14. Chapter 14

Chapter fourteen

Astrid

“Do you think I brought enough snacks?” Hazel asks as she, Willow, and I stare at the smorgasbord on my kitchen counter.

“Um, I think you could feed an army with this feast,” I say. “Seriously, how many people are you expecting?”

Hazel bites her lip and winces. “I honestly don’t know.”

My head snaps in her direction. “Come again?”

“I literally texted everyone that I could think of because we never get to have get-togethers like this,” she argues.

Willow’s gaze bounces between the two of us. “Um, I know I’m new here, but is this something you guys do often, or…?”

“Willow, I assure you, we have never thrown a passion party together. This is definitely a first for me and Hazel.”

Hazel huffs out a breath. “Well, we should be doing this more. I mean, why is it always the boys that get to hang out together? Always bro-ing out in their man caves.” Then she looks at Willow. “Well, until you came along, that is.”

Willow points a finger to her chest. “Me? What did I do? ”

Hazel shakes her head. “Nothing. In fact, I’m so glad you’re here because now Dallas is far less grumpy than he was before. But he’s definitely not hanging out with the guys as much now.”

“He has access to regular sex now, so I’m sure that takes priority.” Willow winks.

“And that’s also probably why he’s far less grumpy,” I add, making Hazel gag.

“Don’t remind me that you’re banging my brother, okay?”

“You brought it up,” Willow reminds her.

“I know. I guess I just wanted something to look forward to, you know? It’s not like there’s a man in my life or any action for that matter, if you catch my drift.”

Willow and I stare around the house at all of the penis décor and phallic-shaped foods. “I couldn’t tell,” I say, teasing her as she rolls her eyes.

“I’m happy for you, Willow. Really, especially after everything that brought you and my brother together.”

“Thank you, but don’t give up hope, Hazel.

Hazel nudges me with her shoulder. “At least I’m not the only single one left, am I right?”

“Um, yeah...” I don’t dare correct her. That is not a conversation we need to have tonight, when I’m going to be shopping for sex toys for me and her older brother.

Willow shoots me a knowing look, but luckily the doorbell rings before she can call my bluff.

In a matter of twenty minutes, my house is full of over thirty women of varying ages. It’s the Saturday after Thanksgiving, so I wasn’t sure what to expect in terms of the turnout, but it seems a lot of women in Carrington Cove are in need of sex toys.

Huh. Something I didn’t need to know about my neighbors .

Shaking off my convoluted thoughts, I slip into hostess mode and make as much room for people to sit in the living room as I can.

“Hey, beautiful ladies!” Hazel’s friend Adeline exclaims from the center of the room, gathering everyone’s attention. She’s the rep selling the products, and judging by her pink hair, breasts on display, and banging pre-baby body, I’m guessing she is probably quite confident in bed, which means we’re all in good hands. “Is everyone ready to go shopping for pleasure?” A few women hoot and holler, but most of us giggle under our breath. “No need to be shy. We’re all gal pals in here, and we all have a pussy, right?” Another round of laughter and agreement fills the room. “So tonight it’s about finding the right tools to make your pussy purr.” She claws at the air, and I glance over at Willow who is barely holding herself together behind her hand.

“How the hell did I get into this again?” I mutter beside her.

She stifles her laughter. “I honestly don’t know, but hey, at least we get free entertainment for the evening.” Adeline starts dancing with two vibrating dildos in her hands, spinning them around like batons. “Oh God. I can’t buy one of those now. This is all I’ll be able to see!”

I snort and then lower my voice. “Dear Jesus. This is what I get for sleeping with Penn, isn’t it? Is this karma?”

Willow places her hand on my shoulder. “Hardly. Tonight you’d better buy something for you two to enjoy together.”

I think back on the sex I’ve had with Penn thus far. Honestly, I don’t feel like we need anything to increase our chemistry, but I’m trying to be open. I don’t even know if he’d want to use toys in the bedroom, but if he’s willing, it might actually be fun. Brandon didn’t want toys in the bedroom—even when he was gone. He didn’t want me to “replace him.” So this could be a brand-new experience that Penn and I share. And I think we might need that—something that’s just ours .

Adeline spends the next thirty minutes explaining the products to us, passing them around so we can see how they look and feel and decide if it’s something we might want to try. It feels like we’re playing hot potato with dildos, and yet again, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at some of these women the same way again. Pam has been analyzing an anal plug so long, I know that image is never leaving my mind.

Once Adeline has shown off her gadgets and gizmos with the same enthusiasm as Ariel, we start the ordering process. I’ve set her up in my bedroom, and we’re taking turns so everyone can make their picks in private. Before I know it, it’s my turn.

“So, do you have any questions for me? Or do you already know what you’d like?” she asks as I take a seat next to her on the floor.

“Um, well…I’m kind of in a new relationship and we haven’t talked about what we’re comfortable with in terms of toys, so I’m not sure,” I explain, feeling confident about my vague answer.

Adeline’s eyes light up. “Oh, that’s so exciting. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you have any toys of your own?”

“Just one of those bullet vibrators,” I answer, slightly embarrassed. But it was the only thing I could convince myself to order and could hide from Brandon.

“Oh girl, I’m about to change your life.”

Adeline starts suggesting various things to me, and I’m so enraptured in what she’s saying that I almost miss the masculine voice that breaks through the conversation in the living room.

“Uh, hi ladies.”

I feel my eyes bug out of my head. “Oh no.” Scrambling from the ground, I rip my bedroom door open and race down the hallway to find Penn standing in full view of my living room and all the women holding sex toys—lots and lots of sex toys.

“Penn! What are you doing here?” I ask, and his head whips over to me.

“I, uh…” He scratches the back of his neck while trying to think of what to say. But then his eyes land on Hazel stroking a purple dildo with far too much focus. “Oh, fuck.”

Hazel lifts her eyes to meet her brother’s and then she smiles from ear to ear, waving her fingers in the air at him. “Hi, big brother.”

Penn grimaces. “I just walked in on your sex toy party, huh?”

Hazel nods and I feel my stomach twist. First, I can only imagine how horrifying it is for him to see his sister in this light. But second, I’m sure every woman in this room is wondering what the hell he’s doing showing up at my house on a Saturday night around nine o’clock. It’s late enough for a booty call—well, at least a booty call for someone in their thirties.

Hazel stands from the couch and starts slapping the dildo against her palm. “That’s right. And no boys allowed.”

Penn rears his head back and his eyes go wide. “Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do was walk in on this.”

“Why would you be walking in Astrid’s house at this hour anyway?” Hazel asks, her brow lifting.

Willow meets my gaze, her eyes widening.

“Uh, he needed to drop something off,” I interject, finally finding my voice.

“Like what?”

“Something for the bakery.”

“Why wouldn’t he just drop it off there?”

Think, Astrid. Think .

But before I can spit out an excuse, Hazel chimes in again. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you’re not supposed to be here.” She grins wickedly and then flings the purple dildo across the room, hitting Penn square in the forehead.

Chaos descends as the entire room erupts into laughter.

“Oh my God! Hazel!” Willow shouts, and Penn starts to retreat toward the door, rubbing his forehead where he was just slapped with a fake dick.

And that’s when all reason goes out the window.

Hazel picks up a cock ring and slingshots it at him.

“What the fuck, Hazel?” Penn exclaims, shielding his face this time, prepared to dodge whatever she finds to launch at him next.

“Get out! No boys allowed!” she yells through her laughter as she sends a pair of edible underwear flying.

“Fine! I’m going!” Penn shouts back, walking toward the door.

“You’d better! Before I get my hands on a flogger!”

“Jesus Christ! You’re deranged!”

She sticks her tongue out at him as he opens the door and I follow after him. “Don’t intrude on girls’ night again!”

“Hazel,” I grit through my teeth as I follow Penn through the door and shut it behind us.

Penn is standing near the edge of the street, rubbing the spot on his forehead where Hazel hit him. “I think I’m going to have a bruise.”

I cover my mouth, stifling my laugh. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what got into her.”

“She’s obviously hopped up on female empowerment.” We share a laugh and then his eyes soften as he looks at me, staring at me so intensely that my heart starts to flutter. “God, you’re beautiful.” His words come out of left field, but I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless .

“You’re not so bad yourself.”

“I wish I could fucking kiss you right now,” he says, his voice low and husky. “But I know there are far too many witnesses.”

“Yeah. Which leads me to my question—what the hell are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering your phone and I—” He blows out a breath. “I needed to talk to you.”

“Well, as you can see, I’ve been rather busy.”

“I honestly forgot all about this party.”

I take a step closer to him, wishing I could curl up into his chest and inhale him, drown in his scent and embrace that make me feel content. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

He clears his throat and then straightens his spine. “Don’t make any plans for next weekend.”

“Okay…” I draw out. “It happens to be the only weekend I have free in December. But what’s happening?”

“You and I are going to the mountains.”

My mouth falls open. “I’m sorry. What?”

“You heard me. We’re going away, just the two of us. Far away from Carrington Cove and everyone we know.”

“Penn, I can’t just up and leave. I have the bakery and the kids…”

He holds a hand up. “I’ve already talked to Tanya. She said that between her, Anthony, and Vanessa, they can handle Friday and Saturday. And Sunday the shop is closed.”

“And the kids?”

“My mom and your mom are going to trade off watching them all weekend.”

I raise a hand to the center of my chest, right over my pounding heart. “I’m sorry. Did you say both of our mothers?”

He nods, smirking. “Yes. ”

“Does that mean…”

“They know about us.” He tips his chin once. “Yup.”

I’m speechless. Stunned. Both irritated and giddy. This man might have told both of our mothers that we’re doing…whatever it is that we’re doing, but he orchestrated an entire weekend away for us so we can be alone.

“Is there a reason we need to go out of town?” I ask, now nervous there may be an ulterior motive here.

Penn takes a few steps closer so there’s barely any space between us. My back is to the house so I can’t see if anyone is watching us, but we’re just talking. Very closely.

“Yes. We need time alone, Astrid. We need to talk. And I’m fairly certain that the only way that’s going to happen is if we’re far away from our distractions. Plus, I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking exhausted,” he huffs out through a laugh. “The past few months have been insane and I need a break. I’m sure you could use one too.”

“This is a big step, Penn.”

“No it’s not. Not to me. Our timeline is a little different, babe.” He reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “The usual rules don’t apply here because our situation is unique. So, who gives a shit how big of a step this is? All I know is that the idea of having you all to myself, naked and riding me as much as you want…” He shakes his head and a low growl climbs up his throat. “I’m practically salivating at the thought of it.”

As if I wasn’t already turned on shopping for sex toys, this man comes over and talks about me riding him.

God help me.

“Fine,” I say, feigning irritation. “I guess I’ll go away with you next weekend.”

The corner of his mouth lifts slightly. “That’s what I thought. ”

“I need to get back inside.” I jerk my thumb over my shoulder.

“Yeah, I know. I’ll let you go, but I don’t know when I’ll see you next. I have a lot of work to get done before we leave, and we might have to forego game night this week.”

“The kids will survive. Bentley has a book report that he needs to work on anyway. And Lilly has dance class three times this week in preparation for her recital.”

“Then I guess I’ll see you Friday morning?”

“I guess so.”

Penn walks backward toward his truck, keeping his eyes locked on mine. “Goodnight, babe.”

“Good night, Penn.”

I watch him hop in his truck and drive away as I let out a wistful sigh. For a moment, I wish I could have left with him and let Willow handle the house full of women I’m about to step back into. But now I have something to look forward to—a weekend alone with him where we can be naked twenty-four seven.

But he also wanted to talk, Astrid. Did you not catch that tidbit?

Knowing that I can ruminate on that later, I step back into my living room where the women are acting like Penn was never here.

Thank God.

I find Willow and Hazel in the kitchen, snacking on sausages. Yes—sausages.

“Hazel Grace!” I admonish when she locks eyes with me. “What the hell was that about?”

Willow tosses her head back in laughter. “Oh my God! I can’t wait to go home and tell Dallas about that.”

Hazel simply shrugs, a pleased grin on her lips. “He deserved it.”

“Seriously? ”

Her happy gaze turns into a glare aimed right in my direction. “Um, yes…he did. You have no idea what it was like growing up with three brothers, Astrid.” She has a point. “Hell, even now they make my dating life a living hell.”

“You have a dating life?” I ask, teasing her.

“Ha-ha. But honestly, Penn can handle it. He’s a big boy. Plus, it’s just so fun to remind my brothers that I have a sex life.” She giggles. “It makes them crazy.”

I nod in agreement. “I’ve done that a time or two to Grady as well, but I’ve never flung a dildo at his head.”

“You should try it. It felt really good.”

“I’m just impressed that you hit him square between the eyes,” Willow interjects.

Hazel blows on her fingers and rubs them on her arm. “What can I say, girls? I know my way around a dildo.”

***

“Well, good morning,” my mother greets me as I walk through the front door of her house. It’s the morning after the passion party and I stayed up way too late playing dildo ring toss and drinking vodka and cranberry juice.

The next time I see Hazel, I might just chuck a dildo at her forehead.

“Did you have a nice time?”

“It was…an experience,” I say, following her deeper into the house.

“Mommy!” Lilly exclaims, jumping up from the couch and running over to me. “I missed you, but Grandma made us waffles with strawberries and whipped cream for breakfast and we stayed up late watching movies! ”

“Well, Grandma sounds like a lot more fun than your mom, huh?”

She looks up at me, her arms curled around my waist. “You’re still fun, Mommy.”

I huff out a laugh. “Good to know.” When I pop my head up, I see Bentley exiting the kitchen with a glass of orange juice in his hands. “Good morning, Bentley.”

“Hey, Mom.” He comes over to me, lets me pull him into a hug, and then moves away from me again just as fast.

“Why don’t you two go gather your things while I talk to your mom for a minute?” my mother suggests. My kids head down the hall, and as soon as they’re out of sight, she turns her gaze back on me.

And here it comes.

“Is there something you want to tell me, Astrid June?”

I bite my bottom lip. “That depends. What do you know?”

“I know that Katherine called me Friday, asking if I was free this coming weekend to help with Bentley and Lilly.”

“Did she say why?”

“Yes, but I’d rather hear it from you.”

Sighing, I close my eyes and say, “Penn and I are going away together.”

“Because…” she draws out, enjoying dragging this out longer than necessary.

“Because we’re seeing each other.”

The smile that spreads across her lips is one of pure joy. “There. Now was that so hard to tell your mother?”

“Mom…”

“Astrid,” she counters. “You and Penn…God, I couldn’t ask for a better man for you. Honestly, I figured you two were already more than friends. ”

“Not until a few weeks ago,” I admit on a whisper, staring down at the ground now.

My mother’s brows draw together. “What’s wrong?”

“Can’t you see how messed up this is?” I ask.

“How? All I know is that my daughter deserves love. She deserves a man that knows her worth. And as far as I’m concerned, that’s the only thing that matters.”

“It’s just a lot. My life is complicated enough…”

She shakes her head, making me stumble on my words. “No, honey. It’s not.” She lets out a loud sigh. “Maybe I raised you to be too independent because that’s all I knew. Maybe losing Brandon has forced you to put up some walls. But you have to find the balance between vulnerability and strength, Astrid. It’s okay to be strong, to know that you can stand on your own two feet if need be. But it’s also okay to want someone in your life again. And Penn allows you to do that, sweetie—to be both of those people. You’re always softer around him.”

“He makes me feel things I never did with Brandon,” I admit.

“And that’s okay too. You shouldn’t compare them, honey.”

“But how can I not?”

“I guess in a way it’s natural because Brandon is the only other man you’ve been with.” She tilts her head in thought. “But you and I both know that your relationship with him was over long before he died. Give yourself a chance to get it right this time with Penn. Take that weekend, build a foundation for a relationship, and jump in with both feet.”

“You’re pretty good with the dating advice, Mom,” I tease her. “Why have you never tried putting yourself out there again after Dad left, then? ”

“I did, but I never found someone good enough to introduce you and Grady to. That was my concern.”

I instantly think of the relationship Penn has with my children. “The kids love Penn.”

She winks at me. “I know. I guess the question is then…do you love him too?”

Do I love Penn? I guess in a way I always have, but this type of love is different. The type of love she’s referring to is the kind that could end in heartbreak.

“Now, I hate to push this further, but I have one more question,” my mother continues.

“Okay…”

“Does Grady know about you two?”

Oh God. My brother. How could I have not considered his feelings on the matter? I’ve been so consumed with my turmoil over Penn’s relationship with Brandon that I forgot about his friendship with my overprotective brother.

My mind is just a mess.

“He does not, but Penn and I should talk about when and how to tell him.”

She nods. “I agree. I think him hearing it from the two of you will be best, although I honestly don’t see him having a problem with it.”

“I hope not.”

Once my kids return with their things, they say their final goodbyes to my mom and then we head home to relax, do laundry and get ready for the week ahead. I can only hope that it goes by quickly because my time away with Penn has me excited for what we can explore together, but also nervous that what we have to discuss could end our relationship before it ever gets started.