15. Noah

Where the hell did the summer go?

Oh, I remember now. Swimming in the ocean and the pools at the resort. Cooking family-style dinners for three and eating on the deck in the bright sunshine. Skating at the rink, having my teammates and their families over for a housewarming party and barbecue—Brighton and the wives really hit it off, and Camryn loves hanging out with the kids—playing tennis on the courts, reading bedtime stories to Camryn and falling into bed every night with a woman I call sunshine, because she brightens up my life in a way no other woman ever has.

With Bean in the back seat, I adjust my rearview mirror to see her. "Are you excited for school tomorrow?" I ask.

She gives a fast nod. "I am, Daddy."

How did my little girl get old enough to go to school? Honestly, time is flying by too fast and I just want to slow it down for a second. Soon enough, the NHL season will be here and over, and life as we've known it for the last little while will be a thing of the past, because Brighton has a life to get back to. I'm just glad she's going to stay in Camryn's life.

Would she want to stay in mine, too?

I glance at her, and she's smiling as she scrolls through her phone. As if sensing me looking, she lifts her head and her smile widens. "What?" I ask as mischief dances in her eyes.

She angles her phone and I glance at a litter of puppies. "Aren't they cute?"

"Brighton," I begin in a low warning tone.

"I know. I know. But I think with all the changes in Camryn's life, with you going away next week, and her not being cared for by her grandmother anymore, a puppy might be a nice distraction."

"I won't be here to train a pup and I can't put that kind of responsibility on you."

"What if I want it put on me? You know, I've always wanted a pup. My whole life. Dad never allowed it, and to be honest, I didn't have the time back then. Like I do now."

She seems happy about that. When I first asked her to take on the nanny position, I thought she was going to castrate me. Now, however, I think she's really been enjoying the time off to recharge and regroup. There's one thing left she needs to do, though, and I want to make sure she does it before I head to Chicago with my team for our first preseason exhibition game at the end of the week.

"Look at them. Five weeks old. They look like little stuffed toys. A couple of them aren't spoken for yet."

She holds the phone out for me to see, and I steal a glance. "They are pretty adorable."

She grins like she knows she's got me in the palm of her hands. God, it's so hard to say no to her. I want to give both her and my daughter the moon.

"Tiny little teddy bears," she whispers.

"Who are going to grow up to be big teddy bears."

"The female Bernese Mountain dog is smaller, and besides, you have a big house now. You can handle a big dog."

"I can't handle drool."

"Ah, these guys don't drool."

"Why do I get the sense that you've put a lot of thought into this particular breed?"

She wags her brow. "They are the cuddliest, kindest dogs, and they are so good with kids."

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I consider it. "Are they nearby?"

What the hell am I doing?

She wiggles and practically squeals, and I put my finger to my lips to quiet her. I don't want Camryn knowing anything just yet, just in case it doesn't work out.

"Not too far," she says quietly. "Should I message to see if we can visit, maybe pick one out?"

"Let's just go see them, and leave it at that." I shake my head, because I know the minute I hold one of the pups in my arms it's going to be love at first sight—and that is not even something I believe in.

We pull up in front of my parents' house and Camryn starts jumping in the back seat. We haven't done Sunday dinners in a while, but Mom insisted on a get together before the pre-season begins and I head off to Chicago for our first exhibition game.

"Hold still until I park, Bean."

I love how much she loves her grandparents, and it guts me to think what is going to happen soon. Slowing, I ease in behind Dad's car in the driveway and when I come to a full stop, I let her know she can unbuckle.

We exit the car and I note the apprehension on Brighton's face. "You okay?" I lean in, and lightly kiss her as Camryn runs to the front door.

"You know, I've never really been to a sit-down Sunday dinner before."

Okay, that breaks my fucking heart. "Growing up, I assumed you had the best life, Sunshine, but now I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side."

"No, it's not. I think it's green on this side."

"I have a great family. I had rules, and chores and expectations of me, of course, but I could always count on my parents being there for me." Her smile is soft for me, but it's also filled with loss and longing. "Why are you apprehensive?"

"I'm not sure I'd say apprehensive." She turns and looks at the front door as Camryn opens it and rushes inside. "I guess I wonder if I'll ever have this. Maybe if I don't go in there, I'll never know what I was really missing."

"You want this, Sunshine?"

She glances down. "I was a career-focused woman, ambitious, determined." Another beat of silence as she kicks at some imaginary rock. "I'm not sure what I want anymore."

"You don't have to make any decisions today. Why don't we just go have a nice meal? You have a lifetime ahead of you, Brighton. There's no reason you can't have everything you want."

"No reason?"

"No." With that I take her hand in mine, and we walk to the back of the car. I pop the trunk and pull out the pasta casserole we made together, and carry it to the house. Inside, Camryn is talking a million miles an hour, and Brighton slows as we walk down the hall. I turn to her, expecting to see that apprehension again, and that's when I realize it's her first time at my parents' place.

She grins as she stops to study all the pictures on the wall. "Noah, you were so cute. Look at this one, with no front teeth."

I run my tongue over my front teeth. "I'm surprised I still have them, considering the amount of hits I've taken."

She stops to study a picture of me with baby Camryn on my lap, in front of a Christmas tree. "I love this one."

"Her first Christmas."

She puts her hand on my back. "So special."

"Come on. We need to get this casserole in the fridge. You have plenty of time to look later, and there are lots of goofy pictures during my gangly years that will make you laugh."

"I thought you were cute in your gangly years."

I laugh at that. "Oh, you did, did you?"

"Yes, I did." She waves her hand up and down the length of me. "I also thought you were hot when you grew into this body."

I groan and put my mouth near her ear. "Now is not the time to be telling me things like this."

"Okay, I'll save it for later."

"You better." I give her a nudge and she walks into the kitchen. "Ms. Brighton, Grandma bought me a new backpack for school. Isn't it peachy?"

"It's very peachy," she agrees as Mom gives her a big smile and stands, her arms outstretched. She hugs Brighton, and, from the way Brighton is tensing up, it's pretty clear that she's not used to or quite comfortable with openness from others.

"I'm going to go play on the swings," Camryn informs us and darts into the backyard.

Her hair bounces as she runs, and I say, "We'll be right out."

"Brighton, it's so good to see you." Mom takes Brighton's hand and frowns as she glances at her empty ring finger. "Oh, dear. Where is your ring?" Mom's eyes go wide. "Did you lose it?"

Brighton is quick to explain, "Oh we haven't picked it out yet. Just taking our time."

Mom goes deathly pale, and quiet, like she's struggling with something. Then she shakes her head, frustration all over her face. Her gaze lifts to me. "I…I forgot to give it to you, didn't I?" Her hands go to her reddening cheeks. "Oh dear, oh dear. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Sandra," Dad whispers gently, and I step up to Mom and Brighton.

"Mom," I begin gently, as guilt wraps around my gut. Jesus, I'm sure I'm going to have a big old ulcer by the time dinner is over. "It's okay. You didn't forget anything."

"I'll be right back." Before I can stop her, and I honestly don't know what to say or do, Mom darts upstairs. Dad, Brighton and I all exchange concerned looks, before Dad speaks. "I'm sorry about this. I assume she's getting your grandmother's ring, Noah. You don't have to indulge in this."

I set the casserole on the table. "What should we do, Dad?" I ask, as I take in the pain in his eyes. Brighton slides her fingers through mine, a sign that she's standing with me, willing to do whatever it is that needs to be done.

"I…I guess it would be best for her if?—"

"We'll do what's best for her," Brighton tells him. I glance at her and give her a grateful smile, knowing she is going above and beyond for me and later tonight I'm going to show her just how much I appreciate that.

Mom comes back into the kitchen with a little velvet box in her hand and I can't even catch my breath. I always figured the ring would be handed to me when I got engaged, but I never expected an engagement going down like this.

"Here you go." She holds the ring toward me, and I wipe my damp hands on my pants before opening it. The sight of the diamond fills me with so many mixed emotions because I always figured when I put this on the finger of a woman, it would be for real. But this isn't real, even if I want it to be.

You want this to be real, Noah?

I lift my head to find three sets of eyes watching me carefully, but I only want to look into Brighton's eyes. I can't do this if it's going to make her uncomfortable and what if she meets the man meant to be her husband and never gets to pursue it because we're pretending to be something we're not.

How fucking selfish is it of me to be happy about that thought. Shouldn't I want her to meet the man meant to be her husband. Yeah, I should, but I don't.

Oh, and why is that, dude?

You fucking already know, I practically yell out loud at my inner voice.

"It's beautiful," Brighton says quietly, and when Mom sniffs, my heart pounds in my chest.

I pick the ring up. "Do you want…"

She nods, like she too might be choked up and can't speak. Her arm lifts and she holds her fingers out to me and I slip the ring on. It easily slides up her finger and she frowns, like the too big ring in an omen.

"It's too big." Brighton's voice is low and barely audible.

Does she want this? Want this to be real, too?

"That's what adjustments are for. In the meantime, try this trick." Mom grabs some tape, and Brighton hands the ring over. She takes off a generous amount of tape and starts rolling it up. Once done she presses it into the underside of the band and holds it out. "Try this."

Brighton puts the ring on and laughs. "It fits."

"You just wear it like that until you can get it resized." Mom gives me a stern look. "Noah, you take the ring right into Charm Center on Brunswick Street. They'll get it sized right away for you."

I nod and agree, even though Charm Center hasn't been on Brunswick Street in years. Besides, I'm not about to alter my grandmother's ring if this isn't real.

Then make it fucking real, dude.

"Now where is Camryn?" Mom asks and glances around.

"She's outside. Let's head out to her." Dad walks toward the door. "It will be an hour before the pot roast is ready, so let's go have a drink and enjoy the day."

Dad lags behind as Mom and Brighton step out onto the deck. He puts his hand on my back. "Thanks, son."

"Yeah, of course."

"It's funny how things work out, isn't it?" I'm about to ask him what he means when he angles his head, a small grin on his face. "I think Brighton liked the ring."

"It's beautiful."

"You two make a lovely couple and it's easy to see how much Camryn adores her."

"Dad," I say quickly, cutting him off before he goes down that path. "You know what this is." He stares at me and I continue. "This is for Mom. She's Camryn's nanny and there's nothing between us."

He lets out a bellow of a laugh, laced with disbelief, and it lets me know I could never get anything by him. "Right, son. You just keep telling yourself that."