15. Chapter 15

Chapter fifteen

Penn

“Please tell me my lunch is ready,” I say as I walk into Catch & Release, wiping the dirt from my face with my forearm. It’s Thursday, and once I’m done with lunch I’ll only have a few more hours until I’m free for my weekend with Astrid.

Dallas grabs a burger from under the heat lamps and sits it in front of my usual stool at the bar. “Just finished up.” He assesses me with his eyes. “You need a shower.”

“Yeah, I know. The grout gets fucking everywhere, but I’m finally done with the tiles in both of the showers on my rental.”

“Making progress then?” Dallas asks, leaning up against the bar. It’s just him and me right now, but Grady and Parker will be here any minute.

“Slow progress, but I guess that’s better than nothing.” I pick up my burger and take the biggest bite I can muster, needing food before my stomach eats itself.

“So quit working for me then. Give me your two weeks’ notice right now.”

“I’m not ready,” I mumble around my food .

“Does that have to do with Dad?” he asks, catching me off guard but striking a chord nonetheless.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He sighs and brushes a hand through his hair. “I know you and I had a different relationship with Dad, but I envied how you were always with him—helping around the Veteran’s Center, checking on families of Marines that were on deployment, and fixing up things around the house. He taught you to fix what’s broken and help out your neighbors, and it’s noble, Penn. Really fucking noble, and makes me proud to call you my brother. But, I also feel like he projected this sense of obligation on you where you feel like you can’t say no now.” Shrugging, he moves to the soda fountain and fills up a glass of Coke for me and slides it across the bar. “I guess I’m just trying to tell you that it’s okay to be selfish, Penn. I mean hell, you did that with Astrid, right?”

“Yeah, but look at how long that fucking took,” I huff out.

“But you got what you wanted, right?”

“Almost.”

“Is that why you two are going away this weekend?” I stare at him, wondering how he knows that, but he answers for me. “Astrid told Willow.”

I nod in understanding. “Yeah, I just hope we can get on the same page.”

“You will. I believe in that. I’ve watched the two of you dance around each other for years, and if you don’t, then all of this would have been for nothing,” he says. “Make her see that she’s the one you can’t live without.”

“There you go with the relationship advice again.”

A pleased grin stretches across his lips. “I’m getting pretty wise since Willow came into my life. ”

“Thank God because I was wondering if you were adopted there for a while.”

He tosses a dry dish towel at me just as Parker and Grady walk in through the front doors of the restaurant. “Is it Friday, yet?” Grady grumbles as he takes his stool next to me and Parker sits on the other side of him.

“I echo that sentiment,” I mumble around another bite of my burger, although I can’t tell Grady why I’m chomping at the bit for the weekend to be here. Wanting to defile his sister all over the cabin I rented is not something he needs to know.

“I hate Christmastime,” Parker says, popping a fry into his mouth.

“Isn’t it supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year?” Dallas asks sarcastically.

“Sure, but people are also irresponsible pet owners during the holidays. Do you know how many emergency surgeries we have to perform because dogs and cats ingest decorations?” Parker shakes his head. “I had a dog come in today that has a strand of garland coming out of its ass. The poor guy.”

“Did you save him?” Grady asks.

“Yeah, but it will take some time for him to fully recover.” He picks up his tuna melt and takes a huge bite out of it. “I need a fucking vacation.”

“Same,” Grady echoes.

“You’re preaching to the choir,” I say, finishing off my burger.

“You are taking the weekend off, aren’t you?” Dallas asks as I flick my eyes to him and flash him a glare of epic proportions.

“You? Taking a break?” Parker snaps his fingers. “It’s because of the comment about the bags under your eyes Hazel made at Thanksgiving, isn’t it?”

“Fuck you,” I spit back. “And no. I just…want some time away. ”

“Then good for you. I have the week off between Christmas and New Year’s, and I can’t fucking wait,” Parker adds.

“So where are you headed?” Grady asks, turning his attention to me.

I don’t want to come up with some elaborate lie that I’ll have to remember later, but until Astrid and I discuss when and how to tell him, I’m going to be as vague as possible. “Up to the mountains.”

“Damn, that’s far.”

“I know, but I just want to get out of Carrington Cove for a bit. I’ve been working too fucking hard, and if I stay in town, I’m just going to be tempted to work on something instead of relaxing.

“Makes sense. Maybe we need to plan a guys’ weekend sometime soon then? Just a bunch of boys in the woods, drinking beer, going fishing…” Grady suggests.

“Fuck, I’m down,” Dallas says. “I’d have to run it by Willow first, of course.”

Parker laughs. “You’re not even married and you’re already whipped?”

Dallas arches a brow at him. “Are you telling me that if you’d married Sasha, you wouldn’t put her before everything else?”

I tense up at the mention of Parker’s ex-fiancé, wary of his reaction. “I’ve asked you not to bring her up,” Parker says through clenched teeth.

“Well, if you’re going to pass judgment on my relationship with Willow, then Sasha is fair game.”

Grady looks back and forth between the two of them. “Uh, did I miss something? Parker was engaged?” he asks.

“Unfortunately,” Parker says swiftly. “And we’re not talking about it anymore. Got it? ”

“Okay then,” Grady draws out. Silence descends on us, but Grady offers up a distraction. “Penn got hit in the face with a dildo this weekend,” he says. Parker starts choking on his food, Dallas throws his head back in laughter, and I shove Grady off his stool.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What? I needed to lighten the mood,” Grady replies.

“And that’s what you went with?”

Dallas has tears streaming down his face. “I’m just mad that Grady beat me to the punch.”

“How the fuck does everyone know about that?” I ask, fucking pissed that I have to relive this embarrassment again.

Grady clears his throat. “Dude, did you forget that half the women in town were at that party?”

“The best part is, it was Hazel that threw it at him,” Dallas manages to say through his laughter, and the other two morons lose their shit.

Standing from my stool, I head for the door. “You know what? That’s fine. Everyone have a good laugh at my expense, but I’ve got work to do so I can fucking enjoy myself this weekend.”

Dallas calls out to me as I get closer to the door. “Hope you have a good fucking time,” he says, hinting at my true intentions this weekend.

And with that, I flip him off and exit the restaurant, eager to complete what I need to so I can relax this weekend. But Dallas’s comment about our dad eats at me all night.

So that’s when I decide that before I pick up Astrid tomorrow, I’m going to put in my two weeks’ notice with him and Mrs. Hansen at the hardware store.

I can’t keep living my life for someone else. I have to make the changes I set out to when I took on this venture and when I pursued Astrid. I need to full commit .

Let’s just hope that all these changes I’m making don’t come back to bite me in the ass.

***

“Well, that was kind of stressful,” Astrid says from the passenger seat of my truck as we head toward the highway that will take us to the Blue Ridge Mountains in the western part of the state.

“You mean sneaking out of your house before the sun rises?”

“Yeah. I made sure to kiss the kids goodbye last night and they knew my mom would be there in the morning when they woke, but I mean look at me.” She gestures to her body. “I even wore all black so I’d blend in.”

“You act like you were robbing a bank,” I say, holding in my laugh.

“I just didn’t want to get delayed by the kids.” She bounces in her seat. “Honestly, this whole thing kind of reminds me of Monica and Chandler in Friends when they were sneaking around so no one would find out about them. It’s kind of fun, right?” she asks with a lilt in her voice. But the secrecy is less than fun for me.

Gripping the steering wheel harder, I clench my teeth. “No, Astrid. I don’t think hiding how I feel about you is fun. It’s stressful and it limits our time together.”

She sighs and I can tell my response made her excitement fizzle. “I know.” Fiddling with her hands, she twists them in her lap. “It’s not fair to you, Penn. But…”

I hold a hand up to stop her. Now is not the time to have this conversation. “We’ll talk about it later, okay? Not now.” I grab her hand and bring it to my mouth, kissing the back of it, and then sucking her index finger between my lips .

A small moan leaves her lips. “Okay.”

“Now, open up that bag beneath your seat,” I say, directing her attention to the paper bag full of our breakfast and road snacks. I got up even earlier than I normally do so I could make breakfast burritos and pack snacks for our trip. I didn’t want to stop since we have a five-and-a-half-hour trip ahead of us. Every moment that we get alone together is going to be spent wisely, and once we arrive, I have other activities planned for us to do—mostly of the naked variety.

“You made all this?” Astrid pulls out the burritos wrapped in foil, single serving orange juice bottles, and then peeks through the rest of the snacks in pre-portioned bags.

“I did.”

She sits there, stunned. “Wow.”

“What?”

“I mean, you took the initiative to plan this trip, pack food for us…” Sighing, she says, “Those are things that I usually have to worry about.”

I kiss the back of her hand again. “I don’t want you to worry about anything this weekend, okay? We both need this time away, and you deserve to have someone take care of the little things, Astrid. I want to be that someone for you.”

She grows silent and for a second, I wonder if I said something wrong. But then she leans over the middle seat and kisses my cheek. “Thank you, Penn.”

“No thanks necessary.”

She drags her nose up the side of my neck. “I still plan on thanking you, that’s for sure. I have some ideas I know you’ll be a fan of.”

Groaning, I feel my dick grow hard against my zipper. “Astrid…I’m gonna fuck you all over that fucking cabin.”

“Promise?” she whispers as she nibbles on my earlobe .

“I promise. And I never break a fucking promise.”

***

“I can’t believe this is our view for the weekend.”

“The drive was worth it just for this to be our backyard, huh?”

Miles of open fields roll before us, small hills covered in patches of snow and brown grass, leading to the base of the Blue Ridge Mountains in the distance, indigo peaks dusted with white. I can only imagine what this place must look like in the summer when everything is green. But for now, for us—it’s offering just what we need—peace.

The drive went by in a blur once I gave Astrid control of the music and she started playing songs from when we were in high school. We laughed, she danced, and then we talked a lot about our memories. But every time she mentioned Brandon, I could tell she felt uncomfortable. And I wish there was something I could say or do about that. Hopefully by the end of the weekend she’ll feel differently.

I cage Astrid in against the railing she’s leaning over on the deck. The house I rented is two stories with the bottom level reserved for the garage and den. But the top level is the entire living area—a quaint kitchen with granite counter tops, two large sofas you can sink into positioned around a giant television, three bedrooms and two bathrooms, which is way more than we need. But it was the view that sold me on this place, and now I’m glad I went with my gut.

The sound of silence fills the air around us. We’re the only house for miles and the main hub of the little town we’re in is about a seven-minute drive from here.

We’re alone. Away. Distanced from our lives back home.

And that’s exactly what we needed .

Astrid pulls her beanie down further over her ears as I press her back to my chest and circle my arms around her. “I can’t wait to watch the sunrise out here,” she says almost breathlessly.

“You plan on being up that early?”

“I mean, I’d love to be able to sleep in, but my internal clock probably won’t let me.”

I drag my cold nose against her neck. “Then I’ll just have to tire you out so you don’t have a choice.”

Giggling, she turns in my arms, her smile blinding and her eyes shining in the midday sun. She’s so fucking stunning, natural and pure, strong and gentle all at the same time. She’s the woman I crave every minute, the company I want at the end of each day, and the person I’m meant to be with for the rest of my life.

I love her.

I think on some level I always have.

And I’m terrified that she may never be able to open herself up to me completely because she loved my best friend first.

“Thank you again for planning this, for forcing me to take time away.”

“Believe me, it was a struggle for me too.” I pull a strand of her hair away from her face that the breeze blew across her lips. “But now we’re here and we’re going to make the most of it.” I take her by the hand and lead her back through the double French doors, closing them behind us. “I’m gonna start a fire in the wood burning stove. Why don’t you go unpack and then we can go grab some lunch?”

“Sounds good.”

After I get the fire going and the heat starts to warm up the space, I head to the master bedroom where Astrid’s unpacking. I intend to take her into town to grab some lunch and groceries, but when I enter the room, I decide the first thing I need to eat is her —every fucking inch of her.

Astrid is taking her toiletries out of her suitcase, walking to the master bathroom when she sees me standing in the doorway, my body rigid and about to snap. And she stops. “Penn?”

“Take your pants off.”

Her eyes go wide, her lips part, and the small bag that she’s holding falls to the floor. “Oh…”

I strip off my flannel, rip my beanie from my head, and reach behind my neck to bring my shirt up over my head. Astrid’s eyes darken right before me. “I’ve waited all week to taste you again, and I’m not waiting any longer.”

“But I thought we were going to lunch?”

“I’m going to eat my appetizer right now.” She smirks at me. “What part of me wanting to fuck you all over this cabin did you not understand?”

She starts to laugh, but I race toward her, pick her up and toss her over my shoulder before throwing her on the bed, her giggles ringing out around us. She starts stripping off her shirt as I pull down her black leggings, finding her pussy covered in black lace that hints at the prize hiding underneath.

I drag my nose over her slit, pushing her thighs open to make room for my shoulders.

“Fuck, I can smell you. You like the idea of me licking your pussy, don’t you, Astrid?”

“Yes…” she mewls, burying her hands in my hair.

I hook my thumbs under the string on her hip and pull the fabric down her legs, kissing up her calves and knees, the inside of her thighs, before I make my way back to her core, dragging the entire length of my tongue through her wetness .

“Penn…”

Fueled by the desire in her voice, I take my time building her up—worshiping her the way she deserves, reminding her of our insane chemistry, proving to her the way we want each other can’t be wrong when it’s this fucking good.

I’m tired of feeling guilty. I’m tired of wondering “what if?”

I just want to be here, in the present, drowning in this woman and proving to her that us together is right.

It has to be.

Flicking her clit softly, I look up at her from between her legs, watching her come undone as my fingers and tongue bring her over the edge. And when she’s spent, when her breaths return to normal, she sighs contently, and I wonder if she’d rather just order in. I’m not sure if we have that option given our remote location.

But when her head pops up and our eyes meet, she licks her lips and pounces on me. “Now it’s my turn.”

***

“This town is amazing.” Astrid takes a sip of her beer and looks around the pub we stumbled in after we were done exploring for the day. We bought food for tomorrow that we stored in a small cooler in my truck, she bought herself a new hat and some chocolates from a local shop, and we ate soup and sandwiches at the one café that served lunch. We were able to catch the sunset from one of the main streets in town, and then decided to get some drinks and dinner before heading back to the cabin for the night and probably all of tomorrow, if I have my way.

“I’ve spent so much time in Carrington Cove that I forget there are other little towns like this, ones even smaller than ours. ”

“Carrington Cove isn’t as small as it used to be,” I say as I take another drink of the IPA I ordered.

“True. Tourism has been good to us.”

“It has.”

“Is that why you want to tap into that new venture?” she asks, broaching the first of many topics we need to discuss.

“Yeah,” I admit. “The contracting part is just so I have steady cash flow, but investing in real estate is something I’ve been interested in for a while.” I draw a finger through the condensation on my glass. “I’m ready to make my plans a reality.”

When I look up, I’m met with Astrid’s understanding smile. “You deserve that, Penn.”

Staring at her intently, I say, “Thank you. Honestly, if it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have done it.”

“Then why did you hide it from me?” she asks, reaching out for my hand and covering it with her own. “That day at the bakery, when I found out…” She shakes her head. “I was hurt.”

Be honest with her, Penn. No secrets. No lies. That’s not how you want to start things with her.

I take in a deep breath and then admit, “Because I’m scared of failing, Astrid. And the last thing I want is for you to see me that way. As a failure.”

Her brows draw together. “I could never, Penn. With your work ethic, your strength, your heart? You could never be a failure in my eyes.”

I scoot closer to her and our foreheads meet. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

She presses her lips to mine and then leans back. “Tell me more about your plans. What do you see for your business long term? ”

As I lean back in my chair and take a sip of my beer, I imagine where I could be in five years if I took the risks I need to. “I want to establish a name for myself in town and the surrounding towns as a high-end contractor. Adding more rentals to my portfolio is a must, obviously. I’m just not sure if it’s realistic given the market and the fact that not many people leave Carrington Cove.”

“Yeah, I get that. Have you thought about branding? Business cards? A website?”

I run my hand through my hair. “Fuck. I mean, yeah, but I’m not actively pursuing that. Should I be?”

She tilts her head at me and smiles. “Eventually, yes, especially if you want to bring in high profile clients. But I can help you with a lot of that, you know…”

I lean toward her. “You’d do that?”

“Penn, of course I would. If you would have just told me about your idea in the first place, I could have been supporting you and helping you all along.”

Reaching for her hand, I bring it to my lips, pressing a soft kiss against her skin, something I just can’t seem to stop doing. “I know, but it’s taken a long time for me to get to this point, Astrid. I just didn’t want to burden anyone else. I feel selfish enough branching out on my own.”

Astrid huffs out a laugh and leans back in her chair again. “You’re preaching to the choir here. You think I didn’t have the exact same struggle when I bought the bakery? You think I don’t feel guilty every time I’m getting home late at night, missing time with my kids? Worrying if they’ll grow up feeling like I’m more concerned about my business than them?”

“Are you kidding? If anything, you’re showing them how important it is to chase your dreams.” I tell her. “You’re teaching them that it’s okay to go after something you want, to pour your heart and soul into it. I’m so fucking proud of you for taking that risk.”

She shakes her head at me. “So how is it that you can say those things about me, but you can’t tell yourself the same thing, Penn?”

Her question stuns me for a second, because she’s right.

Why is it so easy for us to see the good in someone else, but not in ourselves? To support other people, but hold doubt inside?

Why can’t I accept that I am worthy of Astrid, and that it’s ok to show up for myself instead of everyone else for once?

Her words slam straight into my chest and give me so much clarity, it’s as if I’m seeing the world through a new lens.

“I—I don’t know.” Shaking my head, I say, “But I’m working on it. I actually put in my two weeks’ notice this morning. Dropped off a letter at the restaurant and the hardware store before I picked you up. I haven’t heard from Dallas or Mrs. Hansen, so I don’t know if they’re mad or they were expecting it, but I’m ready to start this next chapter of my life.” I bring her hand to my lips. “And that includes you and the kids, Astrid.”

She grows visibly uncomfortable for just a second, but then I watch her brush it off. “I would love to take the kids here one day.” She looks around the pub. “Not here, obviously. But this little town, to a mountain getaway.”

“They would love that.”

“I mean, I guess I can now. I’m my own boss. The bakery is doing really well, so I can finally afford it.”

I squeeze her hand. “ We will make it happen. You’re not on your own anymore, Astrid. Okay?”

Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “Penn, I’ve never been completely on my own.” For a second, I’m not sure what she’s saying, but she continues. “You’ve always been there for me, but I’m talking about independence. Even after Brandon died, my mother was helping me survive financially.”

“I didn’t know that. I would have fucking helped you, Astrid. I have plenty of money in the bank…”

“You and I both know that I wouldn’t have taken it.” She’s right. “But you were there for me in other ways, ways that no other man ever has.”

Fuck. Is this where we’re going to discuss Brandon? In a pub with people milling around us?

“You two aren’t from around here, are you?” An old woman comes up to the table, dropping off my burger and fries and Astrid’s fried chicken dinner on our table.

“How’d you know?” I ask her, slightly irritated that our conversation was interrupted, but grateful for the distraction at the same time. That discussion needs to wait until we are back in the privacy of the cabin.

“Just a hunch.” She brushes her gray hair over her shoulder and extends her hand to me. “I’m Dolores.”

“Nice to meet you, Dolores.” I shake her hand and then Astrid does the same.

“And I’m Donald.” An older gentleman steps up beside her, placing two fresh beers on the table. “Dolores’s old man.”

She swats at him, but he leans in and presses a kiss to her cheek.

“Do you two own this bar?” Astrid asks, popping one of my fries in her mouth.

“We do,” Dolores says. “I’d always wanted to run a little place like this, and when we retired up here, the old owners sold it about a year later. Donald turned to me and said, you wanna knock that item off your bucket list? ”

“And she thought I was crazy.” We all share a laugh. “We’d just retired, you know? But honestly, it was one of the best things that could have happened to us.”

Astrid and I share a look. Yeah, I’m sure she’s feeling the same way about her decision to buy the bakery. The jury’s still out on my venture, but I have faith I’ll feel the same way one day.

“Astrid just opened up her own bakery,” I say, bragging about her accomplishment since I know she won’t.

Dolores’s eyes light up and she pulls out a chair at our table, taking a seat. “That’s incredible. Congratulations.”

“Honey, let these two eat in peace,” Donald tells her, but Astrid insists she’s free to join us, so I let it happen.

Almost an hour later, the four of us have shared another round of beers, we learn that Donald was a truck driver for forty years, Dolores worked at the post office for thirty, and they’ve been married for almost forty-five years.

“You two aren’t married?” Dolores asks, waving a finger between the two of us.

Our eyes meet and I decide to answer the question for us. “Not yet.”

Astrid’s eyes bug out and then she picks up her beer, drinking instead of remarking on my answer. Dolores picks up on the shift in her demeanor. “Something tells me there’s a story here.”

“There is, but it’s complicated,” I reply.

She leans in closer to Astrid. “If you don’t snatch up this man, someone else will, honey. The way he looks at you? Most people never see a love like that in their entire lives.” Her eyes shift to her husband. “Luckily, I’m not one of them.”

Donald blows her a kiss. “I still can’t stop staring at you, baby. That’ll never change.”

Astrid clears her throat. “You two are very lucky. ”

“Luck is only a sliver of what it takes, you two,” Dolores adds. “It takes a lot of work, but when you have someone who supports you through thick and thin, it doesn’t feel like work.”

Astrid smiles at her. “Then you deserve all of your happiness.” I watch her stand, smoothing her shirt down before she announces, “Excuse me. I’m going to the restroom.”

The three of us watch her walk away and then Dolores stands from her chair. “I’m going to go check on things.” She pats Donald’s arm and walks away, leaving the two of us alone.

“It’s complicated, huh?” He echoes my words from earlier with a grin on his lips.

“You have no idea.”

“Lay it on me.” He leans back in his chair and rests his arm along the back of it.

I don’t know this man, but hell—the advice from a man that’s been married for longer than I’ve been alive might just be worth something. “She was married before…to my best friend. He died four years ago.”

Understanding flashes across Donald’s face. “Ah. Yes...that is complicated.”

“Told ya. And they had two kids together. They were high school sweethearts and I’ve been in their lives for so long that it feels like…”

“Betraying him,” he finishes for me.

I nod. “He used to brag to me all the time about their marriage. I was envious…”

Donald scratches his chin through his thick, gray beard. “You know, my father asked me something when I was debating what I wanted to do about Dolores. We were teenagers when we met, too, but I knew she was it for me. I didn’t want to wait to start my life with her, but I was worried about what people might think.”

“Yeah, I understand that too, more than you know. ”

Donald taps his fingers on the table. “But my father said, ask yourself this: if you were in a room full of every person you’ve ever met in your entire life, who would you look for first? If the answer is her, then you know what to do.”

For a moment, I picture walking into a room full of every person I’ve ever met—friends, family, people that live in our town. But the only face I’d want to see is Astrid’s.

“It doesn’t matter if she was his first. What matters is that she’s the one you were supposed to find now.” Donald smirks at me once again. “And that means that she never really belonged with him forever in the first place.” Donald stands and I watch him move, his body unfolding as he lengthens his spine.

“Thank you, Donald—for your hospitality and your advice.”

“My pleasure, Penn. Good luck. Any woman that’s worth fighting for won’t make it easy, just remember that too.” With a wink, he walks off to check on another table and within minutes, Astrid returns.

“You okay?” I ask her, noticing her cheeks are flushed.

“Yes. The heat in that bathroom was unreal.” Fanning her face with her hands, she blows out a breath.

“You ready to start heading back?”

“Yeah. I’m beat and full.” Her hand rubs circles around her stomach.

“Well, I hope you’re not too full.” I stand and offer her my hand. “We still have to fit in dessert.”

Taking my hand, she stands from her seat, reaching behind her to grab her jacket from the back of the chair. “Is that an inuendo, or do you actually expect us to eat more tonight?”

“It’s both, Astrid. Just always assume it’s both.”

** *

When we walk into the cabin, I head straight for the wood burning stove and load a few more logs in to keep the heat going. Astrid was quiet during the entire ride home, and I knew the conversation with Dolores and Donald must have gotten to her.

I find Astrid standing in the kitchen, filling up a glass of water from the fridge. I wait for her to finish drinking until I come up behind her and grab her hand.

“What the…”

“Come with me.”

Leading her into our bedroom, I head straight for the bathroom and make her stand in front of the mirror over the counter with me behind her.

“Penn? What are we doing?”

I don’t say anything as I reach up to pull her beanie off her head and toss it to the floor. My fingers make slow work of popping each button on the flannel jacket she’s wearing, and then I motion for her to reach down and untie her boots. I take the opportunity to do the same and when we both stand upright again, I slowly peel her jacket from her arms, leaving her standing there with wild hair in nothing but a simple white tank top and her blue jeans.

“You are so god damn beautiful, Astrid.” I dip my mouth to her neck and begin to kiss her so gently that the touch shocks me. Her skin pebbles right before my eyes, so I keep going, trying to keep our eyes locked on one another. “The fact that I controlled myself around you for so long still boggles my mind.” She hums and sighs simultaneously. “But tonight, we’re going to talk before I show you just how out of control you make me, how much you fucking own me, body and soul.” Her mouth parts on a gasp. “I need you in my life Astrid, more than I need to breathe, and before the weekend is up, you’re going to fully understand that.” I spin her around to face me so our eyes can meet. “I’m all in, Astrid.”

Her mouth drops open slightly. “Okay…”

Cupping her face, I continue, “You have ruled my thoughts for so long, I can barely remember a time before you. Your soul, your friendship, your smile—they keep me going. I’ve been at war with myself for so long about how I feel about you, but I’m done fighting that battle. I want you. I want us. I know we have things to discuss and to work through, but I’m in. I’m signing on for all of it. And I want you to know that before anything else happens this weekend.”

She reaches up and brushes my hair from my forehead. “It scares me, Penn…”

“What does?”

“How strongly I feel for you,” she whispers.

I take her hand and place it over my heart that is thrashing wildly in my chest. “You’re not the only one, babe. But this is right. Us together…is right, Astrid. I know it with every fiber of my body, and I don’t care if the timing isn’t right or how hectic our lives are, I want to be with you. Really be with you. I’m tired of fighting it.”

“I don’t want to fight it anymore either.”

Needing to show her how I feel, I push up her tank top and help her take it off, leaving her in a white cotton bra. Popping the clasp on the back, I pull it from her body and toss it to the floor. Cupping her breasts, I massage them, tweaking her nipples and twisting them, watching and feeling them tightening before my eyes before I spin her around to face the mirror again.

“I love the way you touch me,” she says, reaching behind my head and wrapping her arm around my neck as I continue to play with her breasts .

“I can’t stop touching you, Astrid. I won’t ever fucking stop. It’s you and me now, babe. This is it.”

I release her breasts and pop the button on her jeans, pushing them and her underwear down her legs, helping her step out of them and delighting in the full view of her naked body standing before me reflected in the mirror.

I can see her face scrunch up with uncertainty, her body that has made two humans, and I hate that she can’t see what I see.

“Stop it. Right now.” I grab her chin as we lock eyes in the mirror.

“Stop what?”

“The negative thoughts in your head. The criticism you’re playing on a loop over and over again.” I press my erection into her back. “Don’t ever question how sexy you are, Astrid. This body…” Still staring into her eyes, I smooth my hands down her soft stomach covered in stretch marks, her hips that have meat on them to grab onto. “This body brought two incredible people into the world. It keeps you alive and healthy. Your body is a miracle. And I can’t get enough of worshiping every inch of it.”

Quickly spinning to face me, she wraps her arms around my neck and lightly brushes her lips against mine. “Fuck me, Penn,” she breathes.

She smashes her lips to mine as I reach between us to unbutton my jeans, shoving them down my legs and kicking them to the side. I quickly remove my shirt and then I give myself over to this woman, gripping and clawing at her like I can’t get close enough. Our hands seek skin and warmth, my dick presses into her stomach, she rubs herself against me, and our mouths feast on each other hungrily.

Insane pleasure builds in my groin, my need to be inside of her cresting the edge of explosion .

I twist her around again and meet her eyes in the mirror. “Are you wet for me?”

“Yes.”

I snake my hand around her waist and dip my fingers between her legs, finding her dripping. Fuck, I need to feel that around my cock.

But first, I want to push her a bit.

“Put your foot on the counter, Astrid.”

She looks at me for clarification. “Just one?”

“Yes. Show me your pussy. Show me what I do to you.”

Swallowing roughly, she slowly raises her right leg and plants her foot on the counter, giving me the perfect view of her soaking, pink cunt.

“Fuck, baby. Fucking perfection.” I reach from behind her this time, moving my hand to her pussy and playing with her so we both can watch. I circle her clit with my index finger, spreading her wetness all around, and just when she’s about to come, I slide two fingers inside her, and we both watch as I fuck her with my hand.

“Oh my God,” she moans, her eyes locked on the sight between her legs.

“Such a greedy girl,” I grate out in her ear, holding her to my chest, supporting her from behind and loving how responsive she is, how her hips move with each push and pull of my fingers.

“Penn, I want your cock.”

“Yeah? You want to watch me fuck you like this?”

She nods rapidly. “Please.”

I withdraw my fingers and bend my knees, lining myself up to her core and then slowly sliding inside. Astrid’s eyes roll into the back of her head as I grip her hip tighter, holding her in place as I start to move.

“Oh fuck. God, yes…”

“That’s it, Astrid. Look at you take me, beautiful. Look at your pussy stretched around me.” She moans as I keep up my pace. “You make me so fucking hard,” I grate out, watching my cock slide in and out of her knowing that it can’t get better than this.

This intimacy? This closeness? This trust?

I could never have this with anyone else.

I have to make this woman mine. She needs to accept that wholly, without question.

“Oh fuck, I’m close.” Astrid reaches between her legs and starts rubbing her clit.

“Come on my cock, Astrid. I wanna feel you dripping down my balls.”

Her fingers move faster until she’s panting and breathless. “Penn…Penn!” She tenses and then detonates, screaming as her orgasm slams into her. I keep thrusting and pulsing inside of her as wetness slides all the way down my cock and between my legs.

I slide out of her, pick her up in my arms, and carry her to the bed, laying her down gently and then hovering over her, kissing her cheek. “I’m not done with you, but I have a question.”

Her eyes stare up at me lazily. “What?”

“Did you buy anything at that passion party?”

She bites her bottom lip. “Maybe?”

“Did you bring it?”

“Maybe.”

I bite her nipple and she squeals. “Where is it?”

“In my toiletry bag.”

I head back to the bathroom and open the bag she spoke of, more than impressed with what I see. A few vibrators, an anal plug, and something else I’ve never used and definitely want to try with her .

With the item in my hand, I return to the bed and lie down beside her, scooting up until my head is on the pillow. When Astrid sees what I grabbed, she huffs out a laugh. “Not what I thought you’d grab.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll play with the other stuff another time, but I’ve always been curious about this thing.” I stretch the silicone ring over my cock and position the vibration piece on the top of my shaft so it can rub right against Astrid’s clit as she rides me.

She straddles my lap and starts stroking my cock that’s still soaked in her arousal. “It doesn’t hurt you?”

“No. It just feels like a tight squeeze. I feel harder, which I didn’t know was possible.”

With a mischievous gleam in her eyes, she moves up my body, positions me at her entrance, and slides onto my cock, making my eyes roll in the back of my head. “Oh fuck. Yeah, that’s a little different.”

“Good different?” she asks as she starts to move.

I gently trace my hands up and down her ribs and hips. “Fucking amazing, baby.”

Astrid groans and closes her eyes as she finds her rhythm. “God, I love your cock, Penn.”

“Ride me, baby. Fucking use me. Come all over me again.”

Astrid circles her hips, rubs back and forth, and bounces up and down, taking her time building her body back up. And I don’t complain one bit. The sight in front of me is so fucking perfect that if this was the last thing I saw, I would die the happiest man on earth.

“Turn it on, Penn,” she commands breathlessly, moving faster now.

I push the button on the side of the vibration piece of the cock ring and we both moan when the sensation hits us.

“Oh fuck. ”

“God, yes.” Astrid leans forward, her hair covering both our faces as she rubs and rides me, racing toward the crescendo that we both know is coming.

The vibrations are travelling all the way down my dick. I know that when I come, it’s going to be intense. It’s going to be life-changing. And the main reason why is the woman that’s currently on top of me, right where she fucking belongs.