Twenty-Three

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ATTY

I immediately feelguilty as soon as Toby says I've been avoiding him. Not because he's wrong or because I haven't done so intentionally. He's right, and I was. I feel guilty because he deserves more of an explanation than I can offer him right now.

It's been a rough few days since I've talked to Egon and really thought about what he said. It's far too soon to know if I love Toby. Yet, I can't deny how strongly I feel about him. I know so little about him really and the way I yearn for him is just… intense.

There's the cliché idea of love at first sight. I've always scoffed at it because you need to work at relationships. All relationships.

But you don't work at being in love with someone. You just are. It's intrinsic. You can fall instantaneously or over time. It can sneak up on you suddenly one day with someone you've known your entire life, or you can feel it grow every day until it blossoms like a flower.

There's no one way or right way to love someone. There isn't a formula or an algorithm to falling in love.

So, it's not unreasonable to think that… maybe I do love Toby. Even if I can't make sense of it, there's no denying that I was irrevocably drawn to him the moment I saw him. I was hypnotized. Nothing going on around me could pull my attention away.

I've been trying to find an explanation for why I'm suddenly all about a dick in my ass when, really, I don't think it has anything to do with how we have sex. It's everything to do with Toby himself and being close to him. Sharing something with him I've never given to anyone else.

Maybe the sex is awful and I'll still think it's the best thing to ever happen to me because it's with Toby.

Despite all my deliberation, I can't say I've come to any real conclusions. I'm not comfortable in my skin with what I've learned because everything still feels very fluid. I don't have solid answers. There aren't words that I could come up with to explain to someone outside of the two of us.

This is what's been holding me back. I need answers. I need to understand. But I don't and I feel like I'm flailing without a raft as I try to find what I need, to no avail.

I'm not wearing a jockstrap today because I planned to see Toby after. I'm wearing it because I know he likes to see me in one and I can't bring myself to wear a thong on my own, so this seemed like the next best thing. Even knowing I wouldn't see him, wearing a jock made me feel closer to him. As if I'm reminding the universe that I'm not done seeing Toby.

None of that even makes sense. But I know what it means to me even if I can't explain it in my own head.

The way my heart spiked when I saw Toby standing under the tree nearly had me falling on my face. Which would have been a lot more painful on concrete than when I'm padded up on the ice. It took me a long time to gather the courage to talk to him, though. It wasn't hard to see that he wasn't happy.

I feel better now that we've talked. Even if I have a lot more that I need to say. I spend the rest of the event stealing looks in his direction. The way he's watching keeps a fire burning in my core. I crave his hands on me.

It's more than an hour after the event ends before I'm finally able to break away; then I'm practically running for Toby. The saving grace is that the sky opens up, and it starts to pour. No one wants to stand around in the rain, so the crowd finally disperses and I take advantage of the fleeting moment. The sun is still shining brightly, so I doubt the rain will last long.

"Let's go before the rain stops," I say on my way by.

Toby falls into line beside me. "Did you drive?"

I shake my head. "Nope. Hugo picked me up. I already told him I have a ride back, though, so we can just leave."

"Are they going to see you leaving with a guy and question it?"

Glancing at him, I grin. "Hugo is pretty oblivious, so no, he won't question it. If one of the others were here instead, yes, I'd have some explaining to do. But they're not, so I don't."

He nods as I follow him to his car with my skates over my shoulder. I toss them in the back as we climb in. Just as I'm shutting the door, the rain becomes so heavy that we can't see out the window. I hit the lock button on the door and then reach for Toby, pulling him to me and kissing him greedily.

Toby grunts. Probably because of the console digging into his side, but his kiss is just as biting and rough as mine. "I'm sorry," I say again. "I will talk all you want and tell you why I've been a dick. Not that it'll explain it away or excuse it. But I swear, I wasn't ignoring you just because I felt like it." I get these words out in short spurts between kisses.

The rain is heavy. Loud. I have to nearly shout to be heard over it. Toby's hand drops to my lap and grips my dick. It's awkward when I reflexively jerk my hips toward him.

"I need in your ass," he groans. "Fucking rain better stop soon."

"I've never been so thankful and pissed at the same time for the rain," I say.

He huffs.

The rain doesn't stop like I thought it might. Toby's hand is rough on my cock, but I need to feel his skin. I need more than this. It's frustrating. His hand dips under me and grips my balls, and I whine like a dog.

Toby pulls back as the rain finally lets up. We're both panting as he starts the car. The sky is angry and dark, but he pulls out of the parking lot quickly. It's clear that we likely don't have long before the clouds burst apart again.

It's a short ride. The way he's driving, I think we're lucky to be alive by the time he throws it into park and we race outside.

We don't make it around the house before it begins pouring again. The side of the house is a muddy mess and Toby goes down since he's practically running. I trip and follow. We're laughing as we lay in the mud with Zeus trying to drown us from the heavens.

Toby reaches for me, rolling us onto our sides. Our mouths come together again in a kiss that can only be described as hungry. Eager. Sloppy and harsh. His hands move over me, shoving my shirt up and scraping his nails down my chest.

I groan, my hips jerking against him.

"Come here," he orders, pulling his mouth from mine. I'm surprised when he starts crawling across the muddy, squashy grass away from the house.

Laughing, I follow and find that he's led us into a little hole in the shrubbery. I'm not sure it's a planned hole, but there's grass underneath us instead of dirt. Toby reaches for me, pulling my shirt over my head.

"We're not going in?" I ask as he bites my lip.

"We will, but we're already covered in mud and I'm not patient enough to wash it off before getting in your ass. I don't particularly want to clean mud from my room for the next month. So I'm going to fuck you in the rain."

I shiver.

"Have you ever had sex in the rain?" he asks.

I shake my head and help him undress me. Toby stops at my jock and somehow, I think the heat in his eyes flares hotter. "No, I think I've been pretty vanilla before you."

It's not clear if he hears me. He just stares at my hard dick in the drenched jock strap. "Turn around, baby girl. Let me see your ass."

We're not at all protected from the rain right here, and it doesn't feel like it's letting up. The harsh raindrops feel like little pokes of a finger with sharp nails covering my skin. I scramble to my hands and knees, giving Toby my ass.

He spreads my cheeks, and rain starts rolling down my crack like a rain gutter. Then his mouth is there. I want to protest that I've been fucking sweaty all day, and this is highly un… fuck, it's un…

"God," I groan, letting my head fall. My balls tingle as he shoves his tongue into my hole and sucks it. "Fuck, Toby," I grunt. There's a chance he doesn't even hear me over the rain.

"I don't have a condom or lube," Toby says as he pushes a finger into my hole.

There's a part of me that needs to care about both, but I'm so fucking needy right now, that part is being drowned out by the rain.

"Between the rain and your spit?" I ask, my fingers digging into the soft ground beneath me as he shoves another finger in. Or maybe he skipped two and went right to three.

"Not the same consistency but… Oh, hold on. I'll be right back."

"Toby!" I twist in time to see that he's already taken off. I'm not sure when he stripped, but he's now streaking across the yard and out of sight. I'm left on my hands and knees, naked, in the bushes. This is going to end up online, isn't it?

I'm all too aware of the fiasco that Max Latham went through two summers ago. We can't all be that lucky to bounce back from that.

Toby's back before I can truly talk myself out of this. He falls to his knees and I'm sprayed with mud and rainwater. He's got both a condom and a small thing of lube in his hands.

"You have a stash outside somewhere?" I ask.

He wastes no time with either. "No. My car. Now I have to clean the mud from my seats, which will be super fun."

Before I can comment, his fingers are back in my ass. This time I'm sure he's gone straight to three. The burn is real.

He leans over me as he finger fucks me, his mouth moving over my soaked skin. Kissing, biting, licking. It's not long before he's pushing his dick inside me. I likely needed longer, but we're both far too desperate.

As soon as he's partially in, Toby knocks my knees further apart and because it's so slippery, they end up pretty wide. It aches in my groin muscles, but fuck if it doesn't make his big dick spreading me wide more intense. His arm wraps around my waist and his hand around my neck and he pulls me upright, so I'm kneeling.

"Fuck," I hiss as he slides home. My entire body jolts. His hand tightens and my cock throbs. "Toby," I whine in desperation.

"What do you need, baby girl?" he growls in my ear. "Tell me what you need, baby."

"Fuck me," I beg. "Fuck me so hard. I need to feel you everywhere."

His growl gets to this deep register that has me sinking into a dark, hot pleasure. Toby's cock wrecks my ass, sending pleasurable pain shooting through my body. His hand remains around my neck, his grip changing now and then to control my breathing how he wants.

I keep waiting for him to tell me to hold my orgasm, but his hand around my waist drops to my cock, and he jerks me in time with his thrusts. It makes me so fucking desperate. I need to come. I need to come on his cock wedged deep inside me.

"Toby," I beg. "Please."

"Come," he says. "Come on my dick, baby girl. Be my good girl and let me feel your pleasure."

"Ah, fuck," I cry. There are tears in my eyes as I let go and ride it out. My body is stretched in a way that every muscle is taut while I try to keep my balance in the muddy grass. It means my ass is clenched and Toby has to shove inside harder.

It's almost painful, and I fucking love it.

"That's it, baby. Squeeze my dick with your perfect ass. Fuck, I love how you come."

I whimper as he massages my balls and then the length of my dick to the sensitive crown, rubbing the pad of his thumb over my slit. The rain is particularly cutting right now. Almost painful.

His mouth latches onto the soft spot of my shoulder. Toby still has my cock gripped in his hand like he's holding onto a handle. His other hand flexes around my throat and I stop breathing entirely. The next thing I know, there's a sharp sting in my shoulder that radiates through my neck and down my shoulder blade.

But I'm distracted from it because Toby's loud grunts and moans in my ear fill my head as he fucks into my ass. He's close. He's going to come.

The teeth in my shoulder get harsher and his cries of pleasure are muffled because of it. I can feel the way his dick pulses. Everything about him is harsh right now as he unloads inside me.

And then we're falling into the mud. I get a face full. It stings my eyes and I think I might even breathe it in through my nose. His hand loosens around my neck, but his grip on my cock now trapped under both of our weight hasn't let go. Hell, his teeth buried in my flesh haven't let go.

I don't even care. I'll die like this. Drowning in mud, with his fat dick in my ass and his teeth tearing at my skin. That's fine. If I have to choose a way to die, this will be it.

It feels as if he actually has to pry his teeth from being lodged into my skin. It stings and I flinch. Fuck me.

"So good," he murmurs. His hips rock a little and I can't stop the moan. I'm not sure if I'm moaning because it feels good, or because it's painful and I need him to vacate my body. "Such my good girl, aren't you?"

"Yes," I whisper.

"Mmm," he says, his head resting against mine. He presses soft kisses to my skin and the rain finally starts to let up. Then he snorts. "I may have just bitten you."

"Believe it or not, I felt it."

Toby laughs. "No, I mean, I really bit you. I can taste your blood. That might scar."

For some reason, I just fucking smile like I won the lottery.