Chapter 12

The shower floor feels cold and hard under my shoulder blades, the tiles scraping my back with every shove. Robert straddles me, pinning my hips in place, and I slap at him as much as I can until he pins my wrists down, that is. Cold water falls over my face, the droplets stinging my cheeks as they land hard and fast, some of it getting in my mouth and making me feel like I'm about to drown. And maybe I am. This might just be what I deserve. Discipline.

"What the fuck don't you understand, Bells?" I cringe at the nickname, beginning to hate it. Hating everything about him. I close my eyes, but he tightens his grip on my wrists to a painful degree, forcing my eyes back open. "You don't talk to any men. None. I'm the only man you're allowed to talk to."

"He's my coworker, Rob." I cry out, tears streaming down my face now because I'm weak. I wish I wasn't, that I could be strong like Cheyenne and leave him already. But I can't. I love him, so fucking much. "I'm sorry, babe. I couldn't help it. It wasn't my choice…"

He lets go of my wrists and slaps me across the face. My cheek stings, but I should've seen it coming. I need to watch my mouth. "There's always a choice, Bells."

Robert gets off me, and I breathe a sigh of relief. But the look in his eyes is crazed, and my heart beats a little faster. However, it's nothing compared to the pounding in my chest when he shoves my legs up to my chest and settles his cock against my entrance. "No." I shake my head, "Please don't, Rob. This isn't you, babe, please don't do this."

"This is my choice, Bells." He grins as he shoves his way into me. Roughly, violently. It stings so bad I'm sure something ripped, and I cry out, sobs breaking free from deep within my chest. "Now shut the fuck up and take it."

And I do.

I always do.

My phone's alarm blares through the silence of my little studio, effectively waking me up. I sit up in bed with a start, mostly from the stupid nightmares that invade my sleeping moments—memories. Not always, but occasionally they sneak their way into my mind, unbidden and not welcomed. I figured after six months they'd stop, that Robert would have no control over me, but ever since I saw him four days ago, the nightmares came back.

A ding sounds from my phone, again and again and again. I forgot to put it on silent mode, shit I forgot to put it on Do Not Disturb. I usually do so, so none of the spam calls wake me up. Stupid extended warranty bullshit. OnStar crap too. Student loans that I still need to pay but I'm too broke to do it. It's probably Cheyenne though, since I promised her I'd go ice skating today considering it's my day off. Fucking finally.

I know it's a distraction from my life—working—but ever since Rob showed up, I have felt unsafe in Seattle. He knows where I work. Does he know where I live? My new last name? It would be so easy to track me down. Apparently, it already was. I don't know how he achieved it, but the reach he has is scary. Fear inducing. He has me in a chokehold—the kind where I can't live my life in peace. All I know is distress, heart-stopping fear. And he brought all those feelings back with one visit.

I know I talked shit to Theo for defending me, but the truth is, I don't know what would've happened if he had not done it. If he hadn't called security…I can't even imagine the kind of mess I'd be in. Probably fired from him throwing a fit at the nurse's station. Or even dead. I bet he does want to kill me. So, while I'm irritated that Theo intervened because I can fight my own battles—I think—I'm also so grateful that he stepped in.

I pick up my phone from my bedside table, the second-hand one that has chips in the paint, barely holding itself together. But beggars can't be choosers, and I couldn't afford anything better. Hell, I bought the ninety-nine-cent plates and cups at Target. Only one of each. Plastic forks too, so I could save some money. The only decent things I have are new clothes and shoes.

Cheyenne was kind enough to give me some of the clothes in her closet that she hadn't used in a while. The ones she said she hadn't even looked at in a year, though they still had the tags on them. Must be nice to have the luxury to do that. However, I can't complain anymore, even if I'm only shopping at Forever 21 and Old Navy. But fuck it, my clothes don't have to be expensive to be cute. I'm lucky I even have a friend like her, and I don't take it for granted. I'm so grateful.

I stare at my screen, only to see I have three text messages.

Unknown

Good morning, or should I say good afternoon? Evening?

Unknown

Bailey? Are you there?

Unknown

I know it's your day off. I checked.

My stomach drops at that, since who could possibly have my schedule memorized? Thoughts of it being Robert freeze me on the spot, but even with shaking hands I manage to unlock the screen and enter the chat.

Bailey

Who is this?

Unknown

It's your friend Theo.

Butterflies invade my stomach for some unknown reason, but I smile, an ache in my cheeks that's completely unfamiliar. I can feel my dimples popping, but I choose not to think about what that means. We're just friends, and it's staying that way. Friends who fucked…and it was amazing. He is amazing.

Bailey

Oh, hi! I totally forgot you had my number.

Liar.

You were hoping he'd text you much sooner than this, Bailey. Although I did tell him to contact me after he was out of the hospital. I guess that's now.

Theo

Well now you remember. And since it's your day off I thought maybe we could meet up. For that dinner we talked about, remember?

Oh, shit.

How did I make plans with two people at once? My brain really needs to start working again. But I've been distracted lately with Robert's appearance, and I haven't even told Chey about it. She's going to kill me. Maybe if I tell her I'm going out with Theo, she will forgive me. Or I could stop by the rink after I'm done with him, whenever that is.

Either way, she has ‘learn to skate' classes for toddlers at six p.m. and then figure skating at eight p.m. Realistically, I should be able to make it to figure skating.

I look for Chey in my contacts list, then hit call. The phone rings once, and she picks up. I love her. "Oh my God, bitch." I laugh. "Were you waiting by your phone this whole time?"

"Of course I was," she replies with what I know is a smirk. "We have plans today."

"Uh." I fidget. "About that…"

"No," she growls. "You better not cancel on me."

"I'm not." I'm quick to assure her. "But can I come to the figure skating lesson instead?"

"Bai." She laughs. "Baby, no offense, but I don't think you're on that level yet."

"Yeah, yeah." I laugh too. "I know I'm at the toddler level, no need to remind me. It's just that Theo asked me out to dinner." I almost slap myself from how that sounds. "As friends. Not a date."

"Mhmm. Sure," Chey replies, chuckling under her breath like she doesn't believe me. Which I know she doesn't. I don't even know if I believe myself. But it can only be a friendship; I was clear about that.

"Go get that dick."

I groan, "No dick for me, you little slut." She laughs at my jab. "See you at eight."

"See ya."

I hang up on her, immediately going back to my text messages.

Bailey

Six p.m.?

Theo

That's in one hour, you know that, right?

Bailey

Is that a no?

My stomach does a little flip when the dots appear and he's typing, then they stop. It happens three times before a text comes through.

Theo

I'll be there. Where would you like to eat?

Bailey

I'm not picky. Just tell me where to go.

Theo

I can pick you up.

Bailey

No, thanks. See you there.

I put my phone down before he can reply and go to the bathroom to get ready. After doing my makeup—a simple look with tinted sunscreen and a little blush and mascara—I put my best high-waisted jeans on and a black long-sleeve sweatshirt that says the name of the rink where Chey works. I lace up my pink Chucks, curl my hair, and call it a day. I can't even deny I look cute yet casual. Nothing that screams first date. I don't want to give him the wrong idea.

Grabbing my wallet, I put it in my purse and head out to get in my car. I didn't grab a jacket, so I'm really hoping that it's not too cold by the time I have to go to the rink. But then again, the sweatshirt should keep me slightly warm, at the very least.

Once in my car, I crank up the heat and pull out of the parking lot. My message says we're going to a pizzeria and brewery. It's a reasonably short drive to the restaurant, and when I park, Theo is already waiting for me right in front of the restaurant doors. He's wearing jeans and Chucks just like me, as well as a blue shirt with an open North Face jacket over the top. The shirt makes his eyes look more blue even from a distance, and I can't deny he is so beautiful.

When Theo comes to open my door, I unlock it for him. A gust of cold air comes into my car, and I shiver as I remove the key from the ignition. I just want to hurry up and go in before I freeze.

"Hey," Theo says with a soft voice. "It's good to see you again."

I smile shyly. "Hey, Theo."

"Let's go inside before you freeze, B." He closes the door to my car, gently grabbing me by the arm and steering me toward the restaurant doors. Ever the gentleman, he opens the door for me again and we step into the hostess area. "What were you thinking, not wearing a jacket? It's twenty-five degrees out."

"Yeah, so I'm bad at that." I smirk. "I usually always forget my jacket."

"That's okay," he replies with a frown. "I'll be setting reminders for you."

I chuckle. "You don't have to do that, Theo."

"Someone has to." He smiles, gazing into my eyes. His are so light blue that they look transparent, and they slightly dilate as he looks at me. "I can't have you getting sick."

"Table for two?" The hostess asks, interrupting the little moment we were sharing. I should be grateful because it felt a little too intimate, but instead, I'm annoyed. Theo nods, looking like he could strangle her, and she says, "Right this way."

We walk to the booth and she sets two menus on it, then tells us our server will be with us shortly. I get in, but instead of Theo sitting across from me he slides into the booth with me. There's an awkward silence at first, but then he smiles and I laugh.

"What are you doing?" I ask him, amusement in my voice.

"I want to get to know you..." Butterflies rage in my stomach, and I shift slightly to get more space between us. He slightly frowns but drops it. "Yelling from across the table doesn't sound very appealing right now."

"Fine." I chuckle. "Just this once. And only because it's our first time going out, and I do want to hear what you have to say."

Theo grins, straight, white teeth on full display. I swear there's not one part of this man that isn't beautiful. It's truly unfair. "Do you like pizza?"

I hesitate, "I do, but I just had some yesterday at work, so I'll be getting something else."

"That makes sense." He replies, "They have a big variety here. Lots of good food. I'm sure you will find something."

I look through the menu and find a calzone, which is just what I want to eat. "Do you love pizza? Is that why you picked this place?"

"Guilty as charged." He laughs, "But we don't have to love the same things to get along."

"Hey, I like pizza." I bump his arm with my shoulder. He's so damn tall. "Just probably not as much as you do."

"To be fair, I don't get a cheat meal that often." He replies, "But I'll choose a seafood spot next time. I mean, if you want to go out again."

He seems a little flustered, and I smirk. "I don't know." I shrug exaggeratedly. "You have a lot of tests to pass today to move on to the next level."

"Our friendship has levels?" He smiles as he looks into my eyes, and his hand is so close to mine that I can feel the heat of it. "How many do I need to unlock?"

"Three if you want to make it to best friends." I grin and wink. "But you're going to have to take me to eat seafood. Sorry about your cheat meals."

"Eh." He shrugs, "I've had a very long time to get used to it."

I look down at his hand for a short moment, noticing how our pinkies are almost touching. Centimeters apart. "How long have you been playing?"

"Well, I started skating when I was three," Theo replies and my jaw drops. "Hockey since I was five."

"Oh my God." He's been skating for over twenty years. "Your whole life, pretty much."

"That's why I said I don't know what else to do with my life. When I told you hockey is the only thing I know how to do, I wasn't joking."

"Did you play any other sports growing up?" I don't even know what's prompting me to ask all these questions. But if we're going to be friends, I guess we might as well get to know each other. At least, that's what I keep telling myself, rather than admitting that I'm hung up on his every word and that I don't want him to stop talking, don't want to stop listening to the soft, deep cadence of his voice.

"Baseball." He smiles. "And soccer. But hockey was the only one that stuck once I turned eight. My parents didn't have a lot of money, and they told me to choose. Of course, I chose the most expensive sport out of the three, but I didn't know that at the time, and they never said anything. It's not until high school that I realized they were paying thousands of dollars a season so I could live out my dreams. At least I had a full scholarship to college…that helped them a lot."

"It really paid off." I smile, "Look at you now, a professional athlete."

"Yeah." He looks down with a frown. "I'm living the dream."

Instead of looking happy as he says that, he seems upset. "What's wrong, Theo?"

"Oh, nothing." He shakes his head. "Just the fact that I don't know how my career is about to play out. I'll be benched for a couple more weeks and then what? I'll have an MRI and they will determine if I can play this season or not. I feel like I can't even breathe just thinking about it."

"It's going to be okay." I touch his hand for a millisecond and then let it drop, but it's long enough to feel the warmth of his skin against mine—again—and it's enough to take me back to that bathroom floor, where I was looking at his face as he came. His parted lips, the gasps escaping his lips, the way his eyes flared as he looked at me and?—

Theo jolts. "I sure hope so." He smiles, but it's sad. "What about you? Did you play any sports?"

"I cheered and danced." I smirk, trying to make him smile for a second, but a genuine one. "Does that count?"

"Absolutely." He nods quickly, like he doesn't believe it.

I sigh, "I loved every second of it." And I loved every second of high school too, even if that's where I met my biggest nightmare.

"Can I ask you something?" I raise an eyebrow at him, and he smiles reassuringly. "But please don't take it the wrong way."

"Just spit it out, Theo." I roll my eyes, but the truth is I'm already nervous. Nothing good comes from asking if you can ask a question. Is this about Robert? Because I'm sure as hell not ready to talk about him.

"Do you enjoy being a nurse?" he asks softly. "Is it everything you thought it would be?"

My shoulders relax, and I hadn't even noticed I was tense. He must think I'm crazy, always on my guard, never dropping it for anyone or any reason. "I used to." I admit, "But now…well, it was ruined for me, and I'm just scared instead."

"Of what?"

"For my safety." I scoff, "I know it sounds really stupid, and I don't blame you if you think I'm crazy, but I just feel like I can't relax around men anymore and it makes me nervous all the time when I have a male patient. I know I should get over—" I fall silent, trying to make the elephant in the room disappear.

"Because of Robert?" I purse my lips and don't answer him. "I heard him. When he said, you couldn't escape him. Now, I'm not going to pressure you into telling me what he did. But is he the reason you're scared?"

I nod. "Yes."

"I'm sure security took care of him, and he won't be bothering you anymore."

Yeah, that's what I've been hoping for, but at the same time I know I shouldn't. Because he always finds a way back to me, and I think nothing short of death will stop him from finding me.

"You're right." I force myself to say, even if I don't believe one word of that statement.

The waitress appears with water then, and asks us if we're ready to order. And we are. Theo starts with an appetizer, getting fried shrimp and fried pickles, just in case he says. He also orders a meat lovers large pizza, and I get a three-cheese calzone. The boy can clearly eat.

"That's a lot of food, Theo." I point out, and we both laugh.

"And I'll be eating it all." He grins. "Consider it my cheat meal."

"I love that for you." Theo looks at me with soft eyes, and I can't decipher his thoughts. However, I want to know. So I ask him, "What are you thinking?"

"About everything," he says, and I roll my eyes, which makes him smile at me. "You. Our friendship."

I'm thinking about you too.

"Oh." I can feel myself blushing. How embarrassing.

"So…a skating shirt, huh?" He smirks, "Wanna go sometime?"

I almost cackle. "Only if you want to pick me up from the ground every two minutes." He laughs at me too, "I'm with the toddler class. Snowplow Sam 2."

"Stop." His shoulders shake from how hard he's laughing and making a wheezing sound. "But if I hold your hand…well, I won't let you fall. Too much."

"Ah." I smile. "I've gotten better, okay? No need to laugh at me."

"I guess two minutes is better than thirty seconds."

"You're not wrong."

When the food arrives, he immediately digs in, staying quiet until we're done with the appetizer. But even now, it's not awkward; instead, it's a comfortable silence that I could get used to.

Is this really a friendship now?

I enter the arena and immediately shiver, but thankfully, I won't be here for a long time because the figure skating lessons only last forty-five minutes a few times a week. It's younger kids, and yet they're so much more advanced than me. It honestly makes me want to giggle at how bad I am at ice skating. Theo said he wants to take me some time. I'm going to make a fool of myself.

The date—wait, the non-date—went really well. Way better than I expected, if I'm being honest. I thought there would be awkwardness since we had never seen each other outside of the hospital, but it turns out he and I could talk for hours without a problem. I'm quite surprised because I can't even speak to Cheyenne for that long.

In the short amount of time that we were at the restaurant—two hours—we talked so much it almost feels like we've caught up on our entire lives. That might be a bit of an exaggeration but we really did talk for hours. About nothing and everything. And the best part is that he listens…really listens. He's not pretending to or trying to make me feel better by paying attention. It's as if he's genuinely interested in every word coming out of my mouth. It was exhilarating, the way he looked at me, and it made me want to keep talking all night just so he wouldn't take those pretty blue eyes off my face.

Navigating the Ice Hall arena is like going through a maze, but I finally find Cheyenne on the ice. I'm not skating today; I'm too tired, but I'm willing to stand here and talk however long she wants me to. It's not that talking to Theo made me tired, although I did go over the time limit with him and now I'm late to see Chey, but it's the fact that I've been working non-stop six days a week for months at a time. I'm starting to wonder if the extra money is worth it in exchange for my mental health. But I know it's not—at least, my therapist doesn't seem to think so.

"Chey!" I call out.

She skates right to me and narrows her eyes. "You're late, but if you got some dick I'll forgive you."

"I did not get dick."

"Then you're in time out, babe." She smirks. "You gonna lace up and get out here?"

Yawning, I cover my mouth. "Not tonight." Her jaw drops. "But I'll be back, I promise. Maybe I'll even start taking more days off…"

"Really?" Her voice is incredulous. "Why the change of heart?"

"Maybe I'm missing out on life a little bit by drowning in work. Plus, I fucking hate it there." And Robert showed up and about ruined my life.

"It's probably because you don't take a break." I nod, "I think that's a great idea, Bai. You'll have more time for you, me, and Theo."

"And what makes you think I'll be hanging out with him?"

"Oh, bitch, please." She rolls her eyes. "I can read you better than a book."

We both laugh at that because she's not wrong. She has always been able to tell me what I think and even predict my next move. About everything, every single time, I'm going to make a decision. That's one of the reasons I got a plane ticket so fast after Robert—well, the incident. It's because she was saving all her air miles for me, and as soon as I called her in my crisis, she bit the bullet and had me out of Georgia before I could say the word peach.

"Okay, so maybe I'll give him a chance." I smile, and hers turns into a full grin. "But just because I enjoyed hanging out with him…and he's a good friend."

"Spill, baby." She shakes her head at me, looking back at the skaters on the ice and yelling at them to practice their twizzles. "Did he look hot for the date? What was he wearing? Where did you go? Was it awkward? Did he kiss you? What did it taste like? Good? Bad?"

"Chill." I huff, watching a ten-year-old fall on her butt, attempting to spin. I can relate so hard, my girl. "You know he looked hot. Jeans, Chucks, a shirt that made his eyes bluer than they already are, if that even makes sense…"

"Oh, totally." Chey chuckles. "Blue eyes are so dreamy; just look at mine."

"God, you are so annoying." I laugh. "We went to a pizzeria and I ate a calzone. Everything was great, honestly. I just lost track of time because we wouldn't shut up." She smirks at that. "He might just replace you in the bestie category."

"Don't you dare," Cheyenne growls playfully, giving me a shove. "So, did he kiss you? Or are you just ignoring that question?"

"Uh. No kiss." I didn't want a damn kiss! "I'm sure he's scared after I rejected him."

"Rejected him?"

I scratch my head and look away from her. "Yeah. I had sex with him, but when he tried to kiss me, I told him no." Cheyenne's jaw drops, "It just felt too intimate, okay?"

"And sex didn't?"

"You have a point, but none of it was planned, and I freaked out." I wave my hands in front of my face while I explain, then lower them when I realize she's watching how flustered I am. "So maybe I should've let him. Because now I think about what it would be like to kiss him, and I'm not allowed."

"Why the fuck not?" Cheyenne raises an eyebrow, her blue eyes widening. "If you want a kiss, take it."

"We're supposed to be friends, Chey. Friends do not kiss, remember?"

"It's honestly criminal to have the chance to kiss Theo fucking Anderson and not do it." She smirks. "However if you don't, I will."

"Fuck you." I sniff, turning my nose up in the air. "You wouldn't do that to me."

"Why not?" Cheyenne chuckles. "Forget girl code. You don't even want him."

"Chey," I warn. "It's not that I don't want him, I just think he deserves better than me."

"I swear to God, Bai." She looks down with a sad face, her brows furrowed and her mouth turning down slightly. "You self-sabotage more than anyone I have ever met."

That's because of Robert. He ruined me, my life, my heart. I can't trust anyone or let them in. I have issues now, which won't even be resolved with therapy for the next few years if ever. And now he's back to taunt me, and I don't even know if he was taken by security or if he was able to ditch them.

My stomach churns, "Maybe. But at least I'm honest."

"Then be less honest and try being happier instead." Chey grabs my hand and squeezes it once, then lets go. "Now chin up and smile, you're ruining my vibe."

One of the girls comes up to us, stepping off the ice. "I just need some water." She tells us, then walks past us to her bag sitting on the floor behind me.

Cheyenne nods once, and steps on the ice. "Be right back!" She yells to me, then skates up to a girl that keeps falling down. "Amy! Don't stick out your butt so much, it's no wonder you keep falling!"

I snicker, because that would be me too. Poor, sweet, summer child. Amy has no idea what she's in for—she's new—and Chey is strict with her kiddos. The look of regret on Amy's face is evident, and I have to hide my laugh because Cheyenne expects it at the same moment as she turns, raising an eyebrow. She really does read me like a book.

How annoying.

For even after everyone has cleared out and there's no children left on the ice, I still can't take my mind off Theo. Even as Cheyenne cleans up, taking the cones with her, and even after the Zamboni comes to make the ice flawless again, I still can't take my mind off Theo.

And the sad part is that it's not even about the sex; no, it's deeper than that. If it were only about the sex it wouldn't even bother me too much. But the red flag is that I know I'm starting to actually like him for who he is, and that's scarier than sleeping with him.

"Wine and charcuterie board?" Cheyenne asks me as she picks up her bag from the floor and sits on the bleachers to take off her skates. "You down?"

"You're telling me that you already have a charcuterie board ready at the apartment? At nine p.m.?"

"Obviously not." She rolls her eyes. "But I can whip one up in five minutes. Everything is already in Ziplock bags waiting for us."

I chuckle, because it's literally the same thing. This neurotic, funny woman always makes me laugh. And it's my favorite thing about her. "Alright, but white wine tonight. I'm too cool for that dry shit you fed me last time."

"Cabernet Sauvignon is amazing, bitch."

I make a disgusted face at her, "If you say so."

After she puts her skates in her bag and we make our way out of the maze, I follow her home in my car. Maybe now she will help me figure out what's going on in my head. She's better at dissecting me than I am. But now I wonder if I should see Theo again because friends don't have crushes on friends. And this is bound to end badly.

The last thing I want to do is hurt him.