7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

Penn

“What’s for dinner tonight?” I peek over my mother’s shoulder as she stirs something on the stove.

“Chicken bog,” she says, swatting me away. “Now get out of here so I can finish cooking.”

“We haven’t had that in a while.” The rice, chicken, and beef sausage are boiling in the broth in the pot, infiltrating the air around the kitchen, making my mouth water.

“I know. I had a craving for it, so for once, I’m making what I want to eat,” my mother replies. It’s Sunday, which means family dinner night. We don’t always make it each week, but the weeks we can, my brothers and sister and I gather at our childhood home and Mom cooks us a meal like she did when we still lived here. Even before Dad died, this was a tradition. But now that he’s gone, it’s even more important to all come together.

“You know we’ll eat whatever you make, Mom.” I kiss her on the cheek and then head to the fridge, grabbing a beer for me and Dallas. My brother and Willow are currently outside on my parents’ deck, watching the sun set in the distance. His arm is wrapped around her, and as I watch them, envy courses through me.

I want to have that with Astrid.

As much as I hate to admit it, my brother gave me the clarity I needed Friday night. My anxiety is at an all-time high, but that’s because I’m making risky moves in my life for the first time. It’s fucking terrifying, but I don’t want to live with regrets.

As I open the back door, Dallas glances over Willow’s head to meet my eyes. “What’s up, dickhead?”

Willow elbows him in the ribs. “Don’t call him that.”

“It’s okay. You may not understand it, but it’s actually a term of endearment between us.” I hand my brother his beer.

Willow shakes her head. “I’ll never understand men in that regard, I guess.”

“It’s the brotherly thing too,” Dallas adds. “Just wait until Parker gets here. He’ll probably refer to us in the same way.”

“You realize I’ve seen the three of you interact, right? I’m aware that you call each other names. I just don’t understand it,” Willow says.

This isn’t her first family dinner that she’s attended, but now that she’s a part of our lives, she’s becoming accustomed to the way we talk to one another.

If Astrid were here, she’d already know too.

Dallas kisses her temple, pulling her in closer to his body. “Just let it be, babe. It is what it is.” Then my brother meets my eyes again. “You doing better than you were Friday night?”

I nod, popping the top on my beer and taking a sip. “Yeah. Thanks for letting me leave. I needed to demolish some shit.”

Willow squints at me. “What happened Friday night? ”

Dallas turns Willow in his arms so they’re both facing me now. “Penn was on the verge of a meltdown at the restaurant. I had to let him go early before he punched Dick Cockwell in the face.”

Willow’s eyes go wide. “The guy Astrid is going on a date with?” She practically shoves Dallas off her as she stands and steps closer to me. “What happened?”

“Jesus, do you tell her everything?” I ask my brother.

“He didn’t have to. Astrid did,” Willow answers for him.

I drop my eyes to hers. “She told you about her date?”

“I went over to her house Friday night to hang out, and yeah…she told me.” And then it dawns on her. “Oh my god! You’re jealous, huh?”

I close my eyes and huff out a breath. “Jesus, I’m not jealous.”

“Yes, you are,” Dallas says matter-of-factly.

Willow practically vibrates with excitement. “Oh my god. Does this mean you’re finally going to do something about your feelings for her?”

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I mutter, “Nothing is a secret in this family, I swear.”

Willow shoves my shoulder. “It’s not a secret when everyone can see it, Penn. Like I told you at her going away party, I get why you don’t cross that line. But if she goes out with Richard, you’re going to kick yourself for letting her slip away.”

“That’s what I told him,” Dallas interjects.

“I know, all right? I fucking know.” I drain half of my beer before continuing. “Look, I’m going to talk to her, okay? I’ve made the fucking decision and I’m tired of us tiptoeing around each other, but I can’t just ambush her. I need to do this right.”

Willow folds in her lips to hide her smile and bounces on her feet. “Oh my god! I’m so fucking excited!”

Dallas laughs at her. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Goose. He has to actually go through with it.”

“You think I won’t?”

Dallas shrugs. “I think you overthink shit too much.”

“Well, what if I told you that I’m quitting the restaurant and the hardware store?”

Both of their eyes snap to mine. “What?” Dallas asks. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I am. Not yet, but soon. I was going to wait to tell you, but since you’re being a dick, now seemed like a good time.” I flip him the bird.

Dallas furrows his brow. “Why are you quitting?”

I take a deep breath and finally utter the words out loud. “I’m starting my own business.”

Willow’s eyes bug out. “Penn! That’s amazing! Do you need an investor?” She grabs my bicep with both of her hands.

Chuckling, I say, “Not right now, but I appreciate the offer, Willow. Especially since you have no idea what I’m doing yet.”

“Doesn’t matter. I would invest in you in a heartbeat. I know how hardworking you are, and I know you won’t fail.”

I pull her in for a hug, wishing I had the same confidence in myself that she does. “That means a lot. Thanks.” It’s crazy to me that I’ve only known this woman for a few months, but she already feels like my sister-in-law, like a part of our family that was missing. And the fact that she believes in me without question boosts my confidence that I’m making the right decision.

“So what are you going to do?” Dallas asks.

“I’m going to buy houses and turn them into rentals for tourists and maybe residents of the town. I want to offer more lodging for people visiting mostly. The Cove Inn can only accommodate so many people, you know? I’ll still do contract work on the side. I’m just ready to be my own boss.”

Dallas smirks. “It’s about fucking time.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, I know.”

Willow squeezes my arm. “This is amazing, Penn. What made you decide to go for it?”

“Pam contacted me about a house for sale that I couldn’t pass up. But honestly…” I stare out across the yard. “It was Astrid.”

They both look at me knowingly, so I’m guessing I don’t need to explain why.

“So, what about Dick?” Dallas asks.

“I don’t know. I haven’t figured that out yet.”

“Well, you should. Clock’s ticking,” he says.

Willow grabs my forearm now to get my attention. “She doesn’t really want to go out with him, you know.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because she told me. Well, not in those words exactly, but the message was clear under the surface. I think you should talk to her, Penn. Like, soon.” She widens her eyes to the point that she almost looks scary.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I move away from her, slightly concerned.

“She may have some insider knowledge,” Dallas mutters against the lip of his beer can.

Confused, I look back at Willow. “What the fuck is he talking about?”

Willow smirks. “Let’s just say I think Astrid would drop Dick in a heartbeat if you gave her a reason to, Penn,” she whispers, leaning back into my brother’s chest. The two of them are acting like teenagers, giddy because their friends are crushing on each other and they’re in on it.

Jesus, is this what this situation has come to?

“As much as I appreciate the two of you trying to be matchmakers, just stay out of it, okay? I’ll act when the time is right.”

Dallas mumbles in Willow’s ear. “That means we’ll be waiting another year.”

“Fuck you.”

Dallas laughs and Willow chastises him just as Parker exits the house and joins us outside. “Hey, it’s the hometown hero! Save any kittens from trees today?” Dallas says to our younger brother.

“I’m not a firefighter, moron,” Parker replies, flipping Dallas off as he lifts a beer to his lips.

See? This is how we tell each other we care. It’s our own love language.

“Too bad. Firefighters are hot,” Willow chimes in. “I recently read a book about a firefighter who marries a girl he’s been crushing on to help her in a custody battle. And believe me, he definitely set those pages and my loins on fire.”

The three of us just stare at her.

Willow rolls her eyes and begins to walk back to the house. “If there were another girl out here, they totally would have appreciated that.”

The door shuts behind her and then Parker and I turn to Dallas. “Did you know she reads books like that?”

Dallas smirks as he lifts his beer to his lips. “Who do you think helps her live out the scenes when they get her all worked up?” He waggles his eyebrows as Parker and I groan.

“Didn’t need to know that,” Parker grumbles.

“You’re just jealous because I’m getting laid regularly. Very regularly. So regularly it’s probably considered irregular. ”

I just roll my eyes, but Parker replies, “Not that it’s any of your business, but I got some action not too long ago.”

I pat my brother on his shoulder. “By someone other than your hand? Good for you.” I know it’s ironic that I’m giving him shit for the same circumstance I’m in—a dry spell by choice—but this is just what we do to each other.

He pushes my hand away. “Fuck you. It was at the conference I went to last month. I met this girl on the plane and she was gorgeous. One night, no names.” He blows out a breath. “It was hot.”

“Nice to see someone is breaking their dry spell,” Dallas says, eyeing me from the side. “But I gotta say, having the same woman in your bed every night is so much better.”

Even though it’s been years since I’ve been with a woman, I have to agree. Knowing someone under the surface and learning their body makes that physical connection so much more intense.

I can only imagine how mind-blowing it would be with Astrid.

Fuck. She just might ruin me if that’s the case .

Like she hasn’t already owned you for the past three years?

“Well, I had the same woman every night and we all know how that ended,” Parker says, reminding us of his bad luck in love. But the fact that he’s even bringing it up is surprising. “So a hot night with no strings attached was exactly what I needed, and it delivered.” He pushes his glasses up his nose.

“Then I’m happy for you.” Dallas clinks his beer with Parker’s.

“Boys, it’s time to eat!” Our little sister, Hazel, peeks her head out of the back door.

“Hey, look who decided to show up finally!” Dallas teases her. “You’ll be late to your own funeral, won’t you, Hazelnut?”

She flips him off this time, further solidifying just how bizarre sibling relationships can be .

We settle in around the table, and Willow lets out an audible moan when she gets her first taste of the food. “Oh my god. How have I never had this before?”

“Chicken bog is a Southern staple, Willow,” my mother replies. “And any Paula Deen recipe is bound to be good just based on the amount of butter used in it.”

Willow nods her head with her mouth full and then replies once she’s finished chewing. “I don’t even care.”

“You will when you have to unbutton your pants afterward,” Hazel replies.

“I’ve already had that issue from Astrid’s blueberry muffins.” Willow reaches for her glass of water. “I had to put myself on a limit because the addiction was real.”

“It’s just so amazing that the bakery is now hers,” my mother chimes in.

“I’m so proud of her. And I got her to agree to a huge event next month that will bring her even more business,” Willow says.

Curious, I ask, “What event?”

“It’s for Morgan Hotels. She’s going to cater the desserts for their charity event at their newest location in Raleigh. There will be over five hundred guests. Wesley Morgan is a client of mine, so I couldn’t pass up offering her the opportunity to advertise to that many people.”

“Sounds great. She didn’t mention it this morning, though,” I say, trying to hide the surprise in my voice.

Willow shrugs, but her eyes flit around nervously. “She probably just hasn’t wrapped her head around it yet. I only spoke to her about it Friday night.”

Seems a lot of things went down Friday.

I went to the bakery this morning to install the new display cases, but our conversation was very surface level. We talked about the championship soccer game coming up next week since we won our final season game. She asked me more about the flooring and painting I’m doing this week.

But that was it.

Granted there were people all around us, so it wasn’t the best time. But even I could sense that the tension was high.

“Besides, she kept telling me that once the soccer season is over, she’ll have more time to focus on the bakery. I think she’s secretly looking forward to it even though she loves watching Bentley play.”

Dallas chimes in. “As much as I love the season too, I’m ready for the break.”

“Yeah, same,” I say, moving my newfound knowledge to the back of my mind for the moment. But the extra time will be necessary as I focus on my rental property.

“So that means you’ll have time to build the Christmas backdrop for me then, huh?” Hazel asks, batting her eyelashes at me just like she did when she asked me the other day.

“Yes, Hazelnut. I’ve got you. It’ll get done.” Not sure when, but I’ll make it happen. I always do.

She blows me a kiss. “Best big brother ever.”

“Hey!” Parker and Dallas interject at the same time.

“It’s about time I claim the title,” I mock them, but my mother puts an end to the battle, addressing our plans for Thanksgiving before the bickering gets out of hand.

And as I sit there, listening to the usual conversation that happens at our family dinners, I wonder how much different the next one might be if I actually get the chance to talk to Astrid about so many things.

Here’s hoping I take the opportunity when it arises.

***

“You’re in here early today,” Dallas says as I walk toward the bar he’s standing behind in Catch & Release. It’s Thursday, which is when Grady, Parker, and I all come in for lunch each week. Dallas doesn’t open until four in the afternoon on weekdays, so the place is dead and it allows us all to catch up.

I flip my ball cap around and take a seat on my usual stool. “I needed to get out of the hardware store. Mrs. Hansen was driving me nuts.”

“Did she make you sort screws again?” An amused grin spreads across his lips.

“Fuck you. You have no idea what a nightmare that was.”

He taps on the metal bar where the food is placed as it’s cooked, signaling to Jerry in the kitchen that I’m here. One of the cooks always comes in earlier in the day to prep a few things before the doors open to the restaurant. “Oh, no I’m sure it was horrible, which is why it baffles me that you’re still working for the woman.”

“Believe me, I’m questioning that myself.” I take a stack of papers from my pocket and lay them on the bar in front of me. “But I finally filed for my LLC with the town, so the wheels are in motion to get out for good.”

Dallas picks up the paperwork and nods approvingly. “Nice, Penn.”

“Thanks.”

“You should just quit then. I know it’s not about the money for you since you pick up every penny you find on the street.” My brother is right. I’m about as frugal as they come, and my savings is stacked because if I don’t need something, I don’t buy it. I also have some money in the stock market, so it’s not like I’m struggling, but I think we both know my reservations go deeper than that.

“Sometimes it’s not always about money, Dallas. It’s about loyalty.”

“Yeah, but sometimes you’ve got to put yourself first. ”

I lean back in my chair. “So are you saying you’re ready for me to quit the restaurant?”

He shrugs and then crosses his arms over his chest. “If that’s what you need to do, then yeah.”

I can’t say the next step of quitting my two jobs hasn’t been on my mind, but I wanted to be further along with my new venture before I cut all ties. And I’m not one to leave anyone high and dry either. I’d like to make sure that Mrs. Hansen has someone to replace me before I leave the hardware store completely.

But maybe Dallas is right. That needs to be sooner rather than later, especially because the craziest time of the year is about to commence. I could use the extra time.

“I’ll let you know when I’m ready,” I say, just as Jerry slides my burger onto the counter. Dallas grabs the plate, a bottle of ketchup, some extra napkins, and a Coke from the fountain, dropping everything off in front of me.

“Don’t keep pushing it off though, Penn. Time’s a-wasting. Speaking of which, have you talked to Astrid yet?”

I knew that was fucking coming. “Not yet,” I mumble around a bite of my burger.

“Willow’s getting anxious. Every time the phone rings, she thinks it’s going to be Astrid calling to tell her that you’ve confessed your feelings to her. I swear, she’s going to have a damn heart attack.”

“Maybe Willow needs to go back to work since she has too much time on her hands to worry about my and Astrid’s lives.”

Dallas glares at me. “Hey, watch it. That’s my girl you’re talking about.”

The corner of my mouth lifts along with one of my shoulders. “I said I’ll talk to her. I didn’t say when. ”

My brother leans over the counter in front of me. “A little birdie also told me that her date with Dick is tonight.”

Fury erupts in my veins. “Is that so?” I grate out.

Dallas smirks at me. “Yup. Still think you want to wait to have that conversation now?”

I glare at my brother before going back to eating my burger, wishing I never would have come in here for lunch now.

***

My phone vibrates in my pocket for the third time. Shutting off the table saw, I set my safety goggles to the side, turn down the music blaring from my speaker, and dig my phone out of my pocket. But when I see the number for Bentley and Lilly’s elementary school, my stomach plummets.

“Hello?”

“Hello. I’m looking for Penn Sheppard?” the female voice on the other end of the line says. And it’s not like I don’t know who it is, but I assume Alaina Bell must act professionally even though everyone knows she’s the principal of Carrington Cove Elementary.

“This is Penn.”

“Yes, well, sorry to bother you today Mr. Sheppard, but I have Bentley here in my office and was wondering if you’d be able to come pick him up?”

I reach for my keys on the side table and immediately lock up the front door before heading out to my truck. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m afraid Bentley was in a fight today. He’ll be suspended for the rest of today and tomorrow, so someone needs to take him home.”

“A fight? Bentley? Are you sure?”

“Yes, Mr. Sheppard.”

“Shit. Does Astrid know?”

Alaina clears her throat. “I wasn’t able to get ahold of her, Mr. Sheppard. Or her mother. Hence why I’m calling you. You’re the next person on the emergency contact list.”

Why the fuck wouldn’t Astrid be answering her phone?

Before I go down the rabbit hole of what could have happened to her, I give my attention back to the phone call. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, Alaina.”

She exhales and relaxes her voice, the professionalism drifting away. “Thanks, Penn. See ya in a bit.”

This afternoon was supposed to be my time to work on my rental house. After having lunch with Dallas and the boys, I was eager to come here and let off some steam. I just started cutting the tiles for the shower when Alaina called.

Bentley in a fight?

I mean, I know I wasn’t an innocent eleven-year-old boy, but the only time I got in a fight was in high school and it was on the football field. The testosterone was running rampant and it was a rivalry game. Other than wrestling with Dallas and Parker, I kept my fists to myself.

Something must have triggered him. Bentley isn’t that kind of kid.

On the way to the school, I try calling Astrid myself, but the call goes straight to her voicemail. I try calling Melissa, but she doesn’t pick up either. And what about Grady? Was he after me on the emergency contact list?

Something about that makes me both proud and concerned at the same time.

I race into the parking lot of the school, shoving my truck in park and leaping from the vehicle, headed toward the front office. It’s at that moment I realize that I’m covered in dust and there’s a hole in the black shirt that I’m wearing, but this is as good as it’s going to get with no notice.

“I’m here for Bentley Cooper,” I tell Janet at the front desk when I walk into the office.

“Penn Sheppard?” Janet peers up at me over the rim of her glasses, her gray hair tied up in a bun.

“Hey, Janet.”

Her eyes drop down my body. “You look like you were in the middle of something.”

“What gave me away?”

She chuckles. “Well, whoever it’s for made a sound decision. That deck you built for us is still standing strong.”

Janet Connely is married to Harold, one of the three old men that play darts at Catch & Release every Friday night. They’ve lived in Carrington Cove since before any of my siblings and I were born, and last summer, I replaced and extended the deck off the back of their house for them. It was some of my best work, if I do say so myself.

“Glad to hear it. Now, about Bentley…”

Janet pushes a button under her desk, unlocking the half door beside her, letting me past the barricade. “He’s in Ms. Bell’s office. I have to say I was surprised to hear he was involved in an altercation.”

Sighing, I step past her desk. “Yeah, me too.”

I head down the hall that is lined with offices on either side, and finally arrive at Alaina’s office on the left, knocking to signal my arrival.

“Come in.”

I step into the room where Alaina sits behind her desk with Bentley occupying one of the chairs across from it.

“Hey, kiddo. ”

Bentley doesn’t look up from his lap, but the redness on his cheek tells me he’s either been crying or he took a punch in this fight. Secretly, I hope it’s the first option.

Nothing’s a shot to your pride quite like getting caught off guard and taking a sucker punch.

“Thanks for coming, Penn. I’ve tried calling Astrid and Melissa again, and still no luck.”

Alaina looks up at me from her chair, her blonde hair pulled back away from her face and her blue eyes full of remorse. She’s always been a pretty girl, and we even went out a few times right after high school, but agreed we were better off as friends. The romantic chemistry just wasn’t there.

“Yeah, I tried on the way over here too. I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for why they’re not answering.”

Alaina directs her attention to Bentley. “Bentley, I hope you take some time during your suspension to think about how you could have handled the situation differently, okay?”

Grabbing his backpack from the ground, he heaves it over his shoulder and mutters as he walks past me. “Whatever.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose before meeting Alaina’s eyes. “Do we know what started the fight?”

Alaina shakes her head. “Neither one of them wanted to talk about it. When they return from suspension, we’ll do a conflict resolution between the two of them, but it was nasty, Penn. Bentley had Marcus pinned to the ground and was wailing on him before the teacher on duty saw and finally broke them up.”

Well, at least Bentley didn’t lose.

“I’ll see if I can get it out of him before his mother finds out. I’m sure it will probably go over better if she understands why he acted this way. ”

She smiles. “Good luck.”

Bentley is leaning against the wall just outside Alaina’s door, waiting for me as I step out. “Come on. Let’s go.”

I don’t look behind me to make sure that he’s following me, but I sense it. At least we know he’s not stupid enough to wait around for his mother to pick him up once she realizes she has a dozen missed phone calls from the school.

After we situate ourselves in my truck and take off for Astrid’s house, I wait a few minutes before finally breaking the silence. “You know, this will be a lot easier to understand if we know what happened, Bentley.” He stays silent, twisting his head to stare out the passenger side window. “I get being so angry with someone that you want to hit them. Trust me, I do.” My mind wanders back to Dick Cockwell and the audacity he possessed asking Astrid out in front of me, and then gloating about it at the restaurant, and now taking her on a date tonight. Fucker. “But putting your hands on someone else is never okay.”

“He freaking deserved it,” Bentley finally says, his jaw clenched and his eyes rimmed with tears.

“What did he do?”

All I get is a shake of his head.

“Did he piss you off?”

Bentley nods, still avoiding my eyes.

Sighing, I stare out the windshield as we come to a stoplight. I know that taking him home to Astrid would be the right thing to do, but something tells me this kid needs a different kind of therapy at the moment.

As soon as the light turns green, I gun it, speeding past a few cars so I can change lanes and make the turn that I need to.

Bentley grips the handle on the door, bracing himself with his other hand on the seat. “What the heck, Uncle Penn?”

“We’re taking a detour.”

“Where are we going? The fire station?”

I look at him, bewildered. “Why on earth would I be going to the fire station?”

“Travis said you can abandon kids at the fire station.”

Kids are the fucking worst. I swear, I don’t remember ever being that clueless when I was his age.

Instead of calling Travis a fucking dumbass, I roll my eyes and take the next turn to lead me back to my project house. “You can only do that with babies, Bentley.”

“Oh. Then where are we going?”

“Somewhere to help you let out your anger in a healthier way.”

***

Bentley stares at me like I’m crazy as I place a hard hat on his head. “You want me to hit the wall with this sledgehammer?” He asks, struggling to lift the tool in question. I grab it myself and demonstrate how to hold it.

“Yup. As hard as you can.”

He still looks skeptical, so I show him what I mean. Nudging him to the side, I get in my stance and swing hard, punching a hole through the drywall and sending dust flying everywhere.

“Whoa.” He stares open-mouthed at the hole, motionless.

Placing the tool back on the ground, I smile and pat him on the back. “It helps, I promise. ”

I gave him the smallest sledgehammer I have, so I know he can lift it. But I really think a few swings and some destruction will be enough to get this kid talking.

Anger always needs an outlet before reason can come through.

“Okay…” Bentley grabs the tool, hoists it over his shoulder, and swings, making a dent right next to the hole I punched.

“Nice! Do it again.”

“You really don’t care how much damage I do?”

“Nope. I’m tearing down this wall to make the entire living area open.”

The wall wasn’t on my agenda for the day, but neither was picking up my godson from school because he got suspended for fighting. Today, I’m literally rolling with the punches.

The corner of his mouth picks up just a bit as he swings the sledgehammer again. And this time, he makes an even bigger dent. “Yeah! That was a good one. Keep going.”

Bentley gets serious now, preparing his body with each swing, making a mess of the wall in front of me. And I’m not going to lie, watching him focus and partake in this unorthodox form of therapy makes me proud.

But then my phone vibrates in my pocket and brings me back to reality.

“Hey, Bentley? It’s your mom.”

He freezes. “Is she coming to get me?”

I stare at the screen as the call ends, debating what I should do. But then her name flashes across the screen again. Deciding to do what’s best for Bentley right now, I step toward the front door and tell him, “No. I’ll take you home when we’re done here. But just know that she’s not going to be happy.”

He hangs his head. “Yeah, I know. ”

I pat him on the shoulder reassuringly. “Just keep at it.” I step outside, close the door behind me, and answer the call before it goes to voicemail again.

“I have him, Astrid.” I say into the phone reassuringly, watching through the window as Bentley gears up to take another swing at the wall.

“Oh, thank God!” I can hear her exhale in relief. “I started freaking out when I saw how many voicemails I had from the school and you.”

“I bet. Why weren’t you answering your phone? They couldn’t reach your mom either.”

“My phone died and I meant to plug it into the charger, but then I got distracted and forgot. And my mom was in a movie with one of her friends, so her phone was on silent.”

“Well, they went down the list and called me. I was at a job site, but I rushed over and picked him up.”

“What the hell happened? Ms. Bell said he was in a fight?” I hear something metal hit the ground in the background. “Ugh! Stupid bowl!”

“Calm down, Astrid. He’s okay.” If I were there right now, I’d shove a Ferrero Rocher in her mouth.

“I cannot calm down, Penn! My son was in a fight, neither my mom nor I were there for him, and I have a date tonight for the first time in over four years. I am anything but calm!”

Fuck. So she really is going out with Dick tonight.

My concern quickly morphs into frustration. “I don’t know what the fight was about yet, okay?” I say, trying to keep the focus on what’s important here, not how worried I am that I’m too late to stop this thing between her and Dick.

Now’s not the time to discuss us , but shit. The timing fucking sucks, as always .

“Whatever it was about, fighting is inexcusable, Penn.”

“Sometimes that’s how boys solve their problems,” I argue, even though I know it’s weak.

“Not my son. He needs to talk, and he’s going to talk right now! Put him on the phone.”

A loud crash echoes from inside. I glance through the window to make sure he’s okay. Bentley’s chest is heaving, his face is flushed, and sweat is beading at his temples as his anger rises to the surface.

Now we’re getting somewhere.

“That’s not a good idea right now.”

“What?”

“I’m handling it, Astrid, okay?”

“What do you mean ‘handling it’?”

“I’m trying a different approach to get him to talk to me.”

Astrid groans. “Oh, God. Penn! My son hit another boy…”

“Listen,” I cut her off. “I know you’re upset, but there’s a reason Bentley hit another kid, Astrid, and it has to be a good one because we both know he normally wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

I can hear her sigh and after a few seconds she finally relents. “You’re right.”

“So, let me see what I can get out of him, and I’ll bring him home later. You can lay into him then.”

“I was so scared, Penn.” Emotion clogs her throat. “I didn’t know what to think. So many scenarios went through my mind when I saw my phone…”

“I know, but he’s safe. I’ve got him, Astrid. I’m doing what I can for our boy, okay?”

She grows quiet and then I hear her sniffle. “Okay. I’ll see you later. And Penn?”

“Yeah? ”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Astrid.”

When I hang up the call, a scream pierces the air. Heart racing, I rush inside to find the sledgehammer on the ground and Bentley attacking the wall with his bare hands, ripping at the broken pieces of drywall. I run over and grab him by his shoulders, yanking him back before he hurts himself.

“What the hell, Bentley?” I shout and take a step back, chest heaving.

Red-faced with tears welling in his eyes, Bentley yanks the hard hat off and throws it to the ground. Clenching his fists at his sides, he shouts, “It’s not fair!”

Trying to steady my breathing, I soften my tone. “What’s not fair, buddy?”

He shakes his head. “It’s just not fair!”

“What’s going on, Bentley? What did that kid do?”

“He deserved to be punched. He deserved a lot more for what he said!”

I close the distance between us and pull him into my chest. “What did he say, Bentley? You can talk to me.”

He buries his face in my shirt, gripping the fabric tightly. “He said my dad isn’t here because he couldn’t stand to have me as a son!” he shouts into my chest and then the tears flow freely.

I'm holding him close as my body vibrates with anger. “What the fuck?”

He sobs uncontrollably and all I can do is rub his back while I contemplate how to get revenge on an eleven-year-old boy. “Shhh. It’s okay. I’m right here.”

“It’s not okay!” Bentley yells.

“I know, buddy. I know it sucks. ”

“Everyone else has a dad but me,” he cries on a broken whimper. He wipes under his nose with the back of his hand and looks up at me. “And some days I can barely remember him. I feel like I’ve already forgotten who he is…”

Is this what a broken heart feels like? The pain of a child, so deep and raw that you can’t soothe it away. Even though every fiber of your being aches to protect them from this hurt.

“I know that feeling,” I finally say, trying to comfort him but not sure if it will work.

His head pops up and he stares at me through the mess on his face. “What?”

“My dad isn’t here anymore either.”

Bentley nods once. “Oh yeah.”

“Granted, he was in my life much longer than yours was, but even now I’m afraid of forgetting him.” Memories slam into me as we sit there. “I can’t hear his laugh anymore, or the sound of his shoes on the hardwood when he’d walk through the house. But his presence—that will always live on in here.” I pound a fist on my chest, warring with my own emotions. “Tell me what you remember about him.”

Bentley wipes under his nose. “I remember when he coached my soccer team when I was five.”

The corner of my mouth lifts. “I was there. He would scream louder than your mom sometimes. He loved watching you play when he could, Bentley. We talked about it all the time.”

“You played soccer together, didn’t you?”

“We did. Your dad and I were an unbeatable team on and off the field.” The pang of loss hits my chest hard.

Bentley sniffles. “I remember that he always put his bag on the floor by the door when he’d get home from the base.”

I nod. “What else? ”

Bentley wipes his nose on his sleeve again. “I remember trying to walk in his boots. I was really little, but I swear I can still see him holding my hands as he helped me walk.”

“That’s a great memory.” Then I pinch his chin between two of my fingers, direct his face to mine, and say, “And that’s something that no one, not even that little shit Marcus, can take away from you, do you hear me?”

He nods, tears sliding down his face.

“That kid has no say on the relationship you had with your dad, Bentley. And your father died protecting and fighting for his country. There is no more noble way to go. He loved you and always will. He’s with you every day in here.” I tap his chest. “And I will always be here for you too. Any way I can.”

Bentley doesn’t say anything as he rests his head back on my shoulder, but his breathing has started to slow and the red blotches on his face are fading.

“Uncle Penn?”

“Yeah, bud?”

His fists tighten in my shirt. “I’m really glad you’re still here.”

My heart swells with emotion and a tear slides down my cheek. “Me too, Bentley. Me too.”

And I will be here for these kids no matter what. But if Astrid and I become more, would they accept my new role in their lives? Would I want my role to be different?

And then I think about Brandon and my dad. Once a Marine, always a Marine , as my dad would always say. The two of them had a relationship of their own. Would my father be angry with me for acting on my feelings toward another Marine’s wife? I mean, Brandon’s not coming back, but still—there’s an unspoken code there .

The resolve I had earlier about moving forward with her is dwindling the longer I sit here with Bentley in my arms, considering everything at stake.

Squeezing him into me, I breathe him in from the top of his head and focus on what I can control.

At this rate, I may never have children of my own, but I could die happy with that reality because these kids—Bentley and Lilly—they feel like mine in my heart. And that will never change.

***

“Oh, thank God!” Astrid rushes down the porch as Bentley and I exit my truck. As soon as she reaches her son, she encases him in her arms and kisses the top of his head.

“I’m okay, Mom,” Bentley grumbles, glancing up at me, silently asking for assistance. But now that he’s in Astrid’s hands, he’s on his own.

“You may be okay on the outside, but we clearly need to talk about what’s going on in here.” She lays her hand over his heart, her eyes scanning his face. “Have you been crying?”

“A little sawdust got in his eye,” I chime in, winking down at Bentley.

Astrid arches a brow at me. “Is that so?”

“Yeah. Speaking of, Bentley, why don’t you go inside and take a shower? You’re filthy.”

He rolls his eyes, but walks toward the house, leaving me and Astrid alone. She watches him walk away and then turns back to me. “So you handling it was getting him all dirty? ”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I stare down at her. “Look, he needed to release some anger, all right? So I took him to a job site and let him swing a sledgehammer into a wall a few times.”

Her eyes go wide. “You did what?”

“Haven’t you ever wanted to go to one of those rage rooms so you can take out all of your aggression on a bunch of shit and fucking destroy it?”

She casts her eyes to the side and nods. “More than you’d probably think. Did it work?”

I clear my throat, trying not to get emotional just thinking about watching that little boy fall apart in front of me again. Taking a deep breath, I nod. “He broke down and talked to me.”

“And?”

“That other kid said some shit about Brandon and how he died because he didn’t want Bentley as his son.” Her shoulders drop and her lips part slightly. “I’ll let him fill you in on all of the rest.”

She covers her mouth now with her hand. “Oh, God.” Closing her eyes, she shakes her head, hanging it low.

Reaching out for her, I place my hand on her shoulder until she looks back up at me. “He’s going to be okay, Astrid.”

Her eyes fill with tears. “I—I can’t protect him from that, Penn.”

“I know.”

“Why do kids have to be so cruel?”

“I wish I knew the answer to that fucking question, believe me. As it is, I’m trying to think of a way to fuck with the kid that isn’t illegal so he knows not to mess with our boy again.”

Her brow furrows. “You said our boy…”

I freeze. “And?”

“You said it earlier on the phone, too. ”

My heart starts to beat fast because I’m not sure where she’s headed with this. “Well, I mean…we are both responsible for him, aren’t we?”

Her gaze is so analytical that I’m having the hardest time reading her. Normally with Astrid, I can gauge what she’s thinking, whether she’s happy, stressed, or emotional. But right now, she’s looking at me like I’m a freaking math problem that she doesn’t know how to solve.

“Mommy?” Lilly calls from the front door, breaking our eye contact.

“Yes, baby?”

“Grandma says it’s time for dinner.”

“Okay, I’ll be right there!” Astrid calls over her shoulder.

Lilly waves at me enthusiastically from the door. “Hi, Uncle Penn!”

“Hey, Lilly Bear.”

“Bentley said you let him smash walls at your house! I wanna do that too!”

Chuckling, I reply, “Next time I’ll make sure you get to come.”

“Yay!” And as quickly as she came, she disappears back into the house.

“What were we talking about?” Astrid says as she turns back to me.

“Fuck if I know.”

She laughs, and the sight of her smiling instantly calms me. But then I remember that she’s supposed to be going on her date tonight and the peace I just felt gets replaced with rage.

“I’d better get going. Don’t want you to be late for your date.”

Her face falls. “Oh, uh…that won’t be a problem.”

“Why not?”

“Because I canceled it.”

Relief floods my chest, but I don’t get too comfortable with the feeling until I know more. “Why?”

“Because my son needs me tonight. Dick can wait. ”

I internally smile at the fact that she called him Dick, but not before I do the running man in my head, celebrating that she’s not going out with him after all. Maybe Willow talked some more sense into her too.

“I think that’s the noble choice.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “I can tell you’re so disappointed for me.”

“Look, despite how I feel about Dick, your kids will always come first, Astrid. Any man worthy of your time will understand that. And if he doesn’t, then he doesn’t fucking deserve you.”

“And what about you, Penn? You say you don’t have time for a relationship, but you don’t have a family or a business keeping you from having a life. From finding someone worthy of your time. So what’s your excuse?”

This is it, Penn.

Now’s the time to tell her.

Lay it all on the line and take the risk.

Find out if your feelings are one-sided.

But then I think about what’s transpired today—Bentley’s fight, his breakdown, Astrid’s stress over not being there when she needed to—and I think twice.

It’s not the right time.

When I tell Astrid what I’m feeling, I don’t want it to be a rushed confession on her front lawn, made in desperation.

I don’t want it to be when she’s being pulled in ten different directions, her mind a muddled mess.

When I tell her what I’m feeling, I want her undivided attention—her energy, her focus, and those eyes locked on mine so she knows that I’m serious. So she can’t hide behind her responsibilities.

“Timing,” I finally answer.

She huffs out a laugh. “Well, I understand that one.”

“Timing is everything. And lately, I just think it’s been…off. ”

“Mom! Dinner!” Lilly shouts from the door again.

“I’ll be right there!” Astrid yells back.

I start to walk backward. “Go eat. Talk to Bentley and then pour yourself a glass of wine and relax.” Then I toss her the chocolate I was holding in my hand. She catches it reflexively.

“I think I’ll need a whole bottle and about a dozen more of these after today.” She rubs her temples. “Mother of the year over here.”

“Don’t think for a second you aren’t exactly the mother that those kids need, Astrid.”

Her eyes lift to mine, tears threatening to spill over. “Thank you. For everything.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

She shakes her head. “You do so much, Penn. And today? You were there for Bentley in a way I never could be.”

“And I always will be. No matter what.” I take another step toward my truck. “Go eat.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow night at the bakery for the floors?”

“Yup, I’ll be there.”

“Good night, Penn.”

“Good night, Astrid,” I say as I hop in my truck. As I drive away and watch Astrid fade in my rearview mirror, I’m not really sure where I’m headed, but I’m content knowing I was able to be there for Bentley today when he needed me the most.