4. Brighton

Camryn's excited voice carries into my living room as she and Noah leave their wing of the house and head down the big staircase to the front door. It opens and closes with a thud, and her little voice disappears as they make their way across the cobblestone walkway leading to main resort building and the stairs to the rooftop pool and bar.

I walk to my window and glance out as the gorgeous late afternoon sunshine beats down on the resort and glistens in the ocean. Laughter from the kids and adults alike playing in the water reach my ears, and a small sigh escapes my throat—a mixture of gratefulness that this place is not being turned into a condo complex, and sadness that it's no longer in my family. I glance down and catch sight of Noah before he rounds the corner with Camryn.

Join us.

Should I?

When was the last time you had any fun, girl?

That thought hits like a punch to the gut. Do I even deserve to have fun after all my failures? I've been working my ass off to save this place, only to end up selling it to a guy who hated me in high school and is being extra nice to me now.

Because he needs a nanny, Brighton.

Right, this is all about payback and revenge—that much is clear—which means I shouldn't for one minute think there's anything else going on here, or that he was flirting with me earlier. And while I appreciate him investing in the place, I can't forget that he didn't come riding in like a knight on a white horse to save me—not that I believe in Prince Charming.

No, Noah drove here in a dark SUV with his small daughter in tow, looking for something from me, something that has zero to do with my body or my heart and that's just fine. After Allan tossed me aside like I was yesterday's coffee cup, I'm not about to open myself up and love anyone else again.

Did you love him, though?

Honestly, I'm not sure I even know what love is. Allan's parents own the butcher shop, which supplies us with our top cuts of meat. He showed up one day and we hit it off. I never thought of him as a gold-digger looking to get his hands on my inheritance—heck, after three years, we still weren't engaged. His parents' shop supplies numerous restaurants, and he's in line to take over. But maybe I was all wrong about him, and he wanted something more from me—definitely not my body, since toward the end of our relationship, he rarely touched me.

I let the curtain go and walk back into the kitchen, a strange longing—emptiness—inside me. It nips at my stomach as I wrap my arms around myself, seeking some sort of comfort. Sure, I just lost my dad, the only parent who stayed in my life, yet I think there might be something else going on with my emotions.

Maybe it has something to do with seeing Noah and his daughter. It's a reminder that I'm almost thirty, with no prospects of marriage or kids of my own. Although I don't need a husband or a man in my life in order to have kids. It would just be nice. What am I even saying? I am not, under any circumstances having kids of my own. I don't know how to be a mom, or a dad, and I don't have family or friends to help.

A half laugh half moan rumbles in my throat. Even if I wanted a family, who would want a failure like me now, anyway? I don't care what Noah says. I have nothing to offer other than my childcare services. I've worked hard my whole damn life, followed the rules, cared about this resort and everyone in it while overlooking my own happiness and needs, and tried to be the prefect daughter. Look where all that has gotten me.

None of it ever impressed your father, never turned his focus from work to you, Brighton.

No, none of it ever did.

Maybe it's time to ditch the rules and have some fun of your own.

Yeah, maybe it's damn well time I had some fun. The resort is going to be taken care of under new management, and for the first time in my life, for the next year, my only responsibility is caring for one child. I know this situation is about payback, and I accept that if it means saving the resort, but why can't I take a break and use that time to figure out my future and find my place in a world where I'm not striving for love and affection from my only parent?

Oddly enough as that thought rattles around inside my brain, something inside me gives, softens, and I turn to glance at myself in the mirror, noting the way my shoulders are slowly shrinking away from my ears and dropping back into place.

With a new kind of determination about me, I march to my bedroom, and start opening and closing my drawers, searching for my bathing suit. It's been so long since I've been in one—which is crazy considering I live by the ocean and the resort has two big pools—I'm not even sure where it is.

I finally find a two-piece with colorful butterflies on them. I pick it up, run the fabric through my fingers, and pause, the careful businesswoman in me jumping to the forefront. Is it appropriate for a nanny to wear a two-piece?

Wait, what was that I just said about rules?

I toss the bathing suit onto my bed and strip out of my dress. I hurry into my suit, and tie the straps around my neck. That's when I catch my reflection in my bedroom mirror. Ugh. I've lost weight these last few months. With stress eating at my gut, I had zero appetite. Maybe cooking for Noah and his daughter will help me get back on track, and back to fitting in this bathing suit properly.

I angle my body, and there's nothing flattering about the suit. Did you want it to be flattering, Brighton? No. No. No. I am not in a bikini trying to get Noah's attention. Not only am I broke, I've pretty much lost all my curves. I'm hardly a catch and the man living in my childhood home is not interested in me.

I pull on a bathing suit wrap and head outside, stopping to take a big breath and smell the flowers as I walk by. Seagulls soar over the water as guests continue to play and as I head to the rooftop pool, delicious smells of barbecue on the beach reach my nose. This really is a magnificent resort and if selling it means keeping it running, then so be it.

I take the steps to the rooftop and lift my face to the sun to drink it in for a moment. As my body relaxes, I glance around and spot a few people lounging in chairs and a few in the pool. My heart warms as Noah tosses Camryn into the air and pretends not to catch her. She squeals in delight as I walk to the bar to get her a fruity drink and something a little stiffer for Noah and me.

Stiffer.

Ugh, don't let your thoughts go there, girl.

I sit on the stool, and from behind the bar, Melanie—who is bartending as she slowly works on her master's in psychology—places a coaster in front of me. She's a couple of years older than me, having had a bit of a rough upbringing and now is working really hard to make something more of her life. I admire her so much. "Hey, Brighton. The usual?"

Laughter pulls my attention and I spin on my stool. My insides soar as Noah tosses his daughter in the air, and I find myself smiling. I really don't remember the last time I actually smiled, and it wasn't forced.

"Uh, Brighton?"

I spin and catch Melanie's knowing grin. "What?" I ask. Warm and flustered inside, I wave my hand in front of my face. "Wow, it's a hot one today."

"Oh yeah? You sure it's the sun making you hot."

Crap.

"What else would be making me hot?" I ask and flick my hair from my shoulder, trying to appear professional. A hard task when I'm in my bathing suit, trying to get Noah's attention. I mean—not trying to get Noah's attention.

If you were wearing pants, Brighton, they'd be on fire.

Well, damn.

"For what it's worth, he's having the same effect on me and every other woman in his orbit. Look at them all out there. Whispering and staring and secretly taking pictures. Poor guy can't get a break or even enjoy a moment with his daughter."

"Yeah," I murmur absentmindedly. He's definitely not hurting for female companionship, although the few times I've seen him around, it's only been him and his daughter. After the spread in the paper after Camryn was born and her mother ran off, not a whole lot more has been written about him. He either keeps his hook-ups quiet, or he isn't hooking up. I'm not sure why the latter excites me. He's not into me.

Isn't that why you're here in a bathing suit?

I fist my hands, working to shut down that inner voice, but I think she has a point. If I plan to have some fun, why can't I have fun with Noah, other than the fact that he hates me and no doubt thinks I hate him. But I don't hate him. I never have. It does give me some comfort to know he grew up to be a superstar, and the world now loves him.

"If I were you, I'd go for it," Mel says.

"I'm not sure you heard, but I'm his nanny now."

"Oh, really." There's a grin on her face she can't seem to hide. "Does that mean you get to spank him when he's naughty."

I stare at her, my mouth agape as that image jumps into my brain. Her grin widens, and a second later, a laugh bubbles out of my throat. "I mean I'm his daughter's nanny. I'll be taking care of her."

"I wonder if that's a Freudian slip?"

"I'm not one of your case studies, Mel." I lean forward, plant my elbows on the bar, and rest my chin in my palm. "And for the record, I'm not going to go for it."

"Such a shame." Cloth in hand, she begins to wipe the already spotless countertop. "You're getting a nice break from running this place. If I were you, I'd take advantage of that. You deserve it."

Isn't that what you've been telling yourself, Brighton?

"This…this is all about revenge," I tell her. "He's not interested in me."

She laughs, almost hysterically. "Yeah right."

I shift on my stool. "What?"

"Have you seen yourself?" Her gaze moves to the pool deck. "All heads turned your way when you stepped onto this rooftop." Leaning in she adds, "Including the resort's hot new owner."

I'm not so sure I believe that. "Noah was looking?" I glance around and my gaze goes straight to Noah. I bite down on my bottom lip as my stomach tightens. "We have a complicated past."

"Hey." I turn back to her and she shrugs. "Doesn't mean you have to have a complicated future, does it?"

I eye her. "Are you pulling some psychology crap on me?"

"Probably." She stops wiping the counter and takes my hands into hers. "I care about you, Brighton. Hell, you gave me time off to study when I needed it and allow me to work around my courses in the winter." She stares at me for a moment. "You're a good person and deserve good things. I know what happened here with the resort and I know it killed you to sell it to save it. You saved all our jobs and I just want to see you happy...for once."

"I'm ha?—"

"No, you're not," she cuts me off. She spreads her arms. "This resort is your life. It's all you've ever known. Did you ever stop to think there's more out there? There's more to life than work?"

"Yeah, actually, just recently I had those thoughts."

"Maybe being a nanny for a while is just the opportunity you need to discover who you are, and what you want."

"I actually thought I had everything I ever wanted," I murmur. "I lost it all."

"Not all of your recent losses were actually losses, Brighton."

I swallow as she watches me, and I get it. "Allan, you mean?"

"I never believed he was the right guy for you, but it wasn't my place to say that." She lets go of my hands and picks up her cloth. "It might not be my place to say this either, but I'm going to." She pauses, like she's waiting for me to stop her. I don't so she continues with, "If I were you, I'd take advantage of that" She points her chin toward the pool. "Heck, you never know. Maybe this isn't about revenge for him and he sees a woman who needs a break just like I do."

"Fat chance," I blurt out.

She shrugs and leaves that with me. As her words ping around in my brain, she straightens up. "Now, what can I get you?"

"Two of the usuals, and a Shirley Temple."

She goes to work on the drinks and I spin. I once again find myself smiling as I watch Noah and Camryn play. It can't be easy on her with no mother and a father who is away for the NHL season, and now her grandmother isn't well. That has to be hard on Noah, too. My heart goes out to Camryn, and her father.

"Here you go," Melanie says. "On the house."

I smile at her. "Thank you." I pick up the tray and pause. "For the drinks and the talk."

She gives me a tight nod. "Think about what I said."

"I will." I carry the drinks to a table, and that's when Camryn turns her head and sees me. I have to say, I love the big smile that comes over her sweet face when I'm around. How could a mother walk away from her daughter? Isn't that the same question I've asked myself for many years?

"Ms. Brighton," she yells, and starts toward me, struggling to swim, which is why she's in inflatable arm bands. Maybe I could teach her to swim while she's under my care. In fact, there are a lot of things that could be fun to do with her.

Lot of things that could be fun to do with her daddy too.

Jesus.

"I thought you might be thirsty," I say, when she reaches the edge. Noah lifts her up, and she hurries to the table.

She squeals in delight and is practically shaking as I hand over her drink. "I got an umbrella, Daddy."

"I see that," Noah says, staying in the water. He puts his arms over the edge and rests his chin on his forearm. He arches a brow at me. "You coming in?"

"I might."

"Daddy will toss you in the air, Ms. Brighton. It's so much fun. Daddy, you'll do it, right? You'll toss Ms. Brighton into the air and catch her?"

He grins at me, and it's a slightly devious grin, which does crazy things to the juncture between my legs. "Sure, if she wants me to."

I try to keep my voice light as my body burns, wanting nothing more than to land in his strong arms and feel his hands on my body. God, what is happening to me? I don't know, but now that Melanie has put ideas into my head—ideas that might have already been there—I can't stop thinking about having a little fun with Noah.

"I think I'm too big for that," I manage to push out. Noah is about to speak but I cut him off. "I got you a drink too." I hold out a glass with red liquid inside, my own version of a Long Island iced tea.

He examines the color. "What is it?"

I cock my head. "A surprise."

"I don't much like surprises," he tells me and takes a sniff of the drink.

I take a sip of mine and moan in delight. "Try it. I think you'll like it. It's my own special concoction."

He takes a sip, frowns, and glances at his glass. "It's really good."

"I replaced the soda with cranberry juice." He nods and takes another sip. "You expected me to give you something horrible?"

He laughs. "I'm not sure what I expected," he says, almost to himself. Camryn takes a big drink through her straw and sets her drink down. She rushes to the edge of the pool and throws her arms out.

"Catch me."

"One second. Let me put this down first." Noah holds his drink out to me, and I bend to pick it up. Our hands touch, and something weird and inviting burns through me as my gaze flies to his. Trying to appear unfazed, I take the glass and in a fast, jerky movement, he lunges toward me playfully, like he's going to pull me in, and I wobble as I shriek, nearly toppling in.

"Whoa," he says laughing, and puts his hands on my shoulders to stabilize me. "I'm sorry, Brighton. I was only joking. I'd never dunk you."

"Daddy," Camryn shouts, jumping up and down and laughing. "Catch me."

My heart racing, he inches back, giving me a very nice view of his bare chest. He might have been thin in high school, but he's certainly filled out in all the right places. He brushes the scruff on his face, and as I note the deep acne scars, my stomach once again tightens.

"Come on, Bean."

Camryn rolls her eyes and looks at me. "I don't know why he calls me Bean."

"Because you're as cute as a bean," I tell her.

She frowns and puts her hands on her hips. "Beans aren't cute. Beans are yucky." With that she backs up and jumps straight for her father and he catches her, just like she knew he would. I love her leap of faith, and how much trust she has in her daddy. It makes me think of my own dad. He was always there, a workaholic like me, and I thought I knew him, trusted him, until he died and left all his debt to me. I also trusted Allan, until I lost everything and he walked. I gulp. I think my days of trusting might be over.

But I don't want to think about that right now. Right now, I want to forget about real life and enjoy this afternoon. I stand, and slip off my bathing suit cover up, and when I turn, I note the way Noah's eyes are on me. Hot. Dark. Hungry. Much like the way I was staring at him only moments ago. Had he noticed that?

A jolt of heat goes through me, and I swallow against a suddenly dry throat. I turn away, grab my drink and take a big gulp. But when I look back at Noah, he's still staring as his daughter swims around him.

I walk to the edge and sit down, dangling my legs in the water. Noah spins Camryn around and I'm about to slide in when she shouts, "I want another drink."

"Okay, kiddo." He pushes her to the edge of the pool and helps her out. "Need help?" he asks me as he hovers almost between my legs. It's all I can do not to open them and pull him closer, but under these circumstances, it's not appropriate. Let me correct myself. There will never be any circumstances where it's appropriate.

"Jump, Ms. Brighton."

Noah backs up. "Want me to catch you?" I shake my head. "You don't trust me?"

No, actually, I do not trust him. Why would I? "It's too cold to jump in," I answer and keep the truth to myself. "I need to ease myself in."

He comes closer, urging my thighs apart as he positions himself between my legs, and a crazy needy sound catches in my throat. He cocks his head grinning. Is he playing with me? Seducing me? Is that all part of the payback?

His hands move to my sides and I shiver under his touch as he lifts me, holding me against his body and out of the water.

"Doing good?"

"Yup."

Nope.

He loosens his hold and I slip lower. He eyes me, giving my body a minute to adjust to the cold water, but damn, I'm not cold at all. No, I'm downright hot.

"Let's go down together."

Oh, God, his words just sent my thoughts in an erotic direction.

I clear my throat. "Okay."

He holds me tight, and slowly begins to lower us both in the water. His hands hold me carefully, like I'm something to be treasured and I like that a lot. But I'm sure I'm making too much of it.

"Doing good?"

"Yup."

Nope.

Once I'm submersed up to my neck, he lets me go, and my hands land on his chest. I glance up, to find his mouth right there. If I wanted to kiss him, all I'd have to do was push off the bottom of the pool. But I'm not going to do that.

I don't think.