37. Chapter Thirty-Seven

Rowan

T his has been the longest five days of my life. We’ve been at the hospital around the clock. If I’m not going home to put Rhett to bed, or to take a shower I’m here. Except for that day I went to take care of Eric Stone, but we don’t need to talk about yet another body that cemented my spot in hell. Nix hasn’t moved from the spot I put her in on the first night. How she’s still pushing through is beyond me. The poor girl probably doesn’t even remember what fresh air smells like anymore.

My heart aches and my mind reels constantly. Nix was right the other night, that is my kid. My heart feels like it’s being shattered every moment I stand in this room. Watching his broken and helpless body. They all are my kids, I mean technically they aren’t. They’re my brothers, but they’re my kids too. I’ve been holding my actual son a lot tighter the past five days. He’s too young to understand what’s going on, but he still hugs me back tight and tells me he hopes Uncle Kie is okay.

I’m so glad I have Clara or I’d be a broken mess on the floor by now. Having someone to lean on during this stuff is so important. Especially when she’s where my whole world starts and stops. I never thought I’d be a man who has to lean on his wife for support instead of handling it on his own. But if married life has taught me nothing else, it’s taught me that she is the one person that I need support from.

Speaking of, Clara stands from her place on the chair she was sitting in and makes her way over to me. My arms wrap tightly around her as my face comes down to the crook of her neck and I inhale deeply. Pulling her scent into the deepest depths of my lungs, I slowly let it out, “Hey Pretty Girl.”

“Let’s go grab a coffee?” This is her way of telling me she thinks I need a break. It’s hard to see your little brother laying there knowing you can’t do anything but wait for him.

“Yeah, okay.” I straighten up to my full height before taking Clara’s hand and addressing the room, “Hey, Clara and I are going to go grab a coffee. Anyone want anything?” Everyone but Mac shakes their head, he just lifts up a coffee cup in signal that he’s good. Even if he is the farthest thing from it. My eyes go to Dec, “Do you want us to take him?” He has Little Bear in his lap playing some game on his tablet.

“No he’s fine, go take a minute, brother.”

I nod at him, then turning out of the room I lead Clara down to the coffee cart, then to a little two person table to the side of the area. After making sure she’s settled in her seat, I move to mine. She takes my hand and rubs the back of it with her thumb.

“How are you holding up today, Papa Bear?” She gives me a small smile, it’s just what I need as my heart warms for her, only ever her and our son.

“He’s going to wake up today. He’ll be okay, then we can go home and get back to normal.”

“Yeah, Roe, he’s going to wake up. How are the others holding up?”

“The twins have each other, their friends, and their sports to work through it. They seem to be the most adjusted to the situation, honestly.” Taking her hand in mine I begin to use my thumb to rub her hand instead of the other way around. “Declan’s worried about Nix. He’s terrified, but he processes by taking care of the people around him, he’s always been like that.” I smile fondly, thinking about my little brother. Before realizing I’m going to have to tell her about Mac next.

“I think Mac is drinking to cope. He’s reeked of alcohol ever since that night. Now it could be what we heard about Riley, it could be Kie, or it could be both. Regardless, I’m worried about him. I brought it up yesterday but was just met with anger and a ‘how else am I supposed to deal with this?’ before shoving past me and stalking off. No doubt to go get drunk.”

“He doesn’t seem to be stumbling over himself, or being boisterous?”

“No I agree, it’s like he’s just keeping himself to the point where the thoughts don’t consume him. I don’t know what to do, Pretty Girl. We all drink and it’s not a big deal. But no one else is relying on it to solve our issues.”

“I know. I don’t know what to do either.”

“I think after Kie gets home, I’ll talk to him about it again. He’s not hurting anyone right now, he rides home with one of us if he even leaves. I’ll let him deal with it his way for now, so I can focus on Kie.”

Finishing our coffee, we stand to head back to the room. Clara turns to face me before stepping up on her toes, and pressing her lips to mine. My hands anchor to her hips in a firm yet gentle grip, before kissing her back. “He’ll be okay, babe. They all will and do you know how I know that?”

Pressing my lips to hers one more time before answering, my brain begins to calm, “How’s that?”

“Because they have the fiercest, most protective, and loving Papa Bear of all time. We’re all so lucky to have you and we’ll figure this all out together. You don’t do these things alone anymore, remember? It’s you and me. We’ll keep everyone else safe and loved.”

God I love this woman, just one conversation and two chaste kisses, and I’m already ready to put my mask firmly back in place and go handle business. But we can’t do that yet, we’re missing one thing before we can leave from this spot. “Safe, Promise?”

“Yeah, Roe. Safe, Promise.”