14. Leverage

FOURTEEN

LEVERAGE

SHEP

It’s almost been a week since I last saw Harlow. She disappeared from the date party and she hasn’t been swimming at the rec center. Wes mentioned she got sick, but I don’t know how much of that I believe.

I’m standing outside of the Everson Valley Sheriff’s Office, which happens to be across from the local coffee shop, watching her interact with her little group of friends. Lennon and Beckett stand across from her on the sidewalk and she looks completely withdrawn. I try to make eye contact with her but the only person who seems to be aware of my presence is Lennon.

Harlow’s playing with the ends of her dark denim jacket when she finally sees me. We hold each other’s stares for a few seconds. Damn, has she always looked this sad? I offer her a small smile, but she dismisses it and leaves their group all together. I watch her for a few seconds before she gets into her Bronco and drives away.

I turn to head inside the precinct and the second I walk in, I’m greeted by a handful of employees. The first few years of my dad being Sheriff were pretty shitty. For a while, I stopped getting invited to different parties and everyone worried I was a narc. Eventually I just stopped going out and found I actually enjoy the comfort of staying home more anyways.

I turn the corner and find my father sitting at his desk. He looks up and immediately light fills his face.

“Son! What brings you in today?” He stands and walks around to shake my hand before embracing me.

I hug him back then sit down in one of his office chairs while he moves back around his desk. “Mom wanted me to check in with you for my senior thesis. I didn’t know if there were any programs I could shadow and do some hours with.”

He nods then types a little on his laptop before looking back at me. “It seems we have some openings with the evidence department. You’d be helping transfer old paper logs into our computer system.”

“Pass.”

“There’s a few ride along opportunities, but I don’t know how that would interfere with your job and classes. I’m also not thrilled about throwing you right into a patrol car.” He lifts his coffee cup and sips before leaning his arms on the desk. “Son, what do you want to do?”

I sit there for a few seconds while my mind idles. I chose criminal justice as my major because I grew up around law enforcement. It fascinated me and I thought that with my dad’s experience, it would be easy for me to fall into the ranks. However, I didn’t really think about the fact that maybe I didn’t want to be a police officer or sheriff. Sure, there were aspects about criminology that interested me but I knew if I wanted to really follow in my dad’s footsteps, I’d be looking at more schooling in the Academy.

It’s hard to really even think about what I want to do with my future when I’ve totally lost my vision for it. The few times I do think about it, one green-eyed, blonde-haired face pops into my mind. Everything has been thrown out of whack since I decided to insert myself into Harlow’s life. I don’t know what I expected to happen when we finally talked, but it certainly wasn’t the rollercoaster I got strapped in to.

“Son?” My dad’s voice cuts through my thoughts.

“How did you know you wanted to be a cop?” My words came out plainly, but at this point, I’m desperate for guidance.

He chuckles and leans back in his chair then spins around a photo of Mom.

“Mom?” I ask in disbelief. I thought it would have to do with some manly experience or his friends.

“Yep, your mother.” He smiles and looks off into the distance as if lost in his own memories. “I remember one of the first dates we went on, we were leaving and someone tried to mug us.”

My eyes go wide. He’s never told me this before. “Why am I just now hearing about this? What happened?”

“Well, your mom got a little roughed up, nothing major. I took most of the beating, but the guy made off with our wallets and they never caught him. For a while, your mom was scared to go anywhere, not knowing if he was out there waiting to come back around, so I decided that I would become a part of the change to stop things like that from happening. Now, I’m sure that seems silly. There’s far bigger things out there that I could never work hard enough to fix, but if I could start with your mom and make her feel safe, that motivated me at the time.”

I sit in shock, thinking over the story I’d heard before of how they met and only dated for a few months before getting married. Dad quickly joined the Academy and in the first few years of their marriage, Mom got pregnant with me and then I grew up around police life. They’ve been together for twenty-seven years and are probably part of the reason why I’m so eager to settle down.

“So, you chose your career to make Mom feel safe? Did you ever catch the guy?”

“No, we didn’t, but the effort I made to join the force and look for him made her feel secure and loved. I would have done anything for her.” He smiles at the photo as he turns it back around to face him.

“That’s interesting. I didn’t know that.” I scratch my head while I think about what else there is they haven’t told me.

“Well, at the time it wasn't like it was worth bringing up because since I joined, I’ve done a lot more than look for low life muggers. But, now that you’re asking, I figure this is as good a time as ever.” He stands up and walks around his desk to be in front of me again.

I stand and meet his stare. “Whatever you choose to do, Shep, make sure it means something to you. I’ll send over all these openings and you can choose the one you feel fits you best.” He smiles and walks towards his door to let me know the time we have is up.

As I drive back to my house, I start thinking about any areas of my life that have had an impact on me and would push me towards a certain career path. Unfortunately, the only thing I can really think of is adopting Dahlia and how much peace she brings me and Wes.

I’m fortunate to have two loving parents in my life and while I don’t have any siblings, I’ve always been able to find meaningful relationships with people around me. Yet, something in me started shifting around the time I got Dahlia. I started to feel like something was missing in my life. I’ve had a few serious girlfriends but most of them ended because I couldn’t see a future with them, at least, not one that I thought would be successful.

Wes however grew up in a broken home. His parents fought a lot when he was a kid and after his mom had his younger sister, she took off. His dad tried his best to raise Wes and his sister without her, but ultimately he checked out when Wes was about seven and his sister was three, so Wes basically raised them both.

When I met him, he was pretty upfront about being at Everson on scholarship. His dad helped with a few things but for the most part, it’s just been him and his sister. I think Dahlia has a nose for trauma or something because when I brought her home, she immediately went to Wes and curled up with him. We joke about her being a therapy dog, but I know she’s brought me peace.

I get out of my truck and walk into our house, finding Wes and Dahlia together on the couch while he watches a movie. Dahlia lifts her head and wags her tail a little but I signal for her to stay where she is. She lays her head back down on Wes’s leg and I head into my room.

Setting my belongings down, I begin to grab my stuff for my shift at the rec that starts in an hour. I wonder if I will see Harlow today or if she’s still avoiding swimming. As I change into my uniform, Dahlia wanders into my room and jumps on my bed.

“Hi, baby. You have a good day with your Uncle Wes?” I lean over and pat her soft forehead. She looks up at me with her sweet eyes as Wes walks into my room.

“We had a great day,” he responds for Dahlia. “We went on two walks, snuggled, and talked about girls.” He winks at me before sitting down on my bed next to Dahlia.

“Sounds great, also, yes, please get comfy here.” I roll my eyes as Wes leans back on my pillow and rests his hands behind his head.

“How did the meeting with your dad go?”

“It was actually very interesting. Speaking of girls, I found out he became a cop because of my mom. I thought it would have had something to do with a bro moment or whatever, but nope.” I pick my backpack up and make sure my whistle and employee badge are inside.

“Huh. I wonder why he just now told you about that?” Wes asks as he rubs Dahlia with his foot. She flips over on her side while he gives her a massage.

“Not sure, but hey, how’re your classes going? You still getting ready for midterms?” I pull a hoodie over my head before walking out of my room towards our kitchen. Dahlia hops off my bed and follows behind me, hopeful for a treat.

“Yeah, I mean, I have a few classes I need to put a little more effort into but besides that, I’m feeling good. Honestly just thankful I will have made it all four years of college without losing my scholarship,” Wes responds as he makes his way out to our living room.

“That alone is a miracle,” I joke with him, but I really don’t mean it. I’m not surprised. In all things, Wes is diligent. He shows up and he gives his all. It’s what makes him a good friend and I know it’ll make him a good partner one day too. “What’s the class you need to put more effort into? It wouldn’t be the one you happen to share with a girl we recently met, would it?”

Wes turns his face away from me and stares at the TV. “If you’re talking about Lennon, nah. There’s nothing there. The date party was fun but there’s really nothing else between us.”

Even though he isn’t looking at me, I squint to show my disbelief. But, if he says there’s nothing going on, then I’ll leave it alone for now. I’m not blind though, I saw the way he looked at her, and again, the man is diligent. I start to let my mind wander, dreaming about a life where I’m with Harlow and he’s with Lennon. The realization of how fun that could be hits me like a ton of bricks, so I decide maybe I do want to prod.

“So you haven’t talked to Lennon at all since the party?” I eye him again while rubbing Dahlia’s head.

“No, I mean in class, but that’s it. Why do you seem so interested?”

“Just a thought that crossed my mind. You guys seemed to get along well, and I don’t know. I’ve never seen you act like that with a girl before.”

He moves a little then turns to face me directly. “Do you mean that?”

“Yeah, man. There was a moment on Tuesday where it felt like Harlow and I were intruding on you two, just made me think.”

Wes pauses for a second then picks his phone up. “I think maybe I’ll text her. See if she wants to study later or something.”

“Atta boy,” I shoot back. Selfishly, I’m hoping maybe I can get some secondhand insight from him hanging out with Lennon about where Harlow’s been and how she’s doing.

I wish I could say that I haven’t been thinking about her as much as I have but that would be a lie. Not only is she making appearances in my dreams, I’ve been having trouble keeping my mind from wandering when I’m alone, especially in the shower.

There’s something about Harlow that I really can’t put my finger on, but I’m intrigued and drawn to her in a way I’ve never been with someone else. I think it’s funny how society pretends that guys don’t think about their futures or emotions and shit. Reality is, I miss Harlow when I don’t see her and that sticks with me. It keeps me up at night.

I think about what Dad said earlier. It was Mom who made him change his way of thinking. She inspired him to leverage his purpose and desires for the betterment of their life together. I lean back against the counter and a shocking but clarifying thought transcends through me.

I would leverage my current plans for Harlow if it meant having her be a part of my future. But what do I do with that realization, when she’s made it very clear she wants nothing to do with me?