Chapter 5

~Justin

These days, I"m sleeping more but that means more nightmares too. And I don"t just dream about the past. I have weird dreams where Gabe is pushing me up against a tree and kissing me.

It makes it weird when I go to work, but when I get to his place, he hardly pays any attention to me. "Make some fresh coffee and bring it to my office." he tells me and looks up from his phone for a second. "Make some for yourself too, you look like you need it."

I know that means I look like crap and it"s no surprise. But it"s definitely not that he"s overworking me. So far, its all easy stuff, simple chores like putting one foot in front of the other, breathing in and out.

I still don"t know what I"m doing here. I just focus on the things I need to do to earn my keep, not think, not question, not ask why I"m here. But I just can"t help wondering.

I guess Gabe seems like maybe he needs me, and I can"t remember the last time I felt needed if I ever did. So while I"m here, I can pretend that I matter and have a reason to keep myself alive for now.

When the doorbell rings a little later, I go to answer it but Gabe gets there first. A stylish blond guy breezes in then stops short when he sees me. "Oh, I didn"t know you had a visitor, Gabriel." He looks me up and down like there is no doubt in his mind that I do it for money. And he"s pretty much right, I did come here thinking I"d be doing it with Gabe, but only to repay a debt. I"m just glad Gabe didn"t realize that.

"He isn"t visiting," Gabe tells him. "That"s Justin. This is my friend Martin, who likes to drop in unannounced."

Gabe is not explaining much to this Martin or introducing me as either his assistant, servant or whatever, or as his stepbrother. That just leaves his friend to think whatever he wants.

"Should I bring out some drinks or food or something?" I ask. I"m so bad at my job, but then Gabe didn"t give me any instructions on what to do when he has guests.

"You don"t need to do that," Gabe says. "Martin isn"t staying long."

"So he works for you," his friend realizes and the way he looks at me changes slightly.

"You and Paul are always telling me that I"m not taking care of myself properly," Gabe says tersely.

"So he takes care of you," Martin says with a smirk and both Gabe and I glare at him for his insinuating tone. Shrugging off our reaction, he cocks his head at Gabe. "Any chance you want to take me out to lunch? We can take your manservant too."

I groan at Martin calling me a manservant and Gabe tells him, "I"m too busy but you"re free to take Justin."

I"m startled at that and Martin is surprised too but then he jumps at the offer. "Oh. OK. I"ll consider him all mine," he says.

"Justin, Martin isn"t used to paying for lunch or anything else, so put it on the card I gave you," Gabe says and turns to go to his office.

"Can I take him shopping too? On you?" Martin calls after him.

"Yes. Do that," Gabe says without turning and I wonder if that"s his way of saying that the way I dress is unacceptable.

Martin smiles and doesn"t mince words. "Lets go make you presentable." He barely lets me put on a jacket before he drags me out the door.

I have no idea how this happened. Martin is chattering at me, gossiping about people I don"t know, picking out clothes for me. I have to stop him from picking crazy expensive stuff and buying everything in sight. I guess I should have realize my old sneakers, jeans and long sleeved t-shirts aren"t what someone wears if they work for a rich guy like Gabe.

Martin asks me about myself as we shop, what kind of jobs I had, if I went to college, why not. He doesn"t get many answers but it doesn"t discourage him. I"m not sure he can be discouraged. I do end up informing him that Gabe is my stepbrother.

"Oh, wow," he says and gives me a lingering look, like he figured something out.

As we finally sit down to have lunch, Martin is still eying me funny. "It"s crazy, but I thought Gabriel hired you... for the night, you know." He laughs like it"s a joke. Of course the joke is that a hot, rich guy like Gabe would even have any use for me at all.

"I think he can afford better," I tell him.

"You aren"t so bad. You could be hot, you really could."

I smile but I don"t believe it any more than he does. "I know why Gabe hired me. It"s pure pity," I say.

"You shouldn"t be down on yourself like that," he says. "And I notice you call him Gabe."

I almost tell him that"s the name Royce gave me when he sent me over there, but I decide it"s better not to mention him.

"It"s shorter," I say with a shrug.

"Well, Gabriel can totally use... someone," he says.

"That"s me, I guess, but Gabe doesn"t have that much for me to do," I admit.

"There is something you can do if you feel up to it," he says and now he turns serious and looks sad. "I don"t know if you ever met Derrick, Gabriel"s younger brother. I know you weren"t at his funeral."

"I didn"t know anything about him," I say but now I"m realizing that"s why Gabe looks like that, why I see something so familiar in him.

"It might be good that you didn"t know him. You can get Gabriel to talk about Derrick. Help him get it off his chest. He needs to get it out. That"s the biggest thing you can do for him."

"Ask him about his brother?" I don"t see that happening.

"I"m not saying you should question him. Ask him about the charity foundation he"s setting up in Derrick"s name or the youth center. Just let him know you"re interested and willing to hear him out. It might be easier for him to talk to you since you didn"t know Derrick," he says. "All of us have been really worried about Gabriel since Derrick died, but he won"t talk to anyone about him. Keeps all that grief and pain bottled up. You might have better luck."

"Umm, OK," I tell him but I don"t know if I"m the right person for that. I want to keep all my feelings buried. I can hardly ask Gabe to bare his soul. I plan to just keep my head down and see how long I can hang onto this job.

"He bought me a suit," I complain to Gabe as I walk in with way too many shopping bags.

Gabe raises an eyebrow at me. "You might need one, actually."

I don"t like the sound of that. "Why?" I ask warily.

"There might be an event you"ll need to attend," Gabe says and I get a really bad feeling.

"Umm, I don"t have it yet. Martin arranged for alterations and for the suit to be delivered next week." I say and hope that it won"t be here in time. Maybe the lack of a suit will save me.

"That should be fine. There is a charity event, nothing too formal, and I want you to accompany me."

"You want me to go with you. Why?" I ask. This can"t be something personal assistants normally do, or is it? It"s not like I"d know.

"You"ll be my arm candy."

"What?" Did he just say that? "I"m hardly arm candy," I say since that"s just the simple truth.

"Are you saying you don"t want to go?"

I just stare at him. Why am I hesitating and pretending to think it over? I"m here to repay Royce. I just have to do whatever Gabe tells me. Then I"ll have no obligations left.

"You can decide later. No rush," Gabe tells me. "I have to make an appearance there. You don"t."

"Does this event have to do with your brother?" I blurt out. When he gives me a sharp look, I try to explain myself. "Martin said you were doing some charity stuff in your brother"s name."

"I am," he says. "My brother talked about one day setting up a high tech youth center with video game design, robotics, those kinds of things."

"That sounds incredible," I say and wonder what kind of guy his brother was. Was he a nerd? I don"t ask that.

"It"s the only thing Derrick ever got serious about. When he talked about it, I could see a different side to him. Someone who could do real good in the world."

"How did he die?" I ask.

Gabe just stares past me like something is playing out in his mind. "He was killed," he says after a while.

"Someone killed him." That"s how it sounds to me, not like he was killed in a car accident or something.

"Someone or several of them!" Gabe snaps. "What is this? You want me to tell you all about it. Cut open my heart for you, spill out all my pain?" I draw back and Gabe shuts his eyes.

"Sorry," I say quietly. I knew I shouldn"t have asked him about his brother. "I didn"t mean to upset you. I wasn"t thinking."

Gabe doesn"t look at me, just walks away and says, "Don"t pry into my life. I"m sure you wouldn"t want me prying into yours. Just do your job."

That"s a fair warning. The last thing I would want is to get grilled about painful stuff in my life. He can keep his secrets and I"ll keep mine.