21. 21

21

Ember

E than stared at me, a wealth of emotions crossing his face as he fought with himself, with his urges, and his needs, his fists clenched tight at his sides.

“Please, Ethan. Be my first, be my only,” I whispered, sliding my hands up to cup my breasts like I’d seen in the movies I’d watched. When you’re a virgin, and you have nothing but questions about sex and what people do together, porn is the easiest way to find out. I mean, sure, some of it is pretty nasty, and there were videos that made me gasp and skip them instantly, but I knew what my body was telling me, and I knew it was Ethan I wanted.

“Em,” he whispered, his hands moving to the fastenings on his jeans, before they froze again. I trailed my fingers over my nipples, which were in tight buds, and a shiver of intense tingles rippled through me. Wow. They’ve never done that before, but then I’d never been in this situation before.

I did it again, and a soft moan left my lips. Suddenly Ethan’s hands were moving, and he was shoving his jeans down, and he didn’t stand up fully again until he was completely naked, that scary big dick of his pointing upwards. A stark reminder that I was about to lose my virginity to the one man whose touch had never freaked me out.

“Em…” At last, Ethan moved onto the bed, kneeling over my thighs, straddling me, with that rigid appendage so much closer now. It was darker than the rest of his body, particularly at the tip, where it looked angry and red. There was liquid building at the tip, pre-cum, and I felt this weird urge to touch it, but I had no idea if that would please him.

“Have you seen a… fuck, what am I saying, you’ve had these things forced in your direction before,” Ethan hissed, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling as he took a ragged breath. “I’m sorry. That was so fucking insensitive of me.”

“Ethan, don’t do that to yourself, okay? Yes, I’ve had boys force me to touch them, and suck them, but theirs were nothing like yours. They were pathetic, and… and I can’t believe how big yours is.”

Ethan’s lips quirked briefly as he finally met my eyes again.

“You say the kindest things, Em. Fucking hell. What am I doing?” If he changed his mind now, I think I’d actually kill him. I knew that kind of psychopathy was in my genes. I knew Blaze was a serial murderer, and I knew that our dads weren’t all that innocent either. Could I do it though? To him?!

“Please don’t leave me like this, Ethan. It took so much courage to lay myself out like this for you, to be willing to have you inside me. Don’t humiliate me by rejecting me now, please.”

Ethan shuddered, and leaned closer, bracing himself over me on his fists, his eyes fierce on mine as he lowered himself further.

“I could never reject you, Em. I tried, but the truth is, I was always going to be too weak to resist you. Please just remember that I tried.”

I lifted my head, so I could press my lips against his, and I felt and heard his low groan as his mouth responded, and he dropped down onto his elbows, his palms cupping my cheeks as he started to kiss me long and slow, his tongue delving between my lips to devour me.

I already felt like nerve endings were singing, and that was just from a kiss. How much more amazing could it feel? Ethan pulled back, letting out a low curse, as he fixed his eyes on mine.

“Have you ever had anything inside you, Em? Is my cock going to be the first?”

I felt him adjusting his balance on top of me, one leg pressing between mine, urging me to open up for him, and then he was between them, and his fingers were dipping down and stroking me there.

Oh god, it felt like nothing I could have imagined. It felt like he was sending tingles of delight through me, emanating out from where his fingers were stroking, and teasing. I could feel there was plenty of wetness down there, and his fingers were gliding easily back and forth.

“I… am I wet enough?”

Ethan’s eyes stayed on mine as one finger suddenly started pushing slowly inside me, and I froze, sucking in a panicked breath as I squeezed my eyes shut. The alien sensation was too much, too strange, and suddenly I was back in that classroom in school, pinned against the wall as the asshole was jamming his fingers into my underwear, and trying to do this very thing.

“Em. Em, open your eyes and look at me. Ember, dammit!”

Shock had me obeying, and meeting his eyes with mine, even as I felt mortification chilling the blood in my veins, cooling that warm sultry glow I’d been feeling.

“Is this hurting you?” Ethan’s voice was soft again. I shook my head, not wanting to put into words what I was feeling or thinking. Dwelling on, even.

“Is it too much? Do you need me to stop?”

I shook my head, and that finger suddenly pushed deeper inside me, stretching that unused part of me around his intruding flesh, dragging a shocked gasp from me.

“Em, look at me. We can stop. You don’t have to do this; you have nothing to prove.”

But I did. I really did have something to prove, to myself . I had to believe that I could do this. That I could grow and be normal, and not always be controlled by the way they made me feel. I’m not just that girl they forced. I’m me.

“I need this, Ethan, but I need you to promise me something. It’s really important to me.”

He swallowed hard, nodding slowly, like he could sense that he wouldn’t like what I was about to ask of him.

“I need you to keep going, even if I beg you to stop.”

Ethan

WHAT THE FUCK DID she just say? What was she asking of me? To force her, if she tried to back out? To force her into sex, even if she didn’t want it? That sent ice down my spine, and I eased my finger back out of her, sitting up again to face her properly.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Say I’m wrong. Say I misheard you. Please don’t ask me to do this. Don’t fucking ask this of me.

Ember sat up, her elbows against the mattress, and fuck me I tried, but my eyes dropped to her breasts as they jiggled slightly with the movement. I’m going straight to hell, and I fucking deserve it.

“Ethan, please. I can’t… I need you to do this, because I need to… to reclaim myself from them, from everything they did.”

“And you will, but this isn’t the way, Em. Asking me to rape you is not the fucking way.”

She winced at the sharpness of my tone, but I couldn’t soften it for her, because she was freaking me out. I’d barely finished telling her that I was losing my mind over her, and I almost fucking forced myself on her already, and now she’s asking me to follow through on that twisted impulse, no matter whether she begs me to stop? Had she not destroyed enough of me already?

“It’s not rape, Ethan. I’m giving you consent, but I’m saying if I lose my nerve, I need you to carry on. I need to take back my life, and stop living in fear of everything. I know this is an important step, and I realise it’s a big ask, but… well, you do want me, right?” Manipulative bitch . She knew I wanted her, and now she was trying to use that to coerce me into forcing her.

“Em, that’s not the fucking point. Do you get what you’re asking? I just lost everything, because everyone believed I was doing this stuff to you, and I wasn’t. Only now you’re asking me to actually do those things to you. Proving them right. Proving myself to be the monster they all imagine I already am.”

She offered me a half smile, shrugging her shoulders.

“So what do you have to lose? You’re already paying for it, so why not have what you want?”

That little fucking minx. I practically snarled at her as I surged forward, flattening her against the bed again, trapping her with my body.

“You’re playing with fire, little girl. Watch you don’t get burned beyond recognition. If I do this, I lose the last fucking piece of me that I was able to feel proud of. The last piece of me that defined who I am. It’s not just about whether you can come back from this, Em. This could destroy both of us. Neither of us will be the same.”

She shivered beneath me, another sign that she really wasn’t fucking ready for this at all.

“You’re eighteen. You have your whole life ahead of you. A lifetime of opportunities and possibilities. Why would you let this be how your first time plays out? It could be with someone you love.”

She eyed me fiercely. “How do you know I’m not in love with you, Ethan? How can you be so sure of my feelings, when you’re so out of control yourself?”

It was like she wanted me to hurt her, because if she kept pushing me, any control I had would be long fucking gone, and I’d take her hard. I’d dreamed of fucking her. I’d fantasised about it. I’d lost everything because everyone suspected I’d done it. She was right, wasn’t she? If I’m already suffering the punishment for doing something I really want, why the fuck wouldn’t I just do it?

“Last chance to make a better decision, Em. If I go through with this, you can be damn fucking sure I’m not stopping, no matter how much you beg, or fight, or cry. Stop me now, or suffer the consequences.”

It wasn’t like I’d deliberately hurt her, just to prove her wrong. It was the fact that I could feel my conscience being drowned beneath the weight of what I wanted, and her wants were almost aligning with mine. Consent was given. She was simply telling me to ignore her if she tried to remove said consent. Em shook her head at me, that determined set to her jaw, and defiance in her eyes. Snap . There was the last of my restraint.