3. Noah

"Daddy, Daddy, come on," Camryn urges, as she tugs on my hand, forcing me from my chair in my parents' backyard.

Dad stands with me. "Are you sure you know what you're doing, son?" he asks in a low voice, his eyes brimming with concern. I steal a glance at Mom as she smiles up at me.

"No, not really," I groan with a laugh, but I do know that I can't ask Mom to continue to care for Camryn after her early onset diagnosis.

"It's not too late to get out of the deal."

Actually, the papers have been signed and I broke the lease on my downtown apartment, so yeah, it's a done deal. That thought nearly gives me a panic attack, because I'm not a guy to make snap decisions. I've been pretty methodical my entire life, never really doing anything on a whim, but when the opportunity to help Brighton and solve my childcare problem presented itself, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Now though, I'm not so sure. I know Brighton is amazing with kids, and Camryn will have the time of her life living at the resort. I also know we needed to get out of my downtown apartment, and she needed to be in the right school district. But being around Brighton, watching her walk, talk, pucker her lips, combined with seeing the bed where she slept, stirred old feelings inside me.

She was the girl I could never have. Completely out of my league. That didn't mean I didn't want her, though. I did. Oh, how I fucking did. I thought those feelings had gone away after high school, until my daughter smeared her ice cream into that pristine white shirt she was wearing. It shouldn't have been sexy as hell, and maybe there's something wrong with me for thinking it was, but damn, in that moment I wanted her. All the more reason I shouldn't have bought her resort or hired her on.

But I did, because she needs work and a place to live and I need help with Camryn. I hope she wasn't too upset with me when I didn't offer up her father's position, or keep her on as event coordinator. I didn't do that to be mean or spiteful.

The dark circles around her eyes and her aura of sadness are a good indication that she hasn't been sleeping, and maybe hasn't grieved her father's death yet. She needs a break, whether she knows that or not, and when it comes right down to it, I don't think she believes in herself anymore.

Plus, this arrangement won't last forever. Brighton's college education need to be put to use, but under the circumstances, with both of us under a time crunch, it was the best arrangement for all. This gives Camryn stability for the next year and after the NHL season, I'll figure something else out.

I bend and give Mom a kiss on the forehead. "I need to go get Camryn settled in. Come tomorrow night for dinner, okay?"

"What can I bring?" Mom asks.

"Nothing. I'm cooking."

"Oh, so then we should bring our antacids," Dad teases and Camryn laughs, even though she has no idea what she's laughing about.

I ruffle Camryn's hair. "Are you ready, kiddo?"

"I was ready an hour ago," she shoots back, and I shake my head. She's four going on fourteen. I am not sure I'll survive her teenage years. Dad bends and Camryn hugs him and then turns to Mom. She gives her a big kiss on the cheek and a hug before rushing to the gate.

I hurry to catch up to her, and I can't help thinking a hit of antacid might be a good idea. I'm not sure if the flutter in my stomach is from anxiety or excitement—knowing I'm going to be seeing Brighton again.

Camryn climbs into her booster seat in the back, and secures her belt around her waist. "Daddy, is Ms. Brighton going to be like my new mommy? That's what Becky said."

Oh Jesus.

Before I can answer, she says, "Ms. Julie wasn't happy that we were moving because she wanted to be my mommy."

I adjust the rearview mirror to see her. "No, Camryn. She's going to be your nanny. That's very different. She'll do fun things with you, and take care of you, and she'll tuck you in at night and read to you, and she'll be there for you when I'm on the road, but she won't be your mommy."

"That sounds like what a mommy does."

The innocence in her big blue eyes nearly guts me. I exhale and start the car. The truth is, she's not wrong. A nanny does all those things, but not out of love. "A nanny gets paid to take care of you."

She frowns, and I can't even imagine what's going through her brain. "A mommy does it for free?"

Christ, this isn't coming out right. "Yes, mommies and daddies do it for free because they love their children."

She picks up her stuffed cat and plucks at the whiskers. "My mommy doesn't take care of me so she doesn't love me."

My heart jumps into my throat, and the flutter in my belly turns into a burn in my esophagus. As I take in her frown, I could fucking sob.

"It's not that. She just had to go away. It's not that she didn't love you."

"Why didn't she come back? When you go away, you always come back." Fear moves over her face. "You're always going to come back, aren't you, Daddy?"

Fuck me.

"Of course, I am, Bean."

She giggles. "I'm not a bean. Why do you call me that?"

"Because when you were born, you were like a long string bean." I hold my arms out to show her.

"I don't even like beans."

"Well, I love beans and I love you."

"Was Mommy pretty?"

Visions of Shayla race through my mind. "Of course, she was. You have her big blue eyes, remember?"

"I want to go swimming," she announces, and I pull away from the curb, happy for the change in subject.

"We can go swimming, but we have some unpacking to do." I actually have most of it done. I wanted Camryn to sleep in her own bed tonight, surrounded by her things, to make this transition a bit easier. I left a few of her things in boxes to make it feel like she's part of the process.

She pouts. "I don't want to unpack."

"You want to sleep with bunny tonight, don't you?"

"Fine," she mumbles as I drive us to our new home, which really isn't that far from Mom and Dad's place and I'm happy about that. I want to be closer for Camryn and if they need me.

A short while later, I pull up in front of our new estate and glance at Camryn, to see her reaction. Her eyes go big. "Daddy, do we live here now?"

"We do. Do you want to see your room?"

She unbuckles quickly. "I do." I exit the car as she opens her door and dashes to the front steps. She tries the door, but it's locked. I pull my key out, about to unlock it, when the door swings open. Brighton puts a big smile on her face, which seems strained when she glances at me, but turns genuine as she bends to greet Camryn.

"I've been waiting for you," she tells her.

"Can you show me my room?"

Brighton lifts her head, seeking my approval and I nod. Camryn slips her hand into Brighton's—an instant, easy bond—and as they take off, my resilient little girl skipping to the stairs, my heart jumps into my throat.

Have I made a mistake?

I don't want Camryn to get too close to Brighton, especially when this arrangement is only going to last for the NHL season. She's lost her mother, thinks her mother doesn't love her. I can't have her falling for Brighton only to have Brighton leave her at the end of the season.

"Daddy, are you coming?" Camryn asks from the top of the stairs.

"On my way." I take the stairs two at a time, and meet them on the landing.

Camryn's eyes go wide when she sees a candy bowl on the table. "Can I have one?" she asks.

Brighton picks up the bowl of chocolates and holds it out. "Of course you can." Camryn peels the foil off and tosses it into her mouth as Brighton points to her wing. "I live there and you and your daddy are over there."

Camryn pokes her finger into her mouth as Brighton leads her down the hall. She swings the door open, and Camryn stands there for one moment, admiring the big space. Honestly, the living room alone is bigger than the apartment we were living in. But it's not the space I'm admiring. No, it's the woman who is so warm and kind to my daughter, despite the way she feels about me.

Camryn throws her arms around Brighton's waist. "I love it, Ms. Brighton." She then takes off to check out our new digs.

With her back to me, my gaze moves over Brighton's small shoulders, and down her back, admiring the way her blue sundress hugs her curves, and her backside. She glances at me, and I lift my head quickly.

"Not white," I say.

For a moment she looks confused, then she laughs. "I decided not to wear white around you anymore. For some reason, I always end up wet or dirty." She blinks quickly, her body stiffening. "I mean wet from the ice cream and dirty from changing my tire."

"I knew what you meant." That's still not stopping me from thinking about her wet and dirty, and not in an innocent way. "But you're still dirty."

Heat colors her cheeks. "I…what?"

"Camryn's fingers were full of chocolate when she hugged you. There's a smudge on the back of your dress."

"Oh God," she groans with a laugh as Camryn squeals from her bedroom. "I think she likes it," Brighton says with a smile, breaking what feels like sexual tension arcing between us.

She's about to move, leave us two alone in our new place, but I catch her hand. "Brighton, you're okay with this, right?"

I catch a flash of vulnerability in her blue eyes, before dark lashes blink it away. "I've just been having a hard time, Noah." She sniffs and tries to pull herself together, but she doesn't need to be strong for me. Hell, I think she's been strong too long, with no one to rely on but herself, which is why I wanted to give her a break from the business. She belongs in the driver's seat, just not yet.

"It's okay," I say and pull her to me. She's stiff at first until I rub her back and she relaxes into me, her body practically collapsing against mine. It's all I can do not to take her to my bed and hold her until her pain subsides. I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon, considering she's trying so hard to be strong, and unbreakable.

"I…I lost so much."

"I know."

As if realizing it's me who's holding her, and that she doesn't take comfort from a guy she hates, she stiffens again, and inches back, and my arms fall to my sides. "Don't get me wrong. I appreciate you purchasing this place and keeping it running as a resort. I also appreciate you allowing me to stay here, and your daughter is such a sweetheart. She's going to be a joy to be around."

"She likes you too," I tell her again.

She laughs, like that's ridiculous. "I don't know why. What do I have to offer anyone now?"

"Hey," I say. "You have a lot to offer, Brighton."

She goes quiet and glances down, but not before I catch the disbelief in her eyes. "I don't know why I said any of that."

"Because you're grieving."

Her throat makes a painful sound as she swallows. "I just never should have said any of that…to you."

Her words hit like a slap. "Right, of course not."

Her gaze cuts to mine. "I didn't mean…I just mean, you're my boss and that was inappropriate."

"I won't tell if you don't," I tease. She gives a small chuckle. "Listen, Brighton. I'm not much into formalities. We can be partners in all this," I tell her. I realize she blurted out something very personal, something that's been bottled up inside for a while now. Does she not have anyone to turn to, a shoulder to cry on? She was popular in high school and had numerous friends. Sure, we're long past those days, and some have moved away. Some stayed too. Did she not keep in touch with her girlfriends…boyfriends?

"Why don't you guys get settled in, and maybe later, we can go over the rules of being a nanny and what's expected of me."

I nod as she steps away. I guess I never really thought about the rules involved. I'll have to give it some thought.

"Oh," she says, glancing at me over her shoulder. "I'm going to make dinner in a bit, and I have plenty for you and Camryn if you want…I'm sure you have plans, but..." She curves her lips in a smile and I sense she's worried she's overstepping.

"While you don't need to cook for us, we'd love it. What can I bring?"

"Just your appetite."

I jerk my thumb out toward my daughter's room. "Do I have time to take Camryn for a swim? It's all she's been talking about."

"Take her to the rooftop. I think she'll really like that pool, and you can get her a drink with an umbrella in it. I don't know any kid who doesn't like a virgin Shirley Temple."

"I loved the virgins when I used to work here." Her eyes go wide and a big laugh rumbles from the depths of my throat. "That didn't come out right. What I'm trying to say is Bill, do you remember Bill Howes?"

She nods. "He was head grounds man."

"Right. My supervisor. He was a nice man. Use to sneak me virgin daiquiris in the summer when it was killer hot. They went down so good."

"I can probably hook you up. Unless you're not into virgins anymore?"

Wait, are we still talking about drinks?

"Now that I'm older, I like something with a little more…" I pause to search for the right word.

"Bite."

Unable to help myself my gaze drops to her mouth as she wets her lips, like she's envisioning biting into something, or something—someone—biting into her. "I was thinking kick, but yeah, bite works too."

Her voice is low when she responds. "Got it." She glances around. "I…uh, should let you two get at it."

"Join us."

"What?" Her gaze flies back to mine.

"For a swim. You don't officially start her care until my season starts. Actually, these next few weeks are yours to do with what you want, but if you're not doing anything, it could be good bonding time for you and Camryn."

No, inviting her does not have anything to do with wanting to see her in a bathing suit. I don't think. "Unless you have somewhere you have to be. Someone who might be waiting for you." Dammit, does she have a significant other? I probably shouldn't be fantasizing about a woman who's with another man.

She huffs out a laugh. "Actually no. Allan…" She pauses for a second. "He broke up with me when he found out I had to sell this place."

I eye her. "Sounds like you dodged a bullet."

Instead of agreeing, she steps back. Is she still in love with Allan? What a stupid fucking name.

She waves her hand to nowhere in particular. "I probably should get working on dinner." I nod, as she inches away, and that's when reality of this entire situation—my knee-jerk reactions from the other day—comes crashing back again. Jesus, I never make snap decisions. Why did I this time? She goes still, like she can see my inner turmoil. "What?"

"It's just…" I scrub my chin. "I hope I'm doing the right thing here. Camryn is the most important person in the world to me, and I don't want to…" I pause and throw my arms out, emphasizing the extravagance of the place. "…you know."

"Spoil her."

"Right."

"You're a good dad, Noah, and for the record, you're an NHL superstar so no matter what, her life is going to be just a little different from a lot of kids her age."

"I guess that's true." She is around a lot of the players, all the time. "I want to keep her grounded, and this place…"

She takes a step back like I just slapped her. "Right, and you think that's impossible, living in a luxurious resort. She can't possibly grow up here and not think she's better than everyone else."

Shit. She thinks I'm talking about her, and the division between us in our past.

I run an agitated hand through my hair. "I'm not sure things are coming out right for either of us."

Her shoulders relax, and when she runs her hand down her stomach, my dick twitches. "You're right. This is all just so surreal it's throwing us off."

That's not the only thing throwing me off.

I laugh. "I know and I guess we still need to figure things out and get used to living under the same roof, and obviously no matter what you wear around Camryn, it's going to get dirty. Maybe we should get you a uniform so you're not ruining your clothes."

A small grin touches her lips. "Just tell me you don't want me in one of those French maid uniforms."

My dick stands up and takes notice. "Is that not an option?"

Her eyes go wide, but there's humor there, and something else. Is it heat? "Noah!"

"Sorry," I apologize quickly, and give a fast shake of my head to dispel the sexy image of her in lingerie from my lust-rattled brain. "That wasn't appropriate."

She gives me a playful wink. "I won't tell if you don't."