22. 22

22

Ember

H e groaned, a savage rumbling in his chest, and then his lips were on mine again, kissing me harder than before. There was real desperation in his kiss, in his movements, as his hands started gliding over my skin again.

He went back to teasing my nipples, and each touch and pinch sent shivers down my spine; the good kind, but I could see from the tortured look in his eyes that he thought they were a bad thing.

“More,” I whispered as he stared down at me again. He sighed heavily, murmuring something about going directly to hell, and his fingers slipped between us again, stroking between my legs, teasing at moisture my body was producing because I was ready for him, wanted him.

“Please, Ethan,” I whimpered as his fingers pressed again, one easing inside me, the penetration making me freeze for a second again. Ethan tutted, pulling back and thrusting that same finger deeper, harder. I tensed further, I just couldn’t help it.

“Relax, Em. If you can’t take a finger, you’ll never take my cock, and you want my cock, don’t you? You want me thrusting it deep inside you, smashing through your sweet little virginal barrier. You want to be pinned beneath me while I plunder you with my thick cock.”

I wanted those things, but fear was starting to build again. I couldn’t help it. I’d never willingly accepted these touches before tonight, and they were freaking me out, bringing back memories I couldn’t fight. I squeezed my eyes closed, and Ethan growled.

“Open your fucking eyes, Em. You’ll look me in the eye as I fuck you. I won’t accept you hiding from me. You wanted this, so you’ll fucking stay in the moment with me.”

His finger started moving more erratically inside me, then he pulled it back out and lifted it to his lips, licking it with a low groan.

“You taste so much sweeter than I imagined. You’d think all that sass hides your sweetness, but it’s right here.” He pushed his finger against my lips, dragging it across them, before pushing it between them. “Suck your taste from my finger, Em. This is how sweet you are.”

It didn’t taste sweet to me at all, but the mere act of forcing me to suck it from his finger had me shivering again with need. Why was that so hot? Technically it was really gross, right?

Ethan smiled down at me. “You look so sweet sucking my finger like that, Em. I’d love to see you sucking my cock.” I squeezed my eyes shut again, fighting another surge of memories that I didn’t want tainting this moment. His finger left my mouth and he gripped my face in a firm grasp.

“Eyes, Ember. I’m not having you fucking dwelling on them, when you should only be thinking of me. They’re not about to fuck you, remember? I am.” He took a deep breath, his eyes closing briefly while I watched him. He was steeling himself. Preparing.

“Fuck this,” he whispered, reaching between us again and suddenly something much larger was probing at me down there, dragging back and forth, sending shivers of pleasure back up my spine when he brushed against my clit, but suddenly he was pushing inside me, and I started to resist.

“Em, remember what you said. It’ll be easier for you if you relax. Be in the moment with me. It’s just me, remember?” I did remember, and I was looking him in the eye, but when his cock breached my hole and started to press deeper, I started to whimper.

“Em,” Ethan warned, shaking his head at me. I couldn’t help it. I wanted him, but I didn’t. I was ready, but I really wasn’t. He was so much bigger than I’d realised, and it was more painful than I’d imagined.

“No,” I hissed, pushing against his chest. Ethan stopped pushing, but didn’t pull back.

“Don’t do this to me, Em. Don’t make me force you. I don’t fucking want to hurt you.” I knew what I’d asked of him, and I knew he didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop trying to push him away. I needed him to keep going, and I wanted him to stop. I was so confused, so afraid, as memories crashed through my mind, even as I kept my eyes on Ethan.

“Please,” I whispered, pushing against his chest again. His eyes closed again, and his shoulders sagged.

“I’m sorry, Em,” I felt him retreating, knowing he’d gone back on his word, and I was glad. I was glad, because I really wasn’t ready, and he understood that. He understood-

He thrust forward hard, his cock burrowing deep inside me, feeling like he was tearing me apart. I screamed, but he stopped only when his hips were pressed tight against mine. His forehead rested against mine, as wrenching sobs tore from my chest, as fear, panic, dread, pain, and shame all overwhelmed me, breaking me apart once more.

Ethan

I COULDN'T FUCKING BEAR it. I could feel tears sliding down my own cheeks as I watched her dissolve into pained sobs, her hands still pressing against my chest, before they moved up to cover her face instead.

How I was still hard, I had no idea, because this wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted her, of course I did, but I didn’t want this pain and sorrow from her. I didn’t want to see her so tortured that she couldn’t breathe for crying.

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry,” I whispered, trying to adjust my weight onto my elbows, so I could try and soothe her. I didn’t want to hurt her more, but she still squeaked when I moved.

“Em, please, take a breath and look at me. It’s just me. It’s just me, like you wanted, remember?” Fuck, please remember that you wanted this . I was so close to backing off when she started to panic, but if I didn’t do it now, she’d never get past this point where her barrier was physical as well as mental.

I hoped I’d done the right thing, because there was no going back now, was there? I couldn’t very well give her virginity back, because it was gone forever now. I’d forever be her first, even if she hated me for it. She should. She should absolutely fucking hate me. She’d begged me to do it, but I didn’t feel like any less of an asshole for following through with it.

“Em, calm down, I’m going to pull out, okay? It might hurt again, but I won’t do anything more to you.”

She gasped, suddenly grabbing my arms with tear-drenched palms.

“No.”

No? Seriously? “Em, please don’t make me do this. I’ve already hurt you. It’s time to stop.”

More tears dripped from her eyes, but she held on to me.

“We’ve come this far, Ethan. If we stop now, this is just another painful memory.” Well, ouch, but she was right.

“You really want me to keep going? You’re in pain.”

She sucked in a ragged breath, nodding her head.

“Please. I might not have the courage again. If I can only do this once, I need to actually do it. Please, Ethan.”

Her hands moved up, smearing tears from my cheeks.

“Please.”

Fucking hell. “If I do this, and you say stop-”

“Don’t listen to me, please.” FUCK! Why was I listening to her, and not stepping away from this entire fucked up situation? Because I want her. Because she’s finally where I wanted her, naked and spread beneath me. Because her pussy is tight and wet, and rippling around my cock like it was made for me.

“Em, you’re literally killing the last of what’s good inside me. I don’t think there’s any turning back for me, and the last of my willpower is fucking disappearing by the second.” She moved, her hips tilting slightly to drag her pussy against my cock. I don’t think she intentionally did it, but it felt fucking good.

“Fine. I’m going to fuck you until I come inside you, Em. I promise I’ll try to make it good for you.”

She wrapped her hands around my arms again, a fierce look on her face.

“Fuck me, Ethan, please.”

I’m undone. I dragged my hips back, watching her face as I pushed in deep again, and she winced, biting her lip. The next time I did it, more tears dripped from her eyes, but she tightened her grip on my arms.

I was beyond turning back now, sliding my hands under her shoulders, so I could hold her tighter against me, my hips starting to move faster. Every glide of my cock inside her was like fucking heaven, the tight wet glove of her pussy clenching around it, driving me to go faster, harder, pushing for more, wanting everything from her.

She started to tense up on me again, and I had no trouble following her directions from earlier because this time I was so fucking close, so into it, so fucking deep inside her, that there was no stopping. If she hadn’t given me that directive, then of course I’d have found a way to stop, but she didn’t want that. She wanted me to fuck her to completion, and that was what I was going to do.

She started digging her fingernails into my arms, and the bite of pain gave me another kick of adrenaline, another edge to my pleasure, and I surged deeper in response. Em yelped, pushing at my arms again, and that’s when my inner asshole really took over. I caught her hands in mine, pinning them against the mattress, so I could fuck her without interruptions, without her slowing me down, my hips crashing against hers over and over, as I used her sweet little hole to get off.

She was crying again by the time I rammed deep one final time, filling her with cum, as pleasure roared through me, and I buried my face in her neck, groaning through my climax.

“Fuck…”

Ember was still crying quietly, her body shuddering with each sob. I didn’t get her off. I’m such an asshole, because the least I could do was make it pleasurable for her.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. Would you like me to get you off now?”

She started slapping at me as soon as I released her arms, so I pulled back, and carefully eased my cock from her cum-filled pussy. There was something oddly satisfying about seeing it dripping from her no-longer-virgin hole. Before I could touch it, which was suddenly a compulsion I wanted to follow through on, Ember curled up in a ball on her side, sobbing again.

Reality crashed into me like a fuckton of bricks. That wasn’t how she should look after her first time. Did I hurt her more than necessary? Jesus, did I just rape her?