34. Sage

CHAPTER 34

Sage

I headed down the trail not nearly as fast as usual, my sore muscles complaining, but I still managed to pass Tyon and four other of the slowest novices.

Bramwell no longer stopped to fake-tie his boots to get behind me and they didn’t even bother to hide what they were doing from the other novices. Everyone was in on teaching me, the haughty lord, a lesson, and those who weren’t directly involved, turned a blind eye to it.

After running the trail for the last eight days, I was familiar with the hills and turns and where the ground was uneven and I could stub my toe, so I let my mind wander, trying to come up with a plan of attack.

Three of them, usually led by Durand, always met me on this side of the stream, while Mikel and another always waited on the other side just in case I managed to slip past them. Not that I’d ever managed that, but maybe today would be the day.

I huffed a laugh at that. With how sore and tired I was, today wouldn’t be the day. Next rotation… if they were still playing this particular game.

Ahead the trees thinned, and I ran across the narrow ridge with the steep slopes on either side, grateful that Mikel and his friends had picked the stream as the place they stop me. Being tossed into the stream wasn’t nearly as dangerous as sliding across all that sharp shale.

The trail plunged back into the trees, and I pressed forward, determined to get this last fight before my lieu days over with.

Except as I reached the bend in the path and broke into the clearing before the log bridge, Durand leaped out of the underbrush and shoved me.

I stumbled and Bramwell pounced, grabbed my arm, and wrenched it painfully behind my back.

Shit. Ambushing me was new.

“Disgusting fae-touched runt,” Durand sneered. “If you like cock so much, I’ll give you cock.”

He grabbed my belt and my pulse exploded into a desperate pounding. He was going to— I couldn’t let him?—

I yanked my knees up and rammed my feet into his stomach, shoving him back as I heaved against Bramwell’s grip. But the bigger man was stronger than me, and Durand lurched forward, his lips curled back in a wicked sneer.

The other guys started yelling, probably encouragement, but all I could hear was a roar of voices and a wild rushing in my head.

I couldn’t let him undress me. He’d know, and I doubted he’d stop once he knew I was actually a girl. Hell, no one was stopping him and they all thought I was a boy.

Oh, Great Father. This was what Sawyer had warned me about.

I’d thought I’d be safe, thought once I was discovered I’d be handed over to the Lord Commander, but I didn’t take into account being discovered away from anyone who could save me.

They were going to?—

No way in hell.

I heaved and flailed and kicked. I wouldn’t let them have me. Not here. Not now. Not ever.

I managed to get one arm free and my fist cracked against Durand’s jaw. With a snarl, he punched me in the gut, stealing my breath, and undid my belt buckle. My sword and dagger dropped to the ground, and he kicked them aside and reached for the laces on my pants.

“Stop,” I begged. “Please. Stop.”

“You think you’re so special? Think letting the fae captains fuck you will get you special treatment?” he spat.

“I’m not— I don’t?—”

He started to unlace my pants. I kicked out, but Durand blocked my strike and Ambrose leaped forward.

I couldn’t let anyone else get a hold of me. I had to escape, no matter what. Fists and feet weren’t doing it. I needed a weapon.

Both Durand’s sword and dagger were close, but he’d stop me before I could draw them. Bramwell, however had a sword and two daggers, one on either hip.

I flailed behind me, hit the small hilt on his left side, and yanked the blade free.

Ambrose’s eyes flashed wide, seeing me draw the weapon before Durand did, and he seized my wrist before I could strike and slammed his fist into my face.

My head jerked to the side, stars flashing across my vision.

“What the—?” Durand asked as Ambrose grabbed the front of my jerkin and tossed me over the edge of the ravine.

I crashed into the water, the world lurching around me, panic stealing my breath and shaking my body. I had to get away. Now now now.

“What the fuck?” Durand yelled.

“You were supposed to scare him, not actually fuck him,” Hamelin said.

Mikel glared down at me from the far side of the ravine. “One word about this and we’ll fuck you while you sleep.” He turned his attention to the others and jerked his chin. “Come on.”

Durand, Bramwell, and Ambrose ran across the log bridge, managing to keep their balance and they raced out of sight as I hugged myself, my stomach threatening to expel my lunch.

Not even Edred or Pylos had attacked me in that way. What the hell had I been thinking? I was stupid, so stupid. They’d almost— and I’d encouraged it.

A sob bubbled in my throat and I clamped my hands over my mouth to stop it. I couldn’t cry. I was a man. Men didn’t cry.

Except I was scared. I’d only ever been more scared facing the shadow monsters, and — Great Father! — it hadn’t been because being discovered would endanger Sawyer, it was because of what I knew they’d do to me once they learned the truth.

I lurched up stream away from the bridge and the other runners who’d come by, my stomach heaving, bile burning my throat, and my face throbbing from where Ambrose had hit me. Tears stung my eyes but somehow, I managed to hold it back until I was out of sight. Then I pressed my hands over my mouth to muffle my sobs and cried .

I cried for fear of what had almost happened and how I had to run back into the practice grounds and pretend nothing had happened because I couldn’t go running to Lord Rider or Talon or Lord Quill for help. That would only prove to them that I was the spoiled nobleman letting the fae fuck him to get special treatment.

And then I cried for Sawyer and the life he should have had and for our mother and father and brother. I wanted to save him, to save all of them, and I was too weak. I’d failed the rest of our family. My premonitions had told me they were in danger and I’d still been helpless. What made me think I wouldn’t fail Sawyer?

I was never going to beat Edred at his own game. I was just a girl. Weak and pathetic. What made me think I could fight? What made me think I could survive as a Guardsman for a rotation let alone four?

I couldn’t. Durand and his friends had just proven I couldn’t, and now it was clear they wouldn’t stick to attacking me on the trail. Mikel had promised they’d attack me in the middle of the night while my soul was stuck in the Garden.

I wasn’t safe here. I wasn’t safe anywhere, not even in my home where I was supposed to be safe.

Something inside me snapped at that thought and a red-hot rage consumed my fear. How dare they take away what little safety I had in the Gray. I had been doing fine. Fine!

I marched through the water to the holes that had been cut in the ravine wall the day after the shadow dragon had attacked me and climbed out.

As ridiculous as it was, I had hoped that once I was discovered things would work out. It had been a small hope, and I hadn’t fully realized I’d still had it, but I had, and now that was gone.

I marched back to the log bridge, crossed it to retrieve my sword belt then crossed it again and half jogged half stormed my way down the trail.

If all hope was lost, if keeping my head down — more or less — wasn’t keeping me safe and I’d fucked it up by trying my stupid plan to become a better fighter, then it didn’t matter what I did.

I wasn’t ever going to be safe, my life was over, and Durand, Mikel, Ambrose, and the others were going to pay for that.

I crested the last hill on the trail. Lords Rider, Quill, and Talon stood by the sparring circles talking while the novices sat around, the fae looking bored while the less experienced humans all huffed, trying to catch their breaths.

“Glad you could finally join us, Sawyer.” Rider glanced at me then turned back to his conversation with Quill and Talon.

Funnily, with my rage burning through me, it was easy to not fall into Talon or Quill’s eyes and focus on the men who’d attacked me .

Durand sneered at me and Mikel looked smug, while Bramwell and Hamelin looked slightly concerned but not as upset as they should have given that they’d tried to rape me.

“Remember what I told you,” Mikel hissed as I stalked up to them.

“And you remember this,” I hissed back as I stopped beside Ambrose and glared at the others. “Try that again and I will slit your throats while you sleep.”

“Don’t make idle threats,” Durand huffed. “They’d execute you for that.”

“Look in my eyes and tell me my threat is idle,” I snarled back, letting them see the fury boiling within me, my body trembling with rage.

Durand’s eyes widened and Hamelin hissed an, “Oh, shit.”

“Oh, and Ambrose,” I said as I turned to him.

He raised his gaze to me and I rammed my fist as hard as I could into his face. His nose broke with a satisfying crunch, his expression complete shock at what had just happened.

In fact, everyone stared at me, the world stuttering to a stop, unable to believe what just happened.

Then everything lurched back into action and everyone reacted and gasped and yelled.

“Sawyer!” Lord Rider roared, silencing the chaos as quickly as it had erupted.

I turned to face him, his body tense and vibrating with his fury, his feral, predatory nature burning through his silver gaze.

Everything within me screamed to make myself smaller, apologize, beg for his forgiveness, but I clamped down on that and raise my chin. I was angry and I had every right to be angry. I was not going to back down on this. I wouldn’t tattle, but I also wouldn’t let them think they could attack me like that again.

“Run the trail,” he snarled.

“How many laps?” I asked, standing my ground.

“I said run! You run until I fucking tell you to stop.” He lurched toward me, and I instinctively flinched back, the look of violence in his eyes too much like Edred’s and Pylos’s.