Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

"W hat crawled up your ass and died?"

BJ glared at his little sister. After Penny dropped her bombshell the other night, he'd spent the rest of the evening in the kitchen helping the staff. He'd been avoiding his siblings ever since. Today, he'd been running back and forth between the restaurant and the distillery, but now it was past ten. The restaurant was closed, and the tasting room wasn't open tonight. He'd squirreled himself away in his office with a bottle of Jacks Gin.

"Something on your mind, Charlie?"

She snorted, not put off in the slightest by his gruff tone and death glare. Seeing as how he was a third of the way through the bottle, it might be more of a half-eyed glare than a stare. Anyone else would know to back off, but not his sister. No. Charlie Jackson didn't know the meaning of the words "personal business." She tended to mind everyone else's but her own.

"Yeah, I've got payroll, the month's supply budget, taxes, the new Dark Vamp eye shadow pallet I want but can't justify spending sixty dollars on, and my big brother is being a grumpy sonofabitch when he's usually a ray of frickin' sunshine. So yes, there's a lot on my mind. And you?"

Oh hell, no. No way was he talking to his know-it-all kid sister about what happened the other night. "I told you so's" were Charlie's specialties and he really didn't need that right now. What he needed was more gin and for her to go away.

"You realize you just called mom a bitch?"

"Stop being an ass and tell me why you're acting like Barlow ran away again."

Barlow had been the family dog when they were kids. A beautiful black lab everyone had loved. One day he ran out into the street, chasing a rabbit—his favorite pastime—and had gotten hit by a truck. He and Ace had told Charlie and Del Barlow had run away to join the doggy circus. He never saw the point in crushing his younger siblings' hearts. Better to let them dream of puppies balancing on balls to the cheering of crowds.

"Just…leave me alone, please."

She stared at him, blue eyes narrowing as she shook her head. "Oh shit. You did it, didn't you? You messed things up with Penny."

"Leave it alone, Charlie."

"Dammit!" Throwing her hands up in the air, she stalked up to his desk, slamming her palms on the dark pine. "I told you that the plan you guys had was stupid. Why does no one listen to me? You can't bring sex into an equation without people getting hurt."

"Seriously, leave it."

"No. Not this time. I swear if, for once, one of you would listen to me, none of this—"

"This time?" he sputtered, rising from his chair. "As opposed to all the other times you butt your nose into business that is none of your concern?"

She inched closer, eyes blazing with anger. "You're my brother. You are my concern."

"What the hell is going on in here?" Ace's voiced demanded.

BJ didn't have to wonder what Ace thought seeing him and Charlie, breathing fire, faces so close all she had to do was move an inch to head-butt him. He eased back—not putting the move past her—slumping back down into his chair.

"Nothing."

"Nothing, my ass," his sister pushed away from the desk, brushing by Ace, who stopped her with a single hand on her arm.

"Charlie?"

"He," she pointed his way, venom spitting from her every word. "Is being a colossal dick and I'm pretty sure a stupid idiot, too."

He frowned. "That's a bit repetitive, don't ya think?"

Her response, a single middle finger, directed at him.

"Screw you, Bravo. I was trying to look out for you because I was afraid this was going to happen. That you'd get hurt. That's why I told you not to…whatever. I'm just the silly little sister. What do I know, right?"

With that painful parting barb, his sister stormed out of the office, ranting about how no one in the family ever listened to her.

"You want to talk about it?" Ace asked after a few minutes of silence, taking a seat in the chair facing him.

BJ poured more gin into his tonic. Honestly, the tonic had disappeared long ago. Nothing left in the glass but gin and a rapidly melting cube of ice. "Not particularly."

Ace didn't push. His twin never did. They both knew when to push and when to wait. A twin thing or a them thing, he didn't know. He grabbed another glass from the tray on his desk, pouring a healthy amount and pushing it across to his brother. Ace grabbed the glass, holding it, but not drinking.

BJ stared into his glass, the clear liquid offering no solution to his problems. "Penny told me she's in love with me."

"No duh."

He glanced up into a face that could have been a mirror if not for the constant scowl and lack of beard.

"Come on, man. Everyone can see it."

"I didn't."

"Yeah, well, you were too close to the situation to notice." Taking a sip from his glass, Ace shook his head. "Penny has always had a kind of hero's worship thing going on for you and you love playing her savior."

"I do not."

"Can't bullshit me, brother."

It wasn't bullshit if it wasn't true. Her savior ? That was ridiculous. They were friends, not some damsel in distress and a knight in shining armor. His armor was far from shining, and Penny could damn well handle her own distress. He simply…preferred to handle it for her. That's what friends were for, right?

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, I do." Ace took another sip before placing his glass on the desk and scooting forward. "But you want to hear something I really know? Something you know, yourself. You're in love with Penny, too."

Like hell he was! He didn't do romantic love. He'd promised himself that at seventeen. No love and no marriage. It wasn't for him.

"Before you deny it," his brother held up a hand. "Think about it. You and Penny have been close for years. You talk every day, know everything about each other. She sent you care packages every week you were deployed, and you helped her when she wanted to start her web-design business."

"So what? Friends help each other."

"Yes, but do they do it at the sacrifice of their romantic relationships?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Ace crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair. BJ knew this look. It was his brother's ‘no bullshit' gaze, and it never meant good news for anyone.

"You've never had a serious relationship. Every woman you've ever dated has been blown off whenever Penny needed you."

Something dark and unpleasant curled in his stomach, mixing with the booze, creating a churning sense of doom. "I don't do serious. You know that and those women did too. If they can't handle the fact that my best friend is a woman, then that's their insecurities, not mine."

"Normally I'd agree, but you don't do serious relationship because you're afraid of them. You keep Penny on the backburner. The fixture in your life, the woman you love, but won't let yourself be in love with, in order to protect yourself."

Uncomfortable laughter snorted out of him. "When the hell did you become a sappy movie of the week? Tell me, Alfa, what am I protecting myself from?"

Identically large shoulders shrugged. "Rejection? Pain? Loss? Hell if I know. We're twins. Not like we share the same brain."

Sure as hell felt like it sometimes.

"What I know is you've both been too scared to take the leap from friendship to something more until recently. I knew when you got physical it would change things and so did you. Even if you told yourself it wouldn't."

Dammit! Why the hell did his brother have to be right all the damn time? Anger, pain, and fear all whirled within him, a tempest of emotions threatening to burst out of him at a moment's notice. So he did what any half-drunk irrational man would do in this situation. He went on the attack.

The scrape of the wooden chair legs against the tile floor pierced his ears, the sound overwhelming in the quiet room. "And what the hell would you know about relationships, Ace?" He stood, coming around the desk to tower over his brother. "When was the last time you were in one?"

His twin slowly pulled himself up from the chair, getting right in his face, not backing down. Retreat wasn't in the Jackson family DNA.

"Not for a long time, but maybe that's why I'm good at spotting when two people need to pull their heads out of their ass and go for it. When you don't have the real thing, it kind of pisses you off when someone else lets it pass them by."

He took a step, invading Ace's space. "I'm not letting anything pass me by."

Ace mirrored his move until they were inches apart. "Keep lying to yourself, BJ. But eventually she's going to stop waiting for you."

Body vibrating with anger, his hands curled into tight fists. Blood pounded through his veins, muscles tensing, poised for a fight. He wanted, no, he needed to kick some ass. Since his brother was here, ramping him up, who better to take out his aggression on? Ace could take it. Hell, the jackass deserved it for all the crap he'd been spouting tonight.

"You're going to want to shut your mouth. Right now."

"Make me."

Just the words he'd been hoping for.

Grabbing a fist full of his brother's shirt, he brought his fist up, ready to unburden all these confusing emotions with a good old-fashioned brotherly brawl when the sound of his name, his full name, stopped him.

"Bravo Carver Jackson! You let your brother go this instant, young man."

Oh crap. No matter how old he got, the full name yell from his mother always had him feeling like a kid getting caught sneaking cookies before dinner.

He released his brother, stepping away to turn and face his mother, face burning with shame.

"Hi, Mom."

"Don't you ‘hi, mom' me," she said, storming into the office door. "Your sister called and told me to get down here because, and I quote, ‘the second Jackasson twin needs a talking to.'"

Damn Charlie! He groaned. "I'm sorry, mom. Everything is fine. She shouldn't have woken you."

"I wasn't asleep. I like to stay up and watch that late night show on that comedy channel. The new host is so attractive. I always have the best dreams after watching his show."

He didn't know what was worse. Having his sister tattle to their mom or hearing his mom talk about the late-night guy giving her sex dreams. The dreams thing, hands down. He was going to need some mind bleach to get rid of that image.

"I'm fine, mom. Really."

"Oh really?" One dark brow rose. "Is that why I came in here to find you about to clobber your brother?"

He glared at Ace, but the bastard had moved to the office door. "I'll let you two talk it out."

Once his coward of a brother bailed, his mother motioned with a hand.

"Well, go on. Explain."

Maybe it was the gin or the fights with his siblings or maybe it was seeing how happy Del was and aching for such contentment while knowing at the same time he couldn't handle it, but something made him open his mouth and spilled out the entire story. He kept the intimate details to himself, because there were some things a man never, ever, discussed with his mom.

When he finished, she simply stood there, taking it all in. After a moment, she spoke.

"Well, it's not the most conventional way to get a grandchild, but a baby is a baby. I can't wait to spoil my little grandbaby rotten."

Chest crushing in on itself, he sighed. "I'm not sure there's going to be a baby. At least, not with my help."

"And why not?"

"She said she's in love with me, mom."

A soft smile lit her face. "Yes, I should think that would make things easier in this whole situation."

She didn't get it. No one did. "But she wants to be together. Like, serious relationship together."

"And what do you want?"

He dragged a hand through his hair, pulling, causing the scalp to sting. He welcomed the pain, anything to take his mind off the aching hole in the middle of his chest.

"I don't know."

"Why can't you have a serious relationship with Penny? Would it be so bad to marry your best friend? It's what I did."

"Yeah, and look how that turned out."

Her gasp had him kicking himself.

"Oh shit, mom. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"Language, Bravo. And what did you mean?"

Body heavy with the weight of…everything, he sank into the chair beside him. "I just…I saw what happened to you after dad died. I saw how you kind of…fell apart. You two were wild about each other and when he was killed, it was like your entire world died with him. What's the point of loving someone when they can be taken away?"

"Oh, baby." She knelt in front of him, cradling his face in her palms. "Oh, my poor sweet boy. I did a number on you, didn't I?"

He tried to speak, but she shushed him.

"You listen to me, Bravo Jackson. I loved your father with all my heart and yes, it destroyed a part of me when he died, but it didn't take all of me. I still have you and your brothers and sister. I'm sorry if I wasn't there for you kids like I should have been after Lawrence passed. That's on me. I was grieving, but I forgot you all lost your father, too. We all lost someone we loved very much, but that didn't mean we stopped living."

"But you never dated again. You never moved on."

Two dark eyebrows rose high. "Oh really? You think you know everything about your mother?"

Wait? Was she saying she'd dated? Who? When?

"Sweetie, I didn't stop living once your father was gone. I've just never found another person to share my life with. I know I'll never find anyone to replace your father. He's irreplaceable, but that doesn't mean I won't give someone else a chance if I think there's a possibility for me to find love again."

"But…how could you go on? Knowing you might lose them too?"

"Life gives us no guarantees but loss. Everyone dies someday. The point of living is enjoying the time we have now. Loving the people around us, whether we get to love them for only a day or a lifetime." Her warm, wrinkled hand patted his cheek. "No one is promised forever. That's why we have to do as much with today as we can."

Her words sunk into his fear-addled brain. Could it be that simple? Living for today? Such a clichéd phrase, but maybe it didn't have to be. Planning for the future was a necessity, because tomorrow came whether or not you were here. If you didn't plan for it, you were in a heap of trouble, but maybe, when it came to love and relationships—the intangible things in life—you had to treat every day as if it was the only one.

Love with all your soul, enjoy every moment to the fullest. Life could suck. There'd be bad days. No getting around that, but maybe he could risk possible darkness for the promise of the light of today. And who knew, perhaps he'd be a lucky enough bastard to get to keep his happiness—his Penny—for the rest of his life.

As always, his mother was right. Tomorrow wasn't promised to anyone. Why play it safe when safety could never be assured?

"Ask yourself what you truly want, son. Then go out there and get it."

"But what if it's too late?" Penny had told him to think about it, but what exactly did that mean? How long would she give him to think? And holy hell, was he really ready to do this? Lay everything on the line and take a flying leap?

His mother smiled, kissing his forehead like she used to do when he was a boy, tucking him safely in his bed at night. Safe. Was anyone ever truly safe or was life one big game of dodge the pain? Might be nice to have a partner on your team if that was the case. Someone you loved. Someone who loved you back.

"Oh sweetie, it's never too late for love."

He hoped that, once again, his mother was right.