20. 20

20

Ember

H e stopped. He almost pushed me too far, but then he stopped, only I had no idea what had stopped him, or what was going through his mind as he ran from me.

I grabbed the thin top cover from the bed and wrapped it around me, waiting for the panicked shivering to stop, while I tried to get it straight in my head. He’d been seconds away from raping me. I was certain that had been his plan, and he’d been so intent on having what he kept saying he’d tried not to take.

Had he wanted me that much? Had it been more than just a little attraction on his part? Was this just how men were? Was sex the only priority for them? I mean, my parents were probably a bad example, because I knew there was a lot of sex, ugh, way too much, and not something I ever wanted to think about, but there was love. Real, true love. Real caring and support.

Mum had two men who worshipped her, and the ground she walked on. And they were that way with each other too. Sure there was the occasional dispute, or argument, and sure they enjoyed winding each other up, but that was just another part of what made them happy, and kept them together.

I had no idea what actually made Ethan tick, or what his feelings were, but he was struggling, and he needed my help. Was I actually planning to seek out the man who tried to force himself on me, so I could comfort him? Yes, because he stopped . Something in him realised I wasn’t ready for that, or that I didn’t want it that way, and he stopped.

I got up, crossing the room, and stopped in the hallway to listen. There was noise coming from the room next to this one, but it sounded like someone sobbing like their heart was breaking, like they’d lost… oh god… everything. This is what it sounds like when a person reaches rock bottom. And I was the rock that dropped on top of him, and broke everything on the way down.

I pushed open the door, spotting him instantly. He was sitting with his back to the small bed in this room, and his face was buried in his hands, which rested on his folded knees. I hated to see him in such pain.

I’d never seen a man cry before, and there was something so gutwrenchingly heartbreaking about it, that I felt my own tears burning my eyes again. He was in so much pain, and anguish.

I stepped closer and he froze, his body tensing up, before he dragged the back of his arm across his eyes.

“Don’t come in here,” he rasped at me, keeping his head low, so he couldn’t actually look at me.

“Ethan, I can’t bear to hear you suffering like this.”

Was that a bitter laugh, or another sob, or something in between? He clenched both fists, letting his legs slide down flat, but he still wouldn’t look at me. I dropped down a few feet away from him, about a few inches from his legs, and tucked the bed cover around me.

“I just said-”

“I know, but you need me. What can I do, Ethan? I want to help.”

He made that sound again, finally lifting his eyes, which were reddened and wet, sitting above pink tear streaked cheeks.

“You can’t help me, don’t you get it? I’m ruined. Broken. A monster.”

“You’re not, you’re-”

“Where’s your top, Em? Oh that’s right, torn apart by the man who just tried to rape you. This man. Fucking hell, I’m no kind of man at all. Who does something like that? Only a twisted psycho with no feelings, or no sense of right or wrong.” He wiped at his eyes again.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Em. So sorry. I can’t believe I just did that to you, and I hate myself for it.”

My earlier fear was forgotten, now that I could see how much his own actions had shocked and horrified him. He hadn’t meant to be so cruel or threatening before, and even though I knew it was a copout to say it, I was at fault for so much of it.

“I’m the one who’s sorry, Ethan. All of this happened to you because of me. You were a normal happy guy, and I took everything from you. I didn’t mean for any of it to happen, you know. All I wanted was to get to know you properly, and see if the fact that yours was the only touch that didn’t horrify me, might mean something for the future. Our future. We got on so well, didn’t we? It was comfortable. Companionable.”

Ethan averted his eyes as I adjusted my position on the floor, to move a little closer to him. He waved a finger weakly in my direction.

“Your uh… you need to fix your blanket.”

I glanced down and saw that the blanket had parted, revealing a large swath of my naked flesh to his gaze, even though my breasts were still mostly covered.

“You… you weren’t the first to… to touch them, you know, but even though I freaked out a bit, your touch wasn’t unpleasant.”

He chanced a glance at me, and relaxed a tiny bit when he saw that I’d adjusted the cover again, hiding my nudity from him.

“It was more than unpleasant, Em. I’m the predator your dads were so worried about. My god, they were smart enough, and good enough dads, that they saw through me, even when I didn’t see this side of myself, they knew. You’re lucky to have such great parents, you really are. If only they’d known you were coming to me tonight, they could have protected you from me tonight too.”

“Will you stop doing that?! So you lost control, Ethan. It’s not like you were deliberately-”

He lurched up from the floor, pacing across the room, and stopping by the window, staring blindly at the closed curtains.

“I was, Em. I was deliberately trying to push you, to scare you. To drive you so far out of your comfort zone, that you’d be terrified of me. I could pretend that it was all just to make you scared enough that you wouldn’t risk being anywhere near me, but that’d be a lie. See, I just really fucking wanted to touch you, and fuck you, and that means that maybe this always should have happened to me.”

Ethan

WE WERE GOING ROUND in circles, but the important point was this, I shouldn’t have brought her here, and trapped her with me. I didn’t know how to fix that now, not in the middle of the night, not when we had no way to use the car we’d come in. Not when I had no idea how to get anywhere else from here.

I’d known the way here because I’d been several times before, but I’d always come straight here, down the back roads to avoid the detour through the village nearby. And even knowing there was a village nearby didn’t help me, because I had no fucking idea how far it was, or what businesses were there, so right now there was nothing I could do to fix this situation.

“Ethan?” Em’s hand on my arm made me jump, and I immediately tried to get away from her, before that psycho version of me took over again. I was starting to wonder if there was a different person inside me, a dark side of me, and she kept waking him up, drawing him out.

“Don’t touch me,” I hissed at her, groaning as her face dropped. I just kept hurting her, didn’t I?

Ember glared at me for a long moment, and then she did something I never fucking expected in a million years. She loosened the blanket she’d wrapped around her, and hesitated for a moment before she pushed it from her shoulders, letting it pool on the floor as she bared her pale skin, and those sweet breasts to my gaze again.

“What are you doing?” I practically yelled, holding my hands up as she approached me again. She caught my wrists and stepped closer again, and like a fool, like a weak pathetic fool, I let her press my hands against the soft skin of those pert tits. She sighed softly as my fingers curled gently around them, while I started shaking my head.

“Stop… Em, this isn’t safe, don’t you get it? I’m fucked up, like a house already on fire, and you’re just pouring petrol right over it. Do you understand? I have no control over myself, and you’re the one who’ll get hurt.”

My fingers were already kneading that soft flesh, my thumbs grazing over her nipples as I moved closer, without conscious thought, and Ember moaned softly.

“That feels so good.”

If she hadn’t trembled as I moved closer to her, I really think I’d have taken what she was offering, but suddenly I was backing up again, despite the frown on her face.

“Ethan… don’t stop,” she whispered, reaching for me once more.

“This isn’t what you want, but you’re trying to convince yourself of it for some insane reason. Don’t throw yourself in the monster’s lair, just because you think that’s the only way to protect yourself. As soon as it’s light, I’ll find those keys and take you back home, and then… I…”

My words trailed off, because what the fuck was my plan after that? Give back the woman I kidnapped and nearly raped, and then what? Move to a new town where I can pretend I’m a normal guy again? I really think that ship has sailed, and fucking sank in the ocean on the way.

“Ethan, please. I want this. I want you.” Ember sure was insistent, wasn’t she? I kept giving her outs, and she kept pushing her luck.

I swallowed hard, backing right up to the wall.

“I’ll hurt you, and I really fucking don’t want to do that.”

“It’s okay,” she soothed, stepping close enough to press those taut nipples against my chest, and shivering at the sensation. She wasn’t the only one who felt it, or wanted more, just from that simple touch. Pert nipples scraping against my bare skin would be my undoing.

“I want you to be my first. I always wanted it to be someone I could like and trust, but you’re more than those things. You’re the only one I know I’m safe with.” Safe? Did she listen to a single fucking word I said?

Lifting her chin, she backed up again, and shed the rest of her clothes in rapid moves, baring her entire naked body to me, and like the animal I’d become, I knew my ability to protest or hold back had been shed along with them. I followed her as she backed up to the bed, and scooted back onto it. Laid before me, like a sweet temptation, her skin pinking slightly, she beckoned to me.