5. Noah

Imight have just gotten out of a cold pool, but that still doesn't mean I don't need a cold shower. Jesus, seeing Brighton in her bathing suit had my dick twitching in ways it hasn't twitched in years, which is highly inappropriate for many reasons. One, we were in a public pool. Two, my daughter was nearby. And three, she's our new nanny.

You can't sleep with the nanny, bro.

As I repeat that mantra, I turn the water on colder and resist the urge to tug one out. Brighton invited Camryn to her wing to help with dinner, so I do have the privacy, but I don't want to keep them waiting. Not that it would take long to climax with Brighton back in my mind, more now than ever.

I turn the water off, dry off and pull on a clean pair of shorts and T-shirt. I exit my new ensuite bathroom and glance around my large bedroom. I still have a few things to put away, but most of it's been done. Seeing Camryn so happy here has definitely eased most of my worries that I've made the wrong choice for her, and while I want to keep her grounded, Brighton was right. I'm an NHL star, which means her childhood will be quite different from other kids. Still, I can do my best to raise her to have respect and compassion.

My phone pings and I pick it up to find a message from my buddy, Brady, who's the team's goalie, and a hell of a player, on and off the ice. I love the guy. I love all the guys on my team. They're open and inclusive and accepting, no matter where you came from or what you look like and they were all so happy to hear about my new investment.

Brady: "When do we get to see the new digs?"

It's Friday night. My parents are coming tomorrow, and I'd like a quiet Sunday at the beach, or at the park with Camryn, so I give that some consideration before I text back.

Noah: How about a rooftop swim and barbecue next Saturday?

Brady: I'll let the guys know.

I smile. I do love the camaraderie between the guys and between the wives. Some have children and that's always nice for Camryn. But because I'm single, a lot of the guys want me to go out to bars with them. I'd rather stay home with my daughter, and I can't say that I miss the partying. There are times that I do get lonely. I've given up on finding love out there. Like I said, Crater Skater knows he's only wanted for a bucking good time. I consider that for a second.

Bucking good time. I play for the Bucks. Ah, okay, now I get it.

Slow, bro. Really fucking slow.

Laughing, because it took me far too long to put that together, I'm about to set my phone down when another text comes in.

Brady: How hot is the new nanny?"

An instant wave of jealousy and protectiveness grips me by my balls. I know he's messing with me and for a second I think about not answering, but find myself texting back.

Noah: Hands off the nanny, bro. It's a conflict of interest.

Brady: Oh, does that mean you're interested?

Noah: Fuck you.

Brady: (Peach emoji, Eggplant emoji)

Noah: Real fucking mature, dude.

I tuck my phone away, open the door to my wing and look across the hall. Brighton left her door open for me, making the upstairs of the big house feel like one unit instead of two. I quietly walk across the hall, and just when I'm about to call out, I hear animated voices. I love how well they get along. Heck they played together in the pool, and basically ignored me as they had a good time—not that I'm feeling left out or anything. A smile touches my mouth as Camryn's laugh carries through the house. Nothing fills my heart with love more than hearing her happy sounds.

"We never make pizza," Camryn shrieks in her outdoor voice, probably because this estate is so big it still feels like she's outside.

Brighton gasps. "Are you saying you've never had pizza?"

"I've had pizza, silly. It just comes in a box. A man brings it to the door. He's a different man every time." She pauses. "I like cheese and pepperoni."

"That's what I'm going to make just for you."

I quietly walk closer, and they're so enthralled in each other, they don't see me leaning against the door frame. That's okay. I enjoy watching them without them knowing, and I'm not a child. I enjoyed them playing in the pool together too. I zero in on Camryn as she stands on a chair at the kitchen island. With Brighton next to her, my daughter works to mimic her nanny by spreading out her own ball of dough.

"You're doing such a great job. I can't believe you've never done this before." Camryn beams under Brighton's praise. Okay, maybe now I am being a child, because I'd like to beam under her praise too. "Okay, pinch your fingers into the flour like this, and lightly sprinkle the surface."

I exhale quietly. Well, I guess it's too late to worry about them becoming close. On some level I suppose I knew it would happen. Heck, you can't spend all your time together and not bond, right? And I want Camryn to have someone she can look up to. My biggest concern is what happens to Camryn when this arrangement ends.

After the NHL season, when I'm no longer in a bind, I'm sure I'll find someone who really wants this job. Brighton will want to get back to work, putting her skills to use in the resort business. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Right now, I just want to make sure Camryn is happy, and I can dive into the NHL season with my focus intact.

"I liked the pizza that the men brought," Camryn says, now dressed in a light blue sundress, whereas Brighton has changed into dark shorts and a navy-blue t-shirt. It brings a smile to my face, because I'm sure she'll be full of pizza sauce by the time they're done, and no matter how dark her clothes are, it'll show. That smile quickly fades and it's all I can do to swallow a moan, because yeah, now I'm thinking about her in a French maid uniform.

Brighton blinks dark lashes over genuinely concerned eyes as she stretches her dough and gazes at Camryn. "Do you think you're going to like this pizza?"

"I think I'm going to love it." Camryn sneaks a slice of pepperoni from the bowl and plops it in her mouth. She giggles, does a little wiggle dance, but then goes a bit serious. "This is a big house."

"It is," Brighton agrees. "Do you like it?"

Camryn holds her arms out. "My room is really big."

Brighton's mood instantly shifts as understanding spills across her face. "Oh yes, it is. When I was your age, I used to sleep in that room too. Did you know that?" Camryn shakes her head no, but her eyes are wide, intrigued. "It was big. But you know what? I used to sleep with Charlie. He's a big, brave fluffy dog." Brighton crinkles her nose and hugs herself, getting flour on her shirt. "He kept me company all night and when I was with him, I never felt scared."

My heart thumps in my chest. Jesus. What kind of father am I? I never considered a big bedroom in a giant estate might scare my little girl, especially one who grew up in a tiny room in a tiny downtown apartment.

"Where is Charlie now?" Her big blue eyes are wide, and the vulnerability shimmering there hurts my heart. At times I think Camryn tries to be brave for me, like she's trying to take care of me. I don't want her to feel that kind of responsibility. But the truth is, she's always so brave when I'm away, acting like a big girl when really it has to be hard on her. Maybe that's why she's opening up so quickly to Brighton.

Brighton taps Camryn on the nose, leaving a streak of flour and Camryn laughs as she brushes it away. "Why don't you wait right here, and I'll go get him."

She hurries off, and I wait a second, not wanting to interrupt whatever is happening here. Brighton comes back with a big, brown stuffed dog that she happily hands over to my daughter. My throat grows tight and raw at the compassion being displayed right before my eyes. How could I not like someone who offers such warmth and sympathy, such kind-heartedness to a child she's just recently met?

Camryn gasps and hugs Charlie tight. "I love him, Ms. Brighton."

I shift and the movement catches Brighton's eyes. Her head lifts and I smile at her before mouthing the words, thank you. She gives a quick nod, and says, "I don't need Charlie anymore. I'm used to sleeping here and my room is kind of small for the two of us now. I bet he'd love to be back in his old bedroom..." She pauses to tap Camryn's nose again. "With you."

I realize she was in the clique that was cruel to me, but there's more to this woman than meets the eye. I've always believed that. If I didn't, I never would have stepped in to save her resort, or put my daughter in her hands. The problem is, I don't think Brighton believes in herself.

"You're the best, Ms. Brighton. Thank you." She hugs Charlie again and then goes still, gazing up at Brighton. "I wish you were my mommy."

On that note, I straighten, and clear my throat. I note the sudden paleness in Brighton's cheeks as her gaze flies to mine.

"Hey, who's your new friend?" I ask my daughter.

"Daddy, Daddy. This is Charlie. He's going to sleep with me tonight." She holds him for me to see. "Isn't he cute?"

"He is the cutest dog I've ever seen," I tell her, bending to kiss her forehead.

That's when something gleams in her eyes. "Maybe now that we live in a house, we can get a real dog."

Dammit, I should have seen that coming. She's been asking for a pet for some time now, but my apartment was small, and not pet friendly. It's not that I don't want her to have a pet, it's just that I'm away so much, and I could never put that responsibility on my parents.

"How about we get settled into living here first," I tell her. "Everything is so new, I think we need to get used to it before bringing a dog home."

She claps her hands and starts jumping up and down on her chair. Clearly, she took that answer as a yes, and it probably was. It's so hard to say no to her. As a single dad, I try to make up for the lack of a mother in her life, and I'm not sure this is the best way to go about it.

Brighton grins at me, totally knowing my daughter has me wrapped around her little finger. I ruffle Camryn's hair. "Why don't you go put Charlie in your room, and then come back and we'll put the pepperoni on the pizza."

"Okay."

I help Camryn from her chair and she darts out the door and down the hall, her little footsteps stomping on the wood floors.

Once we're alone, Brighton says, "Charlie is pretty old. You can actually get weighted stuffed animals and weighted blankets now. They help with anxiety and produce calmness. We can search online later if you want."

"No way is she going to want anything but Charlie now." I grin, and fix Camryn's stretched out dough. "But maybe we can look. I could probably use something weighted on top of me." Brighton arches a brow and I explain, "I'm anxious all the time, worrying that I'm failing Camryn."

"I understand that. I could use a bit of weight on top of me too." Her body tightens, and if she thinks I might be picturing my body on top of hers—even though that wasn't what she was saying at all—she'd be right. "I mean a blanket."

"I know what you mean." I reach out and take one of Brighton's hands in mine. I'm not sure why I'm touching her, or even if it's appropriate, but I give it a squeeze. "Thank you for Charlie. I didn't even realize she might be scared." I shake my head. "What was that I just said about being a failure?"

She snorts out a self-deprecating laugh. "Well, that makes two of us." I eye her and she gives a fast shake of her head. "No wait, I didn't mean it like that. You're not a failure at all." Before I can tell her she's not a failure either, she speaks. "I've been around enough kids to know a thing or two, and this is a big house. I used to be scared at night too, so I get it."

I lightly brush my thumb over her soft skin, and her chest rises and falls a bit quicker. "Which is why I knew you'd be great with Camryn."

She nods, skepticism in her eyes as she tugs her hands from mine, and turns back to the dough on the pizza pan. "I'm doing the carnivore for us," she says, switching subjects. "You look like a guy who likes a lot of meat. I'm doing cheese and pepperoni for Camryn. I hope you don't mind that I'm doing something different for her. I know some parents don't like that, and I'm not her parent. I should have asked, but I didn't think it was that much of a big deal."

"Hey," I say quietly and eyes that showcase hurt and insecurity reach mine. "I'm sorry about the mommy comment she made. It upset you. I'll talk to her about that."

She shrugs, but a new kind of hurt registers in her eyes. "No. It's okay. She's just a little girl. No harm done." A beat of silence and then, "I can understand her wanting a mommy, though, and I'm sure now that she's getting older, she's questioning things."

"She is, and I'm doing my best to answer without making her feel like she wasn't wanted."

"Not easy," she agrees quietly as she puffs up the edges of the dough.

I take in the tightness in her body. "Not easy at all."

She reaches for a can opener and is about to open the sauce. "Here I'll do that. Your hands are full of flour."

She hands it over, and I glance at her. It's easy to tell she still has something on her mind. "It's just…" she begins. "I'll do my best to care for her, but I can't be her mother, Noah." I nod and she continues. "Like I've said before, I have no idea how to mother."

"You don't want kids of your own someday?"

A sound catches in her throat. "No," she blurts out quickly.

"Okay." I clearly hit on a sore spot so I drop the subject as I open the sauce and take the lid off. "I can't believe you don't make your own. Feeding us this…canned stuff."

That brings a smile to her face and lightens the mood. "Pfft, says the guy who does take-out only."

Something warm seeps through me. I actually love that she invited us to dinner, that she made something special for my little girl. "I think you're going to be really good for Camryn," I say quietly, and when her gaze moves to mine, and that warmth in my body settles deep inside me, I can't help but think about how good she might be for me too.

Too bad we have so many strikes against us.