Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28

T wo days.

Two long, agonizing, lonely days since she saw her best friend. Since she'd even talked or texted him. They hadn't gone two days without contact since he was overseas.

"Get a grip, Penny," she scolded her reflection on her computer screen. "You said your piece, laid it all out on the line for him. Can't do anything else now but wait."

And eat her way through every pint of ice cream in Kismet. She pushed the empty carton of strawberry swirl away. At this rate she was going to give herself a stomachache.

Dang it! How had this thing gotten this out of hand? All she'd wanted was to have a baby. A child to call her own. Someone she could love. She never expected the someone she loved to be her best friend.

Liar.

Okay, maybe way, way, way deep down her subconscious suspected she had hidden feelings for BJ. Perhaps that was the real reason she wanted him to donate. But then he'd changed the plan. The rules changed and her whole world turned upside down.

Her eyes glazed over, staring at the site she currently worked on, a website for a public speaker and self-help author. "Maybe I should read your books."

The computer didn't answer. It didn't need to. The woman's catch phrase screamed at her in big, bold letters; seize your truth. A simple statement meant to incite enthusiasm and motivation. And to up her sales, no doubt. Penny couldn't deny the words were banging around her brain, sinking into the overworked corners of her mind.

Seize my truth. What is my truth?

She wanted to be a mom. Truth. She loved her best friend. Truth. She wanted to be a family with Bravo, and any future children they may have. Truth.

Great. But she already knew all that. It didn't solve anything.

"Because you can't always get what you want in life." Another truth.

Heart squeezing in her chest, she thunked her head down on the table. "Ow."

Note, table harder than head.

So she might not get all that she wanted. What did that mean? She may be a computer genius, a card-carrying member of Mensa, but she couldn't figure out what to do about the aching in her chest. This absolute fear that she might have lost her best friend.

How she wanted to call him, chase him down and demand he face this thing between them. Admit there was more than friendship there. There was. She knew it. BJ was simply too scared to admit it.

At least…she hoped.

But the real truth of it all was that she couldn't force him into anything. First of all, no one forced any Jackson to do anything they didn't want to do. And second, if she really pushed the issue, he would cave in order to make her happy because that's what BJ did. He bent over backwards to make everyone around him happy. But she wanted him to be happy, too. She wanted him to come to the same truth she had. That they loved each other, and it was worth it to take the risk.

She wanted BJ, and she wanted a baby, but she didn't need either to live. To be happy, maybe, but she would get by on her own. Because when it came down to it, all anyone ever had in this life was themselves.

"But it's sure nice if someone decided to go through it with you."

And it would be wonderful if BJ could get his head out of his ass and join her.

Feeling another breakdown coming on, she stood and headed to the fridge for another pint of ice cream when a knock on the door stopped her in her tracks. Heart pounding, she hurried to the front door. A quick peek through the peephole had all the hopeful anticipation plummeting down to her toes. It wasn't BJ. But it was someone close to him. Someone she didn't know how to face with the current situation.

Since proper manners had been drilled into her from a young age, she opened her front door, pasting what she hoped was a pleasant smile on her face to greet her visitor.

"Mrs. Jackson. Nice to see you."

"Sweetie, you're going to have to work on your sincerity if you want a person to believe that."

"I'm sorry." She stepped back, waving a hand. "Would you like to come in?"

"Yes, dear, but only for a moment. I have my book club in an hour."

Dorothy Jackson stepped into her apartment, heading into her living room. But the older woman didn't sit. Instead, she turned, a serious frown marring her face.

"I'm here to talk about Bravo."

Her fingers drummed a rapid tempo on her upper thigh. "How is he?"

"Miserable, as he well should be."

"Oh no, I don't want him to—"

One slightly wrinkled hand rose, stopping her mid-speech. "Yes, he should. I had a talk with him last night. He told me everything."

Heat rose on her cheeks. "Everything?"

"As much as a son will tell a mother, I imagine, but he told me the important parts. About you and him and trying for a baby."

Oh geez, this conversation had just gone from unwanted to uncomfortable.

"He also told me you said you loved him."

Silence filled the air as the woman she'd always considered a second mother stood there, waiting for her response.

"Yes," she rubbed at the ache in her chest. "I love him very much and I never meant to hurt him or make him feel…I only wanted to let him know in case…"

"In case he loves you, too?"

She nodded, a warm, wet tear sneaking out from the corner of her eye to trail down her face. "But he doesn't."

Dorothy laughed. "We both know that's not true."

A part of her wanted to believe that, but until he said the words, doubt would always invade her mind. Like a tiny mole, digging away until there was nothing but a giant chasm of uncertainty.

"Maybe, but he's too scared to admit it."

"And I'm afraid that's my fault." Thick hair, hair the same length as BJ's, bounced as her head shook. "I did a disservice to my children when my husband died. I…I lost myself for a bit and it impacted them. More than I ever realized, it seems. You have to understand, dear, Bravo is such a sweet boy, so sensitive. He's just scared."

"We're all scared," she replied, wiping at the tears she couldn't seem to stop. "But I can't be brave for him, just like he can't protect those he loves from the harshness of life. BJ's been trying to protect me since the day I met him, but I don't need him to protect me. I need him to love me."

"And he does."

"Maybe, but he won't allow himself to be in love. Even if he feels it."

"Sometimes men need to be hit over the head, dear. Repeatedly."

Did Dorothy Jackson just suggest Penny assault her son?

"Not physically, mind you, although sometimes it's tempting. They can be massive idiots." The older woman chuckled. "But I mean metaphorically. Men, especially men like my boys, need to be told over and over again that feelings aren't things to run from, but to embrace."

Yeah, the world rarely seemed keen on allowing men to express emotions. Unless it was anger. Didn't seem fair to her.

"He needs you and you need him. True love is such a rare thing, my dear." Her lips turned up in a sad smile. "Take it from someone who knows. Someone as special as a best friend and soulmate comes along once in a lifetime. You have to grab them when you can and fight with all your might to keep them. And if they ever get taken away, you spend the rest of your days so very grateful for the chance to experience that love in the first place. But to do all that, you can't give up."

She stood there, stunned into silence by the older woman's words. Dorothy stepped forward, giving her a tight embrace, and whispered in her ear.

"No matter what happens, I love you, Penelope, and you will always have a place in my heart and my home."

Then she walked away, closing the door behind her as she left.

Humbled and filled with awe at the sweet woman's words, Penny sank onto her couch. The conversation played over and over in her mind. Her brain worked overtime, listing out all the pros and cons, all the possibilities, but there was one problem. This wasn't an issue for the brain. Every solution possible lay within the heart and her heart screamed loud enough to silence every doubt in her brain.

Bravo!

The heart wanted what it wanted, and hers wanted BJ. Mrs. Jackson was right. You didn't give up on something as amazing as true love. BJ was scared. Well, so was she. Love was scary and wonderful and so very worth it. She knew what she had to do.

Plan forming, she jumped up from the couch, grabbing her keys and racing to her front door. She'd find BJ and tell him she wasn't giving up on him, on them. He could take all the time he wanted, but she wasn't going away. She would tell him every day that she loved him until he wasn't scared anymore. Penny wouldn't give up on her dream, and she refused to give up on her friend.