Chapter 7

Cole

I’ll be honest. I have no clue what to expect out of this dinner with Haley, so I’ve come prepared for the best- and worst - case scenarios.

The Screaming Pelican is crammed with people at the bar. The restaurant side isn’t much better, but I snag us a booth in the back.

Haley steps in, her cheeks rosy from the wind chill and she’s all bundled up in a purple scarf and black puffy coat that hits her knees. She waves at me with this big, beautiful grin that makes me melt.

Jesus, how can I go back to feeling this way for her?

Easy. I never stopped feeling this way for her.

Standing up, I give her a hug before she strips out of her coat and says, “This place looks so fun!”

I ease back into my seat across from her. When she scoots into her side of the booth, her boobs bounce. My girl’s got phenomenal tits. They’re huge, heavy, and so fun to fuck. I remember them well.

She catches me staring and spares me the call out. “What’s good here?”

I chose this place because it’s not too romantic, and not too dive bar-ish. It’s also my comfort zone. “Their brick oven flatbreads are decent. The gyros are massive. My favorite is the crab imperial stuffed chicken breast.”

“Wow.” She gawks at the menu. “They really do have a bit of everything here, huh?” Her brows knit as she studies both sides of the laminated menu.

“Welcome to the Screaming Pelican. Can I start you off with some drinks?” The waitress looks up and smiles. “Oh, hi, Cole.”

“Hey, Mandy.”

“You want a Modelo draft. Tall?”

“Yup.”

“You got it.” She looks expectantly at Haley. “And for you?”

“Um, I guess I’ll have the….” Her gaze flicks over to the bar specialties and she frowns. “Root beer.”

“Sure thing. You guys want any appetizers?”

I raise my eyebrows, letting Haley know she can decide for us.

“Loaded nachos, please.”

As Mandy writes that down, I take a moment to appreciate how gorgeous Haley is. She also seems nervous, which is kind of cute. “Do you know what you want to order, Angel?”

Her old honorific makes her gaze lock on mine. “Umm. Yes?”

I tip my head at Mandy, signaling Haley to tell her what she wants.

“Can I have the buffalo chicken flatbread pizza. Blue cheese and carrots on the side. And a house salad with vinaigrette.”

“Absolutely.” Mandy turns to me next. “You want your usual?”

“As if you even have to ask.”

Mandy sticks her pen back in her hair and walks away.

Haley and I stare at each other, and the restaurant noises become muffled. The auburn headed, hourglass figured bombshell from my past is all I see, hear, and want.

I’ve made a spreadsheet of all the clients we need to invite to this stupid holiday party, and I got all the answers to Haley’s questions she sent through text. If this “date” turns into a business meeting, I’m prepared. If it morphs into something romantic, I’m also prepared.

“So…” Haley unfolds her napkin and places it on her lap. “Have you thought about what you want for your holiday party?”

Business it is.

“We have about fifty clients and twenty employees to invite.”

“Spouses too?”

“Yeah, but no kids.”

Haley digs through her huge bag, pulls out a notebook, and jots things down. “Theme?”

“Don’t care. Just not too Christmas-y or anything. Keep it neutral.”

“Of course. Winter Wonderland with snow and ice, okay?”

“Yeah. That works.” My boss won’t even notice, anyway. He only cares about the bar and talking his head off to everyone.

“Budget?”

“Sky’s the limit.”

Mandy returns with our drinks. “Nachos will be out shortly.”

“Thanks,” Haley and I both say at the same time.

“And what about food and drinks? You want an open or cash bar?”

“Definitely open bar. I’m not sure about the food.” We’ve never had a full dinner at one of these things in the past. It’s always been crappy appetizers and little food stations. It might be a good opportunity to step things up a notch. “Let’s do a dinner.”

Her eyes crinkle when she smiles. “Okay.”

“You got any places in mind?”

“Not yet.” She clicks her pen. “But I will.”

I love her confidence.

Our eyes lock and I lose my breath. If I’m not careful, I’m going to fall. Taking the upper-hand, I tilt my head to the side. “You got that look in your eyes, Angel.”

She draws back. “What look?”

“The one that says I won’t regret this.”

The nachos arrive, but we don’t tear our gazes from one another.

“I won’t do anything you’ll regret later, Cole. I promise.”

She said that to me once before. Only then she was in a latex bodysuit and had me tied to her bed.

I didn’t regret it for a second.

“What are you thinking about that has that goofy grin on your face?” She plucks a heaping stack of cheese-laden chips and puts them on her little plate.

“I’m thinking about that time you poured hot wax all over my chest and sucked me off.”

Haley’s chest rises and falls with her heavy breathing. Her next words are cautious as she sucks sour cream off her thumb. “Oh yeah?”

Grabbing a chip with three jalapenos stacked on top, I shove it into my mouth, hoping it’ll stop me from running the damn thing.

My tongue sets on fire. Shit, that’s spicy.

My eyes water and I grab my beer, chugging half of it.

Haley’s still eyeing me like a hawk. “What was your favorite thing we did back then?”

“I don’t have one.” I loved them all. “What about you?”

She swallows hard before glancing away. “I think it was when you made me crawl to you on my knees, with that collar and leash around my neck.” Her cheeks flush. “Remember that?”

Fuck yeah, I do. She’d lost a bet the week before and had to do my bidding for an entire day and night.

I’m still not sure what role I love more—being the Dom or the sub. Both work for me. But being a Dom worked best for me with Haley. It was the only time I had some semblance of control, and she was able to relax under my attention.

For someone who’d struggled to survive her whole life, being able to not worry was a nice change of pace for her.

And as someone who always goes with the flow, I loved being the one in charge.

Leaning back, I study Haley through hooded eyes. “You miss being on your knees for me?”

“Yes,” she whispers, before plucking a chip off her plate.

Lust wars with anger inside me.

I want to punish her. I want her to grovel. I want her to tell me how she could leave and never contact me again. Because I know she kept up with Jenna. Jenna told me. I only have three friends I’m still in contact with from college—Jenna, Jared, and my old coach.

If Haley could keep up with Jenna, why couldn’t she have done the same with me?

You’re no better. You didn’t even try to reach out to her.

Fuck that. I didn’t do it because she didn’t want it.

Anger wins.

“Am I supposed to pretend you didn’t ghost me and leave a hole in my chest the day you drove away?” The words claw their way out of my mouth, leaving a terrible taste behind.

Our food arrives. “Let me know if I can get you guys anything else.”

“Thanks, Mandy.” I’ve lost my appetite.

I lean across the table and tap my finger against it. “Look at me, Haley.”

She doesn’t.

“So help me, Angel, if you don’t fucking look at me I’ll—”

“I’m not sorry for ghosting you, Cole.” Her gaze lifts. “I’m sorry for taking so long to find my way back to you.” Her hands shake as she lifts her glass and takes a sip of her soda. “I needed to leave everything behind. I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.”

Words fail me.

“I had to work on myself. I was so toxic back then. And if I…” She carefully places her glass back down and folds her hands in her lap. “If I had any chance of deserving you, I needed to make sure I was worth it.”

Why can’t I find my tongue and use it right now?

“I had to work on myself, as well as make sure what I wanted was really right for me, before I could work on us.”

“Us?” The one word I manage to croak out feels foreign on my lips. “There was never an us.”

She cringes. “Yes, there was.”

“No, Haley, you wouldn’t allow it.”

Her chest looks like it caves in with her next exhale. “Cole, I—”

“I wanted to marry you. I loved you,” I say, slamming my hand on the table. “And you knew it and still fucking left.”

She shakes her head faster and faster. “I never knew any of that.”

How could she not? “Bullshit.”

She slams her hand on the table and our plates rattle. “You never once said you loved me, Cole.”

She’s right. I didn’t. “That’s because you would have left me even faster if I had and I couldn’t risk it.”

“And for that, I’m being punished now?”

“You don’t know the first thing about punishment, Haley.” I lean in, jabbing my finger on the table, punctuating my every point. “You didn’t suffer like me. You didn’t have to hold your tongue like me. You didn’t have to stand there and watch the love of your life drive away like what we had meant nothing. You didn’t lose weight because you sunk into such a depression, you couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks. You didn’t—”

“I can’t do this.” Haley shoves her notebook into her bag.

“So much for sticking around,” I snap at her while she packs up.

Haley glowers at me. “How dare you.”

“How dare I what? Look at you. You’re packing up already.”

“I was putting my notebook away, so I don’t smack you in the face with it, you asshole!” Her whole face turns crimson. People start staring at us.

Holy shit, I had no clue there was this much resentment and anger still in me. Honestly, I feel like a jerk because I did this to myself. Haley’s not the only one at fault.

“I’m sorry,” she says, scooting out of the booth. She leaves her bag behind. With my heart in my lap, I watch her snake through the crowded bar area, holding my breath to see if she’s going to walk out the motherfucking door.

She veers left to the women’s restroom.

Relief surges through my veins. Shoving out of the booth, I bulldoze my way through the restaurant and straight into the bathroom.

“Cole!” she whisper-yells when I barge in. “You can’t be in here.”

“Fuck that.” I lock the door so no one else can enter. “Look, I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I deserve it.”

The hell she does. “I had no right to be like that with you out there. I’m just confused and lashing out.”

“You never said you loved me,” she whispers. Bracing herself against the sink, she keeps her head down and back to me. “You never once said you loved me.”

“If I had, would it have mattered?”

Her silence is answer enough. No. It wouldn’t have.

“I needed to go.” Her voice shakes. “There were things happening and I…” She shakes her head. “I couldn’t let you be in my life anymore. Not until I could make things better.”

I knew she had trouble with her parents, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have been there for her. “We could have taken on anything together, Haley.” The fight’s already left me. “Hey, look at me.” Spinning her around slowly, I wipe her tears away with my thumbs and cradle her face. “We always made a great team, didn’t we?”

She doesn’t move. Doesn’t speak.

“What happened back then that had the power to rip you away from me?” In college, I didn’t think even an apocalypse could tear us apart. I’ve gone five years wondering what I did wrong. What made her run like I meant nothing to her at the end? “Don’t say it was our careers and ambitions. We’d have made it work and you fucking know it.”

She doesn’t say a word.

Time to switch tactics.

“Angel.” I run a hand through her hair and tug it, forcing her gaze to meet mine. “What made you run?”

She stares up at me, and all the color drains from her face. “I got pregnant.”