19. 19

19

Ember

I underestimated how aggressive he’d get once I did the stupidest thing of my life, or one of many, and destroyed my phone. I wanted to show him that I had no intention of running from him, or bringing a member of my family here, and putting him in more danger than he was already in.

When he threw me on the bed and climbed on me, my first reaction was shock at how fast he’d moved, and how rough he’d been, but then a new emotion took over. Fear . Panic, actually, because he was glaring down at me like he was about to follow through with the things he’d threatened, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted that, or if I’d be able to stop him from doing it.

“Ethan,” I choked out, silenced as he slid a hand over my mouth, straddling me on the bed.

“Shh Em, just hush now. You wanted me, didn’t you? You’ve got me now. I don’t… I’ll try not to hurt you, but I don’t know if I have it in me to stop. You pushed me to this, and you destroyed me first. I’m not the man I was before. The guy who came to your house every day to teach you? I don’t think he’s even in here anymore. All I wanted to do was help people. Help you. Now you’re all I have.”

He stroked the backs of his fingers over my temple, flicking my dark hair away from my face, catching a tear as it slipped from the corner of my eye. He was so big compared to me, heavy, older, stronger. In every way, he could overpower me, outdo me, outrun me, overwhelm me.

I was trapped with a grown man whose life I’d destroyed. He had no reason to stop, and part of me didn’t want him to, but unfortunately that part was sitting beneath the panic that made my breathing speed up, and my body tremble. I’d been touched before. I’d been forced into orally pleasuring someone, more than once, but I’d never been on a bed, beneath the body of a large man. He was the man I’d wanted, but now I wasn’t sure if I could handle him.

I tried to speak, but he pressed his hand more firmly over my mouth, and leaned closer, his fingers stroking down the side of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. It should be a pleasant thing, to feel the touch of the man you want, but he was so out of control and unlike himself, that he was scaring me.

“You’re so sweet, Em, so soft, so petite. I tried to keep away from you, to stop myself before I did anything I can’t take back, but you had to keep pushing me. Now you’re pinned beneath me on this bed, and my cock is so hard, and I’m honestly considering just fucking you. Should I just fuck you, Em? We’re here, right? We’re alone, we’re on a bed, and that sweet pussy of yours is right here,” he whispered as he trailed his fingers along my side towards the area he referred to. I had been pulling at his hand which was over my mouth, but now my right hand darted down, to try and stop him, before he touched me there.

He could hear the ‘no’ sound I was making behind his warm palm, right? He knew I was saying no, and I didn’t want this, right? I mean, I did want him, but not like this. Not as an aggressive act. Not as a moment of cruelty or punishment. I wanted a sweet first time with him, something I could treasure forever, as the first time a man had treated me the way I should have been treated before.

If he did this now, he was intent on taking his pleasure, and if it hurt me along the way, so be it. That couldn’t be our story. That couldn’t be the story of Ethan and Ember, could it?

“Do you want my cock, sweetheart? Do you want me to strip these clothes, and slide my thick cock into that virgin pussy of yours? It’ll hurt, but it always hurts the first time.”

He was so strong, and no matter how much I pulled at his arm, it still trailed down my side, and over my stomach, towards my forbidden area. I mean, I knew it wasn’t really forbidden, and I would sound like a child calling it something like that, but I’d never let anyone in before, and I didn’t want it to be like this.

Ethan lifted his hand away from my mouth, catching both of my hands and lifting them, pinning them over my head on the mattress with one of his large hands.

“Please, Ethan, please don’t do this!”

His eyebrows shot up as he focused on my face, on my words.

“No? This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? This is why you keep pushing me to act. This is why you destroyed my life, so all I’d have is you. This is why you destroyed your phone, so you can’t call for someone to rescue you. From me. You chose me, and what I want instead.”

“This isn’t you! I know you, and you’re not this… this person… you-”

He laughed bitterly, lowering his body until he was pressed against the length of me, every inch of me trapped beneath every inch of him, his weight trapping me against the mattress, my chest compressed by his presence.

“You think you know me? You think you have any idea who I am? Ever heard the expression ‘you created a monster’? I think that’s literally what happened here, Em. I was a good person. A good man. I helped people. I supported and nurtured. I have a string of happy former students out there, living the lives they wanted, because I helped them get the qualifications they needed. That was all I wanted in life. To help others achieve their goals.”

He swallowed hard, trailing his eyes down my body as he eased back up again, letting me take a full lungful of air as his weight left me, leaving me with my hands and legs trapped once more as he straddled me.

“Ethan-”

“Don’t make me gag you, Em. I’m trying to explain why this is happening. I have nothing left to lose. Nothing at all. No job, no money, no car, no future, no home, nothing. I’m unemployable. I’m persona non grata. I’m a fucking pariah. Literally the only thing left to lose is my life, and if that’s going to happen, why shouldn’t I do all the things I always knew I never should? What would it change? I could use you, and discard you. I could use you, and then kill you. I could kill you, then me. I mean, what’s left to live for, right? Even if you get away from here, and away from me, I’m still dead, because your family will make sure of that. Why not get the one thing I wanted, the one thing that led to me losing everything else?”

I shuddered beneath him, realising there was no way out for me, just like there was no way out for him. This would end one of two ways. With one of us dead, or both of us. He was right about there being nothing left to lose. Hell, I’d spent the last few years of my life trying to achieve that anyway.

“Will you make it hurt?”

Ethan

I SWEAR, AS I was saying those words to her, trying to scare her, I was realising how true they were. They weren’t some random words I was throwing together, just to get what I wanted. They were truth. Fact. Reality. My new reality.

Why stop if there’s no reason to? What if I stopped right now? I’d end up in prison, or dead. Maybe even both. My actions here won’t change the outcome, so why deny myself the one thing that could make it bearable? Her .

“Ethan,” Em whimpered, eyeing me nervously, tears still dripping down the sides of her face, although they were still fairly few and far between. She was afraid, but not terrified. Nervous, but not in complete panic. Maybe she was even curious, or interested.

“Do you want it to hurt?” I asked, recalling her last question, the one she was desperately waiting for an answer to. She blinked fast, clearly not expecting my question, instead of that answer she wanted to hear.

“I… what? No! Please don’t hurt me, Ethan. I was always sure you were the one man who’d never hurt me. Was I so wrong?”

I tightened my grip on her wrists as she suddenly tried to buck me free, and the roll of her hips against mine sent a shudder of pure animalistic need through me.

“Don’t do that again,” I gritted out, my cock so fucking hard in my jeans that it was aching. It wanted free of its confines before it fucking exploded.

“Please let me go, Ethan. It doesn’t have to be like this. I’ll… I’ll let you, but I want you to be the Ethan I know.”

The Ethan she knows? She wants? I want, I want. So fucking selfish, after everything, still thinking this is all about her.

“He’s dead,” I snapped, releasing her hands as I reached down and dragged that black vest off her, tearing her shirt open while she fought me. Those tits, those fucking sweet tits of hers had been taunting me for months. Months. And now they were mine.

Was this some kind of a breakdown? Had I hit the real rock bottom at last, and lost my senses? My mind had tried to argue with my body, with my needs, but somewhere along the line, it had lost the battle. Or simply given up trying.

“Ethan, please!”

I sat back and glared at her. “Take that off.”

Em was hugging her arms around her, trying to cover up the bra that was already in my fucking way.

“Take it off, Em. You want me nice, instead of pissed, you’ll do as I fucking say, so I don’t have to keep repeating myself.”

Her bottom lip trembled as she hesitantly lowered her arms, baring those gorgeous tits again, covered by the most innocent white scraps of fabric. A tingle of conscience taunted me at the sight, but once more my body won over my mind, and I leaned forward with a growl, to manhandle her out of that bra and toss it over my head. Finally .

Her breasts were bared to me, pert and beautiful, with the palest skin, and soft pink nipples. Nipples that beaded in the coolness of the room, even though I now felt like the heating was on full. I lifted off my own upper clothes, a jacket, jumper, and t-shirt, baring my own chest to her.

I watched as her eyes dipped, her mouth falling open as she absorbed the situation we were in. Both of us were half naked. On a bed. And we were about to fuck.

I kept my eyes on hers as I pushed Em back on the bed, and slid my hands over those pert breasts of hers, her breath catching in her throat as she flinched at the sensation of my skin against hers.

“Em? Am I the first to touch these? Am I the only man to touch these sweet tits of yours?”

A ragged sob tore from her throat, and I felt clarity burning its way through my brain at last. I looked at what I was doing, how I had a vulnerable girl pinned to a bed beneath me, with me half dressed, and her topless, with my hands on her fucking tits.

What the hell was I doing? With a roar of horror, I shoved away from the bed, staggering backward, and ran from the room.