33. Sage

CHAPTER 33

Sage

I woke the next day sore and tired and afraid Rider was going to find out I hadn’t actually gone to the infirmary. I prayed he’d think because I’d returned to training that the gash in my shin hadn’t been too bad and wouldn’t follow up with the healer over a lowly novice.

The injury had been deeper than I’d hoped, but I’d cleaned it up as best I could and wrapped it with lots of dressing — made from the shirt I’d worn to the Gray that I no longer needed — and pushed through the pain.

Thankfully, he didn’t say anything about it at training that day and didn’t bring up the shadow dragon attack. In fact, he was more gruff with me than before, which stung, given the moment I thought we’d shared after the attack and the fact that I knew deep down, he could be kind.

Adding to my mix of frustrating emotions was Talon, who continued to ignore me and kept his distance and Quill, who was missing.

Somehow, I managed to get through the day without needing to fight Talon’s magic and without further injury.

Mikel and his friends didn’t ambush me at the log bridge, but Durand looked like he really wanted to, so I set my horrible training plan in motion, letting it slip to Tyon that if he got friendlier with Talon or Lord Quill, Rider would go easier on him. I also mentioned that even though it didn’t look like Rider was going easier on me, we all knew he’d be pissed if I ended up in the infirmary.

The next four days were an exercise in pain, exhaustion, and loneliness. My “training plan” worked and I got chased and tackled and dunked in the stream, earning me more bruises and scrapes and sore muscles but was never seriously injured — thank the Great father! And while it didn’t feel as if I was getting better at anything, I knew if I just kept it up, I’d get faster at evading attacks and learn to recover faster after being struck or tackled.

Rider was even gruffer during regular training where I was sure the men were striking me harder than necessary, but still stopping before I ended up in the infirmary. Quill returned after two days away, stealing my breath all over again with his beauty, while Talon continued to ignore me and I tried to ignore him, except it was getting harder and harder not to glance at him.

Kit, Payne, and Lewin were still on the night shift, so mealtimes continued to be lonely with no relief from the sullen looks and snide remarks, but the worst was the Garden.

Before, my aches and injuries in my spirit form had been ghosts of what they were in my real body, but now I hurt almost as much in the Garden as I did in the Gray and my yearning for Fantasy Man — and Talon and Quill and Rider for that matter — grew stronger and stronger every night.

I kept going to the nook to hide from the other men, hoping, praying Fantasy Man would come for me, but it seemed Fantasy Man had also decided our last time was it for us.

Except knowing we’d both come to the same conclusion didn’t ease the heat, pressure, and light radiating from my marks or my growing need for a sexual release.

I woke in the Black Tower on the last day of my first rotation as a Guardsman and forced myself to get out of bed. Every muscle in my body screamed in complaint, and I had no idea if I was ever going to get used to the physical demands of being a Guardsman or if my body was just going to give out.

Four more rotations, maybe five to be on the safe side, to ensure Sawyer had gotten out of the Great Five Kingdoms and then I could tell the truth and beg Lord Rider for mercy.

Except that thought made my chest and throat tighten.

As much as I hurt — Great Father I hurt! — and as much as I was lonely and always a little afraid that I’d be discovered, I also felt stronger.

I could look a man in the eyes, I could question him — I could insult him in the case of Mikel and his friends — and my life was still my own. They could hurt me, but they didn’t have a say on who I married or when I ate or where I slept. I didn’t have to serve them, and I didn’t have to fear that I’d have to please one of them in bed if I didn’t want to.

And after today, I had a two-day reprieve from training. Two days of glorious lieu time where I could spend all day in bed if I wanted to — which I definitely did.

I just had to get through the day.

I splashed water on my face, checked to make sure the scraps of my old dress that were flattening my chest were secure then checked the gash on my shin. The wound had scabbed over and the bruise around it had turned an ugly dark purple, but it wasn’t warm to the touch which meant it wasn’t infected even from daily dunkings in the stream.

With a steadying breath and the words, just one more day, running through my mind, I squared my shoulders, raised my chin, and stepped out of my room ready to face whatever the Guardsmen of the Black Tower threw at me.

Thankfully it was more of the same and I made it through the morning meal, stable duty, and the midday meal without incident — and, of course, without an orange.

I arrived early at the large boulders marking the entrance to the running trail and stared across the rugged, gray landscape to the Shadow Gate, barely visible in the mist. I hadn’t been close to it yet, but I knew from my vision of Sawyer’s death that it was enormous, wide enough for half a dozen carriages to pass through side by side.

There were two other gates, a white gate that led to the fae realm and a golden gate that led to the human realm, but I’d yet to see them. Were they as large as the Shadow Gate and just blended in better with the mist or were they smaller or farther away? There was so much I didn’t know about… well, about everything.

The pasture gate in the Tower’s tall, thick wall swung open and Talon and Lord Quill strode out, stealing my breath like they always did whenever I saw them. Why did they have to be so beautiful?

I tried to drag my attention back to the Shadow Gate but was just too tired to force myself to look away from Talon and Lord Quill. I’d passed my limit days ago, and the only reason I was still working and training was sheer force of will mixed with the fear that if I didn’t, everyone would find out I was a girl.

Impossible sunlight glinted from Lord Quill’s mess of golden locks as if he could summon light or part the mists around him, which I knew was impossible because Fantasy Man had said Lord Quill didn’t possess magic and given how Fantasy Man had been trying to get me to look at other fae for possible mates, he had no reason to lie to me about that.

Lord Quill said something to Talon who glanced up, capturing my gaze with his despite the distance between us. I could barely see his eyes, let alone their mesmerizing swirls of pink, purple, blue, and gold, but I was still trapped and falling. A hint of darkness curled over one of his cheeks, but he didn’t seem to notice and neither did Lord Quill, making me wonder if I’d really seen his shadow or just imagined it.

“Always so early,” Lord Quill said.

“Yep,” I replied still staring at Talon, the warmth and need of his seductive magic fluttering low inside me.

He stared back as if he was just as mesmerized by me. “How are you feeling?” he asked, his voice low.

A quip about being ready to take my daily bath in the stream reached the tip of my tongue, but instinct made me swallow it back.

I’d forgotten myself with Lord Rider when I’d had the crap scared out of me by the shadow dragon, and he’d been gruff and aloof ever since. Better to be aloof as well, especially with Lord Quill present. Opening up around him might make him think he could press me for details about my “sister,” and as much as a part of me would love to be rescued by Lord Quill that just wasn’t an option.

And after the truth came out, it would be even less of an option.

No man wanted a woman who could fight. Even fae men who seemed to treat their women better than human men wouldn’t want a woman who could swing a sword as well or better than they could… not that I would ever be able to fight as well as a fae.

“I’m fine,” I forced out instead.

Lord Quill’s eyes narrowed, but before he could tell me I obviously wasn’t fine, the pasture gate opened and Lord Rider, along with most of the other novices marched out.

I moved away from them, fighting the urge to look at my feet and shrink in on myself. Men didn’t try to make themselves smaller like women did. I had to keep my head up, make eye contact with them, and just get through one more day. Besides, they were helping me and just that knowledge gave me a glimmer of joy. Mikel would be pissed to know he was inadvertently training me so I could survive a future attack.

“Look who’s sucking up to the captains,” Mikel hissed as he drew closer.

Durand barked a harsh laugh. “More like sucking off the captains.”

My thoughts instantly leaped to Talon in the bathhouse, water dripping from his beautiful, large cock.

The seductive ache of his magic flared to life within me and for a second it felt as if the mating marks I had in my spirit form burned around my neck and down my chest just like they had the last time Fantasy Man and I had made love.

I fought to hide my reaction, but my cheeks still heated with desire and embarrassment and there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it.

The other men snickered and Durand’s expression darkened.

“You know the drill,” Lord Rider growled, his attention — along with Lord Quill’s and Talon’s — on the other novices, thankfully not noticing my embarrassment. “Once around the trail, last one runs again with the rocks.”

The novices took off, the fae taking the lead like they always did.

“See you at the log bridge, runt,” Bramwell said as he shouldered past me, sending me stumbling .

One more day. That’s all I needed to survive. One more. Not even. I just needed to get through training then half a shift at the stables and I had two glorious days of nothing. But before that, came one more dunk in the stream and today I was going to make them work for it.