Twenty-Two

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TOBY

In the past eight days,I've barely heard from Atty. He'll answer a text hours later. Sometimes he won't even read it until the next day. He's been here once in that time. We fucked and then he left. Like… immediately.

It was awkward as fuck. There were so many things I wanted to say, but I didn't know how. Then there was the fear that if I said them and he didn't feel the same way, I would have just fucked this up big time.

I didn't know what to do. I've talked to Jayse so many times—and Vulcan, for that matter—that I think they're tired of hearing my whiny ass voice. Not that they've said that. Even if it's true, they wouldn't say it.

I feel so fucking lost and I don't know what to do about it. "This is why you don't fall for someone," I mutter and roll over.

My phone hits the floor with a thunk, and I scowl at nothing. A minute passes and the anxiety that I might miss his text eats at me so thoroughly that I reach down to pick it up. There's no text.

Yes, this is the level of pathetic I've reached.

I miss him. I missed holding him after we fucked the other day. I miss his smile and his voice. I miss the texts that say nothing and everything. I miss seeing a notification that I have a waiting message from him. I hate everything about today when all that's just… gone.

Until yesterday, I'd distracted myself by crunching numbers. When hockey lost my interest because I kept seeing Atty's name, I went to the stock market and played with my portfolio for a while.

Eventually, I found myself commiserating in bed, and this is where I've been since. One thing is clear—I need to do something. I can't keep living like this, messed up and obsessed with a guy who doesn't want me.

"But I want him to want me," I whine quietly.

If I knew what had changed, maybe we could work through it. That would require real talk, not what our favorite color is or our least favorite fast-food joint, and I just don't think we're doing that.

I've been watching his accounts obsessively to see if maybe he's gotten back with Marie after all. He's already said he does that when he wants something easy and familiar. Maybe he's tired of questioning what it means to suddenly enjoy hooking up with a man.

Because I'm beginning to accept my level of pitiful, I open up the ShareIt app and head to Atty's profile. There's nothing new. I pull down the screen so it refreshes. Yep, still nothing.

Tapping the reels tab, I watch the first few. They're of him playing hockey. I pull down to force an update and find nothing new.

Last is the icon for the images that he's been tagged in so I head there, not expecting to find anything new. The last one was the image that Jayse showed me of him running with his hockey buddies. The one that's heavily debated in the comments with the vast majority of idiots saying it's not him.

I tap the image and then the comments button to scroll through. Yep, just a bunch of trolls saying it's not him and the OP is stupid. In reality, everyone in the comments feed is stupid. "Be smarter, people," I mutter as if they can hear me. "Evidence and habit dictate that this is, in fact, the Hector Atlas."

Backing out, I pull down on the screen for a refresh of the feed. Nothing. I don't know why, but I keep pulling down as if doing so will force something new. The first few times, I see nothing.

But the fourth, a whole slew of new content populates the feed and I stare. My stomach rolls as dread pools in my gut. Fuck, what's going on? Has he found someone else and gone out with them?!

I feel sick as I tap on the first picture. It's him. Recently him—he's clean shaven and smiling. He has his arm around a young teenager as they pose for the camera.

Clicking on the post to read more, I skim what it says, which is basically Hector Atlas at a skating event in the park with other players from the Golden Tides.

Scrolling to the next picture, it's similar but with another kid. I keep scrolling and reading the posts and I come to two conclusions—he's in public and has finally announced to the world his new look. And… all these pictures are from today.

I know I'm deep in denial when I convince myself that the reason he hasn't texted me today is because he's busy with a team event. Again, a new level of pathetic. But it does make me feel better because, at least today, it's the truth.

It doesn't take me long to find the event and where it's located with a little internet sleuthing. Plus, the location is tagged no less than a dozen times. I also find that the event will be going on until three—four more hours.

Pitiful me only debates for a few minutes whether I want to add tragic to my resume and show up unannounced and uninvited. Throwing my phone on the charger, I head into my bathroom and get dolled up. No, I don't specifically choose the shorts that make my ass look fucking good. Nor do I match a top that shows off my twinky frame.

There's a moment of hesitation about what I'm wearing as I stop in front of the mirror. I was in medieval armor when I first caught his attention. This isn't going to be impressive. Besides, I don't think it's my body that does it for him.

Is it my dick? I glance at my crotch and debate wearing something a little tighter. Or changing my underwear to ones that put my bulk on display more. I'm a grower more than a shower, but I show plenty.

Then again, there are kids at this event. Yeah, no dick peeking out for this. I'm going to have to rely on my ass. It's a nice ass. I've had plenty of compliments.

I drive around the park no less than half a dozen times because I can't believe I'm this ridiculous. When have I ever chased down a man? Atty's just one of billions of men in the world! Surely, I can drive away.

When a parking spot opens in front of me, I decide that no, I can't just drive away. Yes, I'm going to surrender to my pitiable life choices.

Grabbing a hat from the back—a black one with a wide brim all the way around like a top hat but more stylish—I climb out of my car and lock it up while slipping my sunglasses on. The park is filled. There are people everywhere and tons of cameras. I recognize Sports Spot logos on shirts and the sides of cameras. There are paparazzi everywhere.

But most of the crowd is around the skate park.

It's the middle of summer, so there's clearly no ice rink outside. While the skating is the center of the event, there are other things set up, too. An inflatable obstacle course with the Marine Corps emblem on the side. A rope climb from the Navy, and the Army with their pullup bar.

I'm slightly amused by the strong presence of the military as I wander through. It's not difficult to figure out where the hockey players are. The military men are hot in their uniforms, sure. But the crowd is here for the hockey players.

As if he's a beacon, my gaze lands on Atty. He's talking to a small kid—maybe eight?—on roller blades. I wonder if they're similar to skates. I suppose the principle of standing on them might be the same. A single thin line, though the wheels are thicker than the ice blade.

I find a place under a tree close to the park where I have a clear view to watch. Atty mingles with the adults and mentors the kids. He poses for pictures and signs shit. He jokes with his hockey buddies.

Sometimes he looks this way, but I doubt he sees me. Once I thought he might have because it seemed that he looked straight at me and smiled hugely. But I decided it was a coincidence. We've barely spoken in days.

Honestly, I'm glad he's happy. I'm glad he's smiling and not miserable somewhere. I'm also really sad that he doesn't feel the same upset that I do right now. This really has been all one-sided. I've read far too much into everything between us.

Despite knowing it, I can't force myself to leave, even though I know I should.

Sometime after lunch, I'm caught completely off guard when Atty breaks away from the crowd and skates straight toward me. My heart races when it's clear that I'm his target. And… he has a big smile on his face.

"Hey," he says, still smiling widely. "What're you doing here? Do you have a kid brother you forgot to mention?"

I shake my head as I try to figure out what I'm supposed to say right now. And fuck if I don't just blurt out, "You've been ignoring me."

Yep, that was stupid. Now I look like a stalker.

Atty visibly flinches and his smile falls. His shoulders drop and Jesus I want to take my words back. "Shit, I know," he says. "I've been a dick. I'm sorry, Toby."

I nod. Well… I guess it's nice that he acknowledges it, right?

He glances around and then down at his feet. "Take a walk with me?"

"You're going to look ridiculous walking in those," I tell him.

Atty snorts. "Yep. Just while I waddle over the grass to the path. It's no different from waddling in skates off the ice, though."

I nod, shrugging my shoulders to pretend I'm nonchalant. Probably not fooling anyone.

We make our way to the path that winds around the park. It's paved and well maintained, so it's super flat and smooth. I'm rather impressed when Atty effortlessly keeps pace with me.

"I've been processing," Atty says. "Trying to understand… this. Everything about this. What it means for me and who I am. What it means for my future. And… kind of wondering how it relates to my past."

"You mean the—" I pause and glance around, unsure what he wants to be overheard. "Gay stuff?" I ask.

He grins, nodding. "Yes."

"I'm not sure I'm following how that relates to your past."

Atty shakes his head. "Not a discussion for here. But yes, I've been distant as I try to work it out. I'm sorry."

I nod and shrug because, what else am I going to do? I'm not even sure what to say.

"I don't want to stop seeing you," he promises, voice low. My stomach gives a very dangerous lurch. "But I think I have some begging to do for your forgiveness."

There are far too many people around right now to say most of what's on the tip of my tongue. Especially when he's looking at me with a flirty smile. Instead, I press my lips together and hope he sees that this conversation isn't over.

Atty bows his head. "I know you need more from me than that explanation, but I can't give you one now. I have a few more hours of this event to get through. But if you're not busy after…?"

I'm reminded of one of those sappy Christmas movies where the guy does the girl wrong, but a glossed over apology has her stupidly forgiving him. My bet is that guy never changes his ways, and she lives her entire life constantly just accepting his lame apologies.

This is different, though. Right? I mean, I imagine suddenly finding yourself enjoying a cock in your ass when you've only thought you were interested in women can really fuck with your head. I need to be understanding of that.

"It's okay if you don't want to," Atty whispers.

I sigh. "I want to."

"But you don't want to want to," he says, and I laugh.

"No, I do want to. I just think that maybe I'm forgiving you for ignoring me too easily."

"Oh, I'm not done apologizing," he says. "I just need to be done apologizing here. I need to get back to the event."

"Okay."

"Does that mean you want to get together after?" he asks.

More than fucking anything. I keep those words to myself but nod. "Yes."

"You going to hang around or want me to meet you at your place or…?"

"I'm going to hang around for a while. I'm pretty pale. Doctors say I need sunlight or I might just fade away."

Atty chuckles. I follow him as we turn around to head back. Once we reach the edge of the crowd, he leans down and murmurs, "I'm wearing something you'll enjoy."

My eyes immediately drop to his crotch and, fuck, the things I'm imagining. I can't stop myself from grabbing his collar and pulling him down so I can hiss in his ear. "As soon as you're done here, we're leaving and I'm tearing into you so fucking hard, you'll be seeing stars for a week, Atty."

He shivers as he pulls away. His face is flushed, but he gives me a grin. "Good," he says. With a wink, he hobbles across the grass through the crowd and back into the skate park. He's immediately surrounded.

I make my way to the tree I'd been under before and park myself for the next three hours as he does his thing and don't look away. The irony of us switching places from the day we met makes me chuckle to myself. He's putting on a show right now and I'm staring. Unable to tear my eyes off him.

It's not what he's wearing or how he's moving. His performance on the blacktop and wheels instead of blades is rather surprisingly impressive, but still, it has no bearing on the reason I keep watching.

It's just Atty I can't look away from. His smile. His dark eyes that meet mine from time to time. The smile he throws my way, just for me.

I'm going to forgive him regardless of the reason he gives me. But before he leaves me tonight, I'm going to make sure one thing is fucking clear—this won't happen again.

I'm going to make Hector Atlas mine.