38. Chapter Thirty-Eight

Kieran

Did I wreck my bike? Did we get ambushed? Why do I feel like I’ve been in a head on collision? Everything feels foggy and heavy. I can hear noises but they sound underwater. I’m fighting to get back to the surface of consciousness, but it feels like something’s pulling me back under. I almost succumb to it when I hear a voice that I could pick out of every other voice in the world, because I’ve been hearing it for twenty-one years. I can’t make out what Mac is saying but the panic radiating through the cadence of his voice tells me he’s freaked out and needs me. Forcing myself to wake up despite the almost unbearable pain radiating through my chest, I blink my eyes open. No one’s realized yet. I see my brothers all standing around talking in hushed voices while Clara’s sitting on a chair near them with Rhett in her lap. Someone is sleeping in a chair beside me, their head laying on top of my open palm. No, not someone, that’s Nix. It comes to me in barely there whispers. Her abusers, Ryan, her mom, my brothers. What the hell happened? It takes so much energy to stay awake, I just want to go back to bed, just for a little longer. As I’m about to do just that, Rhett’s soft voice floats through the room.

“Uncle Kie? Are you awake? You’re not going to go back to sleep, right?”

Well, that just broke my heart. I force myself to talk quietly past my extremely sore throat, “No, Bear. I’m awake.”

Every head in that room besides Nix’s snaps to me, before everyone starts talking at once, my eyes stay on her sleeping form as I let out a “Shh.” Everyone stops immediately.

“My head kills, and don’t you dare wake her up. She looks exhausted.”

Mac’s the first to speak up, “She hasn’t left your side since you were shot. She has a concussion and she’s been in that seat for five days.”

“Concussion?” I whisper-yell. “What are you talking about?”

Everyone looks at Rowan, who approaches the bed like he’s walking towards a wounded animal.

“Kie, what do you remember about what happened?”

What I want to say is ‘I don’t fucking know, why don’t you just tell me.’ but I don’t because he doesn’t deserve my wrath just because I’m in pain.

“I don’t know. Tell me what’s going on.”

My heart rate spikes on the monitor, the incessant beeping making my head hurt worse. I really have no idea what happened to her and that freaks me out more than anything.

“We went to get Ryan back from Nix’s sperm donor and his friend. They had her mom captive too. The friend pistol whipped Nix, before he shot you in the chest. The bullet missed your heart by a centimeter. A centimeter, Kie.” The fear radiates through my big brother’s voice.

“I’m okay, but is she? Has anyone checked her out? Does she need a head scan?” The beeping gets closer together again.

“She was the first one back with Rowan once you were out of surgery, I’ve seen her leave that chair only a handful of times to go to the bathroom. She has a nasty concussion, Kie. Seriously, she should be in her own bed instead of in the chair beside yours.” Mac answers, a small bite to his voice, but I ignore it.

My Brave Girl stirs beside me. Gently pulling my hand from under her head and massaging her scalp I can feel the knot on the side of her head, and make a mental note to avoid it at all costs, and to insist she has a scan.

“Hey, Brave Girl.”

Her eyes spring open to meet mine, “Kie…” She blinks quickly as if making sure she’s actually awake. I was out for five days, not fifty. Why is everyone being so extra? I’ll be up and moving as soon as they pull these I.V’s. Taking a survey of my girl I notice that she has a deep bruise on her right temple.

“Can we have a moment alone?” I turn to my brothers, four of which nod and head for the door, but Mac stands there, his arms crossed, glaring. Everyone leaves with a promise to come back soon, except him.

“I’m not leaving.”

“Yes, you are. You can sit right outside the door if you need to but I need to talk to her in private.”

He huffs out an annoyed breath before turning on his heels and leaving the room. I turn my attention back to her. I’ll sort things out with him later but she takes priority .

“Come here, Mo Stóirín.” She climbs into bed and snuggles into my right side. My left having all sorts of leads and IV’s hooked up.

“I thought I lost you. Kieran, I’ve been terrified for days thinking I was going to have to go through the rest of this life without you. I can’t do that. I can do a lot of things alone. I can fight my own battles, and take care of myself. I can do those things, but if you aren’t on this Earth, I can’t. I’m so in love with you I don’t think I’d survive without you. I was so scared.” Her voice breaks on the last word.

“It’s okay. I’m right here, you’re right here, we’re fine, and I am so proud of you. You slayed your monsters on your own. Not everyone could do that, but you did. I love you so much Phoenix. I came back for you, baby.”

“What do you mean you came back?”

“I was with my Da and Ma. I talked to them, hugged them. I wanted to stay with them, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave you. I had to come back. I swore to stay.” I can feel her tears soaking my side as her tears stream down her face.

“I’m so sorry I scared you. I’m wearing Kevlar at every job from now on, I promise.”

She lets out a watery laugh, “I think your brothers will make you even if you don’t want to. I was so scared, but so were they. You guys are a unit, Kie. They can’t make it without you, just like you guys couldn’t function correctly when you weren’t talking to each other. Mac hasn’t left here either, Dec only leaves for work, Rowan to take Rhett to and from school, and bedtime. The twins leave long enough to go to school and practices, then they’re back. Even the lucky ones are camped out in the waiting room. They don’t come back, they just want to be here for support. You are so insanely loved, babe.”

“I may be insanely loved, and I’m thankful for that. But all I need is to be loved by you.”

She smiles at me before snuggling in tight. My chest begins to ache, and I could assume it’s probably the cut down my sternum, but I know better than that, it’s because she’s been hurting for five days and I couldn’t make it go away or help her. My brothers had to take care of her while I couldn’t, and that makes my chest ache most of all.

It doesn’t take long for Nix’s breathing to even out. The dark bags under her eyes speak for themselves. Mac and Dec quietly make their way back into my room.

“The twins had practice, and Roe went to take Clara and Bear home. Ry’s in the waiting room, waiting for the okay from you. He hasn’t left either, he followed us here and has been waiting for someone to tell him how to help. He wouldn’t come back here until you woke up.” Dec says as he and Mac lean against the wall.

“Why? He’s just as much my brother as you guys are?”

“He doesn’t do well in hospitals, you know that.” Mac reminds me before continuing, “Did you know about Riley?” His voice is so small, so broken, like when I was hurt last time.

“Yeah, little brother. James told us the night before. We were going to sit everyone down when we got home that night. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I want to find her. Bring her back here so Theo and Elle can put her to rest properly, with her mother.”

“That’s a great idea. As soon as I’m cleared to go home we’ll do that, okay?” He locks eyes with mine, his blood shot. I’m sure he’s been a wreck since he found out.

“Okay, and Pigeon too, she was her friend too.”

“I think we’ll all go, Mac. We all loved her.” Declan chimes in.

* * *

It took us hours to convince Nix to go home, shower, eat something that wasn’t out of a machine, and take a minute to herself. She kissed me before she walked out and I promised to not even go to sleep until she got back. I’m so tired, though, so I’m kicking my own ass for that one. I’ve just set my phone down from replying to Rowan when Ryan slowly walks through the door.

“Hey, man.” He’s looking everywhere but at me as he talks.

“Ryan, I’m right here. It’s just me laying in a bed, ignore the rest, brother.” Motioning to the chair beside me, my eyes trail him as he walks around and sits back in the shitty recliner.

“Kieran, what the fuck, man?” He lets out an unamused laugh.

“I know. How the fuck did they get you?” I ask, thinking back to the day he was taken.

“I was unarmed and they blew Collin’s head off right beside me. I didn’t have much of a choice.” He looks away.

“Where was your piece? What the fuck, Ry?”

“I gave it to Nix. I went to grab Collin’s but it was just quicker to grab my own. Keep your girl safe, no matter the cost. I knew what I was getting into when you asked me to be her lead guard. So I did what I had to do. I kept her safe. I did my job.”

His response blows my mind, to have a best friend as loyal as Ryan is unheard of. Especially in this world. It’s not easy to find a friend who’d voluntarily lay his own life down for you and your family. Ryan blows out a long breath before looking over to me, then shaking his head with a small chuckle.

“So you’re getting out of here and we’re going back to The Pit, right?”

Now it’s my turn to laugh, “Yeah, I’ll get right on that.”

Just like that we ease right back into our normal. Ryan stays with me until Nix comes back. By that time my eyes are barely open. She walks in and places a chaste kiss on my lips before saying our goodbyes to Ryan and her climbing into the bed beside me. They’ve told us to get her out of the bed all day, but we’ve had to sleep apart for five days, and I’ll be damned if I let it be six. Right as we start drifting off she grasps my hand in hers, which makes my eyes fly to hers.

“What’s wrong, Mo Stóirín?”

“Are you sure you’re awake now? Are you sure you’ll stay?”

A smile tugs at my lips, because Phoenix Walker is strong, she’s capable, and she’s a badass in every aspect of the term but she has a soft spot. I’m the luckiest man in existence to be able to say it’s me. Leaning over gingerly I press my lips to her head.

“Yeah, Brave girl. I’ll stay, swear.”