"You want to eat?"

She laughs. "Not what I had in mind…" She puckers her lips and straddles me.

"Oh, yeah, this is definitely the best way to try it out." I slide my hand up her back until my fingers are at her neck. I pull her toward me and a moan catches in her throat when our lips meet. After a moment, she leans back. "What do you think? And I don't want to hear about anything needing paint."

She chuckles. "I think this set is going to work just fine."

"The position?"

She wiggles. "I have zero complaints about this position."

I whack her sweet backside. "You know what I mean."

She grins, and climbs off me, standing back to look at the table. "It's a bit smaller than my last one. Maybe we can pull it out."

I jokingly reach for the button on my pants. "I can pull it out if you want to."

She laughs and whacks me. "I mean pull the table out from the wall."

I laugh, stand and do as she asks. She taps her chin. "I like it."

"Good." I gesture to the stairs. "Now on to the bed, but first I need a glass of water." I walk over to the sink and pull down a glass. I fill it, and my gaze strays to a stack of brochures. "What's this?" I take a drink, hand the glass to Dani, and pick up the brochure. I slowly read: Speak up for Dyslexia." Dani takes a big gulp of the water, her eyes wide, almost worried. "What is this, Dani?"

"I've been wanting to talk to you about your dyslexia." She hands the water back and I finish it before setting the cup in the sink. "I know you don't like to talk about it, but I was thinking you should be doing the exact opposite."

"What, you think I should talk about it?" What is going on here? I don't talk about it because I was teased relentlessly.

She backs up and leans against the big island, a new kind of seriousness about her. "You're a well-known hockey player with a platform, Conner." I eye her, waiting for her to say more. "You were picked on." I nod. "Lots of kids are picked on when they're different." I nod again. "What if you could show kids that kids aren't different simply because they have dyslexia?"

I flip the brochure over and search for answers. "What are you getting at?"

"If you opened up about your learning disorder, and went to schools and did talks to bring awareness to it, it could help those who have it, help them see themselves in you, and that dyslexia is not something that should ever hold them back. Look at you, a famous hockey player. I actually think it would be beneficial to you too, Conner."

I frown as I reach for another brochure. "You've been looking into this without even asking me?

She swallows, and grips the counter. "I only gathered the brochures. I didn't go behind your back and talk to the schools or anything."

"The world can be so tough on you if you're different," I say under my breath. What would I have done without Alec there to protect me? I was a scrawny kid, which is probably why I was fast on the ice.

"I know, and I just think kids need to know they're not alone. I'm sure you felt you were the only one having a hard time reading and learning. Lecturing in schools can make a world of difference, and a lecture by the great Conner Birch will show these kids how they can succeed."

I drop the brochures as I listen to her reasoning. She stares at me through worried eyes, because yes, she knows she's touching on a sore spot. "I can't believe you did this."

"I just thought… You're a smart guy, Conner. A very fast thinker. Which is why you're such a great hockey player. I know how much you love to give back to the community, and I also think if you open up, get it off your chest, and share your stories, not only will it be good for you to stop hiding it, it will be good for the kids who need help."

I angle my head. "Why do I get the sense you're talking from experience? Is there something you want to get off your chest, Dani?"

She shakes her head fast. "No. I'm just saying you could be an advocate. Do something positive with a disorder that you've always kept hidden. We're all adults now, no one is going to call you names or look down on you and you can make a difference for the next generation. Plus, it's good karma."

"You believe in karma?" I ask.

"Yeah, I do. Do you?"

I nod. "I could use some good karma." My brother is gone because of me, and that's some pretty bad fucking karma right there.

"We all could, and I think you players are all pretty superstitious too."

She's right we are, and I believe bad things come in threes and here I still am, wondering waiting for the shoe to drop. "We are."

"I think becoming an advocate is a win-win, Conner."

"Do you now?" I take a step toward her and her body tightens, concern all over her face. Does she think I'm mad?

"I'm sorry if you thought I went behind your back." She holds her hands out to me, wanting me close and I want that too. "I only have your best interests at heart."

I reach her, put my hands on her waist and lift her onto the island. I push her legs apart and slide between them. "How do you know what my best interests are?"

She brushes my hair from my forehead. "Because I know you, Conner."

"What do you know?" My gaze drops to her perfect lips. I once again wonder why my brother was getting his sex elsewhere, from a girl who giggles no less, when he could have been getting it from his wife, a woman who is the epitome of perfection.

"I know that you're a great guy with a big heart that had some hurts in the past. I know you offered to help a friend have a baby, even though you were battling a few demons about bringing a child into this world."

"Go on."

I laugh. "Now you're just fishing. Maybe you should be called Coddy, like your Newfoundland fishing teammate Brady, instead of Wood."

"Hey," I say quietly and she falls silent. I press my forehead to hers. "I think that was very nice of you."

She exhales. "I was worried that you were going to be upset."

"How could I be upset when you only have my best interests at heart, and the best interests of the next generation of kids? Becoming an advocate and making change is exactly what I should be doing, instead of hiding it because I was picked on. I'm a grown-ass man. Let someone try to pick on me now."

She squeezes my bicep. "You don't need Alec fighting your battles anymore." At the mention of Alec, my thoughts race back to the nursing home and that laugh I heard in the hallway. I left the lounge quickly, in search of the woman who made it but she was already gone. I briefly close my eyes. That sound has haunted me for two long years.

"Conner?"

I open my eyes and blink. "Yeah."

"Where did you go there?"

I shake my head. "Nowhere. We should get working on the bed." I pick her up and set her on the floor.

"You actually had that same look on your face at the nursing home, when we heard that laugh. Was it someone you knew?"

"I don't know…I don't think so." I check the time. "It's getting late. We should get the bed done, and get some sleep." I playfully wave my eyebrows. "Tomorrow is ovulation day, so we're going to be busy."

She looks like she wants to say more, and maybe there are things I can't answer, so I turn and head toward the stairs. She's right about getting things off my chest, but there is one thing I know about Alec that I'll never tell her, for her own good. He's gone now and there's no need for me to hurt her and I can't have her hating me because I'm the reason he's gone.

She follows me up the stairs and the hall is filled with a huge new mattress and the base and headboard. I stop outside the main room. I glance in, barely able to make my legs move. I eye the bed she shared with my brother. The bedding has been stripped, and all that's left is to remove the mattress and disassemble the base.

"I'm going to need one of the guys to help me get this down the stairs. I don't want you lifting anything. I should have thought of that."

"We can ask my brother-in-law, Jared. He won't mind."

"He's busy with three kids. I can get Ash to come help tomorrow. He's handy and I can use his help putting the new frame together." I give her a half smile. "I'm not so great with instructions." She nods in agreement. "Do you want to head back to my place?"

"Yes, actually I need to grab some more clothes." She heads to her closet and opens it, pulling a few things off hangers. I spot a few boxes and things of Alec's there, and my chest constricts. "We, uh, should probably get on that."

She nods. "Yeah, I know. I bet there's things in here that I can donate. He was kind of a packrat."

"Really? I didn't know that about him."

She laughs. "Oh, yeah. All these boxes here. I don't even know what's in them. Look at this huge one. It's heavy too."

I move toward her, a deep compelling need driving my actions. I can't understand it, I only know I need to see what things were important to my brother. I never knew him to be a packrat at all. I'm beginning to believe there were a lot of things I never knew about my brother, and I have the weirdest feeling I'm not going to like what I find. I've never been intuitive, and I've always learned things the hard way, so I can't really understand why my gut is in knots.

"Can I take a look?"

Her gaze goes from me to the box, back to me and with a shrug, she agrees, "Sure."

I walk to the closet and even though it's weird to go through my brother's things, if I don't do it now, I'll have to do it eventually. I know Dani would like to donate what she can, which means we really have to open every box.

I carry the big box to the chair near the window and sit. Dani grabs a tote bag, and heads to her dresser and starts pulling things from the drawers. I guess she's not as interested as I am. I slowly peel the lid off the box, and when I look inside, my heart stops beating, like really stops beating.

I try to suck in a breath, but can't seem to get any air into my lungs as my gaze catalogues the contents of the box. I finally get air in, and a little sound escapes my throat.

"Conner?" Dani asks.

I lift my head, and as she comes toward me the room begins to close in on me. "Dani," I murmur. "This…this is all my stuff. All the things I've lost over the years."

She glances into the box. "Are you sure?"

My chest rises and falls rapidly, as hurt stings my eyes. "Why…why would he take my stuff?"