Chapter 5

Cole

I’m fucked.

Haley and I kept things professional between us for the rest of the site visit, which gave me a chance to build my walls up. Being back in Haley’s orbit is terrifying. It’s crazy how she can turn her feelings on and off so fast. Her lust, too. I once loved that about her because we could fuck around all over campus, and she’d act like I hadn’t just bent her in half and railed her in the laundry room fifteen minutes before ethics class.

Now I hate it.

I’m not good at shoving my emotions into a box. I feel everything and it all shows in my expressions, my voice, my body language. I’m a positive, upbeat guy, so it’s usually not a problem. But when I hurt? Fuuuuck, I can’t hide it at all.

The one time I tried nearly killed me. It was the day Haley left college. The day I heard her say, “I’m better off with a clean break. There’s no sense in pretending what we have is going to go anywhere beyond this campus.”

Sometimes I trick myself into thinking she was right that day. Everything we had was pretend. Yeah, people knew we were hooking up, but that’s all we did. And studied together. Ate together. Slept together. Watched movies and partied together. Confided in each other.

She became my best friend. The love of my life. The woman I thought was my endgame. But we never put a label on what we were, and I never told her how I really felt. Haley wasn’t in college to find a man, and honestly, I wasn’t ready to wife up.

Our situation was perfect for us, and it all started with a game of flip cup at the beginning of junior year…

“Ohhh Mr. Hotshot thinks he can take on this?” Haley drags her hand down her body. Her tits spill out of her tank top while the beer sloshes out of her cup. “You don’t stand a chance, buddy.”

“Shots fired!” my boy Jared yells. “Get him, girl!”

Leaning across the table, I flash a huge flirtatious smile. “Baby, these fingers are fucking magic.”

Haley’s head tips back as she laughs. Standing on the opposite side of the table, she makes me want to climb right over it to kiss her. She’s sexy as hell. We share a few classes together and it’s hard to not get distracted by her. She wears this perfume that makes my dick immediately hard every time she walks by me.

“Game. On. Buster.”

“Cole?” Jared cocks his brow. “You down for a one-v-one with this spicy girl?”

I drag my gaze down her body, making it very obvious that I like that idea. “Definitely.”

“What’s the winner get?” Haley asks, while Jared pours beer into the lineup of solo cups.

“Whatever they want from the loser.”

She flashes me a sexy smile. “Perfect.”

Jared rubs his hands together and gets the crowd pumped up. “Ready. Set. Go!”

I beat Haley before she’s able to flip her second cup. Cheers roar in my ears as I saunter over with a big told-you-so smile. “Accept defeat?”

“Never.” She keeps trying to flip the cup and failing. There are three more beer-filled cups waiting for her to flip after this one. She didn’t stand a chance against me.

I flirtatiously bump her out of the way with my hip and flip it on the first try. Then she downs the next cup and I flip it for her. And we work in tandem until she’s drained the cups and I’ve flipped them all over.

“Damnit.” She laughs, her cheeks bright red. “You’re too good at this.”

I cock my brow at her and lean into her face. “Accept defeat now?”

A sinful smile spreads across her perfect mouth. “This doesn’t feel like defeat to me.”

Well, it definitely feels like a win for me. Especially with how she’s pressing against my body, her cold little hands snaking around my neck. “I told you my fingers were magic.”

“Guys say that all the time. They’re always wrong.”

My dick hardens. “I don’t lie. If I say I can do something, I can fucking do it.”

Haley playfully walks her fingers across my chest. “What do you want as a victory prize?”

A lot.

Pursing my lips, I pretend like I’m debating, even though I’ve had my answer all along. “Answers to the Econ assignment due Tuesday.”

Haley gawks at me. “How about a kiss instead?”

I shake my head. If I kiss her, I won’t stop. “Econ answers.”

Haley is one of the smartest in our class. I’m sure she’s got that assignment done and dusted.

“I don’t have them.” She giggles. “It’s not due for like another three days. I haven’t even cracked the book open yet. Sorry about your luck.”

I lean in and kiss her anyway. When we pull back, I lick my lips, savoring her taste. “Meet me at my place tomorrow at four. We can work on it together.”

“Okay,” she says, a little breathy. “Are you going to show me how magical those fingers are again?”

Dragging my gaze down her sweet body, I love everything I see. “Maybe, if you’re a good girl.”

Tuesday comes and while flirting our asses off with each other, we work for hours on our assignment, order pizza, fall asleep, and become inseparable from that day forward. We spend every spare minute together. I think I’m addicted to her.

I haven’t tried to kiss her again, for that very reason. I swear if I do, I’ll never stop. Haley’s a drug that, once she gets into my system, I’ll never get out. It’s already hard to keep things chill between us. I want to touch her. Fuck her. Keep her.

Who wouldn’t? She’s fun, loud, crazy smart, ambitious, and carefree. She’s perfection.

One night, just after finals, we leave a party early and stumble back to her place.

“Damn.” Haley groans. Jenna tied a bandana to the doorknob.

“My place?”

“Let’s go.” She holds my hand while we make the long trek back to my house. It’s off campus in a row of rentals the college keeps. “It sucks when everyone else is always having bedroom fun.”

“Tell me about it.” I live in a house with five other basketball players. We’ve got a revolving door of girls and the walls are thin. “So whatcha saving yourself for? Is it a religious thing?”

“Hell no.” She itches her nose. “I just haven’t found someone to play with yet. And I want to play a lot. Like all kinds of a lot.”

What the hell does that even mean? “Like with sex toys?”

“Nooo.” She stumbles into me, forcing us both off the sidewalk. I guide her back on track and hold on to her, so she doesn’t trip and fall. “I mean yes, toys, but also cuffs and paddles and stuff. I wanna get spanked and called a good girl and be a dirty slut for your cock.” She stops, her mouth dropping. “I mean, not your cock. But like, someone’s cock.”

Damn, that’s cold. “Why can’t it be mine?”

She slow blinks at me like it’s preposterous to think I’d have a chance. “You want it to be yours?”

More than anything. “Well not if you don’t want it to be mine.” Smooth, Cole. Real smooth. “But aren’t you going off the deep end, Little Miss V-Card?”

“Meh.” She tosses her hands up. “Go big or get off the porch.”

“That is not how that saying goes.” Bless her. It’s go big or go home. And also, if you can’t play with the big dogs, stay on the porch. I’m not about to correct her though. It’s cuter how she said it.

Haley bats her lashes at me. “You want me to be a slut for your cock, Daddy Cole?”

I guide her up to my front door because I’m worried she’ll fall. “You’re drunk, girl.”

“Be that as it may…” She spins around and slams her ass against the door before I can open it. “Do you want it? Me? Do you want me?”

More than my next fucking breath. It’s been hell pretending I’m cool with just being her party friend and study partner. “I want you sober before we have this conversation.”

“Mmmkay. I’ll make pancakes in the morning, and we’ll iron the wrinkles from the details.”

Jesus, she’s a mess.

I get her inside, tuck her in my bed, kiss her forehead, and leave an uncapped bottle of water for her, just in case. And a trash can. “Sweet dreams, Angel.”

I crash on the couch. She’ll likely forget this entire conversation by morning, right? She’s pretty sloshed.

But what if she doesn’t?

Do I tell her I’m a virgin too? Does that make me sound like a loser? Shit, what if she thinks I’m a liar? Maybe I can pretend this conversation never happened. I won’t bring it up unless she does first.

She probably won’t remember any of this.

The next morning, Haley wakes me up by straddling my hips, pressing my morning wood down with her pussy. She’s in my favorite grey hoodie and no pants. Her bedhead’s adorable. Her mascara’s all smeared, and eyes are puffy with sleep. “Good morning.”

I yawn so big, my jaw pops. “How you feeling?”

“You tell me.” She grinds against my length, making me groan. I grip her hips to stop her. Thank fuck she’s got panties on and I’m fully clothed. “I meant what I said last night.” She leans down and presses a soft, minty fresh kiss to my lips. “I want you to be my first, Cole.”

She didn’t say those words last night. And now that she’s sober, the weight of her confession feels even heavier. My heart pounds against my sternum. “You sure about this?”

Haley nods, biting her bottom lip. “You’re the only one I want. I’m tired of pretending otherwise. I can’t stop thinking about you. Fantasizing about you.”

Holy. Fucking. Fuuuuuck.

Same.

Before I second-guess this whole ass thing, I lift Haley up and she wraps her legs around my waist. I carry her to my room, taking the stairs two at a time. “Give me a second,” I say, laying her gently on my bed. Then I go into the bathroom, shut the door, freshen up, and hunt down a condom…

She hadn’t been kidding about all the things she wanted to try, either. My girl made a bucket list that took us our entire senior year to check off. We even went to classes so we could learn Shibari, and I went down a rabbit hole to learn a bunch of other kinky things like how to play safely with hot wax and electroshock toys.

It was the best year of my life.

Until she walked away, just like she warned she would.

Haley always said she never had roots and didn’t know how to make any. I came from a big family and my parents still live in the house they raised me and my four brothers in. Her home life was shit. Mine was fantastic. Neither one of us had been in a serious relationship before. I didn’t have time for one. She said she never had the desire or opportunity because her family moved around too often.

It was never supposed to get real.

I was the dipshit who blurred the line between lust and love. Real and fantasy. Pretend and permanent.

She warned me over and over that she had big plans for her future. I said I did too. I still needed my master’s, and she was offered a killer internship in Boston.

Haley didn’t abandon me. She stayed true to her word. She kept her compass pointed north and never wandered off her path. I can’t be mad about it. I should be grateful. Her making a clean break forced me to double down on my studies and finish my master’s program in record time. I’ve got a damn good job now and have made a name for myself.

If she’d stayed, I would have asked her to marry me. I would have cut my education short and gotten a job at a smaller firm, which would have been fine.

But I wouldn’t be who I am today. I know it.

When she drove off with my heart and hoodie that day, I told myself if we were meant to be, we’d be.

Love requires good timing. We didn’t have it before, but maybe we’ve got it now.

Taking the elevator back up to my office, I wonder what the best-case outcome is now that Haley’s crashing back into my life. I’m at a loss. She’s already moved at least twice in the five years we’ve been apart. I’d be an idiot to think she’ll stay in Banner Bay for any decent length of time, even if she’s leased an office space and plans to renovate. I just don’t think she has it in her.

And if that’s the case, why am I allowing myself to have hope? Why am I staring at the number she saved in my cell? Why am I pulling up a text box? Why am I—

“Cole, come into my office,” Noah orders, storming past me. Christ, I was in such a fog, I didn’t even realize I’d made it up to my floor already.

My stomach churns. Noah’s been acting weird lately, grumpy one minute, laughing the next. His polarizing shifts give me whiplash. It also feeds my inner fear of having the rug pulled out from under me.

I close the door and sit down. Noah’s office is three times the size of everyone else’s, and it has drywall instead of glass walls. The shades facing the main office area stay drawn and the afternoon light casts a golden glow on all his mounted plaques and awards.

“I need you to plan this holiday party. I’m too swamped.”

“What? Woah. No, I don’t know the first thing about…” Timing. Is. Everything. Sitting down across from his desk, a great idea hits me. “Okay. No problem.”

Noah’s brows fly to his receding hairline. “That was easier than I thought it would be.”

“I’ll do it on one condition.”

“Name it.”

“I get to hire someone to help me.”

“Get Tamara to do it. I already pay her.”

“Nah. I want a professional planner.”

Noah frowns. “How much is this going to cost?”

“A lot.” I’ll make sure of it. “But you have to spend it to make it, right? This is for our biggest clients who have new properties popping up all over the country. Let’s remind them how great we are and show how much we appreciate them.”

Noah’s bloodshot eyes widen, and his frown turns upside down. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s make it big.”

“Go big or get off the porch, you know what I mean?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Are you high or something?”

Laughing, I stand up and straighten my suit jacket. “Don’t worry about the party. I’ve got it covered.”

“Good.” Noah clicks away on his keyboard, getting back to business while I head for the door. “And Cole?”

I look over my shoulder at him. “Yeah?”

“You’ve got lipstick all over your mouth.”

Well, shit.

He arches his eyebrow. “That must have been a damned good site visit you were on.”

I leave without saying another word and pull Haley’s number up on my cell.

Cole: Want to help me plan a company holiday party?