16. Brighton

As Noah and Paul push Camryn on the swing, I stand, ready to take the dishes inside as Sandra watches on with a smile. "Thanks so much, Sandra, everything was delicious. Today was just perfect." Truthfully it was. I loved this quiet Sunday dinner, loved feeling like I was a part of this family and the thought of it all ending after the NHL season slices through my heart like a broken shard of glass.

Sandra stands and pulls me into her embrace, squeezing tight, and my throat clogs with a bevy of emotions. Everything from guilt for our ruse, to love for this small family, to fear of the future and what her sickness means for us all. Her hug is warm and comforting and loving and everything about her acceptance and openness nearly brings tears to my eyes. I've spent an entire life wanting this, and dammit, I do not want Camryn to grow up never knowing the love of a mother.

So, what are you going to do about that, Brighton?

I turn my gaze to Noah as he and his dad laugh, the sound filling me with a kind of joy I'm not sure I've ever felt before. So, what am I going to do about it? Oh, I don't know, maybe just show the man I've fallen for how good of a family we could be, how I can love him and his daughter enough that he'll drop the torch for his ex and realize what a great thing we have.

As if sensing my eyes on him, Noah turns and catches my eye. He angles his head, like he can sense a big shift in me. I just smile at him, keeping this secret a secret.

I inch back to break the hug. "I really appreciate you having me."

"You're family now, Brighton. You're welcome anytime."

"Thank you." I check the time as Noah comes back to the deck. Standing on the grass, he puts one foot on the bottom step and grips either side of the handrail with his big hands, looking larger than life and sexy as hell. While I'd prefer to just stand here and admire all six feet of his hotness, I need to remind him about tomorrow. "Camryn has a big first day early in the morning."

His eyes confirm he's well aware and instead of gathering up his daughter, he gestures with a nod toward his father and Camryn still playing. "Do you think we could give her half an hour alone with Mom and Dad? She's having fun on the swing and I want to take you somewhere."

Surprised, I straighten. He wants to take me somewhere. Okay, now that I wasn't expecting. "Oh, where?"

Without a smile or a frown, his face completely unreadable, he murmurs, "You'll see."

What the heck is he up to? "Is it the puppy?" I snatch my phone off the table and check it again. "I haven't heard back yet."

"It's not the puppy."

Confused by all this, I shrug my shoulders and turn to his mother. "I guess, if it's okay with you, Sandra."

"Of course, it is, darling." She cups my cheeks. "We love our granddaughter, and we love you too."

My heart nearly jumps out of my chest as the lines around her dark eyes crinkle with joy. With my throat squeezing and not really knowing how to respond, I point to the empty plates on the table. "What about the dishes?"

Sandra waves a dismissive hand. "Oh, leave them. We have a dishwasher."

Noah nudges me. "By dishwasher she means Dad."

I laugh at that. "Okay, we should get going, then. We don't want Camryn out too late."

"Agreed." Noah puts his hand on the small of my back and I give a little wave to Paul and Camryn as he leads me into the house and down the hall. I glance at Noah over my shoulder, and narrow my eyes. "Why are you smiling at me like that?"

"I just love the way you're worried about Camryn's well-being. You're a nurturer by nature."

"So are you," I say, reminding him he's a good father and mother. "I just don't want her tired on her first day of school. It's a big day, Noah. That's when friendships are formed and bonds are made. I want her at her best." What I'm not saying is I want the other kids to like her, because bullying starts in kindergarten.

He nods. "I know."

We step outside, and I climb into the passenger seat of Noah's car. After he slides in beside me, I turn to him. "Where are we going?"

He grips the steering wheel, his jaw tightening. What the heck? I shift in my seat, suddenly not having a good feeling about this. "Do you trust me?" he asks.

"That's a weird question, Noah." Trying to make light of it, I joke. "Wait, you're not driving me out to the middle of nowhere to…" I slice my finger across my throat. "You know…high school."

"High school is behind us, Brighton," he assures me and I nod, knowing it is too, and that this man beside me is someone very special. If only I'd had the courage to stand up to his bullies—my friends—and got to know him better all those years ago. It saddens me that we've lost time we could have had together.

"I trust you," I say and he nods and looks straight ahead at the house for a second. I'm about to ask him if he trusts me, but close my mouth when the muscles along his jaw ripple again, giving me the sense that where we're about to go, what we"re about to do might not be so pleasant. My stomach tightens and I fold my hands together and press them into my abdomen.

Remaining quiet, I watch the street signs go by as Noah drives and every time he glances at me, my apprehension grows, until he reaches across the seat, takes my hand in his and gives it a reassuring squeeze, holding the ring between us like it's where it's always belonged. Which makes me think, he's not going to do anything to hurt or upset me, right?

He takes a couple of side roads and finally slows in front of a very familiar set of wrought iron gates. My heart stops beating and I push back into my seat.

"Why are we here, Noah?" I choke a bit, barely able to get the words out as my gaze scans the cemetery, the place I put my father to rest a few months ago. I haven't been here since that dark day. I've been too busy trying to get the resort back in the black or find a new owner, and then I took over taking care of Camryn. Well, not exactly. My role as nanny doesn't officially start until Noah leaves. But I've been accompanying them everywhere, and there was just too much to do to return. I take a few deep breaths as Noah watches me carefully and that's when it hits me. I've been avoiding the place, finding reasons not to visit.

Why is that, Brighton?

"Noah," I begin again as he slowly drives through the gates and parks in the designated spots assigned to visitors. He unbuckles and turns to me, pain and worry on his face. His big palms swallow my hands whole as he takes them into his.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to. I just thought you might have some unresolved things that you haven't been able to work through yet, because you haven't been able to face them. I want you to know you don't have to do this alone. You're with me now, Brighton. You don't have to do anything alone ever again."

Pain grips my throat, raking it raw, partly because he's right, I have avoided dealing with the pain inside of me, partly because if I can't get him to see how good we are together, when the NHL season is over, I'll be alone again.

"Noah," I push out, tears flooding my face. "I haven't been back…" I let my words fall off, unable to finish them.

"I kind of thought that." He unbuckles my seat belt and sits back in his own seat, giving me a minute. I breathe through the ache in my stomach and stare off into the distance, to the area where my father rests.

After a couple of deep, fueling breaths, I reach for my door and the second I open it, Noah is out of the car, crossing the front to meet me as I step out. He gathers me into his arms for a second, and I soak in his warmth and comfort as he drops a soft kiss onto the top of my head. His hand slides down my back and he moves in beside me as we walk along the path. Honestly this is the last place I thought he'd be taking me today. I glance at the handsome man beside me, and my heart thumps. He cares about me. He cares about my well-being and healing and that I'm not alone in this world. Sees that I have value and worth, even after I lost everything, even when I didn't believe it myself.

I swallow as a few more tears fall. "This way," I say softly as the quiet of the cemetery wraps around us. I guide him along the path, and walk past headstones, being careful to show respect by not touching or getting too close. My heart starts beating faster as we come to my father's resting place, and when we reach it, I come to an abrupt stop and face it, reading the inscription that I wrote. Just like I wrote the obituary, and arranged the service and reception. Who else was going to do it?

I lean against Noah, the invisible rope around my chest that always pinched tight is now loosening a bit, because, for the first time in my life, I have someone to lean on. He sinks to the ground, taking me down with him, and he settles me between his legs, letting me use his body as a backrest. I cross my legs and lean against him, drawing on his support.

After a long moment, I speak. "Dad, I'm sorry I lost the resort."

Noah wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. His mouth is at my ear when he whispers. "No, Sunshine. You didn't. You saved the resort. That's how you should look at it. Look at all the condos and shopping centers being built up and down the shore. That easily could have happened in a sale of your resort. I am very sure your father is proud of you."

I take a few deep breaths as a new kind of emotion grips my throat. "Noah," I begin as tears fall. "I think I'm really, really angry."

"I know you are. You never had a chance to deal with that anger through grieving. That's why we're here."

I bury my face in my hands and he just holds me as I cry and cry, and when I'm out of tears, my body begins to shake as memories bombard me. I reminisce about the good times and the bad, the past and the present…and when I think about my future, and the possibilities that lie ahead, the strangest thing happens. I don't know if it's because Noah is holding me, or if all the tears are washing the anger from my body, but suddenly Dad's betrayal doesn't hurt quite so much. Heck, I'm pretty sure until this moment, I was the one owning the betrayal by having to sell. But Noah is right, I saved the resort. That's how I should think of it.

As my body begins to relax, he opens up to me. "When Shayla left Camryn, it was heartbreaking. I was so goddamn angry at her and at the world. It wasn't so much that I was worried about raising Camryn alone. I had my parents. I just couldn't understand how she could abandon her baby, you know."

It doesn't go unnoticed how he said Shayla left Camryn, not Camryn and him. "I know."

He huffs out a disgruntled snort. "Of course, you do. Unfortunately."

"She didn't die, but someone doesn't have to die to grieve them, you know. My anger kept me from grieving and forgiving."

I let out a long shaky breath. "I didn't know how angry I was until now, Noah." He doesn't speak. Instead, he just holds me tighter. "My years growing up, he buried himself in his work and I think that was his way of grieving Mom."

"No one was there for you, Brighton."

"I worked really hard, non-stop for as long as I can remember, doing everything to get my father's attention and approval."

"He noticed, Brighton, and he was proud of you."

We both fall quiet, lost in our own thoughts as the wind picks up and whips around us. After a long moment, I whisper, "Thank you, Noah." I'm not just thanking him for taking me here, but for not hating me and for buying the resort and saving it.

"You don't have to thank me. Sometimes people make mistakes. But we learn from those mistakes, right? Your father loved you. Work and gambling was his way of covering his hurt, and he might not have known how to be a father, when this little girl named Brighton—Lori—needed both a father and a mother."

"I've made mistakes too," I whisper, knowing he doesn't want to talk about the past, but it needs to be said.

"We all have."

"Noah, I'm sorry about high school. I never should have let my friends treat you the way they did. I should have found my voice and did something about it."

"It hurt, Brighton. I can't lie about that. But I took all that anger and hurt and funneled it into hockey. Hey, maybe I wouldn't be in the NHL if those kids hadn't called me Crater Skater."

She frowns. "It's not funny."

"No, it's not."

"Noah, I thought all along you bought the resort to get revenge on me." I shift, and face him. "Demoted me to nanny as payback."

Hurt moves into his eyes. "You think I would do that."

"I did. I don't. Not now. I'm sorry. I know how cruel people can be, from my own experiences. But you're not that guy. You're not malicious, atrocious or facetious, or any kind of…ious."

"I'm sorry you thought that about me, that you had so many cruel people in your life that you looked for the worst in everyone."

He cups my cheeks and I revel in the warmth in his dark eyes. "I was wrong. I can use ‘ious' words to describe you."

He cocks his head. "Oh?"

"Delicious, bootylicious."

His soft laughter pushes back the last of the anger inside me, replacing it with happiness and love. He scrunches up his nose. "Is bootylicious even a word?"

"It can be our own private word."

He leans in and presses his lips to mine. "I like sharing private things with you."

I exhale again and glance around. "I didn't know how much I needed this. How much I needed this time off just to grieve."

"Sometimes when we're too close to things, we can't see them for what they are, Sunshine."

"What you did. Making me a nanny. I know you needed help, but part of that decision, it was for me too." I'm not asking a question, but he does answer.

"I know it's not my right to make decisions for you, that's never my right. But you needed to find your place in your new world, and I needed a nanny. Like I said at the time, and I still say it. It's a win/win. I hope you don't hate me for making decisions for you."

"I could never hate you." With my heart full of love and hope for a future, I smile. "Come on. Let's get Camryn and get her home and in bed." I stand and he slowly gets ups. "Let's hurry."

"I know it's getting late."

"That's part of it, the other part is there's somewhere I want to take you to."

I take his hand and he frowns. "Oh, how will we do that if Camryn is in bed?"

Giving him my best mischievous look, I whisper, "You'll see."